The new tile floor was put in last winter, we got a new counter top, sink, and a few more cabinets last summer, and this painting job has been looming over me for a year now. I so badly wanted to finish it before Em's birthday party last year, and here I am barely getting it done for her party this year. I will be so happy to cross this project off my list. Especially since I've had to look at two sections of new paint for a year now.
My dad had to make some angled boards to attach the baby gate to because the walls it screws into are different angles from each other. Before he put the boards and gate up, he had me paint around it so the gate wouldn't need to come down when I eventually painted the room. So I've had to look at two, 1 X 3 sections of cream colored paint, on my old white walls all this time. It drove me nuts, I looked at those spots every day for a year and now they finally blend in with the rest of the wall!
So anyway, Em seemed a little unsure of leaving today. I always drop her off at grandpa's so I don't think she knew what to make of him picking her up today. Plus she was over there a lot longer than usual. I guess when she fell and hurt herself earlier my dad was hugging and consoling her and she kept whining, mommy, mommy. Awww, breaks my heart. When I went to pick her up, she was extra happy to see me, and made me follow her into the kitchen where she kept pointing to a picture of me on the fridge and saying mommy.
Then when we were getting ready to leave, she got upset, I guess thinking I was leaving without her. She does very well at both grandparents' houses, but it makes me feel good that she missed me. She stood up on the couch and my dad told her to sit on her butt, and she started crying. He didn't even yell, just told her no. I was like awww honey, that's nothing. Wait till your 17 and you go out with your boyfriend and he doesn't know where you are. Now that's worth crying over, lol. My dad worked midnight's when I was growing up, so I was used to pretty much being able to do whatever I wanted once he left for work, and my mom was in bed. One night my dad was home, and my boyfriend came by so I told my dad I was going to sit in his truck with him in front of the house. After a bit he wanted to drive around, so we did. When my dad paged me at 2am, I knew I was in trouble for leaving. We pulled up in front of the house and he was sitting on the porch with his arms crossed, looking pissed as hell. I so did not want to get out of the car. I didn't often get in trouble, and when I did my dad usually wasn't real mad, but this time he was mad! Poor Em will get it from all angles, her overprotective daddy, two grandpas and an uncle!
I hope it's not too hard on her to go to Nana's tomorrow and be away from me again. But Nana missed her day last week because I had pink eye and I didn't want to go over there and infect anyone. Luckily neither Emily or Ryan caught it. I have never ever had pink eye before, I wonder where I picked it up from. Weird. But lately my eyelids have been super itchy and dry, and I wonder if it is from my make up, which is a different brand than I used to wear. So maybe since I have been rubbing my eyes a lot more, I was more susceptible to the pink eye. I wore eye make up the day before I got it, so it sucks that I have to toss it all. But if that's what has been making my eyelids so itchy, I guess it is better to toss it and try a different brand.
I saw this on facebook today, I thought it was pretty funny and accurate:
I cannot stand the mommy wars and the nursing vs formula debate. That's great if you were able to/want to nurse. But don't make women who can't or chose not to feel bad, or act like you're superior for nursing your baby. Because we all know, it won't be long before your wonderfully nourished with mother's milk baby starts eating cat food, boogers, crayons and God knows what off the floor. Most kids, like mine, will not eat a lot of foods, especially healthy ones. My kid hates meat. If we try to sneak some chicken into her mac n cheese, her mouth can somehow filter through it, eat the noodles and spit out the chicken. She lives on mac n cheese, go-gurt, and crackers. Sure, it's great to give them that great start in life of breastmilk, but my mostly formula fed kid is doing just fine, she's happy, healthy, and smart and she's never even had so much as a cold (knock on wood).
I tried to nurse Em but I couldn't do it. She would literally push me away. But I also hate when women say, well it's one thing if a woman cannot nurse, but everyone should at least try. Why? Why should they? I can understand if your baby was born sick, or was a preemie, it might be a good idea to give them that extra boost if you can. But if your baby is perfectly healthy and you choose to formula feed, because you just don't want to nurse, I don't see why it is anyone's' business. I don't want to bring up an abortion debate, but many many women who are pro-choice stick to the argument that it is the woman's body, therefore it is her choice what to do with it. If so many people are ok with ending their pregnancy because it's their right to do with their body as they please, why is it suddenly not ok to choose not to nurse? After all, it's my body. Maybe I don't want a baby dangling off my boobs 24/7 for the next year. Why is that even up for debate? Why is what we do with our bodies no one else's business in one instance, but in another, you're condemned for choosing to keep your body to yourself ? It's not like the baby is going to starve, formula is a perfectly acceptable alternative.
When Emily was born I definitely wanted to try nursing and I was dissapointed that it didn't work out. I admit, I gave up pretty quickly, maybe I should have tried harder, but being a new mom was hard enough. Besides, as it turns out she couldn't handle my milk anyway until she was about 6-8 months old. I pumped for six months, and albeit it wasn't much, she did still get some breastmilk in addition to her formula bottles. But her poor tummy was so upset and she cried all night due to gas for the first few weeks. I tried to cut dairy out of my diet, but it was difficult. I already wasn't eating much due to being so tired and busy with her, so to block out a huge food group was pretty hard. I often forgot and ate dairy anyway, or ate something that I had no clue had dairy in it. Graham crackers. Did you know graham crackers has dairy in it???
But once I switched her to soy formula and started freezing all my pumped milk, her tummy troubles calmed right down. So even if I had had success with getting her to latch, eventually I would have had to give up anyway because neither she nor I could go many more nights with no sleep and her crying and screaming all night long with gas pains. But if we decide to have another....I don't know. I may very well not even try to nurse. I might change my mind and give it a shot. Who knows, another baby might latch just fine, and have no tummy issues. It would be nice to be able to just get up in the middle of the night and go nurse instead of making a bottle, and not have to wash bottles, and not buy formula, and not pump. But, I have a lot of anxiety and worries about having another kid. So if being a mom to a newborn and a toddler is really difficult for me at first and the idea of trying to nurse is causing me too much stress, I will have no problems with going straight to formula.
So speaking of another....I've lost a little of my baby fever. I'm starting to waver a little. But the thought that does still have me thinking of having another is, I won't regret having another, but I might regret not having another. I mean sure, I can imagine almost every day when I am pregnant again, thinking and worrying if it was a good idea. But once a new baby is here, I'll never say man, I wish I had stopped at Emily. I was very indifferent to Emily's arrival for a lot of reasons, and she drives me crazy on a daily basis, but even during the worst tantrums and the least amount of sleep, I have never ever ever regretted my decision to have kids.
But....a magic kingdom baby isn't going to happen. I thought maybe it would be fun to try and see what happens while we're there, but no. Which kind of sucks because I finally got my period today after going off the pill at the end of December, so if my body decides to cooperate, I could very well ovulate while we're there in two weeks. But I am just not ready. I don't even think I am ready to try in March like we always talked about. I really really want to get some weight off first. I've been trying to lose for a long time, and I haven't done great this last week or so because I was sick last week and now this week our kitchen is torn apart, so we're getting take out. But I did really well with my diet and exercise for a few weeks prior. I finally feel like I have my drive back, the will to actually work hard to make it happen, vs just wishing I could snap my fingers and be skinny...though I admit, that would be soooo nice ;)
My overall goal will take a while, but if I could get pregnant once I've lost just half of my goal, I think that would be a good compromise. It's not where I want to be, but it will be a lot less than what I weighed going into both my other pregnancies, and maybe that weight loss could be the difference in not being diabetic again. So, we'll re-visit the topic in June-ish.
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