Wow I am so far behind.  I can't believe its almost Christmas and my last post was in August.  So the biggest thing of the fall was, Emily started pre-school.  She did really well, she didn't cry, and neither did I.  She was nervous for the first day, and a little reluctant to let go of my hand, but she did very well.  It didn't take her long to acclimate and now she does just fine.  She still sticks by my side at drop off but she will often play with her friends as long as I am standing close by.  But I've noticed a lot of other kids are like that too, even the kids that were there last year for 3 year.

She's already made a little friend, Avery.  She went to her first classmate/friend birthday party a few weeks ago.  It's going really well.  We just had a snafu where both teachers just up and quit last week...that was weird.  I know it is a job to them and they have life issues that go into their jobs just like everyone else, but it was hard on the kids for them to just leave like that.  I hope they had a good reason for just quitting.  As it was we only had a one week notice....found out on Sunday night that their last day would be Friday, but then the next day the one teacher did not come in, and the other one quit right after that, so she had no school on Wednesday and only an hour on Friday to meet the new ones.

But the new ones seem good, and she seems to be taking to them pretty well.  Kids are resilient, but still....how many more disruptions and changes is she going to have to go through this year?  One of our biggest struggles was getting her up and ready in the morning.  She has school Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and the Tuesday of her first week, we still had to get up early for our first child custody hearing.  That morning was horrible.  It's like she decided no, I'm not getting up today, I got up yesterday....not happening today.  I was stressed about going and getting there.  It was downtown, which shouldn't have been a big deal since I used to work down there, but it's been like 13 years since I left there, so navigating downtown isn't as easy for me as it used to be.

So I'm screaming at her like a crazy person to get out of bed and get stressed and she is just flat out refusing.  Normally I can keep my cool, but I was already so stressed, I just couldn't that day.  It was terrible.  I later text my neighbors and told them I was sorry if they heard what sounded like a murder taking place.  Emmy was screaming at the top of her lungs.  I finally got her ready and of course, the whole way to my stepmom's house to drop her off, I felt like shit for yelling at her and not being more prepared.  And it was raining, and I grossly underestimated how long it would take to get to her house in rush hour traffic.

I only dropped her off to my stepmoms about 15 minutes late, but I did not allow enough cushion to even be 5 minutes late.  Getting downtown sucked and traffic that way was even worse.  I had a specific parking garage I  planned to park in, but I mistakenly got stuck in a lane that only turned left.  I knew by the time I navigated around the one-way streets, I'd probably be all turned around and actually be late, so I pulled in the first garage I saw.  Normally I hate the ones that are a valet, but that day I was grateful to not have to find a spot and walk through the garage.  I parked my car, tossed my keys at the guy and ran.  It was about 5 minutes to 9 and I was still a few blocks away.

As I'm speedwalking down the street, I see who looks like my former brother-in-law....I was like wait, that is him, why is he downtown this morning?  Then I realized the guy with him was my ex.  He had on a suit, it's like my eyes glossed right over him because I am not used to seeing him in a suit.  So it was kind of good to run into them because I couldn't be in too much trouble for being late if we walked in the door at the same time.  But it was also awkward because we were there to basically fight over our daughter.  So the three of us walked to the building and found our courtroom....only to be told they didn't have our case on the docket that day.  Greeeaaaat.  His lawyer was already there and when mine came in, she tried to straighten out the issue.  They claim something wasn't filed right and we did not have a hearing that day.  Hmmm, my money is on the Friend of the Court having messed up.  Unless my lawyer's courier is brand new and didn't know what they were doing, they presumably do that kind of stuff all the time.  But the Friend of the Court has literally dozens of people that could have screwed something up, and sorry, but government workers don't always impress me much.

I was so pissed that my horrible morning was for nothing and we didn't even have a hearing.  But it worked out because we both just met with our lawyers and had an informal hearing.  So the good news is, everything stayed the same, I still had her the majority of the time and he still had her every Wednesday and every other weekend, and the even better news, we did not have to come back for the next hearing scheduled for this month since we worked things out that day.  Whew.

I talked with my lawyer on the way out and I think we came out a different door than what I went in because once we parted ways, I was turned around.  I feel like I have a pretty good sense of direction, and my old office was literally just blocks from there, so I used to know that area pretty well, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to get back to my parking garage.  Thankfully the name of the garage was on my ticket, so I googled it and literally walked holding my phone, mapping me back to the garage.  What would we do without technology?  I felt like Joey from Friends when he had to "go into the map" in London.

So thankfully now after a few months of school, Emily is much much better about getting up in the morning and getting ready.  It was hard at first because for 4 years, she was used to lazy mornings where we just sat around the house and maybe got ready eventually to leave the house around 11.  But now all of a sudden she had to get up at 8, eat breakfast, get dressed and go.  It's getting much easier now though, and we're settling into our new routine.  I'm amazed at how good school has been for her.  She's been saying hi and bye and thank you to strangers at the store when they speak to her, where a few months ago she would have just stared at them, or hid behind me.  And she's learning so much, it's so much fun to see her little personality continue to expand and see how much she knows.  I miss the baby days a lot, but she's like a little person now who I can have full conversations with and have fun with and just be silly with.  I feel like even just in the last 4-6 months she has become a whole new person and grown up so much.

So September had some good times like a school field trip to a nature center, and I got her out camping again one last time.  That weekend was chilly so there was no swimming, but we took walks, we played tennis, had campfires....it was a good time.  A very short weekend, we couldn't get there till about 6 on Friday night, and because of school, we had to pack up and go home Sunday afternoon.  Definitely way too short.  But the previous trip, Friday to Tuesday was a little long.  That's too many days in a camper with just a 4-year-old and a dog.  So Friday to Monday would have been perfect.  But I didn't want to make her miss school....between potential snow days, and scheduled days off, I'm trying not to miss too many days that we don't have to.

We also had some sadness in September though, we had to put our kitty down.  He was 16 years old, I'd had him since I got my very first apartment when I was just 22.  I loved that cat so much, he was my little sidekick.  For so many years it was just me and him.  In June he was diagnosed with kidney disease, and the week before I decided to put him down, I could see a decline in him.  It was hard, I miss him so much.  I was terrified to tell Emily.  She has had so many changes, disruptions, and losses lately, and now her first loss of a pet?  Oye!  So the night before I sat her down and told her the news....she said, ok bye Zoey!  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy she didn't have to suffer more, but geeze, not even one tear?  Just kidding....Zoey had retreated to living strictly in my office long before Emily was old enough to know what a cat was.  He really only came out to use the litter box downstairs and then he went right back in the office.  When she would come in while I was working, she would occasionally try to pet him or make kissy noises in his face, to which he would either shrink back away from her or try to bat at her with his clawless paws, which Emily just found funny.  So she really had no real relationship or attachment to him.  Just as well, he was already 12 years old when she was born, I knew he wouldn't be around forever.

We'll get a new kitten soon, but probably not until spring.  Before we let Zoey go, I didn't think I would make it more than a few weeks before going to get a new one, but now that he's gone, I'm taking this time to mourn him and just be a one pet household for a little while.  It is very nice to not look for puke before walking or sitting anywhere in my office (he was always a puker, even before he got old and sick) and not scooping a litterbox is very nice.  I also don't want to deal with a curious kitten and a Christmas tree this year.  In my first apartment, I just had a little 3-foot table top tree, but Zoey would climb it all the time and knock it over a lot.  I don't feel like battling that this year.  Hopefully, by next year the cat will have lost a smidge of her curiosity.

I honestly could go a lot longer without another cat.  The dog is a handful and keeping up with her messes as well as Emily's is enough.  But Emily loves cats so much, I want to get her a kitten to grow up with.  She's got Nalah, but they're both too hyper and rambunctious.  Its a rare day either one of them slows down long enough to cuddle, and if you do try to cuddle Nalah she starts licking you.  I'd love to have a playful yet snuggly cat that will sleep with Emily and can be HER cat.  If she lives as long as Zoey did, Em would have her all the way through college.  I've looked online a bit but like I did with Zoey, I think when we're ready we'll just go to the shelter and see if one picks us.  But that means we cannot visit any shelters until we're ready to take one home.  We used to occasionally do that when we were bored...but having Zoey and Nalah and a few years back, Vinny and Emily at home, there was no way I would bring another cat home no matter how cute they were.  But now, with no REAAAAL reason not to, I'm afraid I'd jump the gun if I saw a really cute one.

So Halloween sucked for me, but Emily had a great time.  I couldn't go to her Halloween party at school because Ryan and I had mediation.  Huh, never underestimated the shittiness of someone when it comes to money.  And good news to all the men out there, you may still be behind in the fair treatment when it comes to custody, but man or woman, we're all equal when it comes to getting screwed for having more money and the sense and responsibility of being a saver.  Maybe that is my calling in life.  I should go into motivational speaking for people who are about to get married.  Do want you want, get married, see if it works, but don't make THESE mistakes with your money when you get married.

So we had agreed to get dinner that evening and take Emily trick or treating together in my neighborhood, but after mediation, I was so mad and upset I couldn't even think of doing that.  So he took her out around his place, and then I picked her up at 7 and we went trick or treating at home.  My bro and sis-in-law knew how upset I was so they came over to trick or treat with us, and then they bought us a pizza and we all had dinner.  I <3 them.  Family can get on your nerves and you're all busy with your own lives, but when you really need them, they're right there for you.  Emmy was Minnie Mouse while with daddy, but she wanted to change into Batgirl when we got home.  We still had that costume from the Super Hero Daddy-Daughter Dance last winter, and I was glad to get two wearings out of it.  She was the cutest Batgirl ever!  Thank goodness I planned to have her wear pants underneath though, she must have grown like a weed since February, that skirt is way shorter on her now.  So I think Em still had a good night, and she was so happy to have her aunt and uncle surprise us with a visit and the weather could not have been more perfect, especially for Michigan.  It had rained all day and night before and that morning some.  By trick or treat time, it was a nice 50 degrees, no wind.....a very nice fall evening.

I couldn't work that day, I just couldn't concentrate so I blew it off.  When Em started school I upped my hours to 30/week (from 25) which will now put me on track to be eligible for benefits in December.  I am so thankful they changed the rule.  It used to be you had to stay at 30/week for 90 days to be eligible, and if you dipped below that, even just an hour, you had to start over with the 90 day count.  But they recently changed it to an average of 30/week.  So thankfully I was able to take Halloween day off and only work 24 hours that week, but then I spent the last two weeks working 33 each week to stay on track.  I cannot wait to have PTO and paid holidays.  The PTO is awesome, but I'm more excited about the holidays.  Thanksgiving was the last holiday I had to work.  For Christmas I can take the day off and get paid, but more importantly, I don't have to then cram 30 hours into 4 days instead of 5 by not working on the holiday.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, it was awful.  The day itself was ok.  I worked in the morning but I did not get as early of a start as I wanted.  Then I showered and went to dinner at my dad's.  That was good, my brother and SIL were there, my cousin, my stepsister and stepmom and her stepdaughter from a previous marriage, her husband and her two grown girls.  I was kind of blue through dinner without Emmy there (Ryan got her for Thanksgiving this year) but it was still good.  I needed to work more when I got home, but I only did an hour.  So that meant the next day I had to work 8 hours instead of 6.  I worked from 11-7, which is like the worst possible hours to work....you start in the morning, work through the afternoon and into early evening.  All three parts of the day, yuck.  So by the time I got done, I just ordered pizza and sat around.

I was in one of those moods where I had a ton I had to do, and even wanted to do, but I had no motivation to actually do it.  So I was restless.  The next day I woke up with a migraine and I was stuck with it all day.  I could barely move without feeling nauseous and wanting to cry.  Excedrine migraine didn't help, pop didn't help, a hot shower helped a little but not enough.  I ended up watching two not so great movies, and just felt so blah and depressed.  Part of it was the migraine, but I missed Emmy so damn much.  I felt so depressed.  He had her from Wednesday till Sunday night.  It was the longest I'd ever been without her.  By Saturday night and definitely by Sunday I am missing her on his weekends, but at least I can have some me time and do things I cannot get done when she's with me.  But 5 days was just too much, thank God those extended visits don't happen too often.  And I know what some of you may be thinking....if you can't do 5 days, how do you think dads feel that go all week or more.  I do feel very bad for some dads, I would die without my baby for that long.  But her dad doesn't even call her when he's not with her....ever.  I guess he cannot miss her that much.

Sunday I thankfully did not have a migraine.  Often times they come in 3's but I guess this time someone decided to have mercy on me.  So I thankfully got some cleaning done, and finally got the last of the fallen leaves mowed and bagged up.  I was so excited to finally go pick up Emmy I left the house too early....I had to drive a few miles out of my way and come back around so I arrived closer to 7.  I don't think he would complain about coming a few minutes early, but I was set to get there at like 6:40 or 6:45, and I try not to be that early.  I admit I let her stay up too late that night because I didn't want to stop snuggling her.  I just love that little girl with all my heart and soul.  We've always been close, she's been my precious doll since the minute she was born.  But I think me and her dad splitting will actually make us even closer.  I really hope we can be that mom and daughter that are best friends....well, her best friend, in between riding her ass to make sure she grows up to be a good human being.  But I think she's on a good track.  When we were up north a few months ago, I bought her a Barbie (knock off Barbie from the dollar store) so she would have some toys to keep there, and my stepmoms friend bought her some window clings (my girl is NUTS about window clings).

When we gave her her treats, she gasped and said oh thank you Mommy, thank you Debbie!!!!  I try so hard not to spoil her, but when she gets so excited about something, it's so hard not to want to produce that excitement all the time.  This past week I took her to see The Polar Express at the IMAX.  She'd seen the movie before, but I thought she would have fun seeing it at the theater.  She was glued to the screen the entire time.  She loved it, and it's all she can talk about now.  Tonight at bedtime I surprised her with the book from the library.  She just absolutely loves it.  After the movie, we went back to my dad's (she had been at my dad's all day while I went into the office) and picked him up and went to dinner with him at this local bar that is famous for their burgers.  I was a little unsure of taking Em there (it's a bar but has a room of just restaurant seating) but when we walked in there was a little boy about her age eating dinner in his karate uniform. 

Last night I took my stepmom out to dinner.  My bosses were appreciative of our hard work at fiscal year-end, so they said we could go out to dinner and they would pay for up to $75.00.  My stepmom has helped me out a lot and she's always paying for stuff when we hang out, so I wanted to take her out for dinner.  We went to my favorite Arabic restaurant and with a wine carafe and appetizer and entrees, we easily spent the $75.00 plus a little.  I felt kind of bad about not taking my dad too, but I left Emmy with him, I am sure he enjoyed being home with her more than he would have going to dinner.  She said to him, "Baba, did you enjoy spending time with mommy on Thanksgiving"?  Haha, sometimes I think she is an old lady disguised in a 4-year-old's body. 

Today we were supposed to go to a Christmas festival with my brother and SIL, but it rained all afternoon and night, and I figured being outside in the cold rain would be miserable.  So instead my brother came over this evening and we went to a local park that has Christmas lights set up.  It's basically a two-lane roadway with parks on either side.  I believe it spans about 12 miles total.  The lights are only about 5 miles though.  But they're very cool....we've gone to them every year since Em was born.  Afterward, we went to dinner.  It's been a fun week/weekend.  Tomorrow my stepmom is coming over to bake cookies.  I used to get together one day in December for the last several years for cookie day with my inlaws, but I guess those days are over....so we'll start our own tradition.  I think I will take her to see Santa this coming week.  I cannot believe Christmas is almost here.

I think that's about all of the updating I have.  See you in probably another three months when I get around to writing again.