Big girl bed

Well Emily is finally in her big girl bed.  It wasn't too sad taking her crib down, but I did realize that it was about this time, three years ago that we were putting it together.  Crazy how fast time flies.

She was at her Nana and Papa's that day so when she got home we told her we had a big surprise for her, and took her in to see it.  It's a twin, and I covered an old ugly headboard I found at a second hand shop with a grey and white material with a trellis pattern.  It turned out really cute.  I picked out a comforter with different shades of pink that has flowers and trees on it.  It's not matchy matchy with the headboard but I think it goes well with it.

We already had the mattress, frame, and box springs.  My inlaws were getting rid of them years ago and asked if we wanted them, so they've been in the basement all this time.  I hadn't thought of using them until I got the idea to re-do an old headboard, so it all worked out well, and we didn't have to spend anything.  Just the $15 that I think the headboard was, the material, and sheets and the comforter.  It's actually a really comfortable mattress too.  The next day my dad picked Emily up for the day so I could work, and I took a short nap in there.  I recall my childhood bed being super super comfortable too.  Dare I say, more comfortable than our crazy expensive tempur pedic???

So that first night she was pretty excited, she kept jumping up and down saying big girl bed.  Once we got her tucked in, she seemed a little hesitant about us leaving, so I stayed in there and laid on the floor until she fell asleep.  Luckily that was only about 10 minutes since she hardly ever naps at Nana's anymore, so she was more than ready for bed.

She woke up crying around 5:30, but I just stroked her hair and tucked her back in and she seemed fine.  But she woke up crying again at 9, but when I went in to get her, it was like a pathetic cry.  She seemed very sad and wimpery, I thought maybe it was the bed, missing her old bed.  I picked her up and she snuggled me and kept crying.  She cried for like the first 15 minutes she was awake.  I thought oh no, how do you do this....because clearly we weren't going to give her crib back to her, so how do you deal when a kid hates their new bed.

Then she came over to me, crawled up in my lap and threw up all over me.  And instantly, she was her old self again, talking, and seemed fine.  So...gross, but glad it wasn't about the bed.  My dad said she seemed a little off that day, but no more puking or any obvious signs she was sick, just a little more cuddly than usual.

So yay, big girl bed was a success.  She even dragged him in to see it when he came to pick her up.  It fits really well into her room too.  She's got a very small room, so I'm glad the twin is a good size.  We were going to convert her crib into a bed, but it converts into a full size.  That would have been a bit big for her room, plus she already looks so tiny in the twin.  The full would swallow her up.  As it is she doesn't really use the comforter and pillows.  She still sleeps on her Minnie Mouse pillow and I pull the comforter back and she likes to be covered with the Paw Patrol blanket she used in her crib.  But it's fine, having those two things probably made the transition easier, and the comforter and normal pillow is there if she wants them.

I don't know if her puking was related, but the next morning I woke up with a bad headache and was nauseas.  Being a Friday, Ryan still had to sleep when he got home, so I just laid on the couch while she played, feeling miserable.  At one point I got up to get her something and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.  I felt a lot better, but still not great, and within a couple hours I felt just as bad as I did before I threw up.  Finally nap time came so I tucked her in, puked again and went to bed myself.  Thank God it was the weekend so I didn't have to work, and Ryan was off so he did meals and bed times all weekend while I pretty much just slept and threw up.  I was so thankful I had worked all day the day before so I had a 3 day weekend, but I was mad that I spent the whole thing being sick.

Thankfully Emily's one instance of throwing up was all she got, and Ryan never got it.  I would have hated to see her suffer with that, and your husband being sick is the worst!  From the symptoms, I am pretty sure I had the norovirus.  So bad.  I had it when I was about 8 weeks pregnant with Emily.  That time was even worse though because I had morning sickness along with it, so double the nausea and throwing up.  I spent almost that one whole night on the bathroom floor, praying to throw up so I could feel better and go back to bed.  I ended up having to go to the ER the next morning because I was so dehydrated.  Fun times.

Last weekend Ryan made her some steps so she can get in and out of bed herself.  She loves them, and calls it "going upstairs", which technically is accurate.  I'm going to have to somehow get them away from her for a day or two so I can paint them, and I got some grippy flower stickers to put on them so she won't slip on them.  I can't believe her third birthday is coming up.

I have an appointment next month with my gyno to talk about permanent birth control.  My mom had uterine cancer so I want to find out if I am at any higher risk of getting something like that, and if so then I might as well just have a hysterectomy.  But if not, we'll look into less invasive options.  It's funny because I have been pretty solid in my decision for the last year to not have any more kids, but just in the couple weeks since I made the appointment, I've had a few thoughts of, maybe we should have one more.

But I think it is just because we have things set in motion to make it impossible (or at least highly unlikely) so I think it's natural to doubt myself.  Plus, if I did have more kids, this would be the good time to do it.  Emily is almost 3, by the time another kid came she would be close to or older than 4.  She can feed herself, mostly dress herself, she's day-time potty trained and has been staying dry some nights so she may be totally out of diapers soon.  I had no interest in having 2 under 2, but having another one 3.5 to 4 years apart is definitely sounds more do-able.

But, the fact still remains that I am super high risk, I am almost 38, and my desire to have another baby isn't stronger than my fear of another loss.  Besides, I don't really want another baby, I would just sometimes like to go back and have Emily all over again.  Go back to the days where she napped on my chest every day, go back to having a little tiny baby.  She's so much fun now, and still as adorable as ever, but I do have longings for a baby again.  But, if you're lucky, they don't stay a baby forever and then you're right back int the same spot of having a 3 year old and missing the baby stage.  I call it new puppy syndrome.  Everyone likes cute new puppies, but nobody likes the work involved.

Plus our only other bedroom is my office and having a home office is kind of important when you work from home.  My hours only keep growing and I have a promotion coming up in the next several months.  I barely have time to do it all now, let alone with a pregnancy and a new baby.  No, I'm happy with the way things are.  Just a little sad about the hand that we were dealt.  What I wouldn't give to see my two girls together.