Meds

As I said, I am increasing my metformin from 2 pills (1000mg) to 3 pills a day (1500mg).  I am not sure if the increase to 2 a day made me sick or not.  I had a few episodes but my stomach was already very iffy before the increase that week so it's hard to say.  Well I'm definitely experiencing the sickness from the increase to three.  Today was day 3 of the increase and I got sick twice today.  It's a small price to pay though...but hopefully it goes away.  I can handle a few days of this, but not everyday with no relief.  I am lucky though, a friend of mine needs metformin, though not for fertility purposes and she can't even handle one whole pill, it makes her violently ill.  So I can take a few days of running to the bathroom.

I haven't taken it yet, but once I do today will be day 4 of provera, tomorrow being the last dose.  I kind of feel a little crampy, but who knows that could be in my head.  But like last time, I started feeling a little crampy for the last few days of the pills and it still took me a full week to get my period.  But a full week won't be bad since hopefully that will make CD3 fall on the weekend so I don't have to take time off work.  Actually Ryan goes a week from Sunday for his first SA, so it would be nice if we could just get both out of the way on the same day.  My RE's office isn't incredibly far, but avoiding a second trip would be nice.

I'll have to make sure I always have singles in my car; my RE's office is in a hospital and I have to pay to park in the structure.  It's also the hospital where my friend delivered her two kids (actually the same I will deliver in, and the one MH and I were born in too).  When I went to see her and the baby, I only had a credit card which luckily the structure accepts.  I had a little problem though...I swiped the card but nothing happened.  I swiped it again and still nothing.  I pushed the help button, someone answered but when I said I couldn't get it to do anything they never replied.  I was starting to freak out, there was a long line of cars behind me and I didn't know what to do.  Despite swiping the card the way the picture showed, I tried the other way and voila.  Ugh, I felt like such an idiot.  Definitely going the cash route.

First RE appt

Whew, well my appt is done, thank goodness.  I was excited up until yesterday and then I got nervous, and was very nervous this morning.  But I like my doctor, she is very nice and the entire office is really good about explaining things.

So when I first went in I met with a nurse in the exam room.  She did the usual stuff, weight, b/p, asked a few questions.  Then she took me in to meet the doctor in her office where she asked a ton more questions and then explained what the game plan will be.  So she did just a quick culture and pelvic exam, she wants to skip the HSG for now since it's pretty obvious the main porblem is that I am not Oing.  She said after 2 or 3 cycles if I am not KU by then she'll do the HSG to rule out blockages.  I am content with that and while some may disagree, it makes sense to me. 

After the exam, which wasn't bad at all I met with another nurse who went over all of the paperwork and prescriptions.  They gave me an rx for provera, but they want me to wait until I get my blood test results back.  I am not normally one to go against doctor's orders, but I know they are just erring on the side of caution.  I KNOW I am not Ku, and last time it took a full week for my period to start after my last pill, so if I can get things rolling just a few days earlier I would like to.  She also wants me to increase my metformin to three times a day provided my kidneys and liver look ok.

So once I get AF I'll of course go in for CD3 bloodwork and u/s, but then she doesn't want to see me back until around CD25.  I was thinking I would start the clomid this next cycle, but my guess is since (and I didn't think to ask at the time) I have Od here and there in the last year and a half, she wants to see how things look after the provera and also to see if the increased metformin did anything.  So I am guessing I will start clomid the next cycle, so hopefully by the end of October.  That's not that far away, and I am sure it will go much quicker than it seems now.

Ryan has to get his SA done soon....actually they want him to have two done. 

So as I've stated before, we've decided to let our families in on what is going on.  We decided anytime after our anniversary will be good....we don't want to keep them in the dark any longer as I am sure they are going nuts wondering when we're going to have kids.  Since it sounds like I won't be starting clomid until the end of October, I would like to tell them once that cycle is over if I don't get pregnant right away.  I'm cool with them knowing, but since we'll be starting something soon that will could actually give us a shot at getting pregnant, we might as well give it one try before telling them the so-far bad news. 

So I feel good, I'm happy and I'm excited to get project "get Amy pregnant" underway. 

Edit:  I heard back from the office, they've already got my bloodwork results.  I love this place!  My kidney and liver are fine so I can go ahead and increase the metformin dosage.  That would be nice is that alone made me ovulate and hopefully I tolerate it well and don't get sick.  I did ok increasing it from 1 to 2 so hopefully it will be the same.  Also my preg test was negative of course, so now I don't have to go against doctor's orders, I can go pick up my provera tonight and start it in the morning.  So if it goes like last time, I'll hopefully get my period around October 5th.  I'm hoping CD3 falls on a weekend so I don't have to take time off work for the bloodwork and u/s. 

It's almost here

Just two more days until my RE appt.  I'm so excited but I am also so nervous.  They actually called on Thursday, saying there was a cancellation and could get me in the next morning.  I thought about it, but I deicded to wait until Tuesday as scheduled.  I wasn't sure if I could get off work with that short of notice....turns out I had almost nothing to do Friday so maybe it would have worked out ok, but oh well.  Mentally I was set on Tuesday so going earlier would have been too much of a rush.  I wasn't originally going to go until January, so waiting the 4 days wasn't going to hurt anything.

I'm so happy for my bump friend Sarah.  She just finished her first round of clomid and today she found out she is pregnant!  That's so exciting....she was just happy to have ovulated on the first cycle but to be pregnant the first time too is amazing.  I have to credit her a lot, she is the huge reason I decided to go to an RE right now.  Before we met I was so nervous to go, we reached our one year of trying back in May but I wasn't ready to go yet.  But she and I started talking and she was getting ready to go to her first appt.  After hearing of all the steps she took, it made me feel a lot better about going because it seemed less overwheleming, and to hear first hand about someone's experience of each step, it made it much less scary.  I can only hope I have the same success she had, but either way I am excited to be able to take some action for the first time in months, and hopefully be a mother soon.

Appt is made

I bit the bullet and made an appointmnt with the RE today.  I had hoped to get in sometime in October, but feared I might not get in until November....turns out I am going three weeks from today!  It's cool though, I'm ready.  I just hope that doesn't mean it's not a desirable place since it doesn't take ten years to get an appt.  But there are two other doctors, maybe that is why it's easier to get in.  Ok I'm overthinking it.

Unfortunately Ryan won't be able to go with me, not for this appt nor any of them really unless things get really serious down the road and we consider IVF.  As of right now, IVF is and has never been something I want to persue, but I also wasn't ready to go to an RE and use clomid so I'll just say for right now it is not in our plans.  I wish Ryan could go, but I've been to plenty of uncomfortable appointments before, I'll be fine.

Right now I am really excited but I am sure a few days before I'll be very nervous.  But I am glad I decided to go and can get in so quickly.  I wish I could have just lost the weight and Od on my own, but after two years of really trying to lose weight, it's just not happening as quickly and successfully as I need it to.  It really bothers me because I did it once before, I shouldn't still be struggling like this after TWO YEARS....but I have had a lot of set backs.

Sure, if someone handcuffed me and only fed me the foods I should eat, and put a gun to my head and made me work out on a regular basis I would be super skinny, but it's the emotional aspect that is hard.  Between the miscarriage and losing both of my grandparents, plus just the general pressure to lose weight so I could ovulate again, it was just very difficult.  Everytime I got ahead, it seemed like something would come along and set me back again.

As I've said before, IF I stay on track, I could lose 25 pounds by January and I could maybe starting Oing again.  But who knows if that will work.  I did SO well the last couple weeks, and both weeks I gained half a pound each week.  Yeah, maybe it was water weight, yeah maybe it was muscle, but honestly I don't think I can go the next 4 or 5 months of staying positive while seeing gains when all I do is eat healthy and work out.  And of course losing weight is never a bad thing, but what if I waited until January, lost that weight and still wasn't Oing?  I think losing 25 would do it, but what if it doesn't?  What if I won't start Oing until I lose 35 or 40 pounds? This coming May marks two very hard things....I turn 34 and it marks two years of trying.  I really don't have time to keep putting things off in hopes that they work out well on their own.

That's not to say I am giving up on the weightloss.  Even if I weren't trying to get pregnant, I really want to lose weight again.  I want to feel and look better and be healtheir.  I just joined weight watchers online....I've been thinking about it for a while but kept putting it off because I had two other sites that basically did the same thing for free.  But so far I am really liking WW....I feel like the points takes some of the negative focus off of things.  Ever since I started counting calories I've thought about food all.the.time, but I feel like the points (rather than thinking about the calories and fat and carbs) camoflouges that a little.  I also like how most fruits and veggies are free and it encourages eating them.  Tonight I had a pepper and celery, not because I was hungry but because I wanted to munch on something.  If they weren't free, I would have probably thought well, I'm going to go over my calories anyway so I might as well eat something I enjoy more.

So, my hopes are between provera, eating better, losing weight, and clomid I will get pregnant!  I would love to be pregnant again before the holidays.  I couldn't believe how lucky I was last year to get pregnant like that out of the blue, but then I lost it, so it would be nice if I could get another chance to announce at Christmas.  Of course, I wouldn't mind being able to announce good news before then either :)

I was thinking the other day, maybe it was complete luck but despite the bad time I've had with TTC, when I got pregnant last year it really didn't take that long of the times I actually ovulated.  We started TTC in May of 2011 and I had my first period on June 16 (previous one was April 24, so a 52 day cycle, of course all of my previous cycles were 28 to 33 days, with one odd 19 day cycle).  My next one was July 8, then Aug 1st, then Aug 31st.  Assuming O preceded all of those periods, I ovulated 4 times and then got pregnant the 5th time I ovulated in November which was the first and only time we had good timing.  So that gives me hope, that if I start Oing again soon either on my own or with clomid, hopefully with good timing it won't take long.  I'm praying anyway.

Vent

I have to vent about something.  After waiting 15 months and getting nowhere for the last 9, it really bugs me to hear people complaining about not being able to get pregnant with their second or third or fourth.  Yes I am bitter and yes I am jealous....

I know for those poeple it is a valid want; their baby is growing up and they want to experience pregnancy again, they want to expand their family, they want to try for that boy/girl that they don't currently have, they want to give their existing children a sibling.  I get it....but when you have nothing at all, it's not always easy to see the validity in their want.  At this point I would be thrilled to have just one and it makes me angry to hear people who do have one whine about not getting another, especially if their first came so easy to them.

But, today is the first day of September, so maybe next month I can get in to see the RE and start doing something about it.  Fingers crossed!

I had my friend and her two boys over for lunch today.  If I can't be a mom yet, the next best thing is spending time with them.  Her three year old is so cute...he's starting to get into his independent sassy ways.  I shouldn't laugh when he does stuff like that because I know it only reinforces it, but I can't help it, he's so funny.  I swear he rolled his eyes at her a few times, like geeze mom, you're soooo lame.  And I just love her baby to millions of pieces, he'll be 7 months old soon and is just the cutest little thing.  He smiles.all.the.time.  Today he was in his little rocker chair thing on the floor while we were eating, Vinny walked by and just gave him a giant face full of tail (and Vinny's tail is like the thickness of four cat's tails put together) and Nolan was just beaming once you could see his face again.  I love to toss him in the air and play airplane....he apparently loves it too. 

Sure seeing them makes me realize just how much I want a baby of my own, but I seriously could not be in a bad mood around them no matter how hard I try.  I just hope our little one can come along soon, and it will be fun that they'll have automatic playmates.  Of course Mason will be about 4 years older than them but if Nolan is hopefully only about a year and a half older than my kid, they could eventually be good buddies and Mason could be the protective older friend.  I just hope they all like each other, ha.