Baby-mobile- 8 wks 5 days

We bought a baby-mobile tonight, aka a new (used) Equinox.  I totally was not going to buy tonight.  We were at the dealership the other day to get some body work on my husband's car and we were walking around and he spotted a Ranger he liked.  So a sales guy came running out but it turned out the truck wasn't a 4X4 and we need that because my husband wants to try starting up his own lawncare business.  So the sales guy tells us, well that Silverado just came in today, the owner is here picking up his new truck.

So we went to look at it, it was a 1997 Chevy Silverado 1500, which is more than enough to pull a landscape trailer and even put a plow on it for winter (and my husband is dreaming of a boat).  He said there were a few minor things wrong with it, so they'd probably be listing it for $2995.  We weren't even in the market for a truck yet....I mean maybe in the next six months, but this kind of fell in our lap and it sounded like a good deal.  So my dad met us out there today to get a second opinion on it and he said it seemed like a good truck, especially for the price.  We took it for a spin and it ran nice, it actually sounded better than I expected it would.  It's only got 108,000 miles which is amazing for an almost 17 year old truck.

So we took it.  While we were there I wanted to test drive an Equinox just to make sure I liked them before I had my heart set on buying one.  When we walked the lot on Saturday they only had one 2012 (which is the year I was looking for) and two 2010s however none of them were AWD which is what we wanted.  So I figured I'd test drive the 2012 just to get a feel for it and then when we're ready to buy in October or November my sales guy could find one at another dealership.  So he went to find the 2012 and when he pulled up I assumed it was that one since it was also black.  My husband got out and said well, this one is a 2008, but it is AWD and it's only got 40,000 miles.

I was a little leery since that's only one year newer than my Impala, but it was rather pretty.  It's a sports package so it has dual exhaust, a moon roof (I've missed having a moon roof) tinted rear windows (which is nice so we don't have to get those stupid baby shades for the windows), leather seats, heated seats I might add, etc.  So...I couldn't pass it up.  Yeah it's a little older than I was planning on but the miles are great and it seems like a great vehicle, and the best part is it was 10 grand cheaper than the ones I was looking at, so that's always a plus. 

So I'm going to be busy tomorrow, I just spent a day switching my car insurance and home owners insurance to the same company/agent as my husband's car, so now I've got to call him back tomorrow and say ok, switch my insurance to the Equinox, put PLPD on the Impala and also on the truck.  My uncle expressed interest in my car so my dad is going to call him tomorrow and get a final answer.  I'm really hoping he wants it, I would love to avoid having to sell it to a stranger.

Now I know I didn't need an SUV for one kid.  Hell the Equinox isn't even really any bigger than my car.  It still seats the same and I can't even say the back end is any bigger than my trunk....but like I said, I'm sick of Michigan winters without AWD, and I think it will be much more convenient to have the back end for the stroller and groceries and stuff.  And we could afford it so why not.

So we were at the dealership forever, so it was fairly dark as we were leaving and went right by the cemetery, so we swung through and the light was on.  I love it, it's very pretty.  My chalkboard also came today.  I decided this time when I do my weekly pictures, to include a chalkboard of what week it is and what's happening that week.  Just a fun little thing we can do different this time.

I went to my family doc tonight to follow up on the UTI.  It's 100% clear, so that's good, but he laughed when I told him the ER doc gave me Amoxicillan.  He said if my infection had been anything more than just a run of the mill UTI, that med would have done nothing for it.  Whew!


Kayla's nightlight

Memory Box- 8 wks 5 days

I finally got around to putting together Kayla's memory box.  I had a good cry going over everything; reading all of the sympathy cards people sent to us, looking through the photo album we put together for her, the items the funeral home and hospital gave us.  I'm not sure why it took me this long to do it.  I also hung her shadow box with the blanket and clothes she was dressed in at the hospital.  I am not sure if we'll leave it in the nursey or not.  For now I have it hung on the wall and on the floor below is her memory box with her heartbeat bear sitting on top of it.

We never got a chance to actually record her HB.  Our doctor's office had a policy against it, and we never made it to the point where we were going to have an elective 3D one done.  I do have a very bad recording of it on my computer from my home doppler, but there is a lot of static and there are only a few seconds here and there where the HB is easy to hear and is mostly clear.  I've tried recording it onto the bear's heart, but so far it isn't going well.  Maybe I'll try again later.

Regardless of whether or not we actually get it recorded, it was Kayla's bear so we want to get a new one for Boo.  Like I said, I'm undecided on whether or not to leave the shadow box hung up in the nursery.  If Boo is a girl, it would at least be easier to leave it there since it might look a little odd to have a bunch of pink clothes and blankets displayed in a boy's room....but above all of that, I don't want Boo to feel like he or she is living in the shadow of their sister.

I want to find that fine line of honoring Kayla and having her siblings know who she is and loving their sister in Heaven, but I don't ever want Boo and any other children to be reminded of the fact that they are only here because Kayla is not, or to be made to feel like we love Kayla more.  I'm probably over thinking it, for at least the first 2-3 years of Boo's life she likely won't even understand what the shadow box means....and maybe she'll like having something of her sister's in her room.

I'm feeling a lot better, I've only been slightly nauseous all weekend and the diarhhea is completely gone.  My allergies are acting up today though, I keep sneezing and my nose is running and my face is so itchy I want to rip it off.  But of course I cannot take any medicine for it.  But at least our little store at work had tissues, I was so happy to see we had some in.  The only thing worse than an allergy atack at work is not having any tissues at my desk.

Ryan and I went to the race track Saturday night and we were on our way home at about 10:45.  Since it's summer and it gets dark so late, it's not often lately that we're still out once it's dark,(because we're old and we don't go out anymore) so we were going to swing through the cemetery and see if her solar light was working. but the ice cream place closed in ten minutes so we decided on the ice cream.  Sorry baby girl, but mama needed some ice cream :)  But we'll make a special trip out one of these nights to check on it.  Truth be told, I am a little nervous to go to the cemetery after dark.  I can't say for sure that I'll get out of the car; I mean we won't even necessarily have to go by her grave, we could probably see if it's working from a few roads away, but I'd like to get a picture of it.  Maybe Ryan will get out and get the picture for me.

So while I was looking through her things last night, I couldn't help but think about how things should be right now.  Kayla could be a few weeks old by now....I'd be on maternity leave.  My life should be so different right now.  If I hadn't had my first loss, I would have a one year old baby right now, or coming up on it.  I'm sad to say I don't remember the exact due date of that pregnancy, but it could have very well been today.  I want to say it was either the 10th or the 12th.  I just pray that Boo is our take home baby; I just can't wonder what if about another baby's life.  I don't want to be sad on their would be brithdays, I want to be happy and celebrating them.

Sweet relief- 8 wks 2 days

I felt sooo much better today.  The diarhhea is gone, my stomach was still a bit upset today, especially after my attempt at a real lunch, but I'll take it over being best friends with the toilet all day.  I've been a bit nauseas, but it comes and goes and I can usually get it to leave me alone for a while with tums.  Ahhh, it's so nice to feel human again.  I lost 5 pounds this week from all the vomiting and lack of eating.  Not the best way to lose it, but Lord knows I could use some weightloss so I hope it stays off.

So today I realized how lucky we are.  I was reading some GTKYs on TB ("getting to know you" threads) and one was about how long you've been trying since your loss.  Some women were on their fourth cycle, some weren't even sure when and if they are ovulating or where they were at in their cycles.  I stalk these threads, waiting for the good news that my fellow loss mamas are expecting their rainbows.  I feel so blessed that it happened so quickly for us this time.  After 7 months for the first time, 12 months the second time and 100+ day cycles, I am beyond thankful I had normal 28-day cycles and success on our second cycle.

We have to go pick up my husband's car from the dealership tomorrow, he got a bunch of work done on it.  If the sales side is open, I think we'll test drive an Equinox while we're there.  I wasn't planning on buying one until my car sells in October, but I guess my uncle is looking to buy an Impala for my cousin.  I am not sure if he is interested since he is only looking to spend about 8-8500....but I was hoping to start my car at $9500 but more than likely get closer to 9 for it.  If I can avoid the hassle of selling it to a stranger, I'll let go of $500 to sell it to him.  Besides I really do love my car and it makes me a bit sad to think of selling it, so it makes me feel a little better to know my cousin might get it.

I'm looking forward to another cousin's wedding in October, but now I am finding myself thinking of things in the near future and wondering if I'll be able to go, if I'll be on bed rest by then.  The wedding is October 20th, I'll be very close to 19 weeks.  I'm so anxious to talk to my OB and find out the stats of bed rest with an IC.  Like, is it pretty much a given I'll end up on it at some point?  Or is there a good chance I may not need any at all?  Of course we won't know much until they start doing monitoring and see what my cervix does, but I'm just curious how many people with an IC make it to term without any bed rest.

It was like Christmas morning on our porch today.  I went a little nuts with the LTD Commodities catalog.  Yeah the stuff isn't top notch quality, but for the stuff I ordered it doesn't have to be.  I got these little stick on clips for the inside of our spice cabinet.  You stick them to the inside of the door and then clip in the spice bottle; they definitely helped free up some space on the shelf, and I found other uses for them too like holding the broom and fly swatter on the inside of a closet door.  We got two panels of sheer curtains...our living room is mostly browns, grays and blacks.  Our main curtains are brown and on the inner rod we had sheer white curtains to let in light and give a little privacy.  I'm not sure how they did it, but the cats love to sit on the window sill and some mysterious holes showed up in the sheer curtains over the last year (they both point to the other when asked about it).

So I got some beige colored ones, but still sheer with a pretty leaf pattern on them.  They actually go much better with our living room and the brown curtains, and I'm happy to see they're a little less opaque than the white ones were.  It's almost impossible to watch TV with the heavy curtains open during the day because of the glare coming in, so I'm hoping an unintended plus is that these new curtains block a little bit more sun.

We got this cute little table that slides under the bottom of the couch and the table top slides over the top of the couch cushion.  The table top is no bigger than a letter size piece of paper and just perfect to set a drink or snack on.  We don't have room for a coffee table and since our couch has the chase lounge on one end, it's not possible to have an end table where I sit.  So I usually end up either balancing stuff on my lap, or we have to have bulky TV trays out all the time....but this little table is perfect, I think I might get another one for the other end of the couch.  And its got a wrought iron (fake of course but whatever) leaf pattern that matches the curtains!

Finally we got a little solar powered night light for Kayla's grave.  She's a wee little baby, she needed a night light.  It's really pretty, a cylinder shaped glass with praying hands and a cross inside that lights up at night.  The cemetery technically never closes so we're going to take it to her tomorrow and then swing through some night to make sure it's glowing.  It didn't come in today's shipment, but I also ordered a rolling slim shelf that goes between the fridge and the pantry.  When we put in our dishwasher we had to sacrifice our only bank of drawers in our kitchen.  So we had to use some of our once spacious pantry to house bowls, silverware and cooking utensils.  So I'm excited to get this shelf to put some canned goods and other items on to free up some space in the pantry.  We got all of that for $60.00, including shipping.

I can't wait till baby related items can start being delivered.  We still have it on the registry that we made for Kayla, but we decided we're going to buy the crib ourselves.  I love that we have family and friends that can't wait to throw us a shower and buy us wonderful presents for Boo, but I feel like we need to provide things for Boo as well.  We already bought the glider just because we had the old completion coupon available, but I think we'll wait a while to buy the crib.  Even if we don't put it together, it makes me too nervous to have a crib in our house anytime before V day at least.

We have nothing on the agenda this weekend which makes me so happy.  I hope to just relax, do some laundry, take Noah for a walk and maybe finally tackle Kayla's memory box.  The nursery is just about finished, it's painted and the closet doors are on.  We just need to put the baseboards on.  So I'd like to get the clutter cleaned up, organize Kayla's things and start getting the room ready to be occupied. 

ER- 8 wks 1 day

Ugh, what a day I had yesterday.  First of all, everything is ok.

So I went to bed Tuesday night feeling mostly ok, a little nauseas but not enough to take a Zofran.  I woke up an hour later feeling terrible; I had this horrible hollow ache in the middle of my chest, I needed to throw up so badly but I just couldn't.  For the next three hours I woke up every hour and sat in front of the toilet but to no avail.  Finally around 3 am I threw up and thought I could sleep the rest of the night in peace.

Nope.  I woke up at 5 with a terrible pain in my side.  It felt like an organ was about to burst out of my body.  Since I have no idea where my appendix is, I was afraid it was that....then I got very worried that if it was my appendix and I needed surgery, would that affect Boo?  I tried to sit up in bed but that made it hurt even worse.  Now I am NOT an ER person.  I don't know how many times I've had a bad headache or earache or something and my husband has asked if I need to go to the ER and I always said no.  But I knew I needed to go.

So I woke Ryan up and told him I needed to go.  So we get there and as usual (I've been to that ER twice before for my back) the waiting room was virtually empty so I got in within 15 minutes.  They took a urine sample and then came to talk to me.  Once the doctor told me my appendix was no where near my pain, I was quite sure I was just dehydrated and I wasn't surprised to hear that I also had a UTI.  So the nurse came to do bloodwork and get an IV in me, but my usual cooperative veins were being anything but with no liquid in my body.  So she stabbed my arm a few times and then tried my hand.  Oh my God, please go get someone else to try before you do my hand.  That hurt like a mother.

It didn't help that she kept the needle in, kept pushing on my hand, and kept moving the needle around before she finally gave up.  So another nurse came and got it in my other arm.  So I got a bag of fluids, an rx for antibiotics and we were on our way.  I think we were there for about two hours....I love Oakwood and all, but I'm quite certain we would have waited in the ER for at least two hours before even being taken back.

They also gave me zofran in my IV, so by the time we left I was feeling much better, but very sleepy since I had been up most the night.  So we got some breakfast and then I went back to bed for several hours and had a wonderful sleep with my kitty.  After that we ran a few errands to get my rx and get lunch (which I barely touched) and laid around.  My diarhhea was still bad all day though, I must have ran to the toilet about 20 times.  I'm thinking that is a separate issue from the morning sickness though because my dad said something is going around and he and my brother also aren't feeling well.

I only got up twice last night, so that's better, but still I'm hoping this diarhhea clears up soon.  I'd like to get a full nights sleep before I get too far along and it gets uncomfortable...which happens insanely early I was surprised to discover last time.  I think it is getting better though, I've only been to the bathroom for that once since I've been at work and my stomach isn't making all the crazy gurgly noises it was yesterday.  Of course I am sure my diet of saltine crackers has helped some.  I REALLY shouldn't have had that chicken plank and hush puppy from Long John Silvers for lunch yesterday.  It was such a small meal I thought it would be ok, but likely was not good for already upset tummy.

So I was really stressing about work yesterday because of all the work I've been missing.  I went home at 12 on Monday because of my MS, came in three hours late Tuesday for my appointment, called off yesterday, oh and I overslept twice last week and was 15 minutes, and 30 minutes late.  I mean, I know my boss knows I'm pregnant and obviously I cannot help that I am so sick this time.  But I worry his patience are growing thin.  He's only been my boss since January so he has never had me for an employee when I wasn't pregnant and/or grieving and missing a lot of work.  He doesn't know that when I am not under unusual circumstances, my typical call off pattern is like once every few months where as lately it's been once a month or more frequent.

But, I decided I cannot worry about what I cannot control.  My doctor does not have late hours, I cannot help that I have appointments during work hours.  I cannot help that I am sick this time, I am sure there are days where I can power through, but honestly being nauseas and throwing up at work is horrible and I had the time so I took it.  And I certainly cannot help that I was throwing up and had diarhhea so bad that I got majorly dehydrated and got a UTI.  Dehydration can be dangerous for the baby and I wasn't about to go to work and ignore it.

I'm doing the best I can, which is all I can do.  His personal opinion may be that I am a slacker, or that I am someone who always has "issues", but that doesn't impact the fact that I likely won't get fired for being pregnant and sick and needing time off for appointments.  Sure I might not get the most wonderful glowing review this year, but again, I cannot control that.  I do the best job I can do when I am here and that is all I can do.  My health and the health of my baby is number one priority right now.  And if worst case scenario they were to decide I'm missing too much work, then we do have a back up plan for that if I were to lose my job or couldn't work for whatever reason, like bed rest.  It's not ideal, but we'll make it work.

It's very liberating to let go of worries you cannot control. 

Beautiful heartbeat- 7 wks 6 days

We saw the heartbeat today, 176 bpm!  We've got ourselves a little athlete.  Kayla's was always on the higher side too and it's higher than hers ever was...hers was usually in the 150's and 160's.  Since I've been so sick lately, I was a lot less nervous for the ultrasound, but was still very thankful when she announced as soon as the wand was in that she saw a fetus and a heartbeat.  I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow.

So we graduated from the RE today and I have an appointment with my OB in two weeks.  I'm anxious to talk to her and ask my questions about the cerclage, one of them being, how soon will we know when it will be scheduled.  I am sure there will be many nervous times ahead, but today I feel very hopeful and I'm going to enjoy the feeling for as long as it sticks around.

So I woke up yesterday feeling extremely nauseas.  Brushing my teeth is what did me in, and of course I didn't make it to the toilet so I had to clean the sink.  I felt a little better, but once I got to work I felt like crap again.  After a while I decided to go to the bathroom and ended up throwing up.  My friend came in and asked if I was ok and if I needed anything.  Her cube is the last in the row, right near the hallway that is across from the bathroom, but I'm worried if she heard me, that others may have also.

She said no one else heard, but she may just be trying to spare me the worry.  So I ended up going home at 12...I hated to because MS could last a good deal longer, I can't go home everytime I am nauseas.  But yesterday and this past weekend have been a lot worse, so hopefully it won't always be that bad.  I ended up just laying/sleeping on the couch the rest of the afternoon.  I tried to eat a few things here and there like watermelon and chips and a sierra mist but the chips made me nauseas.  I kept down a bowl of cereal later on (crunch berries, yum) but I wasn't up to making dinner so my husband ordered shrimp from a pizza place and I ended up getting chicken strips.

They were ok, but I get full really fast so I saved the rest for lunch today.  I dozed off on the couch a few more times and then went to bed at 10:30.  I tossed and turned all night, I was so nauseas but also so gassy.  I just felt miserable....I got up at 5 thinking I had to puke.  It was so cute, everytime I got up my kitty would get up too, and as I was sitting in front of the toilet he would sit out in the hall.  Then when I dry heaved a few times he came in and nudged my arm with his nose, like "you ok momma?"  What a sweet kitty I have.  Unlike my other one that smacks me when I cry, lol.

So I couldn't puke, so I took some Malox and went back to bed.  I felt a little better, but now whenever I rolled over I would get stomach cramps.  I got to sleep in a little today because my appointment was later than I would normally leave for work, so about 30 minutes before I needed to get up, I got up to see if I could puke this time.  Nope, it was the other bathroom issue.  My doctor later told me that Malox tends to clean things out....ah yeah, that explains that.  Man, I don't know where it kept coming from.  So as I'm doing that, THEN my body decides it also wants to throw up; thank God for the garbage can.  However when I tried to clean it up, I dumped it into a Target bag that had a small hole at the bottom, so it got all over the floor and bath rug.  What a morning.

But the good news is, I feel much better now.  My nausea went from a constant 10, to a now and and again 5.  Maybe I puked it all out for a while.  But my doctor did give me an rx for Zofran, so hopefully when it does come back I can get some relief. 

Here is our precious little Boo

 

First purchase- 7 wks 4 days

I couldn't help myself, it was too cute.  In the upper right hand corner it says, "I Love Hugs".  Oh Boo, we will give you tons and tons of hugs!.  We won't be buying anything else for quite a while, but I made a first purchase for Kayla before we were even pregnant with her (the U of M booties we buried her with) so I wanted to do the same for Boo.

So I have felt very bad this weekend....anytime I was not laying down yesterday I didn't feel well.  It was nausea, but something else, like a weird hallow ache in my stomach.  I went to my dad's for lunch and he made me my favorite, a fried bologna sandwhich and I could barely finish it, and I felt like I had ate a ten course meal.  I haven't thrown up in a week but the nausea has been off the charts.  I'm having serious meat aversions and not much sounds good aside from fruit.  Probably not the best for me to eat with my diabetes, but at this early on I think it's important to eat what I can manage, and there are worse things I can eat besides fruit.

But as bad as I may feel, the symptoms are definitely helping keep my pgal brain at bay some.  With no bleeding since that one day, and lots of nausea, I'm feeling pretty confident.  But I am sure I will be nervous for my u/s on Tuesday....the words missed miscarriage and blighted ovum keep dancing through my head.  Hopefully I can squash those on Tuesday morning.

My husband wanted to go to the race track last night but I felt like crap so he went and I stayed home on the couch.  I have been dying for a hot fudge sundae and when he got home he surprised me with one :)  Aww, so sweet!

This Wednesday I will be 8 weeks, so that means hopefully just two more weeks until we can start using the doppler....maybe.  But I will definitely be trying at 10 weeks, I am dying to be able to have that nightly assurance that things are ok.

My car is in the shop this week so I'm driving my dad's Mountaineer.  It's a bit bigger than I would like, but I'm liking the SUV.  I went grocery shopping and I love how much easier it is to fit stuff in the back rather than in my trunk, and I forsee getting a stroller in and out of the back a lot easier too.  So I think the plan will be to put my car on the market in October so we can hopefully get my Equinox in time for winter. 

Ralph- 7 wks 1 day

Ralph and I are becoming good friends lately.  It's actually been a few days since I threw up, but I've been so nauseous.  I asked Ryan if I could keep a bucket in the living room because I got tired of going back and forth to the bathroom because I thought I was going to puke.  Today I've been very nauseous; please please please don't let me throw up at work.  I went to the bathroom because I thought I was going to, and the bathroom is just off a main hallway and not far from our desks, so I worried about someone hearing me.

As I'm standing there trying to decide what's going to happen, I could hear these people standing right outside the bathroom door talking loudly, I think the one was going to come in and they got talking outside the door.  I think it's funny because they're just two people having a conversation and about to use the bathroom, but in that moment I wanted to stab them and in my head I am screaming for them to go away.  Like don't you know I have to throw up and I don't want to be heard?

The other day I spent an hour making Shepherd's Pie for dinner and it looked so good.  I sat down to eat, ate the potatoes off the top but then I was done....the ground beef and corn mixture already resembled throw up, and after that thought I couldn't eat another bite.  It just amazes me the food aversions and morning sickness this time.  I am sure by this time last time I was ravenously hungry all the time.  I would go from nothing, to so hungry it would hurt and I just couldn't get full.  But now, yeah I'm usually hungry by meal time but I am not starving and often a lot of stuff just doesn't sound good.

I keep thinking it's a boy because of how different this pregnancy is, but Kate Hudson was on Leno last night and she said the same thing.  She thought for sure her second was a girl because of how different her pregnancy was from the first, but she had another boy.  So there ya have it, my theory has been proven wrong by Kate Hudson. 

I took a nap too late last night and then couldn't sleep, so I was up until 3 am.  So when I get home I'm going to take a nap right then so I can hopefully still sleep tonight.  I'm ridiculously excited for this little plan of mine.