My girl is a spitfire. She's been experiencing the terrible twos since she turned one, but the last few weeks it has gotten more and more intense. It's a good thing she's cute. She's been parroting everything people say, she has so many words now I can't even keep track of them anymore. Somewhere around 40+ I think. She loves her bath, she came in the other day while I was running it, she kept sticking her hand under the faucet and even tried to climb in with her clothes on. So I picked her up to take her in her room to get her undressed and she screamed, ath, ath! She loves her baths. So funny because she hated them as a newborn.
So she is 20 months now, just 4 more months till the big 2. I can't believe it, where did my little baby go, she's such a big girl now. She knows where her eyes, nose, chin, mouth, ears, and sometimes head is. We're still working on that one. She can make cow, horse, elephant, dog, and cat noises and she knows her name. When we ask her name, in her sweet little voice she says Emmmmy. She's 24 pounds but I forgot to see how tall she is. She loves Bubble Guppies, Sheriff Callie, Elmo, and Minnie Mouse. I got her some winter boots for the snow a few weeks ago, but figured she needed some cold weather cute boots just for wearing when there isn't snow, but still too cold for shoes. So after I picked out a new pair of shoes we went over to look at her size. I found some adorable furry Minnie boots and when she saw them she exclaimed, "Minnie"! So I handed her the little box and she toddled up to the register with them.
She's been going through a bit of sleep regression lately. She still goes down well for her nap, but instead of her usual two hours, lately they've been more like an hour, and hour and a half and the other day she only napped for 40 minutes. The next day I caved and gave her a nap bottle. I NEEDED her to nap longer and she did, 2.5 hours. Night time has been difficult too, she goes down around 7:30 or 8 and most nights she would fall asleep within half an hour. Occasionally she'd have a rough night and be up longer, but lately it's like almost every night she's been up for an hour or two once I put her to bed.
She mostly plays or talks to her stuffed animals, so I guess it is not a big deal. But still, I have trouble falling asleep so I hate knowing she's in there for a couple hours before she falls asleep. Hopefully this phase doesn't last too long.
The other day she managed to get by me when I was getting a package off the porch, so I let her walk around outside for a few minutes, but she was in her jammies so I wanted her to come in. HUGE melt down, cried the entire time I was getting her dressed to take her back outside, but of course she didn't understand that. So we get back outside to play but after 40 minutes she had another tantrum when it was time to come in for lunch.
So I got some food into her. Not much because that's her other phase lately, being a super picky eater. Some meals she hardly eats anything, even if it's her favorite foods I am offering her. She'll throw it on the floor or say stop in when I try to give her something. I have no idea how that kid isn't starving all the time. It worries me, but then again I know it's a common thing, having troubles getting kids to eat. I guess if she is hungry enough she will eat. So I felt ok about lunch, she ate half a banana, a go-gurt, had a slice of cheese and a few bits of lunch meat. After the tantrums outside I was so looking forward to putting her down for a nap so I could relax. Just as I am changing her diaper she pukes up all her lunch, and she was laying down so it was all in her hair.
So, off to the bath she goes. And she had just had a bath the night before. So I get her all cleaned up, back in her jammies and put her to bed. Ahhhh. That was when she napped for 2.5 hours. Thank God. But she's so funny, I could just watch her all day.
When we were at the shoe store the other day the cashier was going on about how cute she is and asked if she is my only and I lied and said yes. I felt terrible about it like usual, I always feel like shit when I say that. But today I was getting my toes done and the nail tech was really easy to talk to and we were talking about my daughter and getting pregnant and infertility. She didn't even bring it up and I voluntarily told her about Kayla and what happened to her. As guilty as I feel when I don't acknowledge Kayla, I've come to an acceptance about it. I talk about her when I feel like it is safe, depending on who I am talking to. This woman, and actually a few other nail techs I have told (nail techs are like hairstylists, you chat about everything). In those situations I am always met with sympathy and understanding. Usually they knew of someone who went through something similar and they are compassionate.
I am past the days when the pain was so raw it hurt to breathe, but at 2.5 years the pain of losing Kayla is still pretty fresh. I don't think I will ever feel 100% fine with not acknowledging her sometimes, but I feel pretty good knowing that I am just protecting my heart, and I talk about her when I feel safe to do so. Maybe years and years from now I will come to a point where I can talk about her to everyone and not worry how they'll react, but for now I think I am handling it ok, and no matter what my daughter knows I love her, and she knows there is not one day that goes by that I don't think of her.
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