Wow, I've really been slacking this summer. I haven't written in over a month? Well, just to give an update on the cemetery debacle, I guess they got tired of getting angry calls and visitors. They supposedly "didn't realize it would create so much traffic" and that there would be an issue of people loitering and upsetting people. Oh please, game, and cemetery do not go together. Period.
I got in touch with another woman whose son is buried in there, and she and I were discussing things we could do. The management never returned my angry phone call, but I suspect it was more because they probably had 100 other messages just like mine and just couldn't, or wouldn't return them all. But this woman got a hold of someone higher up, and apparently kept at him until they changed the rules. She actually sat at the entrance one morning, waiting for the new sign to be installed, which told people that absolutely no game playing was allowed, and anyone found to be playing games on the property would be subject to legal action.
Ok, the ends justifies the means I guess. In the end it got people to stop coming, but I'm still pissed off about how they handled it. One day they're welcoming players and offering a free gift, and the next they're threatening them with legal action if they set food on the property? Not to defend the players, because really, get a freaking clue and have some respect, but at the same time, I would be pissed if one day I was welcomed, and the next threatened. They at least should have fessed up that they made a mistake, and said that while they did originally welcome players, they did not realize the impact this would have on grieving family members and they can no longer allow players on the grounds.
They also owed us family members a HUGE apology, and accept the blame for their stupid actions. But we got nothing of the sort. In fact, they passed the buck quite a bit, claiming they did not ask to be part of the game and that they couldn't do anything about the players. Um, yes you can. A cemetery is private property, if you are there for any other reason than to mourn a loved one, then you are trespassing and can be arrested. Furthermore, they are the same company that owns the cemetery that Rosa Parks is buried in, and weeks before all this, signs were put up and it was on the news that no pokemon playing was to go on in there. Oh I get it, so if Rosa Parks is buried there, it's not allowed, but otherwise, fuck everyone else's family members' graves.
They also removed all the negative reviews on their facebook page, which reminds me I have to go write more on any reviews sites I can find, to warn people who live under a rock not to use this cemetery. I'm still very mad about it, but once the sign went up and people stopped coming, I had to let it go because I was literally emotionally exhausted from being so mad about it.
So anyway, what have I been up to? Well, Meijer and Kroger have answered my prayers and just got curbside pick up for groceries. Oh, so happy! I hate grocery shopping. Hate it! I'd clean toilets, change diapers, pay bills, anything but grocery shop. And now, I don't have to. It's only a $5 fee and as far as I can tell the prices of everything is the same as it would be in the store. It actually is costing me less money because I don't buy as much stuff if it isn't on the list. It's kind of hard to impulse shop and buy things that look yummy, when you're not actually in the store.
My only complaint is my local stores haven't gotten it yet, I have to drive about 15 minutes to go to the next city over. But considering it is saving me an hour or more of shopping and frustration, I'll take it. I don't live in the sticks, so it really shouldn't be long before my stores get it. But, as much as I do love it, it's just one more thing to make me feel like a bad mom. Seriously, what am I doing all day that I cannot take an hour to go to the grocery store? Let's see, this week, I didn't get the papers in my office shredded that I needed to, I didn't clean the fish tanks, Emily's laundry from Wednesday is still sitting in the dryer, her room is still a mess, and her pool is still inflated and yucky, waiting to be cleaned and put away for the year.
Most days we get up around 8 or 9, which I know is amazing for having a two year old....I know many moms who are woken by their munchkins way earlier. I get her breakfast, we sit and watch TV while I browse facebook. Some days we play, some days I do get my ass up and do some housework, but at least a few times a week I snooze in the recliner while she sits on my lap watching cartoons. I am so tired, because I am up late working. Most nights I put her to bed around 8 or 9, and then I spend a little time with my husband before he goes to work. So I start work usually between 9:30 and 10:30. I often work for a few hours, so I get done around midnight or 1am. But I don't want to go right to bed, I want some me time, so I stay up until 2 or 3.
I keep saying I need to start working during her naps, so I don't have to work at night, or maybe only work at night for an hour, getting done in plenty of time for some me time and get to bed at a decent time. But many days, I either snooze most of the morning and then have to attempt to get some housework done during her nap, or I take a nap myself while she is napping....so I can't get any work done during her naps because I am tired and nap, but the reason I am tired is because I don't work during the day, and stay up too late working. It's just a endless cycle.
Plus, I don't know. I feel anxious working during her naps. Not knowing how much I can get done before she wakes up, whereas at night, I can relax, and work as long as I want/need to because she wakes at night so very rarely. But, I suppose if working during the day could get me on a better sleep schedule, it would be worth the bit of anxiety I feel.
So yeah, I just feel like the shittiest stay at home/work from home mom ever. It is nothing at all like I expected when I first quit my job to stay home. I thought I would be like Mrs. Cleaver....have a spotless house, be thin and fit because I have time to work out, and have dinner on the table every night at 6pm. Oh yeah, and most nights, especially if I napped when she did, I am angry with myself for wasting so much time, not getting anything done, that instead of cooking dinner, we order out because I just want to pout and eat comfort food rather than try to be somewhat productive and save money and calories by cooking. So now, I am tired, I worry about our budget because we eat out too much, I feel bad about myself for being so unproductive, which causes me to mope and eat bad, which causes me to continue to not lose weight, which just makes me feel more tired and unproductive, and round and round we go. I love staying home with Em, and I love my job and working from home, but I miss the structure. I miss being forced to do things at a certain time, because I had to. But when you don't have to, it's so hard to do it.
Yes, Emily is fed, and safe, and happy, and clean (most of the time) and loved, but I still feel like a shitty mom/wife for being so lazy and unproductive most days. I love the quote, "behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it all up". I can only hope that is true, and that I am not screwing it all up.
I have a doctor appt on Monday and I am going to request a sleep study. I've always been interested in taking one, but now that I found out you can do them from the privacy and comfort of your own bed, I figure why the hell not. If I do have sleep apnea, maybe the c-pap machine would solve many of my tired issues. I can't imagine waking up feeling rested. Even when I was younger, I can remember battling to stay awake in my morning classes. I had this teacher once, I had her in the morning and again in the afternoon, and she once told me I am like a different person in the afternoon. All morning I would doze off and just be fighting with everything I had to stay awake, and then in the afternoon I was awake, alert, and happy. I've always been a night owl, and I am so much more productive at night, but when you have a two year old, it's just not possible to be functioning in the evening and sleep all morning. So fingers crossed, I actually do have sleep apnea and the treatment turns me into a brand new person.
I'm reading two books right now. Well, I'm listening to one. My husband and I both wanted to read The Girl on the Train, since it's becoming a movie next month, and we were heading on a road trip, so I got an audible account so we could listen to it on the drive. Like usual I had trouble staying awake. Audio books are like having someone read me a bed time story, puts me right out. But then I got a fantastic idea...why not use it to help me sleep? If only it had a sleep timer. But then I looked, and audible.com does have a sleep timer! What geniuses! So most nights I listen to it before I go to bed. I can usually stay awake for the whole 30 minutes, and then roll over and go right to sleep when it stops, but some nights I fall asleep during, and have to go back the next day to see what I missed. It's so good though.
I'm also reading Sugar Daddy. It's this fluffy book I saw on some reading list, so I gave it a shot. It's actually pretty good. But it is quite 50 shades-esque.....You can pretty much replace the word Dom with Sugar Daddy and Sub with Sugar Baby. But it does have a bit of a twist to it....it's not quite as blatant as taking Twilight, changing the names and making them into BDSM. It's a 3 part series as well, I just started the second book. I didn't realize it was a series until I got to the last page cliff hanger, and was like what the hell? That's how it ends?! Then I saw the info about the next book. Thankfully the second book was already out so I could download it right away and keep reading.
One of these days when Emily is at her grandparents, I need to take advantage of my amazing swing in the backyard and go read out there before the weather gets bad. I tried last summer, but my puppy was still such a puppy I couldn't enjoy my book without her running over and biting my feet every few minutes. Now that she's a little older, she'll probably bug me for a few minutes and then go play or lay under the swing.
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