Something good

Can I say it, can I say it?  Emily is officially.....army crawling.  So no real crawling yet, but it's a huge step.  Last week she was planking and then lunging herself forward like an out-of-water butterfly stroke, and she would try to get up on her knees but when she couldn't she would push off of them to cover some ground.  Now this week she is pulling herself with her arms and dragging her legs behind, like a zombie, lol.  She'll be 11 months old on Thursday, maybe by then?

Still no waving, but boy does this girl love to clap her hands.  Whenever we try to get her to wave she'll look at us with a confused face, then clap as if, I can do this with my hands, is that good enough?  Today daddy taught her how to take something from him, and then hand it back to him when he asked for it.  Such a simple task, but you'd think she just walked on the moon, I was so proud.

I decided to clean my home office today so I took her in there with me and let her play on the floor while I organized.  I brought some toys in but of course she discovered other things she wanted to play with, like the cats' water dish.  At first she was just splashing in it and I figured eh, there's worse stuff she could be doing, but then she did the worse stuff, she picked it up and dumped all the water out.  Sigh, baby 1, mommy 0.

So like I've said before, I've struggled with my faith a lot since losing Kayla, and I have come to the conclusion that I don't believe God makes bad things happen...I just can't believe that God would MAKE someone beat the life out of a defenseless baby, or kill a single mother of three kids in an auto accident, or allow horrible monsters to conceive a healthy child but not parents who would do anything for their kids.  But I pinned this quote on pinterest today, and it made me happy.  It says, "God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life". 

I love that.  I believe that he doesnt make the bad things happen, and he cannot stop them from happening, but he can help soften the blow a little by helping to make something good come of it.  For instance, after my mom died, my best friend whom I had had a falling out with two years prior came to her funeral and we re-kindled our friendship and it is now stronger than it ever was.  I think of the last ten years since my mom died, and I cannot even count how much of my life has been filled with fun, laughter, support, understanding, and love because I got my best friend back, and for that I am very thankful. 

I also feel like I am a better mommy to Emily, because of Kayla.  I know I would have been a good mom to Kayla too, but because of our loss, I appreciate how fragile life is more.  I think knowing how lucky we are to have her helps us remain more grounded on those tough days, and not take for granted those moments that many parents likely do.  I am human and no doubt cannot possibly soak in every magical moment with my daughter, but so far in the almost year with our little miracle, I feel like I have been able to soak up as much love, happiness, appreciation, and gratitude as I can, and I feel like that is largely because I know how quickly and easily that can all be taken away.  I will never be glad these storms happened to me, but I am very thankful for the something good that I believe God gives us to help make it through them.