Maybe my new years resolution should be to blog more than just twice a year.  Seriously, I cannot get my shit together to update this.

So the first half of Kindergarten has gone well.  I cannot believe the year is half over already.  Em has so much fun at school and is learning a lot.  I see so much improvement on things like her drawings and reading.  She's got a lot of sight words down, so hopefully she will be reading by the end of the school year.

Halloween, while fun, was a miserable cold, rainy, windy day.  I had that week off work, so I painted my living room.  Not exactly a vacation, but our new furniture didn't match the old paint, and that room hadn't been painted since we moved in ten years ago so it was in need of a new coat.  I have never been the best painter in the world, but compared to the crap job we did the first time (it was the couple weeks we were painting and fixing stuff before moving in, so I can only assume we rushed it because we were sick of painting) I must say, I did a damn good job.  The only mistakes I made were either fixed right away or are not noticeable.  I love it.

So Ryan came over and we took Emily trick or treating together.  A far cry from the previous year when I had to get out all my tears after mediation before seeing Em, and not even wanting to be in the same room as Ryan.  What a difference a year can make.  He somehow talked me into doing a family costume, so Emily was Mal from The Decendents, I was Maleficent and he was Hades.  Em loved it, but sorry, I won't be doing that again, lol.  I hated spending $60 on a costume I wore for one hour, and my gown was too big and too long.  I had to hold the umbrella in one hand, and hold my wadded up gown in the other so I wasn't walking on it.  My horns also kept bumping into my umbrella and kept falling off.  But Emily had fun, and got a decent haul despite not too many people handing out candy.  Then the three of us went to dinner afterward.

A couple weeks later my grandma, my last living grandparent, passed away so Em and I headed up north for her funeral.  Emily did well, it was her first official funeral.  She went to my SIL's dad's funeral in August, but there was only mass at the church, no funeral home, and he was cremated so no body or coffin so I am not sure she entirely understood it was a funeral.

So coming home from up north we got hammered with snow.  I was not pleased to come home to a LOT of snow on our driveway, and the fact that I had to get out of the car and tromp through it in just tennis shoes to open the gate so we could get in the garage.  Trying to open the gate against all that snow was not easy.  I still had to work the next day because ya know....no excuse when you work from home.  But I had been planning on going into the office that day and the clinic was closed and Emily had a snow day as well, so it was at least nice to not have to get up early and rush out the door.  It was also the first day of Disney +, so once I got the snow blown, we watched lots of Disney movies while I worked in the living room on my laptop.

Early November is very early for a snow like that, so I was very pleased when it melted within a week.  We've had some pretty bitter temps since then, but nothing more than a light dusting of snow that made me clean off the car a little and was melted by noon.  Now this whole week leading up to Christmas and since has been in the upper 40's, 50's and I think it even hit 60 one day.  I normally love a white Christmas, but now that snow removal is all on me, I am beyond fine without it.  I would be thrilled if we didn't get another flake of snow for the rest of winter.  I am sure that won't happen, but ya never know. 

Christmas was great this year, I did a ton of stuff with Emily and carried on traditions we have been doing for years and also started some new ones.  In December, an Imax theater near us plays The Polar Express every night and we started the tradition last year and went again this year.  If the kids wear their pj's, they get free popcorn (which we did not know last year) so we went to see that one day after school.  Emily was sooooo excited.  Man, I remember how amazing Christmas was as a kid, and it was truly amazing, but seeing it through my little girl's eyes and seeing how excited she gets is 100 times better than experiencing it myself.  I wouldn't let Emily watch the movie at home before we saw it in the theater so it would be more magical, seeing it on the big screen for the first time of the season.

We also baked cookies one Saturday, went to a Christmas light fest that we've done every year since she was a baby and watched tons of Christmas movies at home.  The first Friday night in December we went out to dinner and then went and got our Christmas tree.  I know some women just choose not to or cannot, but I do my very best to not let Em miss out on stuff we would have done if her dad and I were still together.  I am thankful the guys at the tree lot are willing and able to tie the tree to the roof of my car, but I climb up and drag the son of a bitch off my car and into the house.  I did go for a slightly smaller tree this year....I scraped the ceiling with it last year I and I spent many arduous hours painting the ceiling, I was not about to scratch it up this year, but it was still surprisingly heavy.  Going to get our tree as a kid was one of my favorite things to do and Emmy loves to go pick out a real tree, so I will drag it inch by inch if I have to.  I do park in the backyard though and bring it in the back so my neighbors don't see me wrestling with it, lol.

The bad news is, at 5 she already seems to be doubting (or at least is forming some suspicion) over all things Santa.  She still LOVES Christmas and Santa and she still believes, but I noticed a change in her this year.  Last year I bought a second Elf on the Shelf for her dad to keep at his place, and we just told her it's the same elf and she flies back and forth between houses.  But when I was over there picking her up one day, I said oh look, Mixi is here.  She matter of factly says that's not Mixi, that's a different elf.  Her dad and I played dumb and said no it's not, it's Mixi.  She says no, I promise you it's not....you want to know how I know?  Mixi has chocolate in the corners of her mouth, and this elf doesn't.  Damn...my kid is way too observant.  Our Mixi had gotten into her chocolate kisses from her advent calendar, so despite cleaning off her face, I hadn't taken the time to clean out the tiny corners of her mouth.

I did do it the next day or so, and I am not sure if she noticed when the chocolate disappeared, but not long after that, she did seem satisfied that it was the same elf.  Daddy had better step up his game next year....some nights I do just put her in a funny spot, but a lot of times I have her get into some fun mischief (thank you Pinterest) but her dad just moves her around to different spots.  Next year she may notice that Mixi is a lot less mischievous at daddy's house, lol. 

And while she was still excited about Mixi's arrival, her enthusiasm to find her each morning wasn't as high as it was in years past.  She used to jump out of bed and go running to look for her.  Now she is content to come in my room, wake me up, and then lay there playing on my phone for 15-20 minutes while I snooze for a few more before she goes and finds her.  The night before we took her to see Santa, I showed her from my FB memories the one and only year she sat on Santa's lap when she was a baby.  She studied the picture and then asked who that was.  I said it's Santa.  She goes, for real?  I said yeah....but then I realized, if it wasn't the same guy when we went the next day, which it may not be since they have a few depending on what time you go, Ms. Super Observant is going to notice.  So I had to come clean that he isn't THE Santa because the real one is so busy at the north pole, so he's a helper. 

She seemed satisfied with that.  So, nothing major, but I can see the seeds of doubt being planted.  But that may not be a bad thing.  I do hope she just gradually figures it out on her own.  I had to be told when I was a kid.  I was happily ignorant and could have gone on believing for who knows how long.  I remember being so devastated when my mom told me.  I thought I'd never enjoy Christmas again and I kept hoping I would forget by next year.  I hope to not have to crush her little fantasies someday.  But whether or not she figures it out on her own or is told somehow, I would really love to have at least two more years of her believing. 

Ryan had Emmy the weekend before Christmas, which was kind of good because I had Monday off this year as well as Christmas eve and Christmas day, so it gave me a chance to clean the house and wrap gifts.  I picked her up Christmas eve afternoon and then she and I got ready for church.  We went with my dad....I love Christmas eve service.  After that we headed to my brothers where I ate way too much food, we opened presents and then tried to play Apples to Apples afterward but none of us would stop talking long enough to get the game started.  My brother did get out his Friends Trivia game and asked me random questions while we waited for the game that we never played to start, and I crushed them all.  I am not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing, haha.

Finally we had to get going, it was going on midnight and waaaaay past her bedtime.  We were tracking Santa on Norad, but thankfully since Em is still in the beginning stages of learning to read, I could fib and say he was close by, rather than the truth, which was he had already left Michigan and was headed out of the US.  She fell asleep on the way home but she's so big and leggy now, I cannot carry her in without waking her up.  But I just pretended that I heard Santa's sleighbells nearby and she quickly jumped into bed and was thankfully asleep soon after. 

The next morning we got up and her dad came over and we watched her open her gifts.  She kept wanting us to open our gifts that she made at school (a calendar with a picture she drew on each month) before she started opening her own.  She's such a sweetheart.  She loved all her gifts....Santa brought her a 'Lil Woodzie Schoolhouse, a kinetic sand kit with construction equipment, a brush and hair spray set for her American Girl Doll, some gel glitter markers, and then I got her a "If my Cat Fiona could talk" book, a small wooden music box that plays You are my sunshine (the song I have been singing to her since she was a newborn) a little pack of nail polish, a lipgloss, a teeny ty and a stuffie Minnie Mouse ornament.  I felt like I didn't get her much great stuff, especially since the book and the music box took up half the budget.  But considering I spend the amount we used to spend on her together (and I am sure her dad spent the same as I did, if not more....the man loves to shop) plus all she got from grandparents, and aunts and uncles, she is not in need to toys. 

I don't want to spoil her....as an only child she's already doomed for that, and now a kid of divorced parents too?  But she is seriously the most appreciative kid ever.  I think you could wrap up a rock and give it to her and she would jump up and down and say oh thank you mommy, I love it.  So, it is what it is.  I firmly believe a kid can have a lot of stuff, but still not be spoiled as long as they are taught to appreciate it and be thankful.

So after she played with her toys for a bit, she and her dad went back to his house for Christmas day with his family.  I hate not having her on Christmas day, but I have Christmas eve which is when my family celebrates, and we both get to see her open her presents on Christmas morning.  I just dread the day that has to change, because it will one day.  Someday Ryan will have his own place (he's still staying with his parents for now) and want to be able to have her wake up at his place on Christmas morning.  Or I'll get a serious boyfriend/he'll get a serious girlfriend and they may each have kids and we'll want to have our own Christmas celebrations with our new families.  But for now, I am glad to have what we do. 

I had a few invites for Christmas day, but I decided to just stay home.  The night before, after church I had picked up Arabic food, and it keeps well so that was my Christmas dinner (and lunch) and I just laid around in my jammies and binged watched TV.  I did have to work the next day, and it's hard to work when Em is home.  She gets bored when I cannot entertain her for 7 hours of the day.  Ryan had to work the next day too, but I said she could spend the night there Christmas night so they'd have more time together, and then the next day she hung out with her grandma until I got done working. 

After her being gone for the 2.5 days leading up to Christmas and then all of Christmas Day and the next day, I was missing her so badly.  I told my ex-MIL I would be done working at 3 and then I'd come get her....I think I text her and was in the car at 2:58....I couldn't wait to see my baby.  The next day I only had to work half a day, so after noon she and I had the rest of the day together.  From Thursday afternoon till Sunday afternoon, we only left the house to go get take out....we slept in, and stayed in our jammies, and cuddled, and napped, and watched movies for three days straight.  On Sunday I finally showered and we went to Meijer to grab a few things.  She's still off school for the rest of this week, but I had to go back to work today.  I am off on new year's day, but other than that it's a normal work week.  I felt so sad Sunday night....

I mean, we have most weekends together, even on Ryan's weekend, I still have her Friday through Sunday around noon, but still, these past few days home with her have been so much fun, I am just soaking it all up.  I didn't want to go back to everyday life of waking up early and going to work.  I even had that feeling of being a little homesick at the idea of not spending every minute with her.  But my wish came true because I was so stuffed up last night I couldn't sleep.  I don't think I fell asleep until almost 5 and was supposed to get up at 7.  I text my boss and told her I barely slept and would work from home that day and come into the office another day.  I went back to sleep till almost 10, and then worked in the living room on my laptop while Em played and watched movies.  So I still had to work, but I was excited to get to spend another day with her.

I sometimes (often) get sad about how fast she is growing up and how she was just a baby yesterday and today she's in Kindergarten.  But then many times throughout the day I will just look at her and realize she is still little and she's still so so cute (not that I will ever think she is not cute) and I just try to take it all in and soak it all up because someday I will be sad that she is a big 3rd grader, and wish she was still a little kindergartener.  Ugh, can you heart explode because of how much you love your kid, because sometimes I really do think it will just explode one day like it cannot possibly hold all that love.