Well I'm officially into the "provera range" of my cycle. I am on CD62 today and no O. I am currently waiting to hear back from the nurse at my doctor's office so see if they will refill my prescription. They gave me a hard time last time, wouldn't do it over the phone so I had to wait until my annual, then I had to have a urine preg test, a blood test and an ultrasound to see if my lining was thick enough. I guess I can understand not giving it over the phone the first time, but I really hope it isn't an issue this time. I so do not want to have to take time off work to go in and have another ultrasound. Until I can get back down to a decent weight, I am thinking I will need provera again in October, and possibly again after that so it would be awesome if they'll call it in for me and give me a few refills. I mean, clearly I am not some patient they don't even know looking to get my hands on it for whatever reason. I've been a patient there for over 10 years and it should be in my chart that we're TTC and plenty of women take provera often to jumpstart their cycle. I thought I was golden because the person I talked to took all of my info, got my pharmacy name and then said, ok I'll have the nurse call you. Dammit!
The weightloss thing is going ok, I lost two pounds last week. This week hasn't been quite as good....we were supposed to go out for our 5 year anniversary on Sunday but we got in a stupid fight so we didn't go and I got McDonalds instead. Not the best choice, but I didn't eat much that day otherwise and I went on a 500 calorie bike ride. Yesterday I am not sure how I did...I logged breakfast and lunch and was doing well, but then my dinner was awful so I didn't eat it. I don't think I ate bad last night, but I snacked, that was my dinner. Aside from a few cookies I had, the snacking was mostly healthy.
We're going out for our anniversary dinner tonight, so I am not logging it since it's a pain, but Aarabic food is at least fairly healthy. I didn't go to tennis last night because I wasn't feeling well, but then again I did come home from work at noon, ate lunch and slept for 5 hours. I could not stop sneezing...today I feel pretty ok. So it's not like I skipped it out of pure laziness, I really was sick. My tennis class is going out to Buddies tomorrow night after class for pizza....they do this every summer and I've yet to go. I was really going to go this year, but I am thinking I shouldn't jeapardize my diet again, especially when every day this week has been iffy. Plus, class gets out at 8:30, if I go out with them I won't get home till like 10 or later, call me old but I don't like being out that late when I have to work the next day. I don't like their pizza so I would have gotten an antipasto salad, but who knows how many calories that it. Logging food is so hard when you eat out.
So I am hoping, if I can lose 25 pounds by January and get my cycles back on track, that I will be pregnant by my birthday. That will give me 4 months to get pregnant if I am Oing regularly every month. That sounds like a long time from now, but hopefully I am estimating too long. Who knows, maybe only losing 15 pounds would be enough, even if it's not enough to O regularly but it could maybe be enough at least to make me O now and again. Right now I'll take anything over no O for 8 months.
Come on nurse, call me back (with good news)!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
empowered
Earlier today I was feeling pretty defeated. I was 14DPO, my temps looked good, then they dropped yesterday so I was hoping AF would start so I could confirm that I need indeed O. Well they dropped, but no AF. My temp was slightly lower today as well, but with no AF, FF took away my CHs. I was pretty crushed, I thought I had finally Od, so I could finally have a chance to getting pregnant next cycle.
So thus started the self-hate, being mad at myself for gaining back the weight, certain that if I was still at a lighter weight I would have gotten pregnant by now. But after a few hours of the coulda shoulda woulda, I dusted myself off and decided I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. I do really like the fitness site I use to track calories, but I feel like I need to try something new, to give myself a fresh start. So I checked out this new calorie website....I am not too fond of the actual calorie tracking tools since all of my commonly eaten foods are not found, but they do have a meal planning section where you can print up an already set out meal plan for the week.
Amazingly there are only a few foods here and there that I am not fond of, so for the most part it will work. My only issue is that many of the meals contain beans for protein rather than chicken, but many of the meal plans are less calories than I think I should eat, especially when I work out so since I have to cook for my husband anyway, I could always just swipe some of his chicken or pork or something.
The only problem I forsee is trying to basically cook two seperate meals. But I signed him up as well and I'm going to see if he likes any of the foods, then I can just alter the dinner a little and still cook something we both like. I don't think a set meal plan is something I could stick to forever, but for right now I like the idea of being told what to eat and not having to log it, since the calories are already determined. So maybe I could kind of alternate between the two methods, when logging gets to be too much work I can switch to the meal plan and vice versa. I also like that it prints out your grocery list for you and each day I just have to look at the list and see what I am making for dinner.
It was a little daunting that a goal of just 20 pounds will take until January....but I look at it this way. January will come whether I like it or not, so by then I can either be 20 pounds lighter, or I can weigh the same or even more. Besides, 20 pounds might be what I need to get my body working again, and the more I lose the better I will feel about myself and the more motivated I will be to keep going. I just need to do something, I am so tired of feeling ugly, and blaming myself for not being able to get pregnant isn't helping at all.
So thus started the self-hate, being mad at myself for gaining back the weight, certain that if I was still at a lighter weight I would have gotten pregnant by now. But after a few hours of the coulda shoulda woulda, I dusted myself off and decided I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. I do really like the fitness site I use to track calories, but I feel like I need to try something new, to give myself a fresh start. So I checked out this new calorie website....I am not too fond of the actual calorie tracking tools since all of my commonly eaten foods are not found, but they do have a meal planning section where you can print up an already set out meal plan for the week.
Amazingly there are only a few foods here and there that I am not fond of, so for the most part it will work. My only issue is that many of the meals contain beans for protein rather than chicken, but many of the meal plans are less calories than I think I should eat, especially when I work out so since I have to cook for my husband anyway, I could always just swipe some of his chicken or pork or something.
The only problem I forsee is trying to basically cook two seperate meals. But I signed him up as well and I'm going to see if he likes any of the foods, then I can just alter the dinner a little and still cook something we both like. I don't think a set meal plan is something I could stick to forever, but for right now I like the idea of being told what to eat and not having to log it, since the calories are already determined. So maybe I could kind of alternate between the two methods, when logging gets to be too much work I can switch to the meal plan and vice versa. I also like that it prints out your grocery list for you and each day I just have to look at the list and see what I am making for dinner.
It was a little daunting that a goal of just 20 pounds will take until January....but I look at it this way. January will come whether I like it or not, so by then I can either be 20 pounds lighter, or I can weigh the same or even more. Besides, 20 pounds might be what I need to get my body working again, and the more I lose the better I will feel about myself and the more motivated I will be to keep going. I just need to do something, I am so tired of feeling ugly, and blaming myself for not being able to get pregnant isn't helping at all.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Did I O?
I can't believe it, FF gave me CHs last week, according to it I am 8DPO. Temping every morning is soooo stressful, I'm so afraid of a temp drop and my Chs going away. We have absolutely no chance this cycle because we didn't have even a little bit of sex in the FW, but if I really did O I'll be soooooo happy! I haven't Od since November, so if I Od I'd say that pretty much means upping my metformin dosage is what did it. If so, that makes me pretty mad at my old useless doctor for putting me on the lowest dosage possible and not following through about upping it. I could have had a more regular cycle going into TTC a year ago. But such is life.
For like three days in a row my temp kept dropping until it was on or just barely above the coverline. With that last drop I really thought my CHs would go away, but thankfully it wasn't too low and it went up this morning. FF only gave me dashed CHs because my OPKs and scope didn't necessarily agree, but I am feeling more and more confident that FF is right.
Despite not getting full ferning, I did have a day or two of partial ferning on the scope. Obviously it doesn't work great for me since I've had partial ferning with no O plenty of times before, but I thinking having partial ferning a couple days before supposed O is pretty good. I never got a positive OPK, but I got a little tired of doing them twice a day everyday, worried I was completely wasting them and was never going to O. So it's very possible I just missed the surge. I also had a very small amount of dark brown spotting when I woke up Monday morning and it said I Od Tuesday.
FF says my period is due one week from today and most of today I have felt slightly crampy. I'd say yet another good sign that I really did O. However it doesn't matter how much I think of signs, I will not feel confident until my period starts. If this is it, I really hope this means I will O each month now. Next cycle I'll have to be way more dilligent about my OPKs and try to dig our way out of this dryspell so we can have sex at least every two days if not every other day in case the OPKs/scope doesn't detect O again. Hitting my FW this cycle would have been nice, but just the fact that I may have Od makes me very happy, but I will not be happy if we completely miss a FW next cycle as well.
Despite the fact that my body could be finally cooperating, it makes me sad that my grandparents will not be around to hear the good news in the future and see their great grandkids. My grandpa died yesterday, so after just 23 days apart he left this world to join my grandma and my mom. I'm so sad they're both suddenly gone, but them being together is the way things were supposed to be. My grandpa would have been completely miserable being here any longer without her. Mercifully once he was told of her passing, he pretty much retreated to a place where I hope he didn't have to be fully aware that she was gone. As much as I would love to have them both back and be here when I have kids one day, there is something very "Circle of Life" about this whole thing. Two elderly people who lived a full life have moved on, and we could possibly be bringing a new life into this world soon. Life goes on.
For like three days in a row my temp kept dropping until it was on or just barely above the coverline. With that last drop I really thought my CHs would go away, but thankfully it wasn't too low and it went up this morning. FF only gave me dashed CHs because my OPKs and scope didn't necessarily agree, but I am feeling more and more confident that FF is right.
Despite not getting full ferning, I did have a day or two of partial ferning on the scope. Obviously it doesn't work great for me since I've had partial ferning with no O plenty of times before, but I thinking having partial ferning a couple days before supposed O is pretty good. I never got a positive OPK, but I got a little tired of doing them twice a day everyday, worried I was completely wasting them and was never going to O. So it's very possible I just missed the surge. I also had a very small amount of dark brown spotting when I woke up Monday morning and it said I Od Tuesday.
FF says my period is due one week from today and most of today I have felt slightly crampy. I'd say yet another good sign that I really did O. However it doesn't matter how much I think of signs, I will not feel confident until my period starts. If this is it, I really hope this means I will O each month now. Next cycle I'll have to be way more dilligent about my OPKs and try to dig our way out of this dryspell so we can have sex at least every two days if not every other day in case the OPKs/scope doesn't detect O again. Hitting my FW this cycle would have been nice, but just the fact that I may have Od makes me very happy, but I will not be happy if we completely miss a FW next cycle as well.
Despite the fact that my body could be finally cooperating, it makes me sad that my grandparents will not be around to hear the good news in the future and see their great grandkids. My grandpa died yesterday, so after just 23 days apart he left this world to join my grandma and my mom. I'm so sad they're both suddenly gone, but them being together is the way things were supposed to be. My grandpa would have been completely miserable being here any longer without her. Mercifully once he was told of her passing, he pretty much retreated to a place where I hope he didn't have to be fully aware that she was gone. As much as I would love to have them both back and be here when I have kids one day, there is something very "Circle of Life" about this whole thing. Two elderly people who lived a full life have moved on, and we could possibly be bringing a new life into this world soon. Life goes on.
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