Mother's Day

This mother's day was a little harder than last.  We had to get up early so I didn't get the chance to sleep in and have Ryan get her up.  Though getting her up this morning was so cute.  Normally she is what wakes me up, her crying or her babbling in her crib, but this morning we had somewhere to be so we got up earlier than usual and Emily was still sleeping.  I did as much as I could to get ready and let her sleep, but then we had to wake her to give her a bottle.  She was sleeping on her side, hugging Kayla Bear and just looked so damn adorable.  We stroked her cheek a few times but she was out...finally she stirred and rolled over and looked at us like man, why are you bugging me?

So we picked up Ryan's parents and went out to breakfast.  It was nice.  Ryan and I are starting a new diet tomorrow, so today was kind of our last hurrah.  After breakfast we went back to their house, and then Ryan had to go to work so Em and I stayed and hung out for a bit.  Then I left her there for about 45 minutes so I could do a little shopping.  I had to return an outfit to Buy Buy Baby that she got for her birthday that didn't fit, so I got her another swimsuit.

She already has one new one, a traditional one piece, but I also wanted her to have a second one, and the surf shirt type so she can be protected more from the sun.  I got her a really cute pink one with a hibiscus flower on it and little bikini bottom swim diaper.  I also got her a tiny pink bag chair with an umbrella that goes in the top.  I was torn between that one, and one that matches our patio chairs perfectly....I might have to go back and get one of those too.

So then Emily and I went to the cemetery.  We went to my grandparents grave first, and left them some flowers.  There was a sweet old man there, probably at his wife's grave, who was talking to Emily and offered us water for the flowers.  He spoke that stereotypical broken English with an Italian accent, he sounded like Luigi from Mario Bros, he was so cute.  Then we went to my mom's grave.  I put out a blanket and I put Emily in her new chair.  She is so stinkin' cute in it.  I got my mom some flowers, and also a sign that says mom made out of fake flowers.  Emily had fun sitting on the ground and picking grass and dandelions, and trying to eat them.

After a while it started to sprinkle so we left and I picked up lunch on the way home.  Emily went down for a nap when we got home and I relaxed and watched TV.  A few times through out the day I would look at Emmy and just think, I love her so much I could burst.  Then tonight, between missing my mom and Kayla, and loving Em so much, I just got really emotional.  I could feel the heaviness in my chest so I went to the bathroom and cried.  My husband came in and asked what was wrong, I told him Mother's day is hard.  So he hugged me while I cried some more.

All in all it was an ok day....I just miss my mom and my grandma and Kayla so much.  My only solace comes from the fact that I know they are all together in Heaven....but why can't they be all together here?