Well Emily is officially walking (and running)! One proud mama here tonight. She took a few more steps the other day, and nothing yesterday (though she was at Grammy's most of the day, new environment, etc). Then today I walked in the living room without her noticing me and caught her standing at her toy box, walking to the middle of the room, turned around and walked back, and ever since she has been walking all over.
She's still quite shakey. If she starts from a standing position she does very well and can usually make it all the way across the room and stop and stand there. More often though she acts like she is going to stand on her head and then stands up from there and I think it makes her a little disoriented and less sure footed. She looks like a little drunk.
It's so cute watching her walk around. Just such an odd things when she hasn't done it all this time, like if our fish just got out of it's bowl and started walking. Take note, she began walking TWO days before her 18 month appointment. I called it months ago, I said watch she is going to wait until the day before her appointment. I guess she threw me a bone and decided on two days before. And her appt was supposed to be last week but it got rescheduled.
So this is going to set the tone for the rest of her life. She's going to be that kid that leaves everything to the last minute just to drive me nuts. Man, karma is a bitch. So proud of my baby girl!
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Saturday, September 26, 2015
First steps!
Hallelujah, the girl finally took her first steps. We had just gotten done watching the new Cinderella movie (which was great by the way) and Emily was standing by the Tv. I was sitting a few feet away on the floor and she started crying for some reason. I held out my arms and I said come here. She smiled, let go of the tv stand, took three steps toward me and then fell into my arms! I am so proud.
I think it will still be a little while before she is off and walking on her own completely, but it is progress and I'll take it. Like I said, she took a few steps last week too, but it happened so fast and I saw it out of the corner of my eye. So I am counting these as her first since it was plain as day and right in front of me. Earlier today I caught her standing next to her walker, not holding on to anything, and lately when she cruises furniture she walks beside it and just casually puts her hand on the couch like it's a railing.
I'm so happy I can go to the pediatrician next week and say yes, she has taken her first steps. Better late than never!
I think it will still be a little while before she is off and walking on her own completely, but it is progress and I'll take it. Like I said, she took a few steps last week too, but it happened so fast and I saw it out of the corner of my eye. So I am counting these as her first since it was plain as day and right in front of me. Earlier today I caught her standing next to her walker, not holding on to anything, and lately when she cruises furniture she walks beside it and just casually puts her hand on the couch like it's a railing.
I'm so happy I can go to the pediatrician next week and say yes, she has taken her first steps. Better late than never!
Friday, September 25, 2015
Judgy Judgersons
How does time go by so quickly? Being a loss mom, I try to absorb every minute with Emily, taking her in and knowing how lucky I am to have her. I am not always successful, there are times like any mom when I get frustrated because she is shrieking so loud my ear drums are about to burst, or when I get really mad when she pulls my hair; the combo of her doing something naughty and the pain of when she grabs on and yanks just sends me over the edge. But at least once a day, often more, I just watch her, trying to memorize every single feature, every single expression as she does the most mundane things. The adorable look on her face as she smashes a too big piece of a PB&J sandwich into her mouth, and then the subsequent look of relief on her face as she takes a drink to help wash the sticky peanut butter down.
But today I was scrolling through some old pictures on my phone, trying to make some room because I am tired of my phone constantly telling me I don't have much space left. I look at pictures of her a year ago...just one year ago, but even just that short of time, I am amazed at how different she looks, and it is hard for me to remember her being a baby. She seems like such a little girl now, it's hard to believe that those pictures are just one year ago, and that she was this mostly helpless little baby who couldn't even sit up this time last year, and now she is running around, climbing on the couch and chasing the cat around.
I am also constantly amazed at how much and how often she absorbs new things that I don't even remember teaching her. In her toy box is a bottle of bubbles and I think it has been at least several months since we played with them last. My MIL has an app on her phone that she lets Em play with, where the bubbles appear with a swipe and she can tap the screen to pop them. So she digs out the bottle of bubbles today, clambers over to me and shoves the bottle into my hands and says bubbles bubbles bubbles! I can barely get the bottle open fast enough for her. We'd play for a little bit and then she'd start to lose interest so I would put the cap back on, and cue the screaming and crying for more bubbles.
I am just amazed at how much she learns every day. How she equated playing with them months ago, to the bubbles she pops on the phone. And her little voice, getting all high pitched and saying bubbles with the most pathetic sounding whimper between cries. Ugh, I just love her beyond words.
Last week I was reading an article on Facebook about an idea for a mother-baby hospital bed in which the crib is attached to the bed so moms can better reach their babies. Somehow the comment section got talking about sending the baby to the nursery. So in come all the sancti-mommies yapping about how horrible and selfish it is to send your baby to the nursery and how scared the babies must be and why did you wait nine months to have this baby and then send them away as soon as you get them. And all for sleep, isn't motherhood all about not getting sleep?
I just wanted to reach into my computer and slap every one of them. I am so sick of all this judging bullshit between moms. I can understand how if you never felt the need to send your baby to the nursery, it would be hard to understand why someone would. But the judging and acting like we are bad mothers really struck a nerve. And the people who have the balls to think just because their birth experience didn't call for it, think they can judge others. I admit, I used to be a pretty judgmental person. But if anything, becoming a mother made me way less so. Things I could never understand before, I now understand or can at least sympathize.
Things I said I would never do, I now do. Unless a mother is putting her child in harms way or abusing them or neglecting them, I am very good now about not judging parents for how they do things, even if they are different from how I do it. I was in labor with Emily for 32 hours before I had a C-Section. I had round the clock, very painful contractions from the Pitocin for 30 of those 32 hours. Time after time I experienced defeat every time the doctor would give me the billionth painful cervix check only to tell me I still had not progressed any further. I was about to deliver my baby, almost a year to the day of delivering my sleeping baby, and being terrified for her, but also terrified of now having to parent a living child. By the time I got out of surgery, I was beyond exhausted, no doubt just as emotionally exhausted as I was physically.
I kept falling asleep in the OR as they were stitching me back up; the only thing that kept waking me up was 1. the nausea and 2. the guilt that I had just had my beautiful baby and all I wanted to do was sleep. Once I got to my room, it was all a blur. I remember eating dinner, I remember talking to my aunt on the phone, and I remember being so happy and in love with Emily. Tons of family was there to visit and passed Emily around. I don't remember at what time they all left, but we decided it was best to send her to the nursery that night. I was so tired I couldn't function. I couldn't have stayed awake if my life depended on it. My husband was also no doubt wiped out as he was likely just as emotionally exhausted and was awake much of the time I was laboring. It wasn't a matter of "oh I think I would like a good night sleep, take my baby away". It was a matter of, it was physically impossible for me to be awake and alert enough to care for her.
The nurse would bring her to me every couple hours to try nursing. I remember being so confused and foggy when the nurse would wake me up, she would put Emily in my arms and then I would fall back to sleep. It felt like two minutes later she was bringing her back to me, but really I had fallen asleep during, so she took her back and then brought her back in to me two hours later. I had no choice in the matter, I couldn't have cared for her that night. The only other time I had been this tired was when I landed in Paris at 9am their time, 3am our time and having only four of the eight hours of sleep the my body wanted after taking a sleeping pill. I was so tired it hurt, and this experience was about ten times worse than that. I also felt guilty. I felt horribly guilty for sending her to the nursery, and our family and the nurses all assured us that we weren't being bad parents, we were no good to her unless we got some rest. But it is because of judgemental bitches that make new moms feel guilty.
With Kayla, I was in labor for 12 hours before she was born. I don't think I slept more than 15 minutes off and on that whole night. The physical aspect of the birth was relatively quick and easy, but of course emotionally I was going through hell. But even then, I was tired but nothing compared to how I was when Emily was born. I had no issue whatsoever staying awake and being alert after Kayla was born. So to try to compare two different women's experience giving birth and claiming that if they went through this that and the other thing and didn't need the rest, then no one should is ridiculous. How I felt after the birth of my two daughters was as different as night and day. In fact, I would have loved to have had Kayla in bed with me that night, but I was too afraid of hurting her.
Even though she had passed, she was so tiny and delicate, I was worried she would get pushed out of bed during the night, or maybe squished between the bed and the rail, and if anything like that would have happened I would have been heartbroken. It didn't matter that she wasn't alive to feel the pain. But as soon as I woke up that morning, I got her out of the crib and held her in my arms.
On Emily's second night, we kept her in our room because we felt well enough to have her, and of course because we wanted her there. She cried ALL NIGHT LONG, so I was awake with her all night, holding her, afraid to go to sleep because I had her in my arms in bed with me and I was afraid I would drop her or something. So to say that I was selfish and didn't care about my baby infuriates me. One woman even had the nerve to say that her daughter had to go to the NICU and didn't have a choice to keep her with her, so people should be so lucky to have a healthy baby and not send them away to the nursery. When I replied that I knew all too well how lucky I was, and that I had delivered my sleeping baby the year before, all she could reply with was that everybody has a sob story and it doesn't change the fact that mothers who send their babies away are selfish.
I realize these are idiots on the computer, hiding behind their anonymity and I shouldn't get so worked up about it, but still, these idiots are real people with these opinions. I am just baffled how people can be so bitchy about something they know nothing about. Some women also said how bad it must be for the baby because they were inside their mother all their life and then they're sent away. First, let's not forget the baby had a big day as well. From the minute she was born until the next night when she tested out her lungs, she slept. Second, I trust that the nurses held her and rocked her when they could, and she was brought to be every 2 hours. Third, when I was born, going to the nursery was the norm. Mothers didn't have their babies with them in their room every second of the hospital stay like they do now. I assure you all, I do not remember being "abandoned" and I have no lasting affects from it.
I just feel like, being a parent is the hardest job in the world, and becoming a parent opened up my eyes to the fact that each and every one of us has to raise our children and take care of them the best way we know how. It may not always be the way someone else would, but it doesn't make it wrong. It's like the day I became a parent, it became open season for others to look at everything I do with a microscope. So if other moms feel this way, and I know they do, why not come together instead of judging others?
But today I was scrolling through some old pictures on my phone, trying to make some room because I am tired of my phone constantly telling me I don't have much space left. I look at pictures of her a year ago...just one year ago, but even just that short of time, I am amazed at how different she looks, and it is hard for me to remember her being a baby. She seems like such a little girl now, it's hard to believe that those pictures are just one year ago, and that she was this mostly helpless little baby who couldn't even sit up this time last year, and now she is running around, climbing on the couch and chasing the cat around.
I am also constantly amazed at how much and how often she absorbs new things that I don't even remember teaching her. In her toy box is a bottle of bubbles and I think it has been at least several months since we played with them last. My MIL has an app on her phone that she lets Em play with, where the bubbles appear with a swipe and she can tap the screen to pop them. So she digs out the bottle of bubbles today, clambers over to me and shoves the bottle into my hands and says bubbles bubbles bubbles! I can barely get the bottle open fast enough for her. We'd play for a little bit and then she'd start to lose interest so I would put the cap back on, and cue the screaming and crying for more bubbles.
I am just amazed at how much she learns every day. How she equated playing with them months ago, to the bubbles she pops on the phone. And her little voice, getting all high pitched and saying bubbles with the most pathetic sounding whimper between cries. Ugh, I just love her beyond words.
Last week I was reading an article on Facebook about an idea for a mother-baby hospital bed in which the crib is attached to the bed so moms can better reach their babies. Somehow the comment section got talking about sending the baby to the nursery. So in come all the sancti-mommies yapping about how horrible and selfish it is to send your baby to the nursery and how scared the babies must be and why did you wait nine months to have this baby and then send them away as soon as you get them. And all for sleep, isn't motherhood all about not getting sleep?
I just wanted to reach into my computer and slap every one of them. I am so sick of all this judging bullshit between moms. I can understand how if you never felt the need to send your baby to the nursery, it would be hard to understand why someone would. But the judging and acting like we are bad mothers really struck a nerve. And the people who have the balls to think just because their birth experience didn't call for it, think they can judge others. I admit, I used to be a pretty judgmental person. But if anything, becoming a mother made me way less so. Things I could never understand before, I now understand or can at least sympathize.
Things I said I would never do, I now do. Unless a mother is putting her child in harms way or abusing them or neglecting them, I am very good now about not judging parents for how they do things, even if they are different from how I do it. I was in labor with Emily for 32 hours before I had a C-Section. I had round the clock, very painful contractions from the Pitocin for 30 of those 32 hours. Time after time I experienced defeat every time the doctor would give me the billionth painful cervix check only to tell me I still had not progressed any further. I was about to deliver my baby, almost a year to the day of delivering my sleeping baby, and being terrified for her, but also terrified of now having to parent a living child. By the time I got out of surgery, I was beyond exhausted, no doubt just as emotionally exhausted as I was physically.
I kept falling asleep in the OR as they were stitching me back up; the only thing that kept waking me up was 1. the nausea and 2. the guilt that I had just had my beautiful baby and all I wanted to do was sleep. Once I got to my room, it was all a blur. I remember eating dinner, I remember talking to my aunt on the phone, and I remember being so happy and in love with Emily. Tons of family was there to visit and passed Emily around. I don't remember at what time they all left, but we decided it was best to send her to the nursery that night. I was so tired I couldn't function. I couldn't have stayed awake if my life depended on it. My husband was also no doubt wiped out as he was likely just as emotionally exhausted and was awake much of the time I was laboring. It wasn't a matter of "oh I think I would like a good night sleep, take my baby away". It was a matter of, it was physically impossible for me to be awake and alert enough to care for her.
The nurse would bring her to me every couple hours to try nursing. I remember being so confused and foggy when the nurse would wake me up, she would put Emily in my arms and then I would fall back to sleep. It felt like two minutes later she was bringing her back to me, but really I had fallen asleep during, so she took her back and then brought her back in to me two hours later. I had no choice in the matter, I couldn't have cared for her that night. The only other time I had been this tired was when I landed in Paris at 9am their time, 3am our time and having only four of the eight hours of sleep the my body wanted after taking a sleeping pill. I was so tired it hurt, and this experience was about ten times worse than that. I also felt guilty. I felt horribly guilty for sending her to the nursery, and our family and the nurses all assured us that we weren't being bad parents, we were no good to her unless we got some rest. But it is because of judgemental bitches that make new moms feel guilty.
With Kayla, I was in labor for 12 hours before she was born. I don't think I slept more than 15 minutes off and on that whole night. The physical aspect of the birth was relatively quick and easy, but of course emotionally I was going through hell. But even then, I was tired but nothing compared to how I was when Emily was born. I had no issue whatsoever staying awake and being alert after Kayla was born. So to try to compare two different women's experience giving birth and claiming that if they went through this that and the other thing and didn't need the rest, then no one should is ridiculous. How I felt after the birth of my two daughters was as different as night and day. In fact, I would have loved to have had Kayla in bed with me that night, but I was too afraid of hurting her.
Even though she had passed, she was so tiny and delicate, I was worried she would get pushed out of bed during the night, or maybe squished between the bed and the rail, and if anything like that would have happened I would have been heartbroken. It didn't matter that she wasn't alive to feel the pain. But as soon as I woke up that morning, I got her out of the crib and held her in my arms.
On Emily's second night, we kept her in our room because we felt well enough to have her, and of course because we wanted her there. She cried ALL NIGHT LONG, so I was awake with her all night, holding her, afraid to go to sleep because I had her in my arms in bed with me and I was afraid I would drop her or something. So to say that I was selfish and didn't care about my baby infuriates me. One woman even had the nerve to say that her daughter had to go to the NICU and didn't have a choice to keep her with her, so people should be so lucky to have a healthy baby and not send them away to the nursery. When I replied that I knew all too well how lucky I was, and that I had delivered my sleeping baby the year before, all she could reply with was that everybody has a sob story and it doesn't change the fact that mothers who send their babies away are selfish.
I realize these are idiots on the computer, hiding behind their anonymity and I shouldn't get so worked up about it, but still, these idiots are real people with these opinions. I am just baffled how people can be so bitchy about something they know nothing about. Some women also said how bad it must be for the baby because they were inside their mother all their life and then they're sent away. First, let's not forget the baby had a big day as well. From the minute she was born until the next night when she tested out her lungs, she slept. Second, I trust that the nurses held her and rocked her when they could, and she was brought to be every 2 hours. Third, when I was born, going to the nursery was the norm. Mothers didn't have their babies with them in their room every second of the hospital stay like they do now. I assure you all, I do not remember being "abandoned" and I have no lasting affects from it.
I just feel like, being a parent is the hardest job in the world, and becoming a parent opened up my eyes to the fact that each and every one of us has to raise our children and take care of them the best way we know how. It may not always be the way someone else would, but it doesn't make it wrong. It's like the day I became a parent, it became open season for others to look at everything I do with a microscope. So if other moms feel this way, and I know they do, why not come together instead of judging others?
Friday, September 18, 2015
18 months
Emily turns 18 months tomorrow and STILL no walking. A few days ago on two occasions she took a couple steps independently away from the furniture and fell down, and then didn't try again. I so hope that is the start to her attempting to walk on her own. I know not to worry, I know that while most kids fall into the 18 months and under category, there is bound to be the odd few that just don't feel like falling into these pre-determined age ranges for hitting milestones. But it's so much easier said than done.
I really don't think there is anything physically or cognitively wrong, she just sees no reason to walk by herself when someone will always carry her, hold her hand, or she can get wherever she wants to go by crawling, butt scooting or cruising furniture. But I am a mother, so that worry will always be there no matter how much I tell it to go away. She was supposed to go to her pediatrician next week but I guess she won't be in so it has been pushed back a week. Maybe this is divine intervention so she can learn to walk before then. I would so love to walk into that appointment and say yes, she is walking. Even if it is the damn day before.
But, if she is not, we will take up on any suggestion to take her to be evaluated. If knowing if something was wrong were as easy as just observing the kid with no education, then we would all be physical therapists. It will be nice to know for sure that there is nothing wrong, and maybe the PT can even work with her in ways that will help build her confidence to let go. After all, you would never know now that she was born with congenital torticollis.
But whatever she may be lacking in the walking department, she has made up for in the talking department. I've read that by 18 months a child should have at least six words, and I think Em has about 20-25. She doesn't really string words together yet, but she definitely knows what you're saying to her 90% of the time. One morning I was looking for her bottle in her crib and I couldn't find it. I said Emily where is your bottle? She looked around, moved her blanket and grabbed her bottle and handed it to me. Most of her words she repeats a lot, like no and stop it (haha) but lately she has said a few words that she used in the correct context, but then I haven't heard them again since. She grabbed my can of Coke the other day and when I tried to take it back she adamantly pointed to herself and said me me!
She's very interested in Nana's cookie jar and will stop and point and say cooka. Every morning when I am trying to change her diaper, she stands up on her changing table, beats on the window and yells puppy puppy puppy at Nalah. Oh yeah and she often says shoes when I am either putting mine on or hers. She calls my dad Baba instead of grandpa, and last night she said something and he goes did you hear her, she said grandpa. As if to prove him wrong she then said "Baba". It's so cute, my dad has always been very vocal about being grandpa. He said he doesn't want to be poppy or poppop or granddad, just grandpa. But let me tell you, if that little girl decides that she wants to continue calling him Baba, he will happily be Baba. I think he loves her more than he loved me, haha.
She copies everything we do. I was picking her up from my inlaws the other night and they offered me some of their dinner so I had some. I have to take my invisalign out to eat, and then put it back in when I am done. I put them in, but then I have to press around to make sure they snap tightly on my teeth, and while I was doing this, Emily was staring at me with her fingers in her mouth. I was like what is she doing? Then I realized, she was "putting her braces in" just like mommy. Sooo cute.
So I'll try to remember to update tomorrow with her weight and height....I forgot to check her height last month so hopefully I'll remember. We're going to my niece's 18th birthday party tomorrow. Her boyfriend loves Emily but she gives him a hard time, always glaring at him and won't let him hold her. A few months ago he went when my MIL and all of them went to the zoo, and I guess by the end of the day Emily allowed him to carry her to the car. He hasn't seen her since she started saying stop it, so I'm curious to see if she gives him shit again tomorrow, and tells him to stop it. That kid is going to be such a pistol.
Funny story, yesterday when I got back from taking the dog for a walk, my husband informs me that Emily had gotten a hold of his pop and spilled it all over herself so he had to give her a bath. He hadn't given her a bath since he helped me when she was like four days old, so I was like oh boy, how did that go. He said good, and she was happily running around the house in her pjs and her freshly washed hair. About 30 minutes later my husband was hugging her and he patted her butt and he goes oh no, I didn't put a diaper on her! Thankfully she didn't go in that time, but I was like ah, there it is. I was wondering how the first bath time went off so smoothly without a hitch.
I really don't think there is anything physically or cognitively wrong, she just sees no reason to walk by herself when someone will always carry her, hold her hand, or she can get wherever she wants to go by crawling, butt scooting or cruising furniture. But I am a mother, so that worry will always be there no matter how much I tell it to go away. She was supposed to go to her pediatrician next week but I guess she won't be in so it has been pushed back a week. Maybe this is divine intervention so she can learn to walk before then. I would so love to walk into that appointment and say yes, she is walking. Even if it is the damn day before.
But, if she is not, we will take up on any suggestion to take her to be evaluated. If knowing if something was wrong were as easy as just observing the kid with no education, then we would all be physical therapists. It will be nice to know for sure that there is nothing wrong, and maybe the PT can even work with her in ways that will help build her confidence to let go. After all, you would never know now that she was born with congenital torticollis.
But whatever she may be lacking in the walking department, she has made up for in the talking department. I've read that by 18 months a child should have at least six words, and I think Em has about 20-25. She doesn't really string words together yet, but she definitely knows what you're saying to her 90% of the time. One morning I was looking for her bottle in her crib and I couldn't find it. I said Emily where is your bottle? She looked around, moved her blanket and grabbed her bottle and handed it to me. Most of her words she repeats a lot, like no and stop it (haha) but lately she has said a few words that she used in the correct context, but then I haven't heard them again since. She grabbed my can of Coke the other day and when I tried to take it back she adamantly pointed to herself and said me me!
She's very interested in Nana's cookie jar and will stop and point and say cooka. Every morning when I am trying to change her diaper, she stands up on her changing table, beats on the window and yells puppy puppy puppy at Nalah. Oh yeah and she often says shoes when I am either putting mine on or hers. She calls my dad Baba instead of grandpa, and last night she said something and he goes did you hear her, she said grandpa. As if to prove him wrong she then said "Baba". It's so cute, my dad has always been very vocal about being grandpa. He said he doesn't want to be poppy or poppop or granddad, just grandpa. But let me tell you, if that little girl decides that she wants to continue calling him Baba, he will happily be Baba. I think he loves her more than he loved me, haha.
She copies everything we do. I was picking her up from my inlaws the other night and they offered me some of their dinner so I had some. I have to take my invisalign out to eat, and then put it back in when I am done. I put them in, but then I have to press around to make sure they snap tightly on my teeth, and while I was doing this, Emily was staring at me with her fingers in her mouth. I was like what is she doing? Then I realized, she was "putting her braces in" just like mommy. Sooo cute.
So I'll try to remember to update tomorrow with her weight and height....I forgot to check her height last month so hopefully I'll remember. We're going to my niece's 18th birthday party tomorrow. Her boyfriend loves Emily but she gives him a hard time, always glaring at him and won't let him hold her. A few months ago he went when my MIL and all of them went to the zoo, and I guess by the end of the day Emily allowed him to carry her to the car. He hasn't seen her since she started saying stop it, so I'm curious to see if she gives him shit again tomorrow, and tells him to stop it. That kid is going to be such a pistol.
Funny story, yesterday when I got back from taking the dog for a walk, my husband informs me that Emily had gotten a hold of his pop and spilled it all over herself so he had to give her a bath. He hadn't given her a bath since he helped me when she was like four days old, so I was like oh boy, how did that go. He said good, and she was happily running around the house in her pjs and her freshly washed hair. About 30 minutes later my husband was hugging her and he patted her butt and he goes oh no, I didn't put a diaper on her! Thankfully she didn't go in that time, but I was like ah, there it is. I was wondering how the first bath time went off so smoothly without a hitch.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Female teacher, male student
I don't often watch Dr. Phil, but today I had some time so I sat down to watch. The issue was a high school teacher, Joelle Ogletree, and one of her accusers, a former student who claims she had inappropriate sexual relations with him. Now, I don't know all of the details because prior to today's episode, I had never heard of the case, but I just have to say that I am pretty appalled by how much of the audience sided with her.
Of course I don't know for sure if she is guilty or innocent, but from what I saw on the show, some of her actions were very very poorly thought out, so I do not think it is much of a stretch to think the allegations are true. Her court case resulted in a mistrial for whatever reason. First, she admits that the boy had been over to her house on at least one, if not two occasions (to help move a piano, the one time they both agreed that the woman's husband was at home). She admits to driving him someplace at least once, maybe twice I believe, and she admits to writing him three notes in code.
I think this happened about 5 or 6 years ago, so around 2009, 2010. In this day and age, how stupid does a person have to be to put themselves in situations that could easily look bad to others? There is no reason a teacher should have a student in her home, regardless of who else is there, give him rides places, and write him coded notes. No reason at all. The notes were written with the first letter of each word, so one of them read ISWYWJFM. The student says the note meant, I sometimes wish you would just fuck me. The teacher claims it says I sometimes wish you were just funnier Matt.
I'm sorry, but her version just doesn't make sense, and is a weird thing to say to somebody. Regardless though, it is totally inappropriate to write a coded, flirtatious note to a student like that, regardless of what it says. She was their teacher, not a fellow student exchanging immature notes. I also found it telling that she didn't submit to a lie detector for the show, stating that she had already taken and passed one before. Hmm, was she perhaps afraid she might not pass it this time? Just like Matt took one for the show and failed, but took one previously that he passed?
There is a reason why polygraph tests are not admissible in court. Maybe he was lying, but maybe he wasn't. I don't think I would do well on a polygraph. I get very nervous is situations like these, I often can't wipe the shit eaten' grin off my face when people do not believe me, even when I am 100% telling the truth. I got interrogated twice by loss prevention in retail jobs (once because the LP officer was a dick and thought I did something wrong, which I did not, and the second time just because I was working the day something happened and they had to interview everyone that was working that day). Both times I knew I didn't do anything wrong, the second time I hadn't even known there was an issue, but I was still nervous and sweating. I wouldn't be surprised if my nerves made it appear that I would lie on a polygraph.
But I think the thing that enrages me the most about this whole case is the majority of people do not believe the boys. But what if it were the other way around? What if it were girls, accusing a male teacher? The lynch mobs would be out in masses. And when it is female teacher against male student, most peoples' attitude it, what's the problem, getting it on with a hot female teacher is every teenage boy's fantasy. Well that may be in some cases, but that doesn't make it any less wrong for an adult to behave in that manner with what is legally a child. Women do a lot of complaining that we are not treated fairly in this world, but this is definitely one case that I do not agree with the double standard of acceptance that female accusers receive vs male accusers.
Of course I can never say if the teacher really did do these things, and I think it is horrific if she is innocent and these boys made it all up. But, she admits to having put herself in the situation that no teacher or person of authority over children should be in, so by her own doing, she did not paint a very good picture of her integrity and responsibility as an educator. I think more than likely the boys did exaggerate things, and start rumors. Hopefully no physical action was ever taken, but I do think she absolutely flirted, and made sexual innuendos to these students which was beyond inappropriate. I read somewhere that she was 24 at the time, so just 8 years older. Young yes, but old enough to know better, especially given her position as an authority figure.
It should also be noted that she herself married her former high school teacher. Does this automatically make her a pedophile? No, but it does cause one to scratch their heads. If she was already married to him when this took place, they must have married when she was quite young, meaning, not very far out of high school herself. Which begs the question....did they have some sort of inappropriate relationship when she was in high school? Maybe not sex, but was there a flirtatious, "one of the kids" relationship between her as a student and her husband as her teacher? Is that perhaps why she thought it was ok to behave that way with her own students? It makes you wonder.
He was in the audience at the Dr. Phil show, and let me tell you, he looks quite a bit older. Legal as it may be, it always makes me say hmmm when a much older man has an interest in a younger woman, especially when that woman was once his student. I would say there were lots of mistakes, poor judgement and wrong doing by all parties in this case. If the boys are lying, even a little bit, then shame on them. But as the adult and teacher in this case, the burden fell on her to not let things get to a point where rumors could fly. Hearing things like this always make me nervous as a mom, knowing that there are people out there like that.
When I was in the 8th grade, I had a shop teacher who always acted a little funny with me. He never did anything so glaring that it gave me reason to report him for anything, but he always made me uncomfortable and made me wonder if he was capable of doing something that crossed the line. I had him for 7th grade woodshop which was a required elective, and then again in 8th grade when I choose it as an elective. Much to my dismay, other girls do not tend to take woodshop when they don't have to, so it was just me and another girl with a class full of boys, until she moved away and I was last girl standing.
Ordinarily I think it would have been fine, most of the boys were nice and helped me, or were impressed when I didn't need the help. But my teacher began showing favoritism toward me. He probably thought he was being nice to me, but in reality he just singled me out, giving me special treatment and letting me get away with things that the boys didn't, which just made them dislike me and treat me bad, when they never did before. We weren't allowed to have pop in class, but one day he came in and scared me by coming up behind me and putting the cold can against my neck, and then offering it to me. I already had an A, but he gave me extra credit tasks to do, when kids with lower grades who needed the extra credit couldn't get it.
Our final projects were graded by him placing them on A, B, C, and D tables without knowing whose was whose. Mine was originally placed on a B table but when he saw it was mine, he moved it to the A table. He supposedly took all of his A students to lunch at McDonalds on the first day of summer (I say supposedly because I don't know if this was something he ever did before, and I am sure it was not ok'd through the school), but I didn't show up. There weren't many other A students in the class, and I was worried that they either wouldn't show and I would be stuck alone with him, or perhaps he might have told the others it was a different day or something. Regardless I knew he made me uncomfortable enough to be skeptical so I didn't go.
As an adult, I look back and think maybe I should have said something to somebody. But he never really did anything concretely bad. I mean, maybe the school wouldn't have been ok with him taking us to lunch, but I never felt like he did anything bad enough to get him in trouble. But I definitely wish I had approached him and told him his preferential treatment of me, while appreciated because I know he felt sorry for me being the only girl, was only making things worse for me. Of course I know many students go through so much worse, and I don't by any means consider myself to be a victim of any sort. But it is frightening to know there are teachers out there that act less than honorably, and it makes me wonder how close they are to crossing the line over into criminal if given the chance. I feel bad for Mrs. Ogletree if the allegations against her are not true, BUT, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Perhaps thid has given her a wake up call to stop behaving in these inappropriate ways with her students. Maybe next time she wouldn't be so lucky to have her case dropped, or maybe one day she would take things too far and actually cross that line, if she hadn't already.
Like I said, my teacher never actually did anything that would be considered criminal, but if I ever heard that he was accused of anything like this, I have to say, I would not be surprised in the least. At a minimal, I would assume he at least acted in such a way that put him in a position to be accused of more.
Of course I don't know for sure if she is guilty or innocent, but from what I saw on the show, some of her actions were very very poorly thought out, so I do not think it is much of a stretch to think the allegations are true. Her court case resulted in a mistrial for whatever reason. First, she admits that the boy had been over to her house on at least one, if not two occasions (to help move a piano, the one time they both agreed that the woman's husband was at home). She admits to driving him someplace at least once, maybe twice I believe, and she admits to writing him three notes in code.
I think this happened about 5 or 6 years ago, so around 2009, 2010. In this day and age, how stupid does a person have to be to put themselves in situations that could easily look bad to others? There is no reason a teacher should have a student in her home, regardless of who else is there, give him rides places, and write him coded notes. No reason at all. The notes were written with the first letter of each word, so one of them read ISWYWJFM. The student says the note meant, I sometimes wish you would just fuck me. The teacher claims it says I sometimes wish you were just funnier Matt.
I'm sorry, but her version just doesn't make sense, and is a weird thing to say to somebody. Regardless though, it is totally inappropriate to write a coded, flirtatious note to a student like that, regardless of what it says. She was their teacher, not a fellow student exchanging immature notes. I also found it telling that she didn't submit to a lie detector for the show, stating that she had already taken and passed one before. Hmm, was she perhaps afraid she might not pass it this time? Just like Matt took one for the show and failed, but took one previously that he passed?
There is a reason why polygraph tests are not admissible in court. Maybe he was lying, but maybe he wasn't. I don't think I would do well on a polygraph. I get very nervous is situations like these, I often can't wipe the shit eaten' grin off my face when people do not believe me, even when I am 100% telling the truth. I got interrogated twice by loss prevention in retail jobs (once because the LP officer was a dick and thought I did something wrong, which I did not, and the second time just because I was working the day something happened and they had to interview everyone that was working that day). Both times I knew I didn't do anything wrong, the second time I hadn't even known there was an issue, but I was still nervous and sweating. I wouldn't be surprised if my nerves made it appear that I would lie on a polygraph.
But I think the thing that enrages me the most about this whole case is the majority of people do not believe the boys. But what if it were the other way around? What if it were girls, accusing a male teacher? The lynch mobs would be out in masses. And when it is female teacher against male student, most peoples' attitude it, what's the problem, getting it on with a hot female teacher is every teenage boy's fantasy. Well that may be in some cases, but that doesn't make it any less wrong for an adult to behave in that manner with what is legally a child. Women do a lot of complaining that we are not treated fairly in this world, but this is definitely one case that I do not agree with the double standard of acceptance that female accusers receive vs male accusers.
Of course I can never say if the teacher really did do these things, and I think it is horrific if she is innocent and these boys made it all up. But, she admits to having put herself in the situation that no teacher or person of authority over children should be in, so by her own doing, she did not paint a very good picture of her integrity and responsibility as an educator. I think more than likely the boys did exaggerate things, and start rumors. Hopefully no physical action was ever taken, but I do think she absolutely flirted, and made sexual innuendos to these students which was beyond inappropriate. I read somewhere that she was 24 at the time, so just 8 years older. Young yes, but old enough to know better, especially given her position as an authority figure.
It should also be noted that she herself married her former high school teacher. Does this automatically make her a pedophile? No, but it does cause one to scratch their heads. If she was already married to him when this took place, they must have married when she was quite young, meaning, not very far out of high school herself. Which begs the question....did they have some sort of inappropriate relationship when she was in high school? Maybe not sex, but was there a flirtatious, "one of the kids" relationship between her as a student and her husband as her teacher? Is that perhaps why she thought it was ok to behave that way with her own students? It makes you wonder.
He was in the audience at the Dr. Phil show, and let me tell you, he looks quite a bit older. Legal as it may be, it always makes me say hmmm when a much older man has an interest in a younger woman, especially when that woman was once his student. I would say there were lots of mistakes, poor judgement and wrong doing by all parties in this case. If the boys are lying, even a little bit, then shame on them. But as the adult and teacher in this case, the burden fell on her to not let things get to a point where rumors could fly. Hearing things like this always make me nervous as a mom, knowing that there are people out there like that.
When I was in the 8th grade, I had a shop teacher who always acted a little funny with me. He never did anything so glaring that it gave me reason to report him for anything, but he always made me uncomfortable and made me wonder if he was capable of doing something that crossed the line. I had him for 7th grade woodshop which was a required elective, and then again in 8th grade when I choose it as an elective. Much to my dismay, other girls do not tend to take woodshop when they don't have to, so it was just me and another girl with a class full of boys, until she moved away and I was last girl standing.
Ordinarily I think it would have been fine, most of the boys were nice and helped me, or were impressed when I didn't need the help. But my teacher began showing favoritism toward me. He probably thought he was being nice to me, but in reality he just singled me out, giving me special treatment and letting me get away with things that the boys didn't, which just made them dislike me and treat me bad, when they never did before. We weren't allowed to have pop in class, but one day he came in and scared me by coming up behind me and putting the cold can against my neck, and then offering it to me. I already had an A, but he gave me extra credit tasks to do, when kids with lower grades who needed the extra credit couldn't get it.
Our final projects were graded by him placing them on A, B, C, and D tables without knowing whose was whose. Mine was originally placed on a B table but when he saw it was mine, he moved it to the A table. He supposedly took all of his A students to lunch at McDonalds on the first day of summer (I say supposedly because I don't know if this was something he ever did before, and I am sure it was not ok'd through the school), but I didn't show up. There weren't many other A students in the class, and I was worried that they either wouldn't show and I would be stuck alone with him, or perhaps he might have told the others it was a different day or something. Regardless I knew he made me uncomfortable enough to be skeptical so I didn't go.
As an adult, I look back and think maybe I should have said something to somebody. But he never really did anything concretely bad. I mean, maybe the school wouldn't have been ok with him taking us to lunch, but I never felt like he did anything bad enough to get him in trouble. But I definitely wish I had approached him and told him his preferential treatment of me, while appreciated because I know he felt sorry for me being the only girl, was only making things worse for me. Of course I know many students go through so much worse, and I don't by any means consider myself to be a victim of any sort. But it is frightening to know there are teachers out there that act less than honorably, and it makes me wonder how close they are to crossing the line over into criminal if given the chance. I feel bad for Mrs. Ogletree if the allegations against her are not true, BUT, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Perhaps thid has given her a wake up call to stop behaving in these inappropriate ways with her students. Maybe next time she wouldn't be so lucky to have her case dropped, or maybe one day she would take things too far and actually cross that line, if she hadn't already.
Like I said, my teacher never actually did anything that would be considered criminal, but if I ever heard that he was accused of anything like this, I have to say, I would not be surprised in the least. At a minimal, I would assume he at least acted in such a way that put him in a position to be accused of more.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Being for choice, or against femininity?
When I was a little girl, all my mom dreamed about was having me be the girliest girl that she could dress up in dresses and ribbons and bows. My middle name is Lacey, if that tells you anything. But I was far from it. Maybe I wasn't born to be a girly girl, or maybe in part I resisted because that is what she wanted me to be. It wasn't until I became an adult, and long after she had passed that I embraced my more girly side. Don't get me wrong, I was never an all out tomboy, but I liked wearing pants, and I liked playing in the dirt. I hated having my hair curled and wearing dresses. To this day I wear dresses when the occasion calls for it, but when I was working if I showed up to the office in a dress or a skirt, people would joke and ask if I had an interview later because I never wore them.
I even used to torment my mom and tell her I would wear a black wedding dress with Chucks on my wedding day. I was only half serious, but I knew it really grinded her gears when I said that. I've always been on the more casual side....I would never have been mistaken for a boy, but there was a time I enjoyed dressing out of my brother's closet in his big comfy sweatshirts and being a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. However in the last 10-15 years, I have become more in touch with my feminine side.
I wore a strapless cocktail dress to the symphony on our first wedding anniversary and I was annoyed that I was the most dressed up woman there. I am often the only woman in my family to wear a dress or a skirt to a family wedding or something....most of my aunts wear dress pants and a sweater. I now enjoy getting my nails done, wearing make up and wearing (some) jewelry. It's not that I ever hated being girly, I just liked it when the occasion called for it. But on a regular basis, I wanted to be in jeans and tennis shoes, chasing the kittens through the barn on my grandparents farm, where as my mom would have preferred I wore dresses and played tea party.
On my wedding day, I didn't go all out girly, but I did wear white (and heels) and my look was soft and romantic. Though I often wonder, did my appreciation for being more feminine just come with age, or was it because my mom, who always pushed the girliness, was no longer here? I was sad that she didn't get to enjoy my wedding day, when I wore exactly what she had always hoped I would. So clearly, I do not push the ultra girly on my daughter. Yes I buy her pink, yes I buy her cute dresses and I insist she wears a nice dress for holidays, which I will continue to do even once she can speak up and possibly voice a dislike to it, because I believe no matter what your style, there is a time and a place for everything.
Yes her room is pink and gray, but the pink is understated, her walls are gray and her furniture is dark colored wood, with pink accents through out the room, but when she is old enough to decide how she wants her room decorated, we can do it however she wants, whether it be girly or not. When buying her clothes, I definitely gravitate toward pink and purple, but I make sure to get a variety of other colors too.
So I certainly don't understand pushing being girly onto girls, but I also don't understand the effort to push non-girly things, just to prove that girls don't have to be girly. For instance, there is a new girls' clothing company designed by moms called Princess Awesome. Emily recently received a dress from there as a gift. It's cute, it's a onesie with a skirt attached, and on the skirt is a floral pattern with little ninjas hiding in plain sight. But if I never ever told anyone, no one would likely ever realize or notice the ninjas. They also have clothes with hidden dinosaurs and the symbol for Pi.
I am not against it per se, in a way I agree with the message that someone can be girly, but also kick ass with her little ninjas dress. But I kind of feel like too many people, women in particular, fight the girly image for no reason. No, I do not think my daughter should have to play with the pink legos just because she is a girl. No, I do not think she has to wear dresses because she is a girl. But if she prefers to wear dresses and play with pink legos, I will let her.
I am not going to push being girly, but I also don't understand not letting a girl be girly, just to prove a point. I recently started using the razors that my husband gets from the dollar shave club. I love them, they shave very close, and they're cheap. I know pink razors do not shave any better for women then black ones do, but I admit, if dollar shave club had pink razors, I would buy them. Why? I don't know, I just like it. My husband bought me my own safety glasses and ear protection for when we go to the shooting range, and my ear protection has a little pink on them. Of course women can go to the range and use the same ones men use, but I like that there is the option. Besides, it's easier to tell mine apart from his.
I guess I just feel like sometimes the world gets a little too into a cause, and instead of advocating choice, they end up pushing to choose the other thing, rather than the thing that society has always thought people should choose. Neither is right. I won't push my daughter toward more boy stuff or gender neutral stuff just because I don't want to push her toward girl stuff. She likes to watch Sophia the First and Minnie Mouse, but she also likes Blaze and Paw Patrol. I am fine with that.
If I had to guess right now, I would say she is going to lean more toward the girly side. She is always getting into my purse, so my MIL gave her an old purse for her to play with, and gave her a bunch of little stuff to keep in it. She had a blast wearing the purse cross body, putting her stuff in it, pretending to put on make up with the brushes, and pretending to put on chapstick with the sealed tube. When I show her a dress I bought her, she usually gets excited and says oooooh. I am not going to deny her those things if she wants them, just to prove she can do whatever she wants. But if she wants to go outside and toss the football around with her cousin, she can do that too. That's the beauty of choice.
I even used to torment my mom and tell her I would wear a black wedding dress with Chucks on my wedding day. I was only half serious, but I knew it really grinded her gears when I said that. I've always been on the more casual side....I would never have been mistaken for a boy, but there was a time I enjoyed dressing out of my brother's closet in his big comfy sweatshirts and being a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. However in the last 10-15 years, I have become more in touch with my feminine side.
I wore a strapless cocktail dress to the symphony on our first wedding anniversary and I was annoyed that I was the most dressed up woman there. I am often the only woman in my family to wear a dress or a skirt to a family wedding or something....most of my aunts wear dress pants and a sweater. I now enjoy getting my nails done, wearing make up and wearing (some) jewelry. It's not that I ever hated being girly, I just liked it when the occasion called for it. But on a regular basis, I wanted to be in jeans and tennis shoes, chasing the kittens through the barn on my grandparents farm, where as my mom would have preferred I wore dresses and played tea party.
On my wedding day, I didn't go all out girly, but I did wear white (and heels) and my look was soft and romantic. Though I often wonder, did my appreciation for being more feminine just come with age, or was it because my mom, who always pushed the girliness, was no longer here? I was sad that she didn't get to enjoy my wedding day, when I wore exactly what she had always hoped I would. So clearly, I do not push the ultra girly on my daughter. Yes I buy her pink, yes I buy her cute dresses and I insist she wears a nice dress for holidays, which I will continue to do even once she can speak up and possibly voice a dislike to it, because I believe no matter what your style, there is a time and a place for everything.
Yes her room is pink and gray, but the pink is understated, her walls are gray and her furniture is dark colored wood, with pink accents through out the room, but when she is old enough to decide how she wants her room decorated, we can do it however she wants, whether it be girly or not. When buying her clothes, I definitely gravitate toward pink and purple, but I make sure to get a variety of other colors too.
So I certainly don't understand pushing being girly onto girls, but I also don't understand the effort to push non-girly things, just to prove that girls don't have to be girly. For instance, there is a new girls' clothing company designed by moms called Princess Awesome. Emily recently received a dress from there as a gift. It's cute, it's a onesie with a skirt attached, and on the skirt is a floral pattern with little ninjas hiding in plain sight. But if I never ever told anyone, no one would likely ever realize or notice the ninjas. They also have clothes with hidden dinosaurs and the symbol for Pi.
I am not against it per se, in a way I agree with the message that someone can be girly, but also kick ass with her little ninjas dress. But I kind of feel like too many people, women in particular, fight the girly image for no reason. No, I do not think my daughter should have to play with the pink legos just because she is a girl. No, I do not think she has to wear dresses because she is a girl. But if she prefers to wear dresses and play with pink legos, I will let her.
I am not going to push being girly, but I also don't understand not letting a girl be girly, just to prove a point. I recently started using the razors that my husband gets from the dollar shave club. I love them, they shave very close, and they're cheap. I know pink razors do not shave any better for women then black ones do, but I admit, if dollar shave club had pink razors, I would buy them. Why? I don't know, I just like it. My husband bought me my own safety glasses and ear protection for when we go to the shooting range, and my ear protection has a little pink on them. Of course women can go to the range and use the same ones men use, but I like that there is the option. Besides, it's easier to tell mine apart from his.
I guess I just feel like sometimes the world gets a little too into a cause, and instead of advocating choice, they end up pushing to choose the other thing, rather than the thing that society has always thought people should choose. Neither is right. I won't push my daughter toward more boy stuff or gender neutral stuff just because I don't want to push her toward girl stuff. She likes to watch Sophia the First and Minnie Mouse, but she also likes Blaze and Paw Patrol. I am fine with that.
If I had to guess right now, I would say she is going to lean more toward the girly side. She is always getting into my purse, so my MIL gave her an old purse for her to play with, and gave her a bunch of little stuff to keep in it. She had a blast wearing the purse cross body, putting her stuff in it, pretending to put on make up with the brushes, and pretending to put on chapstick with the sealed tube. When I show her a dress I bought her, she usually gets excited and says oooooh. I am not going to deny her those things if she wants them, just to prove she can do whatever she wants. But if she wants to go outside and toss the football around with her cousin, she can do that too. That's the beauty of choice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)