Where does the time go? Seriously, it needs to at least slow down. I was looking at pics of Em when she was smaller, and by smaller I mean just a couple months ago and I cannot believe how much chubbier she was then. And I never thought she has ever been a chubby baby....and it's so weird to see her now when her hair was shorter because it is getting so long now and she lets me put barrettes in it. She's losing her baby fat and looking so much like a little girl now.
We went for her 15 month appointment the other day, she is 20 pounds 14 ounces (so exactly 12 pounds more since birth) and 30.5 inches tall. She loves to push buttons so the first time I put her on the scale she reached over and turned it off! I said typical girl, doesn't want to get weighed. So the doctor came in and we talked about her lack of walking. At her one year appointment she said if she isn't walking at 15 months then she wanted to send her for some evaluation, but this time she said I can look up online for ways to encourage her, but it's really not a problem until 18 months.
That makes me happy to hear, no one wants to think their kid is delayed in anything. But I think because she is cruising furniture all the time and pulling up on everything, it's really just a matter of time, when she feels confident enough to try. So far she seems to not really do something until she is certain she can do it. Tonight at my inlaws, she was cruising the ottoman and she tried to make the two foot gap between the couch and the ottoman. She fell a bit short and fell down, but that's really the first time I've seen her actually let go of something and try to make it to something else, so there is progress all the time.
Plus with her being an only child and crawling so late, it makes total sense that she's a late walker. She asked how many words she says....it seems like just the last week or two she's been saying a lot more. It's mostly repeating, not exactly using them in context, but she says mama and dada (actually she calls a lot of things dada, like cookies), baby, no (her favorite) and today she said hi. I think she sometimes says yes too, but way less often than no. So then the doctor tried to examine her. Emily kept pushing the stethoscope away and pushing her hands away, she'd give her the furrowed brow and I swear at one point she paired the stink face with her hands on her hips.
Her doctor was like oh my goodness, what happened to that little baby that would let me do anything? I told her about her hitting her head on things when she doesn't get her way (although that has lessened a lot recently) and slapping and biting people, and she bites herself when she gets really mad. Dr. B was like oh goodness, she acts like a two year old. So, I'm hoping she's having her terrible two's early and then she'll go back to being that sweet easy going kid. One can hope right?
It's like she was false advertising. She was such an easy newborn and baby, so happy and easy going, but now the fun begins. I guess you can't have a good newborn and toddler too. But she is still a good public baby, so that's all that matters. She can be a little Tasmanian devil at home if she wants to be. So she got three more vacs, she cried of course but she was all done crying by the time I got her dressed and back in her stroller. So she's getting better each time. Later on she was butt scooting and she saw one of the band aids still on her leg and every time she scooted she'd say owe owe owe. I don't even think it hurt, she just knows what band aids mean.
Today we finally made it to story time. I've tried to go twice before but it's at 10am and some mornings I just can't get going in time. So we finally went, it was at our local library. It was a much smaller group than the one we went to near my brother's house, and it just seemed more organized and well ran. The girl that did it was really good with the kids and seemed really good at keeping order in the room. There was a carpet in the middle where the older kids sat and there was chairs in a horseshoe shape around the carpet so most of the parents sat there, and those with little little ones sat in the chairs with our kids on our laps.
So for most of it Emily just sat there and looked around, again looking a bit overwhelmed by all the kids. But for the last 5 minutes I stood her on the floor in front of me. She plopped down on her bum and butt scooted over to the carpet. So then she was just scooting through all the kids, looking at them all as she went and then sat for a minute or two and listened to the story. It was so cute, I was so proud of her socializing. I kept waiting for her to look around, frantically looking for me but she didn't. That made me kind of sad, but at the same time happy that she joined the other kids and seemed fine. I don't necessarily hope that she is a social butterfly, but I hope she isn't as shy and have as much anxiety as I did as a kid.
So the story time portion was only 30 minutes, which I think is good, even the older kids were getting a bit ansty toward the end. Then the second portion was going outside and playing with sidewalk chalk. We tried, but Em just kept trying to eat it, so we headed back inside. My intention was to find the DVDs and see if there was anything good, but I came across the kid section so I decided to check it out. I've been to that library a half dozen times or so in the past, but not having a kid before, I never ventured over to that side. Holy cow, it was so cute. It was a really nice big section, had lots of books, and what I assume is books on tape that you can follow along, they had some computers for games, there was a couple tablet stations, stuffed animals everywhere and a really cute play nook with those wooden bead mazes and some tubs full of toys and puzzles and just a lot of stuff. That section looked like a play room at a daycare.
Man, I am really not up on the SAHM knowledge. It never ever dawned on me to take her to the library to play. There isn't another storytime for another two weeks, but we could probably go there to play at least once a week and there is enough to do that it would be really hard for her to get bored. I guess I just haven't checked these things out yet because she is too little for most things, but she had a great time at the library. She played with the bead maze for a little while, and it was up on a small table so she could walk around the table playing.
Then I got out some big squishy blocks for her to play with. She doesn't always want to, but I am trying to encourage her to start putting her toys away, and she loves to hand me things so she handed me each and every block for me to put away. Then she got out a big puzzle but she just enjoyed tossing the pieces out of the container, putting them back in and then tossing them out again. I heard a few other moms talking about going to play in the kitchen, so the area we didn't explore must have a little kitchen for the kids to play in. We didn't go over there because most of the kids were coming back in from sidewalk chalk and they were all in the kitchen, so we'll check that out sometime that it's less crowded. When she was at the bead maze table this little girl about two years old came over to play and she said hey baby to Em, and I swear Em said hi back.
I feel like such an accomplished mom today. Most days I feel like she gets bored because I don't have much for her to do aside from play with the same toys she plays with every day. If we don't go for a walk or bike ride, there isn't much else variety in her day. I feel like she is too little for much arts and crafts, she just tries to eat everything, and so far we haven't had another opportunity to go in her pool. The other day I took her out to play in her walker in the drive way but she wouln't keep her hat on. With that bleach blonde hair and almost clear skin, she has to have a hat on. Other than that she just goes to run errands with me, which can't be all that fun, and occasionally go to Greenfield Village. But the library will be a great place to go, especially on rainy days and this winter.
We plan to start her on swim lessons this winter. There is a really cute swim school nearby that we want to take her to. I figure by almost two years old I will be less nervous about her taking swim lessons, and we'll need something fun to do in the winter. I took her for a long bike ride the other day. We normally go to the school at the end of the block but it must have been an in-service day for teachers because there were some cars in the lot. I didn't want to worry about dodging any cars, so we rode to the park. It was ok, but I don't like riding on the sidewalk, you just can't go very fast when every block you have to slow down and watch for cars when you cross the street, and there is no way I am riding in the street with her in the trailer.
It was nice to ride around the path at the park, but it's not very big and has quite a few sharp curves. I want to take her to the park that I ride in, which is basically a 20 mile long road with park area on either side. I ride on the shoulder of the road, but there is a bike/walking path too that I'll ride on with her. But to get there I would have to ride in the road for part of it, through the parking lot of our old apartments and along a narrow dirt path next to the road. No thanks. So one of these days I think I will try cramming my bike in the back end up my SUV. If it doesn't fit then I guess I will have to invest in a trailer hitch and a bike rack so we can go. At least the bike trailer collapses and folds up. We're going up north for the 4th and in town there is a great bike path, so I'm going to take my bike and the trailer. It's so nice, it is all through the woods so it's a beautiful shaded path.
My MIL took her this afternoon like usual, my SIL was coming over with her kids to swim in their pool so I sent Emily's swimsuit along. She took her in the big pool with a floaty and then also let her splash around in her baby pool. She only napped for a little over an hour today, and I didn't pick her up until 9:30 because Ryan and I went to see Jaws at the theater for a special 40th anniversary showing. I can never get out of there in less than 30 minutes because my MIL and I gab too much, so we didn't get home until almost 11. She fell asleep on the way home, and I normally cannot ever get her out of her carseat without waking her. She woke up for a second and then put her head on my shoulder and went back to sleep.
She stirred a little again when I put her in her crib, but then snuggled her Kayla Bear and went right back to sleep. I'm going to pay for this in the morning when she pees through her diaper, but I just couldn't bear to wake her up to put an overnight one on. But, she did go to bed without her bedtime bottle, so maybe without that extra 8 ounces, her diaper will hold. Such a big day my girl had, good thing we have nothing on the calendar for the next 8 days!
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Lift off
We officially have a crawler! It's about time, she'll be 15 months tomorrow. But like my MIL said, as she gets older I will probably see patterns in how she does things, the caution she takes, how she does things in her own time and I'll think back to now and say yep, she was like that as a baby too. I love seeing bits of her personality.
In some ways she is fearless, she'll climb all over me and slide down off the couch, not worrying if she lands on her feet or butt. She loves it when I pretend I am going to drop her and she likes to be hung upside down and tossed around, lol. But when it comes to stuff like crawling and walking, she's very cautious. She doesn't do it until she is sure she can, and she takes as much time as she needs before moving onto the next step.
She started butt scooting before her birthday, and then a couple months ago she started briefly getting up on her hands and knees and rocking. Then in the last few weeks she would lean forward more and use her hands to do her butt scoot. Then she would do like one step crawl, and then butt scoot. I wanted to count last week as her first crawl but in the brief moment I looked up and saw her doing it, she only went a few steps and I couldn't see what her right leg was doing, so it still might have been a half crawl half butt scoot.
But today was a full on, hands and knees crawl and she did it several times. So proud of my little minion! Next up, walking. I wonder if she will walk very soon now that she has mastered the crawl.
In some ways she is fearless, she'll climb all over me and slide down off the couch, not worrying if she lands on her feet or butt. She loves it when I pretend I am going to drop her and she likes to be hung upside down and tossed around, lol. But when it comes to stuff like crawling and walking, she's very cautious. She doesn't do it until she is sure she can, and she takes as much time as she needs before moving onto the next step.
She started butt scooting before her birthday, and then a couple months ago she started briefly getting up on her hands and knees and rocking. Then in the last few weeks she would lean forward more and use her hands to do her butt scoot. Then she would do like one step crawl, and then butt scoot. I wanted to count last week as her first crawl but in the brief moment I looked up and saw her doing it, she only went a few steps and I couldn't see what her right leg was doing, so it still might have been a half crawl half butt scoot.
But today was a full on, hands and knees crawl and she did it several times. So proud of my little minion! Next up, walking. I wonder if she will walk very soon now that she has mastered the crawl.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Kicking bottles, doing yoga
So I decided it is high time to wean Emily off from bottles. I probably should have done it already, but oh well. Like my husband's uncle says, I've never seen a kid go off to college still doing _____(insert bad habit here, drinking a bottle, peeing in diapers, using a paci. etc). So I tried this week to just cut out her day time bottles and still give her one before bed. She does ok with milk in her sippy at meals, but she is not nutso over it like she is for bottles.
Well actually, I cut out her morning one and her late afternoon bottle, but I still give one for her nap and bedtime. Baby steps right? But this week has been rough for some reason. Most mornings I have felt like crap, my allergies have been bad, headaches, still being really tired. So some mornings this week I have cracked and gave her a bottle so I could go lay down for a few more minutes while she drank. But we shall try again this week. I think the transition is harder on me than on her. And I am sure some of my resistance is wanting to hold on to my baby and deny the fact that she is becoming a little girl.
But if I stop being all sentimental I will probably realize it's not so bad. I love this age, I love that she can interact and snuggle into my neck and give me kisses when I ask and hand me something I ask for. I don't really miss the newborn or baby stage, but I do get a little weepy when I see any of her tiny clothes. I was putting some of her winter clothes in storage the other day and I came across her onsie that we brought her home from the hospital in and I almost lost it. But one thing I thought would be really hard is when she stopped wearing footy jammies and wore big girl ones. She still has several pairs of footies, but I have found myself being drawn to the separate tops and pants lately. 'Cause lets face it, your baby is fucking cute no matter what she is wearing.
I took Emily to my doctor appointment the other day, and I decided I was in dire need of a pedicure. I try not to take her with me, that's me time, but we were out and I wasn't going to take her back home so she came along. Big mistake. I already knew I could not take her for a manicure since I cannot hold her with wet nails, but I figured she could sit well enough on my lap while I got my toes done. As I was walking to the chair she grabbed the polish out of my hand and threw it on the floor and it broke all over the place. Uhhhhh, embarrassing. Well, I was embarrassed but not as much as I would have thought I would be.
If it was at my regular place I probably would have felt really bad, but the people at most nail places are so rude. I apologized several times and the guy said nothing in return. You know what, screw you. I'm sorry it got broken and I am sorry you had to clean it up, but shit happens. She isn't old enough to know better and she's at an age where she just grabs everything. I did tip double what I normally would, and I said I was sorry so act like an adult and accept my damn apology. It would be different if I brought my 5 year old kid in who was running around acting crazy and threw it on purpose. But she is a baby, she didn't do it to be a brat. So whatever.
In other news, she is now standing on her head. I don't know what it's called, she gets on her hands and feet and then puts her head on the floor so she's in like a bridge position....or I guess downward facing dog in yoga would be a good way to describe it. I hope it means she is going to try standing on her own soon. I can't wait until she walks so I can take her summer pictures. Once we get Kayla's memorial garden in I want to take pictures of Em in front of it. So then last night she went from her yoga pose and did like a crawl to get some toys. Or it was sort of a crawl. I couldn't see her right side but I think she was on her left knee and her right foot. But I think I should count it as her first official crawl. It was way more of a crawl than a butt scoot, that's for sure.
We went to my niece's graduation party today and Em was such a doll. I am so lucky to have a good public baby. I love going to family stuff, it's the only time I can eat all by myself and get some time off since everyone else all wants to hold her and feed her. Please, be my guest. I found her this adorable little spring-time dress from a consignment store and she wore her pink jellies and she is finally letting me put barrettes in her hair again. Ahhh, so cute. The only bad thing was she didn't go to bed until like 9:30 because my inlaws fed her cake. But eh, it's one day and that is a grandparents job to spoil them and do stuff their parents won't let them. I don't get why people get all uppity about grandparents giving their kids stuff they shouldn't have. If it was a regular basis that would be one thing, but I know it doesn't happen all the time. I have great memories of going to spend the night at my grandparents house, knowing we would get to have junk food and stay up past our bed time and stuff my parents wouldn't let us do.
My LH surges these past few cycles have been pretty weird. I know, you're regular until you're not. But usually my LH surge is really long. Like say I get a positive on a Friday, I usually have positives until Sunday night or Monday morning and then I do not O until Tuesday or Wednesday. But if I recall right, my LH surge last month was much shorter, and this month I didn't even detect it at all. I had an almost positive that morning, and then by night it was clearly negative. I didn't think I actually had a positive since I never saw it, but the very next day my temp spiked and sure enough on 14DPO my period came, so I guess I just had a really short surge.
I wonder if that means anything, or if this cycle I could be back to a longer surge. And last month I didn't O until CD26, but then this month I Od on the textbook CD14. I'm sure it has happened before in my lifetime, but all the months I have tracked my temps I have never Od that early. The earliest it has ever been was CD19. But I have lost 17 pounds now. Maybe between the metformin and the weight loss, my body is getting back on track. That would be nice, because I am seeing how tracking O doesn't always work out to be the most reliable birth control so if I Od consistently around CD14 that would be a little easier. I mean even with a positive OPK and a temp spike, there would always be that little worry that what if it's wrong, what if I haven't Od yet and I get pregnant?
I mean, clearly getting pregnant "on accident" now wouldn't nearly be the ooops it would have been at other times in my life. But if we do have another kid, I would really love to experience pregnancy at a healthy weight and hopefully not have GD, I'd rather Emily be a little older, and well, I'd rather know for sure that we want another. So while not a tragedy, a surprise pregnancy would not be ideal right now. I went to Buy Buy Baby the other day (I know, I am supposed to be boycotting it after the crappy way they treated me in regard to our registry for Kayla, but I didn't do Emily's registry there so the few things I buy from there now won't really make a difference) and I saw a shirt that said I'm going to be a big sister.
I had a pang of, I want another baby. If we had another, that is how we would tell our families. Put Emily in that shirt and wait till people notice. But then I saw my PCP the other day and she had just come back from maternity leave from her second baby and I asked her how it is with two. She sighed and said it's hard. She's really tired, the baby takes a lot of her time and while her older son loves his little brother, she said he doesn't like her because she needs to devote so much time to the baby. That made me sad for her....and that flipped me back to the "one and done" camp.
I know a puppy isn't a baby, but in many ways it's similar. Mornings are the hardest. Emily is crabby because she wants breakfast, she has a ten pound diaper that needs to be changed, I've got to let the puppy out to pee and then she's all hyper from being in her crate all night. I'm trying to feed Emily and the dog keeps jumping up on me and on the high chair, Emily keeps throwing her cheerios over on the floor for the dog....it's hectic and stressful and I feel like times like those, I cannot enjoy my baby or my puppy, where as if I had one or the other I could.
I know people with more than one kid have lots of great times with them, but I know there are lots of times when they're both demanding attention, things are stressful and hectic and it's just not enjoyable. I at least know very soon our puppy will be trained, and in a year or two she will start to mellow out once she gets older. But kids will demand my attention for much much longer than a year or two. I know I know, I debate this all the time, when really I should just shut up, enjoy Emily right now and wait until next spring to make my decision. Or at the very least, next winter. But if you think I go back and forth a lot in here, you don't even want to know how much the thoughts bounce around in my head.
Ok back to my weight loss. I'm so excited that I am just three pounds away from a 20 pound loss, and my next Nutribear. You get a little beanie baby type bear for every ten pounds you lose. I feel really good. We had a cheat day today for the graduation party and then we had pizza for dinner, but right now I feel like such crap I cannot wait to go back to healthy eating tomorrow. It's true that success really does foster even more success. I'm already feeling the 17 pound loss, I had to toss my XL yoga pants the other day. They've always been a little big and they were nice when I was pregnant, but now with the weight loss they wouldn't even stay up and I got tired of pulling up my pants all day so I threw them out.
And once you hit 20 pounds, that's when the results really start to show. The last time I lost a lot of weight, I really started to feel it at 20-25, but then at 30 pounds gone people start to notice. I told Ryan that when we get to our goal weight we need to go get new family pictures taken. And hopefully the pictures of me these last few years will be the only way Emily sees me at that weight. Hopefully I will lose the weight and keep it off for good so she only will ever know me as being slim and healthy.
On top of that, I am seeing real progress with my invisalign. My teeth are fairly straight but they were really spacey. My dentist never recommended braces as a kid since they weren't a health issue, but I have always been self conscious of my teeth so I wish he had told my parents I needed them. A few years ago I went for a consult but I just couldn't afford them at the time. But now I can, so I decided what the hell. I almost changed my mind a few times, thinking that money could be better spent somewhere else.
I mean, my teeth couldn't have been that bad, I never had a hard time getting boyfriends over the years and I am married, so why bother changing it now? But man I am so glad I did it. I am only halfway through, I have another six months left of wearing them, but so far I am already seeing a huge difference and if they look this good halfway through, then the final result will have been worth every penny and then some. I don't mind getting older and I don't mind looking like a "mom", but I have to still feel good about myself, and for the last couple years I have not at all. Between the weight, and just exhaustion and not having a reason to get dressed for real most days, my self esteem has gone in the toilet. So I cannot wait to get this weight off and have a beautiful smile and feel good about myself again.
Here is a before pic of my teeth, and a current pic halfway through
Well actually, I cut out her morning one and her late afternoon bottle, but I still give one for her nap and bedtime. Baby steps right? But this week has been rough for some reason. Most mornings I have felt like crap, my allergies have been bad, headaches, still being really tired. So some mornings this week I have cracked and gave her a bottle so I could go lay down for a few more minutes while she drank. But we shall try again this week. I think the transition is harder on me than on her. And I am sure some of my resistance is wanting to hold on to my baby and deny the fact that she is becoming a little girl.
But if I stop being all sentimental I will probably realize it's not so bad. I love this age, I love that she can interact and snuggle into my neck and give me kisses when I ask and hand me something I ask for. I don't really miss the newborn or baby stage, but I do get a little weepy when I see any of her tiny clothes. I was putting some of her winter clothes in storage the other day and I came across her onsie that we brought her home from the hospital in and I almost lost it. But one thing I thought would be really hard is when she stopped wearing footy jammies and wore big girl ones. She still has several pairs of footies, but I have found myself being drawn to the separate tops and pants lately. 'Cause lets face it, your baby is fucking cute no matter what she is wearing.
I took Emily to my doctor appointment the other day, and I decided I was in dire need of a pedicure. I try not to take her with me, that's me time, but we were out and I wasn't going to take her back home so she came along. Big mistake. I already knew I could not take her for a manicure since I cannot hold her with wet nails, but I figured she could sit well enough on my lap while I got my toes done. As I was walking to the chair she grabbed the polish out of my hand and threw it on the floor and it broke all over the place. Uhhhhh, embarrassing. Well, I was embarrassed but not as much as I would have thought I would be.
If it was at my regular place I probably would have felt really bad, but the people at most nail places are so rude. I apologized several times and the guy said nothing in return. You know what, screw you. I'm sorry it got broken and I am sorry you had to clean it up, but shit happens. She isn't old enough to know better and she's at an age where she just grabs everything. I did tip double what I normally would, and I said I was sorry so act like an adult and accept my damn apology. It would be different if I brought my 5 year old kid in who was running around acting crazy and threw it on purpose. But she is a baby, she didn't do it to be a brat. So whatever.
In other news, she is now standing on her head. I don't know what it's called, she gets on her hands and feet and then puts her head on the floor so she's in like a bridge position....or I guess downward facing dog in yoga would be a good way to describe it. I hope it means she is going to try standing on her own soon. I can't wait until she walks so I can take her summer pictures. Once we get Kayla's memorial garden in I want to take pictures of Em in front of it. So then last night she went from her yoga pose and did like a crawl to get some toys. Or it was sort of a crawl. I couldn't see her right side but I think she was on her left knee and her right foot. But I think I should count it as her first official crawl. It was way more of a crawl than a butt scoot, that's for sure.
We went to my niece's graduation party today and Em was such a doll. I am so lucky to have a good public baby. I love going to family stuff, it's the only time I can eat all by myself and get some time off since everyone else all wants to hold her and feed her. Please, be my guest. I found her this adorable little spring-time dress from a consignment store and she wore her pink jellies and she is finally letting me put barrettes in her hair again. Ahhh, so cute. The only bad thing was she didn't go to bed until like 9:30 because my inlaws fed her cake. But eh, it's one day and that is a grandparents job to spoil them and do stuff their parents won't let them. I don't get why people get all uppity about grandparents giving their kids stuff they shouldn't have. If it was a regular basis that would be one thing, but I know it doesn't happen all the time. I have great memories of going to spend the night at my grandparents house, knowing we would get to have junk food and stay up past our bed time and stuff my parents wouldn't let us do.
My LH surges these past few cycles have been pretty weird. I know, you're regular until you're not. But usually my LH surge is really long. Like say I get a positive on a Friday, I usually have positives until Sunday night or Monday morning and then I do not O until Tuesday or Wednesday. But if I recall right, my LH surge last month was much shorter, and this month I didn't even detect it at all. I had an almost positive that morning, and then by night it was clearly negative. I didn't think I actually had a positive since I never saw it, but the very next day my temp spiked and sure enough on 14DPO my period came, so I guess I just had a really short surge.
I wonder if that means anything, or if this cycle I could be back to a longer surge. And last month I didn't O until CD26, but then this month I Od on the textbook CD14. I'm sure it has happened before in my lifetime, but all the months I have tracked my temps I have never Od that early. The earliest it has ever been was CD19. But I have lost 17 pounds now. Maybe between the metformin and the weight loss, my body is getting back on track. That would be nice, because I am seeing how tracking O doesn't always work out to be the most reliable birth control so if I Od consistently around CD14 that would be a little easier. I mean even with a positive OPK and a temp spike, there would always be that little worry that what if it's wrong, what if I haven't Od yet and I get pregnant?
I mean, clearly getting pregnant "on accident" now wouldn't nearly be the ooops it would have been at other times in my life. But if we do have another kid, I would really love to experience pregnancy at a healthy weight and hopefully not have GD, I'd rather Emily be a little older, and well, I'd rather know for sure that we want another. So while not a tragedy, a surprise pregnancy would not be ideal right now. I went to Buy Buy Baby the other day (I know, I am supposed to be boycotting it after the crappy way they treated me in regard to our registry for Kayla, but I didn't do Emily's registry there so the few things I buy from there now won't really make a difference) and I saw a shirt that said I'm going to be a big sister.
I had a pang of, I want another baby. If we had another, that is how we would tell our families. Put Emily in that shirt and wait till people notice. But then I saw my PCP the other day and she had just come back from maternity leave from her second baby and I asked her how it is with two. She sighed and said it's hard. She's really tired, the baby takes a lot of her time and while her older son loves his little brother, she said he doesn't like her because she needs to devote so much time to the baby. That made me sad for her....and that flipped me back to the "one and done" camp.
I know a puppy isn't a baby, but in many ways it's similar. Mornings are the hardest. Emily is crabby because she wants breakfast, she has a ten pound diaper that needs to be changed, I've got to let the puppy out to pee and then she's all hyper from being in her crate all night. I'm trying to feed Emily and the dog keeps jumping up on me and on the high chair, Emily keeps throwing her cheerios over on the floor for the dog....it's hectic and stressful and I feel like times like those, I cannot enjoy my baby or my puppy, where as if I had one or the other I could.
I know people with more than one kid have lots of great times with them, but I know there are lots of times when they're both demanding attention, things are stressful and hectic and it's just not enjoyable. I at least know very soon our puppy will be trained, and in a year or two she will start to mellow out once she gets older. But kids will demand my attention for much much longer than a year or two. I know I know, I debate this all the time, when really I should just shut up, enjoy Emily right now and wait until next spring to make my decision. Or at the very least, next winter. But if you think I go back and forth a lot in here, you don't even want to know how much the thoughts bounce around in my head.
Ok back to my weight loss. I'm so excited that I am just three pounds away from a 20 pound loss, and my next Nutribear. You get a little beanie baby type bear for every ten pounds you lose. I feel really good. We had a cheat day today for the graduation party and then we had pizza for dinner, but right now I feel like such crap I cannot wait to go back to healthy eating tomorrow. It's true that success really does foster even more success. I'm already feeling the 17 pound loss, I had to toss my XL yoga pants the other day. They've always been a little big and they were nice when I was pregnant, but now with the weight loss they wouldn't even stay up and I got tired of pulling up my pants all day so I threw them out.
And once you hit 20 pounds, that's when the results really start to show. The last time I lost a lot of weight, I really started to feel it at 20-25, but then at 30 pounds gone people start to notice. I told Ryan that when we get to our goal weight we need to go get new family pictures taken. And hopefully the pictures of me these last few years will be the only way Emily sees me at that weight. Hopefully I will lose the weight and keep it off for good so she only will ever know me as being slim and healthy.
On top of that, I am seeing real progress with my invisalign. My teeth are fairly straight but they were really spacey. My dentist never recommended braces as a kid since they weren't a health issue, but I have always been self conscious of my teeth so I wish he had told my parents I needed them. A few years ago I went for a consult but I just couldn't afford them at the time. But now I can, so I decided what the hell. I almost changed my mind a few times, thinking that money could be better spent somewhere else.
I mean, my teeth couldn't have been that bad, I never had a hard time getting boyfriends over the years and I am married, so why bother changing it now? But man I am so glad I did it. I am only halfway through, I have another six months left of wearing them, but so far I am already seeing a huge difference and if they look this good halfway through, then the final result will have been worth every penny and then some. I don't mind getting older and I don't mind looking like a "mom", but I have to still feel good about myself, and for the last couple years I have not at all. Between the weight, and just exhaustion and not having a reason to get dressed for real most days, my self esteem has gone in the toilet. So I cannot wait to get this weight off and have a beautiful smile and feel good about myself again.
Here is a before pic of my teeth, and a current pic halfway through
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Story time
So the very next day after I bragged about what a good eater Emily is, she had to prove me wrong. I made her egg salad for lunch which she has had two or three times before and loved. I gave her a bite, she made a face like I just fed her poop. Thinking maybe it was a fluke, I tried a few more bites. Same face, and then she threw up everything she had just eaten. And how is it food can be in a baby's system for like 30 seconds, but smell SO BAD when it comes back up?
Luckily my dad came over to visit so he got an egg salad sandwich . Otherwise I would have had to cheat on my diet and eat it. I couldn't eat it all the time, and a couple months ago was the first time I had had it in years, but I am so obsessed with it right now.
I took Emily to her first story time with my brother and SIL today. Today was my SIL's birthday so we met them for breakfast and then went to story time. Sigh, I guess I am just not that "story time mom". I found it to be annoying as hell. There were two ladies leading it, and they both read the stories. Of course it is pretty hard to read perfectly in sync with someone else, so the one woman was always a few seconds behind the other. Why? Why must you both read it? Can't you take turns?
Then during the songs and stuff they got soooo animated and loud, my eyes hurt from rolling them so hard. But, I am a stay at home mom and this is what I am supposed to do, take my kid to free shit at the library. But next time I am trying the library by us, maybe that will be less annoying. I couldn't tell if Emily liked it. Mostly she looked confused and overwhelmed by all the kids and the noise. But it's good for her to be around kids more, and it gets us out of the house a few times a month and it doesn't cost me money, unlike my other "get out of the house" activity.
Emily occasionally sees our friends kids, my best friends kids and my niece and nephew, but I suppose it is time she starts meeting more kids and some her age. And who knows, maybe I will meet a mommy friend. If nothing else, I can rent some movies while I am at the library. I never really think about that, but the library we went to today had some pretty decent movies. And hello, they are free. We went on an on demand spree last week and racked up like $40 in on demand movies. We hadn't rented any in forever but still, if we can get them for free, why not. I really don't feel like getting a job any time soon, so we need to start skimming some things from our monthly expenses.
Emily was playing on the floor today, and she was doing her butt scoot, but the past few days she's been leaning forward a little more. Then suddenly she went into a crawl position and took like one or two crawl "steps" and then went back to scooting. So I got down on the floor with her and crawled around, hoping she would follow. She did the scoot, crawl, scoot thing several more times. So maybe she is testing out the waters, making sure it's not scary and will do it for real soon. Hot damn, this kid may still crawl.
I know I will eat my words, but I really wish she would start walking. She's 14.5 months, it's time. I know she'll do it when she is ready, but the longer she goes, the more I worry. I just feel like some things will be easier. When she is getting too heavy I could put her down to walk, when she is trying to jump out of my arms I could put her down and let her walk, we could go to splash pads when it's really hot out. People keep saying, oh just you wait....but she's got to walk eventually, I can't keep her butt scooting forever and I already got a few extra months of her not being super mobile, so she might as well start. Plus I would just feel so much better if I could tell her pedi that she is walking at her 15 month appointment.
Luckily my dad came over to visit so he got an egg salad sandwich . Otherwise I would have had to cheat on my diet and eat it. I couldn't eat it all the time, and a couple months ago was the first time I had had it in years, but I am so obsessed with it right now.
I took Emily to her first story time with my brother and SIL today. Today was my SIL's birthday so we met them for breakfast and then went to story time. Sigh, I guess I am just not that "story time mom". I found it to be annoying as hell. There were two ladies leading it, and they both read the stories. Of course it is pretty hard to read perfectly in sync with someone else, so the one woman was always a few seconds behind the other. Why? Why must you both read it? Can't you take turns?
Then during the songs and stuff they got soooo animated and loud, my eyes hurt from rolling them so hard. But, I am a stay at home mom and this is what I am supposed to do, take my kid to free shit at the library. But next time I am trying the library by us, maybe that will be less annoying. I couldn't tell if Emily liked it. Mostly she looked confused and overwhelmed by all the kids and the noise. But it's good for her to be around kids more, and it gets us out of the house a few times a month and it doesn't cost me money, unlike my other "get out of the house" activity.
Emily occasionally sees our friends kids, my best friends kids and my niece and nephew, but I suppose it is time she starts meeting more kids and some her age. And who knows, maybe I will meet a mommy friend. If nothing else, I can rent some movies while I am at the library. I never really think about that, but the library we went to today had some pretty decent movies. And hello, they are free. We went on an on demand spree last week and racked up like $40 in on demand movies. We hadn't rented any in forever but still, if we can get them for free, why not. I really don't feel like getting a job any time soon, so we need to start skimming some things from our monthly expenses.
Emily was playing on the floor today, and she was doing her butt scoot, but the past few days she's been leaning forward a little more. Then suddenly she went into a crawl position and took like one or two crawl "steps" and then went back to scooting. So I got down on the floor with her and crawled around, hoping she would follow. She did the scoot, crawl, scoot thing several more times. So maybe she is testing out the waters, making sure it's not scary and will do it for real soon. Hot damn, this kid may still crawl.
I know I will eat my words, but I really wish she would start walking. She's 14.5 months, it's time. I know she'll do it when she is ready, but the longer she goes, the more I worry. I just feel like some things will be easier. When she is getting too heavy I could put her down to walk, when she is trying to jump out of my arms I could put her down and let her walk, we could go to splash pads when it's really hot out. People keep saying, oh just you wait....but she's got to walk eventually, I can't keep her butt scooting forever and I already got a few extra months of her not being super mobile, so she might as well start. Plus I would just feel so much better if I could tell her pedi that she is walking at her 15 month appointment.
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