I was just realizing tonight how lucky I am to have a good eater. I hope she never ever changes. Aside from like one or two foods, this girl seriously eats whatever I put in front of her. Green beans? No problem. Cooked carrots (yuck)? Sure! Peas, meatloaf, spaghetti? Keep it coming. I cannot imagine preparing her some food, trying to feed it to her and she refuses and then having to dump it out all the time. I know some kids are a little picky, but some kids will barely eat anything. I am really praying this isn't just a phase and that she'll get pickier as she gets older.
About the only things I can think of that she doesn't like is scrambled eggs and angel hair pasta. But I think both of those are texture issues. Without salt, which I do not add to any of her food, I agree that scrambled eggs aren't worth it and are kind of rubbery. I know she likes eggs since she'll eat omelets and egg salad so it must be more the texture. The angel hair, I would say it is because it's like having hair in your mouth. Well sort of, I loooove angel hair pasta but to a kid I can see why she wouldn't like it. She likes other pastas.
I never thought I would ever get comfortable giving her solid foods, I was always so worried about her choking. I still wouldn't let her eat in the car where I cannot see her or help her if she had trouble, but for the most part I am much more relaxed. Plus she is just better about chewing her food now that she is a little older. But sometimes she does cram too much food in her mouth and gag on it, but in those cases she either spits it out or throws it up. Neither is pleasant, but much better than having to do the Heimlich.
Bed time has been getting easier. There for a while it was tears all the time and I would often have to go in there and try to calm her down, which I would but as soon as I put her back in her crib she would start bawling again. It has helped a ton that she is mostly down to one nap now though. With only one nap, she is much more tired and ready for bed than before. Some days she still takes two, like last week we went to my dad's for a Memorial Day BBQ. With her Uncle Joe there, my dad and my aunt, she got tons of exercise walking around the yard. Uncle Joe will never ever say no to his little princess so she can make him walk her all the time. She was also up way past her bedtime, so the next day she not only took two naps, but they were each two hours long and she still went to bed with no problem that night.
I told my dad that if I feel comfortable by then, maybe she can go to his house for an overnight for our anniversary in October. It's our 5 year anniversary, so it would be awesome if we could sleep in the next morning. Hopefully I would actually enjoy it rather than waking up in a panic wondering why she wasn't crying yet.
I'm nervous, but that's still 5 months away, so hopefully I'll be ready. And if I am not, then we just postpone it. We already left her overnight once, back when she was about 8 months old, but she stayed at home and my inlaws came over to stay with her. I felt much better about leaving her with her in her own bed. But, I'll make sure to pack her pillow, favorite stuffed animals and blankets, so despite being in a strange crib and room, maybe she'll feel enough at home to sleep ok. Packing her elephant sound and light machine should also help.
I thought about staying a night there sometime with her before hand, a trial run to see how well she sleeps, but then I realized, if she doesn't sleep well when she stays there with my dad, it won't be my problem, haha. My dad probably won't get a wink of sleep, checking on her all night.
Things with the puppy are getting a little better...sort of. We wanted to hire a private trainer, so he came over the other day to do an evaluation but he advised us to wait another month before we started so that she'll be old enough to retain what she learns. I was a little bummed about that, I was hoping to get started right away so she could become a better dog, but a month isn't so bad. Besides I don't want to have to pay for lessons twice when she forgets everything she learned. He also told us we can keep her in her crate much more than we were. Basically she was only in her crate at bedtime and if we left the house, giving her free roam every other time. But we cannot possibly closely monitor her all day long and not expect her to have accidents, so he said unless she is out with us to play for a specific set amount of time where we can closely monitor her, she should be in her crate.
This was fantastic news. This drastically cut down on the amount of referring I have to do between her and Emily, and it cuts down on the number of accidents she has. It's still frustrating and exhausting, but much better than before and knowing that training isn't too far off makes me hopeful that thing will get better real soon. But note to self, we are never getting a puppy ever again.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
New baby
We have a new baby in the house, she's furry, has four legs and a tail. We got her on Saturday from the Meet your best friend at the zoo event, she is a shepherd/terrier mix, she's 9 weeks old, 4.5 pounds and mostly black with a little white fur on her chest and paws but if you look closely she has brown fur mixed in as well.
We're having a slight bit of adopters remorse....I was hesitant to do the zoo thing because I was afraid we would just grab any old puppy just for the sake of getting one, or the fear of leaving empty handed due to someone else getting one we wanted. And sure enough, Nalah's cage was the only one we visited. I have no idea if there were any other puppies we may have liked better because had we left her cage, we would have lost her for sure.
I love her, she's cute and all, but we were hoping for a mid to large size dog and she may end up being pretty small, and as of now she looks nothing like a shepherd. But, she is so cute and fun. I go back and forth between I like this, it's cool having a dog....to, what have we done? I also underestimated how much work it would be to have a puppy and a 14 month old baby. Emily is very close to walking, she is cruising the furniture like a pro, so she's over here getting into stuff, Nalah is over there chewing on the remote, looking like she's going to pee or poop on the carpet any second. Some times everyone is peaceful and it is great, but other times when everyone is whining and getting into shit they're not supposed to, it's a headache.
I spend my time worrying that she is pooping over in the corner of the room, and then worrying that she's been in her crate for too long so I can get something done so she doesn't poop in the corner of the room. But....it won't always be this hard. Hopefully she'll potty train quickly, and she won't be a puppy forever. Emily loves her....most of the time. She of course gets a little rambunctious and jumps all over her and licks her face, but for the most part they get along. The cats hate her of course, but they hate everyone.
That's the other issue, I am like 75% cat person and only 25% dog person, so despite loving her, I don't always love having a dog. I'm really thinking we should have just fostered. I felt like it was cruel to do with Emily, I didn't want her falling in love with all these dogs and then having them leave. But, I guess if that's all she knew, she would get used to it. Besides, we could have just taught her that no matter how much we love them and it's hard to see them go, we gave them a loving home until they could find a forever family. Oh well, what's done is done. I really do love Nalah, I guess I just wasn't prepared for the work.
But I will say, it has kind of cemented in my head that maybe we're done with kids now. Obviously a puppy is not a baby, but it's a time commitment that takes my time, energy and attention away from Emily. At the very youngest, Emily would be not quite 2.5 when a sibling could be born. That's still very young and she still needs my full attention. I know plenty of people do it, and with even younger children, but I am just not sure I am one of those people.
Maybe if I were younger, maybe if I had less reasons to be high risk, maybe if I could put 4 or 5 years between kids....but maybe not even then. I have to wonder, how much of me wants another kid because I truly want one, and how much of it is the thrill of announcing another pregnancy, finding out the sex, getting to use one of our names we have picked out, that awesome moment when you first lay eyes on your new baby.
I am sure everyone that has more than one kid, those reasons factor into it. But for me, I wonder if those reasons are over shadowing everything else. I know at the end of the day, parents love all of their children, and they're worth it...but day to day, cleaning up after them, referring fights, trying to deal with two car seats, a double stroller, bottles and toddler food, a new baby crying and waking up the toddler or vice versa....I just wonder how much of their day is spend happily, and how much of it just eats away at them because they are so tired, stressed, and frazzled.
I know certainly not all parents are like this. I am sure there are plenty of parents out there that LOVE having more than one kid and would not have it any other way, but I just wonder between another stressful pregnancy, the stress of having a newborn again but now also having a toddler and just the day to day stress, if it is worth it. Emily can be a handful sometimes, but for the most part she is such a great kid, so loving and funny, that I worry instead of cherishing those moments, I will just be run ragged trying to keep up with a more than full load.
If I could say, I'll have one if I want one, and I won't if I don't, I could live with that. But I feel like next March is a deadline, and I have to be in or out. Going back on the pill wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but it would if my intentions were to someday have another kid. I already have fertility issues, I do not also need to deal with getting my cycles back on track after going off the pill. And I am not going to spend the next how ever many years until menopause just hoping and praying we don't have an oops. I mean fine, 36, 37, even 38 with an oops, shit happens. But what about 43? Could I deal with the emotional and physical stress of possibly having a baby at 43 if we don't do some kind of permanent birth control?
I guess it comes down to this....I think we could very well be done. I am happy with Emily, I am over the moon in love with her and I don't NEED anything else. If we tried and I couldn't get pregnant again, I don't think it would devastate me. Anything over and above having Emily would just be a huge bonus. But to actually say, yes we're done, and doing something permanent about it? That scares the hell out of me. Yeah, I guess vasectomies could be reversible, and I get having one and having it reversed like 5 years later or something, but it makes no sense to have one, and then potentially reverse it just a year later. I don't know, I am praying I come up with a clear cut, no mistake about it answer before next March. I want to either know for sure I want more, or know for sure we're done.
Emily has been so funny lately. She's pulling up on everything, and it's so easy for her now. She's still not doing a traditional crawl, but she is much more comfortable with her movements now. She can go from laying to sitting, from sitting onto her tummy, and when she pulls up now she uses her knees instead of having to pull herself from sitting on her butt. Yesterday she pulled up onto her activity table, which before would not have been stables enough for her, but now she does most of the work and just uses the table as help. When I came back in the room she was over at the TV...between the table and the tv is about three or four feet, and the only thing there was her push toy.
So she either used the push toy as support, or she walked freely from the table to the TV. Even if she used the push toy, it's much lower than the table so it wouldn't have been the most stable thing to cruise, so she still did a very good job of getting from point A to point B. I just wish I could have seen it. She's now standing up in her crib when she is done with her nap, and tonight at bedtime I watched her walk all over her crib when she was supposed to be sleeping. Thankfully she does not have anything to stand on to try escaping. But we can always lower the mattress another notch if she starts trying.
We went out to dinner tonight as a reward for doing well on our diets this week. In the past I would have given myself a whole cheat day, but now we're just doing one cheat meal...just something to boost our morale and enjoy ourselves without doing too much damage. Yesterday marked our first week finished of Nutrisystem. I lost 8.5 pounds and Ryan lost 5.5. I am really looking forward to losing more so I can have more energy to keep up with Em. The plan was to have all the weight gone by now, so I've got to hop to it.
There were a lot of kids out tonight, and we could hear the parents yelling at them and telling them to sit down, to stop this and that, they were crying and screeching. Emily just sat there, eating her cheerios and smiling. She screeched a couple times, but not so that the whole restaurant could hear her and it was just cute baby noises. We're so lucky we got such a good public baby. It's nice to be able to go places and not worry that she'll melt down all the time.
We're having a slight bit of adopters remorse....I was hesitant to do the zoo thing because I was afraid we would just grab any old puppy just for the sake of getting one, or the fear of leaving empty handed due to someone else getting one we wanted. And sure enough, Nalah's cage was the only one we visited. I have no idea if there were any other puppies we may have liked better because had we left her cage, we would have lost her for sure.
I love her, she's cute and all, but we were hoping for a mid to large size dog and she may end up being pretty small, and as of now she looks nothing like a shepherd. But, she is so cute and fun. I go back and forth between I like this, it's cool having a dog....to, what have we done? I also underestimated how much work it would be to have a puppy and a 14 month old baby. Emily is very close to walking, she is cruising the furniture like a pro, so she's over here getting into stuff, Nalah is over there chewing on the remote, looking like she's going to pee or poop on the carpet any second. Some times everyone is peaceful and it is great, but other times when everyone is whining and getting into shit they're not supposed to, it's a headache.
I spend my time worrying that she is pooping over in the corner of the room, and then worrying that she's been in her crate for too long so I can get something done so she doesn't poop in the corner of the room. But....it won't always be this hard. Hopefully she'll potty train quickly, and she won't be a puppy forever. Emily loves her....most of the time. She of course gets a little rambunctious and jumps all over her and licks her face, but for the most part they get along. The cats hate her of course, but they hate everyone.
That's the other issue, I am like 75% cat person and only 25% dog person, so despite loving her, I don't always love having a dog. I'm really thinking we should have just fostered. I felt like it was cruel to do with Emily, I didn't want her falling in love with all these dogs and then having them leave. But, I guess if that's all she knew, she would get used to it. Besides, we could have just taught her that no matter how much we love them and it's hard to see them go, we gave them a loving home until they could find a forever family. Oh well, what's done is done. I really do love Nalah, I guess I just wasn't prepared for the work.
But I will say, it has kind of cemented in my head that maybe we're done with kids now. Obviously a puppy is not a baby, but it's a time commitment that takes my time, energy and attention away from Emily. At the very youngest, Emily would be not quite 2.5 when a sibling could be born. That's still very young and she still needs my full attention. I know plenty of people do it, and with even younger children, but I am just not sure I am one of those people.
Maybe if I were younger, maybe if I had less reasons to be high risk, maybe if I could put 4 or 5 years between kids....but maybe not even then. I have to wonder, how much of me wants another kid because I truly want one, and how much of it is the thrill of announcing another pregnancy, finding out the sex, getting to use one of our names we have picked out, that awesome moment when you first lay eyes on your new baby.
I am sure everyone that has more than one kid, those reasons factor into it. But for me, I wonder if those reasons are over shadowing everything else. I know at the end of the day, parents love all of their children, and they're worth it...but day to day, cleaning up after them, referring fights, trying to deal with two car seats, a double stroller, bottles and toddler food, a new baby crying and waking up the toddler or vice versa....I just wonder how much of their day is spend happily, and how much of it just eats away at them because they are so tired, stressed, and frazzled.
I know certainly not all parents are like this. I am sure there are plenty of parents out there that LOVE having more than one kid and would not have it any other way, but I just wonder between another stressful pregnancy, the stress of having a newborn again but now also having a toddler and just the day to day stress, if it is worth it. Emily can be a handful sometimes, but for the most part she is such a great kid, so loving and funny, that I worry instead of cherishing those moments, I will just be run ragged trying to keep up with a more than full load.
If I could say, I'll have one if I want one, and I won't if I don't, I could live with that. But I feel like next March is a deadline, and I have to be in or out. Going back on the pill wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but it would if my intentions were to someday have another kid. I already have fertility issues, I do not also need to deal with getting my cycles back on track after going off the pill. And I am not going to spend the next how ever many years until menopause just hoping and praying we don't have an oops. I mean fine, 36, 37, even 38 with an oops, shit happens. But what about 43? Could I deal with the emotional and physical stress of possibly having a baby at 43 if we don't do some kind of permanent birth control?
I guess it comes down to this....I think we could very well be done. I am happy with Emily, I am over the moon in love with her and I don't NEED anything else. If we tried and I couldn't get pregnant again, I don't think it would devastate me. Anything over and above having Emily would just be a huge bonus. But to actually say, yes we're done, and doing something permanent about it? That scares the hell out of me. Yeah, I guess vasectomies could be reversible, and I get having one and having it reversed like 5 years later or something, but it makes no sense to have one, and then potentially reverse it just a year later. I don't know, I am praying I come up with a clear cut, no mistake about it answer before next March. I want to either know for sure I want more, or know for sure we're done.
Emily has been so funny lately. She's pulling up on everything, and it's so easy for her now. She's still not doing a traditional crawl, but she is much more comfortable with her movements now. She can go from laying to sitting, from sitting onto her tummy, and when she pulls up now she uses her knees instead of having to pull herself from sitting on her butt. Yesterday she pulled up onto her activity table, which before would not have been stables enough for her, but now she does most of the work and just uses the table as help. When I came back in the room she was over at the TV...between the table and the tv is about three or four feet, and the only thing there was her push toy.
So she either used the push toy as support, or she walked freely from the table to the TV. Even if she used the push toy, it's much lower than the table so it wouldn't have been the most stable thing to cruise, so she still did a very good job of getting from point A to point B. I just wish I could have seen it. She's now standing up in her crib when she is done with her nap, and tonight at bedtime I watched her walk all over her crib when she was supposed to be sleeping. Thankfully she does not have anything to stand on to try escaping. But we can always lower the mattress another notch if she starts trying.
We went out to dinner tonight as a reward for doing well on our diets this week. In the past I would have given myself a whole cheat day, but now we're just doing one cheat meal...just something to boost our morale and enjoy ourselves without doing too much damage. Yesterday marked our first week finished of Nutrisystem. I lost 8.5 pounds and Ryan lost 5.5. I am really looking forward to losing more so I can have more energy to keep up with Em. The plan was to have all the weight gone by now, so I've got to hop to it.
There were a lot of kids out tonight, and we could hear the parents yelling at them and telling them to sit down, to stop this and that, they were crying and screeching. Emily just sat there, eating her cheerios and smiling. She screeched a couple times, but not so that the whole restaurant could hear her and it was just cute baby noises. We're so lucky we got such a good public baby. It's nice to be able to go places and not worry that she'll melt down all the time.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Restored Faith
I should be in bed, but I need to write about this. First thing's first, the light stuff. I think Emily may actually crawl soon, like a real crawl. She'll be 14 months on Tuesday, she cruises furniture, pulls herself to stand, butt scoots, and tummy scoots but so far no real crawling. But the last few days she has incorporated her knees more in her tummy scooting, and yesterday she got up, officially, on her hands and knees like eight times and rocked back and forth. It's going to happen, I can feel it!
She is getting to be the sweetest little girl. Not that she hasn't always been, but she just makes me smile every day. She gives kisses on demand now. If you say, Emmy can I have a kissie, she'll come at you like a zombie and give you a kiss. It makes my heart want to explode! She also usually gives me a big hug when I get her out of bed in the morning. But then she'll steal my glasses off my face and slap at me and pinch my face. She's my sour patch kid....first she's sweet, then she's sour.
Now for the heavy stuff...I've been thinking a lot lately about my faith, or my lack thereof the past two years. Since losing Kayla, I felt like I was in a tailspin, suddenly everything I believed and thought I knew, didn't make sense anymore. Why would God take my baby, but give one to someone who hurts their baby? And the endless comments about Kayla's death and other events being part of God's plan. Why would God give me a baby to begin with, just to take her away before I even got her? Why would it be in God's plan for me to lose two babies, and others lose none?
It made me begin to question a lot of things....why do we pray? Do miracles exist? If God is going to make something happen, shouldn't He make it happen or not happen regardless of whether we pray for it or not? Since He doesn't grant all prayers, how does He choose? Is there any point of praying if it's going to happen or not going to happen no matter what? Why would God choose to make this miracle happen, but not another one? Was this person more worthy of a miracle than that one?
Once I started questioning all of that, I started questioning the entire purpose of God. What does He do? I was beginning to believe that God doesn't make anything happen, good or bad, it just happens. But if that is true, then what does God do? I wanted to talk to a minster about it, but there isn't one I feel especially close to or comfortable with. I even had an appointment to see one, but canceled it that day, I just wasn't ready. Though I am still curious to hear what a minster would day, I am finding now that I am becoming content again with MY beliefs.
I spoke to my dad about it. My dad is a wise man. I quite often agree with him, or do things the way he would do them. We see eye to eye on a lot. He also does not believe that God is a puppet master that says when, where, and how things will happen. It drives me insane when people say, "I prayed to God that I would win this reality TV show and He came through for me". Or when people forward an email and if you love God you're supposed to forward it on or else it means you don't love God. I am certain God has a lot more to worry about than who wins a reality TV show and who is or isn't forwarding emails.
So when I asked my dad, what does God do, he said He gave us life. He gave us free will to make decisions, and to try to live our lives the best we can. God is like a good parent, He doesn't do things for us, or make them happen, but He gives us the tools to navigate life, and we may make mistakes, but we can hopefully learn from them. Some people don't, but some do. He doesn't make good things happen, or bad things.....things just happen. Bad shit doesn't discriminate, and tragedy can happen to anyone regardless of wealth, skin color, sex, or where you live. It does not make me feel better to think that God gave me a child, only to dangle her in front of me before snatching her back. It doesn't make me feel better to think that she is in His arms, if He is the one that took her from me.
But to think that she is resting peacefully in His arms, and is loved by Him and protected by Him, because bad things sometimes just happen, that makes me feel at peace. Pinterest says this is from the book of Romans 8:28, "God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life." I like this. I don't believe that God causes the storm, but He will try to bring something beautiful out of something ugly. I will never be happy that we lost Kayla....even being head over heels in love with Emily, the daughter we simply would not have if Kayla had lived, cannot make me "ok" with not having Kayla. But, despite how tired I am, despite how much trouble she is getting into, losing Kayla has made me a better mom to Emily. It has made me appreciate her more than I ever could have, if I never struggled with what I have, and see the miracle of every day occurrences.
Some people may not think having a baby is a miracle. After all, women have babies every day. Every second a baby is born, what's so special about that? But when you have lost babies, and when you have struggled to have a baby....there is no doubt in my mind that children are miracles. It still drives me nuts hearing the things people say about God and their beliefs. But I am content with my beliefs (or at least I am closer to content than I was two years ago), and that doesn't make me less of a believer or less of a Christian. It just makes it my personal relationship with God. And, as Mother Theresa says, it was never between you and them anyway.
She is getting to be the sweetest little girl. Not that she hasn't always been, but she just makes me smile every day. She gives kisses on demand now. If you say, Emmy can I have a kissie, she'll come at you like a zombie and give you a kiss. It makes my heart want to explode! She also usually gives me a big hug when I get her out of bed in the morning. But then she'll steal my glasses off my face and slap at me and pinch my face. She's my sour patch kid....first she's sweet, then she's sour.
Now for the heavy stuff...I've been thinking a lot lately about my faith, or my lack thereof the past two years. Since losing Kayla, I felt like I was in a tailspin, suddenly everything I believed and thought I knew, didn't make sense anymore. Why would God take my baby, but give one to someone who hurts their baby? And the endless comments about Kayla's death and other events being part of God's plan. Why would God give me a baby to begin with, just to take her away before I even got her? Why would it be in God's plan for me to lose two babies, and others lose none?
It made me begin to question a lot of things....why do we pray? Do miracles exist? If God is going to make something happen, shouldn't He make it happen or not happen regardless of whether we pray for it or not? Since He doesn't grant all prayers, how does He choose? Is there any point of praying if it's going to happen or not going to happen no matter what? Why would God choose to make this miracle happen, but not another one? Was this person more worthy of a miracle than that one?
Once I started questioning all of that, I started questioning the entire purpose of God. What does He do? I was beginning to believe that God doesn't make anything happen, good or bad, it just happens. But if that is true, then what does God do? I wanted to talk to a minster about it, but there isn't one I feel especially close to or comfortable with. I even had an appointment to see one, but canceled it that day, I just wasn't ready. Though I am still curious to hear what a minster would day, I am finding now that I am becoming content again with MY beliefs.
I spoke to my dad about it. My dad is a wise man. I quite often agree with him, or do things the way he would do them. We see eye to eye on a lot. He also does not believe that God is a puppet master that says when, where, and how things will happen. It drives me insane when people say, "I prayed to God that I would win this reality TV show and He came through for me". Or when people forward an email and if you love God you're supposed to forward it on or else it means you don't love God. I am certain God has a lot more to worry about than who wins a reality TV show and who is or isn't forwarding emails.
So when I asked my dad, what does God do, he said He gave us life. He gave us free will to make decisions, and to try to live our lives the best we can. God is like a good parent, He doesn't do things for us, or make them happen, but He gives us the tools to navigate life, and we may make mistakes, but we can hopefully learn from them. Some people don't, but some do. He doesn't make good things happen, or bad things.....things just happen. Bad shit doesn't discriminate, and tragedy can happen to anyone regardless of wealth, skin color, sex, or where you live. It does not make me feel better to think that God gave me a child, only to dangle her in front of me before snatching her back. It doesn't make me feel better to think that she is in His arms, if He is the one that took her from me.
But to think that she is resting peacefully in His arms, and is loved by Him and protected by Him, because bad things sometimes just happen, that makes me feel at peace. Pinterest says this is from the book of Romans 8:28, "God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life." I like this. I don't believe that God causes the storm, but He will try to bring something beautiful out of something ugly. I will never be happy that we lost Kayla....even being head over heels in love with Emily, the daughter we simply would not have if Kayla had lived, cannot make me "ok" with not having Kayla. But, despite how tired I am, despite how much trouble she is getting into, losing Kayla has made me a better mom to Emily. It has made me appreciate her more than I ever could have, if I never struggled with what I have, and see the miracle of every day occurrences.
Some people may not think having a baby is a miracle. After all, women have babies every day. Every second a baby is born, what's so special about that? But when you have lost babies, and when you have struggled to have a baby....there is no doubt in my mind that children are miracles. It still drives me nuts hearing the things people say about God and their beliefs. But I am content with my beliefs (or at least I am closer to content than I was two years ago), and that doesn't make me less of a believer or less of a Christian. It just makes it my personal relationship with God. And, as Mother Theresa says, it was never between you and them anyway.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Mother's Day
This mother's day was a little harder than last. We had to get up early so I didn't get the chance to sleep in and have Ryan get her up. Though getting her up this morning was so cute. Normally she is what wakes me up, her crying or her babbling in her crib, but this morning we had somewhere to be so we got up earlier than usual and Emily was still sleeping. I did as much as I could to get ready and let her sleep, but then we had to wake her to give her a bottle. She was sleeping on her side, hugging Kayla Bear and just looked so damn adorable. We stroked her cheek a few times but she was out...finally she stirred and rolled over and looked at us like man, why are you bugging me?
So we picked up Ryan's parents and went out to breakfast. It was nice. Ryan and I are starting a new diet tomorrow, so today was kind of our last hurrah. After breakfast we went back to their house, and then Ryan had to go to work so Em and I stayed and hung out for a bit. Then I left her there for about 45 minutes so I could do a little shopping. I had to return an outfit to Buy Buy Baby that she got for her birthday that didn't fit, so I got her another swimsuit.
She already has one new one, a traditional one piece, but I also wanted her to have a second one, and the surf shirt type so she can be protected more from the sun. I got her a really cute pink one with a hibiscus flower on it and little bikini bottom swim diaper. I also got her a tiny pink bag chair with an umbrella that goes in the top. I was torn between that one, and one that matches our patio chairs perfectly....I might have to go back and get one of those too.
So then Emily and I went to the cemetery. We went to my grandparents grave first, and left them some flowers. There was a sweet old man there, probably at his wife's grave, who was talking to Emily and offered us water for the flowers. He spoke that stereotypical broken English with an Italian accent, he sounded like Luigi from Mario Bros, he was so cute. Then we went to my mom's grave. I put out a blanket and I put Emily in her new chair. She is so stinkin' cute in it. I got my mom some flowers, and also a sign that says mom made out of fake flowers. Emily had fun sitting on the ground and picking grass and dandelions, and trying to eat them.
After a while it started to sprinkle so we left and I picked up lunch on the way home. Emily went down for a nap when we got home and I relaxed and watched TV. A few times through out the day I would look at Emmy and just think, I love her so much I could burst. Then tonight, between missing my mom and Kayla, and loving Em so much, I just got really emotional. I could feel the heaviness in my chest so I went to the bathroom and cried. My husband came in and asked what was wrong, I told him Mother's day is hard. So he hugged me while I cried some more.
All in all it was an ok day....I just miss my mom and my grandma and Kayla so much. My only solace comes from the fact that I know they are all together in Heaven....but why can't they be all together here?
So we picked up Ryan's parents and went out to breakfast. It was nice. Ryan and I are starting a new diet tomorrow, so today was kind of our last hurrah. After breakfast we went back to their house, and then Ryan had to go to work so Em and I stayed and hung out for a bit. Then I left her there for about 45 minutes so I could do a little shopping. I had to return an outfit to Buy Buy Baby that she got for her birthday that didn't fit, so I got her another swimsuit.
She already has one new one, a traditional one piece, but I also wanted her to have a second one, and the surf shirt type so she can be protected more from the sun. I got her a really cute pink one with a hibiscus flower on it and little bikini bottom swim diaper. I also got her a tiny pink bag chair with an umbrella that goes in the top. I was torn between that one, and one that matches our patio chairs perfectly....I might have to go back and get one of those too.
So then Emily and I went to the cemetery. We went to my grandparents grave first, and left them some flowers. There was a sweet old man there, probably at his wife's grave, who was talking to Emily and offered us water for the flowers. He spoke that stereotypical broken English with an Italian accent, he sounded like Luigi from Mario Bros, he was so cute. Then we went to my mom's grave. I put out a blanket and I put Emily in her new chair. She is so stinkin' cute in it. I got my mom some flowers, and also a sign that says mom made out of fake flowers. Emily had fun sitting on the ground and picking grass and dandelions, and trying to eat them.
After a while it started to sprinkle so we left and I picked up lunch on the way home. Emily went down for a nap when we got home and I relaxed and watched TV. A few times through out the day I would look at Emmy and just think, I love her so much I could burst. Then tonight, between missing my mom and Kayla, and loving Em so much, I just got really emotional. I could feel the heaviness in my chest so I went to the bathroom and cried. My husband came in and asked what was wrong, I told him Mother's day is hard. So he hugged me while I cried some more.
All in all it was an ok day....I just miss my mom and my grandma and Kayla so much. My only solace comes from the fact that I know they are all together in Heaven....but why can't they be all together here?
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
rants
I can't stand made up drama. All week they have been advertising the special episode of Jill Duggar having her baby on 19 Kids and Counting, and every commercial showed Jim Bob saying, "Jill is going in for an emergency C-section", and the whole family looked shocked and upset.
As I suspected, it was not an emergency, just a non planned one. Big deal, people have them every day, I did. I mean, it is a big deal when you're going through it, I cried like a baby when they started getting me ready to go to the OR, but I cannot stand when people call an unplanned C section an emergency. Did they rush you there because you and/or the baby was in distress? Did it have to be done NOW and was a matter of life or death? No, so quit being dramatic.
Just like mine, labor had gone on for too long, it had been too long since her water broke and the baby was in a bad position that wasn't conducive to a vaginal birth. Ooooh, so dramatic.
In cuter news, Emily just makes me laugh every single day. She's in a phase now where she likes to hand me everything. In the morning when I go in to get her, she hands me her empty bottle....if she takes her socks off, she hands them to me. It works out well though that we have her trained to hand her stuff she finds on the floor. So if she finds a small piece of paper that she would likely eat, all we have to say is can I have that please and she'll just hand it over. Sometimes she'll hand it to us without even asking.
Yesterday we were watching Family Feud and this player answered really good for the fast money, so the whole audience would clap and cheer with every answer that got a lot of points, so for each one Emily would clap and cheer too. I love this kid.
As I suspected, it was not an emergency, just a non planned one. Big deal, people have them every day, I did. I mean, it is a big deal when you're going through it, I cried like a baby when they started getting me ready to go to the OR, but I cannot stand when people call an unplanned C section an emergency. Did they rush you there because you and/or the baby was in distress? Did it have to be done NOW and was a matter of life or death? No, so quit being dramatic.
Just like mine, labor had gone on for too long, it had been too long since her water broke and the baby was in a bad position that wasn't conducive to a vaginal birth. Ooooh, so dramatic.
In cuter news, Emily just makes me laugh every single day. She's in a phase now where she likes to hand me everything. In the morning when I go in to get her, she hands me her empty bottle....if she takes her socks off, she hands them to me. It works out well though that we have her trained to hand her stuff she finds on the floor. So if she finds a small piece of paper that she would likely eat, all we have to say is can I have that please and she'll just hand it over. Sometimes she'll hand it to us without even asking.
Yesterday we were watching Family Feud and this player answered really good for the fast money, so the whole audience would clap and cheer with every answer that got a lot of points, so for each one Emily would clap and cheer too. I love this kid.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Happy Birthday to me
I'm 36 today, blah! But as my brother says, you either get old, or you die so I will chose getting older. I have a wonderful birthday, I slept in while my husband got Emily up and dressed and fed this morning. It was nice, but of course it was one of those days where I very well could have gotten up. Not the kind of morning where you would give anything for more sleep, but oh well.
Then we headed out to the park where we met my brother and his wife, my dad, stepmom and stepsister to have a picnic. Ryan grilled hotdogs and we had other yummy picnic foods. We had cake and opened presents, it was a nice time. After that we went to the small farm they have there and walked around to see the animals. Emily had fallen asleep during the 5 minute drive to the farm so we were going to just head home but then she woke up. I am glad she did, she really enjoyed seeing the animals, and a cow even came right up to the fence to see her.
It was a nice birthday, and of course my little pumpkin is the best gift ever. No walking yet but she is still cruising, and she is just the best girl to go out and about with. So quiet and doesn't fuss while mommy shops. My best friend and I went out to lunch and shopped yesterday with Emily and it was so nice to just have an afternoon with my friend. She left her boys at home this time so we were able to have uninterrupted conversation.
Emmy is starting to say more words, she has no down pat pretty well, mama and dada of course, though lately she has been pointing to herself and saying mama. She sort of says yuck, whenever I take something from her she shouldn't have, like when she is trying to chew on some shoes, I tell her it is yuck and she says yah! She's just so much fun. However the last couple nights have been tough since we have been busy and so far off her sleep schedule. Thankfully this week is pretty low key so she can just stay home and get her naps on schedule.
My bike trailer is all ready to go out for rides, I took it for a spin the other day empty so I could make sure I can ride with it back there. I took Emily out, strapped her in, but she couldn't keep her helmet on. I cannot even get the chin strap done before she is taking it off, so we couldn't go. I think everyday when she wakes up from nap I will put it on her for a few minutes so she can get used to wearing it. I know she will love riding in the trailer, I just need to convince her that the helmet is not eating her head. She hates stuff on her head.
My husband interviewed for a job which would have him working the night shift, so we decided if he gets it, we are getting a dog. We've talked about getting one for years now, and ultimately decided to get one when Emily is 2 or 3, but I'd feel better having a dog if he will be working midnights. We always talked about a lab, but I love German Shepherds and he likes the idea of having a guard dog, or at least a dog that would intimidate a stranger. It's so frustrating because I lived alone for 7 years before I met Ryan and I was never scared. I guess I am just used to him being here now. I'm excited....we've gone back and forth on getting a dog, but since it is kind of in the plans now, I am excited.
Emily just loves animals and she loves the cats but they are not too fond of her. So it will be nice to get her a pet that will love her back and she can grow up with.
Then we headed out to the park where we met my brother and his wife, my dad, stepmom and stepsister to have a picnic. Ryan grilled hotdogs and we had other yummy picnic foods. We had cake and opened presents, it was a nice time. After that we went to the small farm they have there and walked around to see the animals. Emily had fallen asleep during the 5 minute drive to the farm so we were going to just head home but then she woke up. I am glad she did, she really enjoyed seeing the animals, and a cow even came right up to the fence to see her.
It was a nice birthday, and of course my little pumpkin is the best gift ever. No walking yet but she is still cruising, and she is just the best girl to go out and about with. So quiet and doesn't fuss while mommy shops. My best friend and I went out to lunch and shopped yesterday with Emily and it was so nice to just have an afternoon with my friend. She left her boys at home this time so we were able to have uninterrupted conversation.
Emmy is starting to say more words, she has no down pat pretty well, mama and dada of course, though lately she has been pointing to herself and saying mama. She sort of says yuck, whenever I take something from her she shouldn't have, like when she is trying to chew on some shoes, I tell her it is yuck and she says yah! She's just so much fun. However the last couple nights have been tough since we have been busy and so far off her sleep schedule. Thankfully this week is pretty low key so she can just stay home and get her naps on schedule.
My bike trailer is all ready to go out for rides, I took it for a spin the other day empty so I could make sure I can ride with it back there. I took Emily out, strapped her in, but she couldn't keep her helmet on. I cannot even get the chin strap done before she is taking it off, so we couldn't go. I think everyday when she wakes up from nap I will put it on her for a few minutes so she can get used to wearing it. I know she will love riding in the trailer, I just need to convince her that the helmet is not eating her head. She hates stuff on her head.
My husband interviewed for a job which would have him working the night shift, so we decided if he gets it, we are getting a dog. We've talked about getting one for years now, and ultimately decided to get one when Emily is 2 or 3, but I'd feel better having a dog if he will be working midnights. We always talked about a lab, but I love German Shepherds and he likes the idea of having a guard dog, or at least a dog that would intimidate a stranger. It's so frustrating because I lived alone for 7 years before I met Ryan and I was never scared. I guess I am just used to him being here now. I'm excited....we've gone back and forth on getting a dog, but since it is kind of in the plans now, I am excited.
Emily just loves animals and she loves the cats but they are not too fond of her. So it will be nice to get her a pet that will love her back and she can grow up with.
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