I'm supposed to be making lunches for the week, but I forgot to write about something completely exciting. There is a magazine called Still Standing for bereaved parents. I've posted in here my favorite article by Angela Miller called Why you did not fail as a mother. I think I posted it back in July of 2013 or you can google it if you're interested in reading it. It's kind of my bereaved mother bible, and I read it whenever I am feeling bad, or need the kick in the butt that I did nothing wrong, that I love my daughters and I would do anything to have them both here with me.
So anyway, I recently discovered that the author turned her article into a book called You are the mother of all mothers, and was even more excited to discover that the book has a tribute page and you can have your angel's name included in the book. The book had already printed once, and I found information that the tribute page for the second printing opened up back in August, so of course there was no more space. I liked the author on facebook so I can get updates on when the page will open for the third printing.
Much to my surprise, a couple days later I saw a post saying to hurry and reserve your spot for the third printing soon since there are only twenty spots left. I immediately opened my email and almost couldn't get the email written legibly since I was rushing so much to email the author to reserve a spot. So $135 later, we have a spot reserved so Kayla's name will be in the next printing due out in late winter/early spring and we get two copies of the book and it includes shipping and handling.
I'm so happy, to see Kayla's name in print in a book with other lovely angels, telling the world she was here....I love this. Back when the movie Return to Zero came out I was bummed to learn that there was an oppotunity to have her name added to the credits. But this is even better, this will be in a book that I can look at over and over, and I am excited to read the book.
After I reserved Kayla's spot, I sat there for a minute, contemplating, and then thought what the hell, I bought a spot for my stepmom as well to add her son's name. He passed away from brain cancer 10 years ago at the age of 29. The book is geared to any parent who has lost a child at any age, so I thought this would be a great surprise for her. I cannot wait to give her the book when it arrives.
In other Kayla news, the candlelight vigil that the hospital hosts at the cemetery for our babies is coming up this week. We went last year and it was nice. I was a little unsure though if we should take Emily...there were some kids there last year but they were all a little older, like 3 and 4 and older. I would hate to upset someone who recently lost a baby by bringing a baby. Maybe it would be ok if we could kind of stand in the back and not be noticed much, but it will be outdoors, in the dark, probably cold and it starts at her bedtime, so there is a good chance she could be cranky or chatty and that could really upset someone, even if their loss isn't super recent, to hear a baby crying or chatting when they are already emotional at an event for their baby.
We've been wanting to go out for dinner and a movie, so my dad is watching her on Thursday so we can go to an afternoon movie, get dinner afterward and if we time it all right, it should be about time to go to the vigil from dinner, and then we'll go home after that and put her to bed. Maybe we'll take her next year, but definitely the year after that. I want her to be a part of remembering her sister, but this year and probably next she won't know what is going on, and by not taking her I don't have to worry about upsetting anyone.
She didn't nap at all today....like at all. We were going to my friend's house today to exchange gifts with her and her boys so I tried putting her down for a nap around 11 but she wouldn't sleep. So I got her up and tried to get her to sleep with me, but no....so I tried putting her down again and still nothing. So on the way to my friend's house we stopped at my dad's for a visit for about an hour and she was awake for the entire 20 minute drive. But then she fell asleep on the 5 minute drive from my dad's to my friend's. I felt terrible waking her up since I knew she needed to sleep. So we stayed for a few hours, and then went to pick up dinner on the way home.
Well, first we had to make another pit stop at my dad's. When we left my friend's house I realized I needed to go to the bathroom....I didn't have the stroller so I wouldn't be able to take her in and go at the restaurant, and I knew it was be an awful drive home if I didn't go, haha, so I called my dad, said I am stopping back over, I needed him to come out and sit with her while I ran in and used his bathroom. She probably would have been fine in the car, she was asleep again, his neighborhood is safe, I would have locked the doors, but I just couldn't do it. So when we got to the restaurant I had to wake her up again, and then again when we got home. I felt so bad, but at least that last stretch on the way home was a good 15 minute nap. But then she was so wired from not sleeping that she didn't go to bed until 2 hours past her bedtime.
So this brings up a question. How do you pee when you're out and about with your little one, they cannot walk yet to stand there, and you have no where to put them while you go?
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