Parent shaming

 Social media is bad (I say as I blog an entry on a social media-type site).  It just makes me sad to see what people have come to.  Like most people, I have a lot of family on the other side of the party lines.  We have a big family, and I don't know where everyone lies, but of the more vocal ones, I'd say we're split pretty evenly.  I may not always like the opinions of those on the opposing political side, and yes I do sometimes have to unfollow those people....not unfriend, but unfollow because I just cannot read all the stuff that makes me mad/sad/frustrated all the time.

But to be fair, posting too much political stuff in general, regardless of your party, will also get you unfollowed.  Especially if you're someone that posts things that are so obviously untrue, and you did not fact-check.  Again, regardless of your politics, if you post that stuff, bye-bye.  I come to FB to connect with family and friends, watch funny videos, and see pictures.  I would be overjoyed if tomorrow everyone stopped posting political stuff.   

So yeah, I am pretty set in my ways, and while on some issues I lean to the middle, but for the most part, my beliefs are conservative.  But like I said, I would never unfriend or even stop talking to someone in real life because of who they vote for, or even their views that are very different from mine.  I can dislike your beliefs but still love you.  But yesterday my aunt posted something that made me very sad.  To paraphrase, she stated that the "crazy" parents that just have to have their kids in school probably just don't even want to be bothered with their kid and she wonders why they don't care if they get sick.  

They really struck a nerve with me.  It doesn't exactly make it right, but I could have been less bothered if that comment was on some news article and she was ranting to strangers.  I think we've all been a little too cocky and brave behind our keyboards and taken advantage of being anonymous to voice our judgey comments a time or two.  But she made this comment on my other aunt's post, where pretty much all of her family that is on FB can see.  And I can think of at least 2 other cousins, there may be more, that chose to send their kids to in-person school besides me.    

Maybe some would say I'm taking it too personally, but I feel like if she is bold enough to say that on a family members page, where other family can see it, and those are the thoughts she puts down on paper so to speak, then her internal thoughts are even more judgey, and yes I took that as her telling ME (and anyone else that sent their kids to school this year) that I am crazy, and accusing me of not wanting to be bothered with my kid.  

This makes me so beyond angry.  I expect to be judged by strangers who have nothing better to do with their lives.  But to be thought of that way by family that you love and you think loves you, it hurts.  And let's be real...we've all made a blanket statement and then realized someone in the room identifies with that statement and we feel like a shit head.  "Like man, I can't stand those stick figure stickers on people's car windows".  *Person sitting next to you says they have those stickers on their car*.  Me: Ugh, well ya know they're kinda cute *open mouth, insert foot*

But when I called her on it, she didn't even attempt to backpedal or apologize or anything.  She could have said something like I'm sorry Amy, I didn't necessarily mean you, and I don't think you don't care about your kid, I'm just very afraid to send my kids to school right now and can't understand how others are not".  If she had said anything resembling that, I could have chalked it up to her being in the heat of the moment, and ranting and venting, even though it was in very poor judgment.

But no...she replied with something that made almost no sense and said she is supporting our family that has to risk their health every day to go back to the classroom and teach.  So I said that she can support one, without attacking the other.  No response to that, which is actually good, I didn't want to go back and forth all day.  I had to say my piece, I tried to pass it by but it just made me too angry, but I am also not interested in getting into an all-out war with family on FB.

Like I said, maybe I'm being too sensitive about this and immature for being upset over a FB comment, but still....this aunt, she's not that much older than me.  She's the youngest of my dad's 11 siblings, so she's like 9 years older or something like that.  She used to watch me when I was a kid, and take me down to my grandma's barn to play with the cats.  When we went into town to get ice cream, she would get the baby cone because my brother and I loved the candy eyes that came on them, but we wanted the bigger cones so she would give us the eyes that came on hers.  She's watched me grow up, her daughters were my flower girls at my wedding, she came to my daughter's funeral.....  This isn't an aunt that I never see and doesn't know me.

Do I think she made the comment, with me specifically in mind?  No, I don't.  Not at all.  But if you believe all parents are crazy and don't care about their kid for sending them back to school, then you must, to some degree, think those things about me because I sent my kid back to school.  And even if she doesn't per se, the very fact that she so callously said that, on a family members personal page really gets me.  Like I said, had it been a rant on a public news article or something, that I could write off easier as just being in "social media mindset" and not applying what you're saying to real people.  

I hate judgment.  I absolutely hate it.  Yes, I used to be rather judgemental, and I still am to a degree.  Everyone is.  But becoming a mother has made me so so so much less.  Even if it's something that doesn't apply to me, I can still see how hard it is.  Like parents who have runners.  When a kid gets into a situation or hurt because they ran off from their parent, everyone wants to cry "where were the parents"?  And if anyone is likely to judge those parents, it would be someone like me who's kid is not a runner, so I don't necessarily understand how telling your kid to stay by your side doesn't keep them by your side.

But I don't judge, I thank my lucky stars that I do not have a runner.  Yes, sometimes I wish she wasn't so joined at my hip, and I wish she wasn't always so close to me that she runs into me if I stop suddenly.  But I will take that any day over her running out into a parking lot, or running from me in a crowded place.  And I acknowledge that 98% of why she isn't a runner has squat to do with me or my parenting.  I mean yeah, I taught her to hold hands in parking lots and to not run from me, but for the most part, the reason she doesn't do those things is that that's just not her personality.  She's shy, quiet (in public anyway) she's cautious and calculating.  She's not impulsive.  I cannot take credit for the reason my daughter isn't a runner, just as most parents are not at fault for their children being runners.  

So it just kills me that she would assume that all parents that send their kid to school this year are crazy and just don't want to be bothered when she doesn't have any clue what their circumstances are, and why they chose to send their kids to school.  She is married, so her kids have a two-parent household.  She was also a full-time stay at home mom until recently, and even now only works part-time.  Her girls are older...one is in 9th grade and the other is in 7th I think.  So she can spend most of the day with them, helping them with school work, knowing their dad will be home later that day to help out.  Or she can go to work and leave her 9th grader home in charge of the 7th grader.  Or she can be home, and not need to help them much at all, because older children can better set themselves up on zoom meetings and such and pay attention a little more.  And no, I don't know their financials, but if they could afford for her to stay home for the last 14 some years, her part-time job is likely not so badly needed that she couldn't quit and stay home if absolutely need be.  

I on the other hand am a single mom.  I don't think I am a hero for being a single mom, and I am lucky that my ex is still involved, but the fact of the matter is, I am the only parent on duty for 24+ days of the month and it's just a fact that I have more to do around the house as a single mom, then someone who has a partner (assuming the partner does their share).  I also work full time from home, and will eventually be returning to the office two days per week and I absolutely cannot quit my job.  I also have a 6-year-old who would have a lot harder time navigating her remote learning, and more trouble paying attention and following along than a 12 and 14-year-old would have.

And I have it much easier than some in my position.  Some single parents or even two working parents have a job where they cannot work from home, and/or they might have 2 or more kids to juggle their remote learning.  I can't even fathom how those parents make it work.  

Furthermore, it is not that I don't fear this virus.  I do understand that people have died from it.  I do acknowledge that some people get it way worse than others.  When Emily brought home that cold a couple weeks ago, I'll admit I was a little worried because my dad had been here working on my bathroom all week, so she likely had whatever sniffles she had for at least a day or two before she started showing symptoms.  My dad is almost 71 and floats between having type II diabetes and pre-diabetes....so he fits into the higher risk category.  But if I had told my dad that he shouldn't come back the next day because Emily had a cold, he would laugh at me and tell me I'm being ridiculous.  He is a grown man, after all, I cannot tell him what to do.

So do I have zero fear of this virus?  No...it does concern me some.  But a lot of things concern me, and I refuse to spend my life afraid of them.  We take a ton of risk every day just by getting in the car every morning and driving to work or school or the grocery store.  But we minimize the risk by driving as safe as we can, wearing seatbelts and being extra cautious on snowy or rainy days.  Just as with this virus...we avoid overly crowded events, we stay home when we're sick, we wash our hands and we live our lives.  I love my daughter very much, and I am very concerned for her well being.  But part of loving your child is teaching them to not live in fear, and letting them go out and take calculated risks.  If I allowed myself to, I could easily list 50 things right now that scare me in regard to my daughter.  But I don't keep her home indefinitely because one of those things as a slight possibility of happening. 

The other day we were watching Steel Magnolias, and it was the scene where they were in the grocery store.  Emily asked me why they were at the store without masks.  Well for one it's tv (but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before characters have masks built into their storylines) and two it was probably 30 years ago.  But that made me very sad...I don't have many memories of 6 and before, so if the world we're living in is the new normal, our kids will never know life like we knew it.  I don't want her growing up in a world where a mask and social distancing, and not being able to hug a friend or family member is commonplace and she doesn't remember how the world used to be.  Especially over a virus that has a very very high survival rate for most.   

And for my aunt, and other parents who don't feel it is safe to send their children to school....I don't understand it, I don't understand why THIS risk absolutely cannot be taken when there are so many other risks that we take without even thinking about it.  But, I understand that they have reasons for choosing what they do, and at the end of the day they are your kids and everyone has to parent them in the way that they are comfortable with.  I would never judge a parent for choosing to keep their kids home right now, especially not so openly and not care who I offend.  I don't agree with it or understand it, but that's not my place to tell them they are wrong.  

The difficulties of working and Emily doing remote learning are only one factor in why I wanted her to go to school this year.  I am way more concerned about her mental health and her emotional well being than I am about the virus, which so far has largely not affected children the way it does adults.  With the stay at home orders, and not seeing her dad or his family for all those months, and even now with not much being open, she and I have been together a LOT.  Don't get me wrong, I love her to the moon and back, I would give my life to protect hers.  But it is not always healthy to have that much contact with someone, and virtually no contact with anyone else or the outside world, and I have seen it manifest these last 6 months,

She's much quicker to do bad things that she knows better than, but does them anyway because she wants attention.  Because 6-year-olds don't thrive by being alone (for all intents and purposes) and having to entertain themselves for 7 hours a day.  They don't understand adult problems of needing to work and needing to concentrate on said work.  They don't understand why they cannot see their friends, or go to school, or see their dad or other grandparents.  They don't understand why they can't go to their swim lessons, or why we suddenly have to wear masks every place we go.  Sure, I explained things to her as best I could for her age, so she knows the what and why, but she doesn't grasp the concept.  It's hard enough for us adults to wrap our heads around the last 6 months, let alone a young child.  

My stepmom noticed that I have been extra sensitive lately about my daughter climbing on me, and coming up and grabbing me or jumping on me.  Now granted, she does often hurt me when she just hurls her 50lb body onto me with no regard for where her knees and elbows are going.  But it's more than just being hurt by an errant knee...it's an annoyance.  It's an aggravation that she's physically in my face and bugging me.  But when my stepmom pointed this out, it dawned on me that wow....yes I have been very irritated with her, and very much wanting my own space.  I thought to myself, when did that happen?  Because I've ALWAYS loved her snuggles...since she could pull herself to stand, she would often hold my foot when I was sitting in the recliner.  If she was singing or stopped to watch tv, or talk to me, she held my barefoot.  I loved it, I know it's weird, but I absolutely loved it.  

But in the last year or two, she has stopped doing that and it made me sad.  She almost never falls asleep on me anymore, and she doesn't snuggle much which makes me sad.  So why was I so irritated by her being near me and climbing on me?  You'd think I would take anything I could get.  But that's when it hit me...I think I've only been this way since the quarantine began.  With the exceptions of her spending a day or night here and there with my parents, it was me and Em together, all day, every day.  Most of that time I was spending trying to work, and trying to get used to her being home all day, rather than working in a quiet house while she was at school.  

I do NOT want to be this way.  I do not want to be annoyed by my daughter and frustrated that she wants to play with me or get my attention.  It really really bothered me when I realized that is why I have been so extra irritated lately.  Between worries about our country's fate, dealing with the lockdown, trying to start and maintain a new relationship that has it's own struggles due to the pandemic, worrying about my job, trying to be a good employee and getting my work done and doing it well, worrying about how to handle her school and how to handle remote learning before we decided to go private....it's all just weighing on me and my nerves are shot.  

Once I made the realization that that is why I have been so on edge lately regarding interaction with my daughter, I have also noticed how much better things are since she's been back to school.  Every day this week she has come home and happily ran outside to play with her friend next door.  And I'm talking for hours.  On the days she is home when I am working, she doesn't feel the need to vie for my attention because it's not all day every day that she is home while I'm working anymore.  She gets so excited to go to her dad's and see her cousins and play with her toys over there and every day she's so excited to go to school.  The other day we stayed after school for a bit so she could play on the playground, and while sitting in the sandbox she just randomly declared, I love this school!  

With the exception of the month I was furloughed, we still got up every day at a decent time so I could start working.  But now that we're back to school, we have to now get ready right away, get dressed, gather her things and get out the door by a certain time.  Kids thrive on routine, and structure....even though we were getting up at 7:30 most days anyway, she often just sat around watching tv, playing, staying in her jammies for hours or even the whole day.  But now that we're back to a structured schedule every day, I've seen a change in her and myself.  

So yeah, working from home and having her home all day was hard.  But that doesn't mean I don't love my kid, or I don't want to be bothered with her.  And it scared me how irritated and frustrated I was getting with her.  It may be normal and expected in this situation, but that doesn't make it any easier on a 6-year-old for their mom to be so stressed out.  I sent her back to school because I can be a better mother to her when I don't have 8000 things on my plate.  I sent her back to school because I love her so much.  And it just makes me so angry and hurt that anyone, much less family, would assume it is because we don't care.  Parenting is hard enough, let's keep our judgments to ourselves, and understand that not everyone does things the same way, and that's ok.  

Making changes

 So week two of school is in the books, and I am happy to say Em has only wet the bed one day out of the last 5 or so.  So I think maybe we're almost done with that, as she gets adjusted to school again and all the differences this year.

She is loving school, and she has friends.  I had to laugh, the other day she wore a sleeveless dress with a sweater over it.  She said she would take the sweater off if she got hot, but I told her no, that's not what the sweater is for.  Despite not having uniforms, her school does have a dress code and it is a little on the conservative side of course, which means no sleeveless shirts or dresses.  

So I'm waiting for her at pick up, and she comes out with her sweater draped over her arm, just rockin' her sleeveless dress like a boss, lol.  Sigh, what am I going to do with her?  I think they are fairly relaxed though, and maybe only enforce certain rules if they are extreme.  Like, there is a huge difference between a 6-year-old wearing a wide strapped sleeveless Minnie Mouse dress, and an 8th grader wearing a tight tank top with spaghetti straps.  The dress code also says no leggings, and I saw at least 3 little girls wearing leggings.  But again, there is a difference between a little girl wearing leggings, which is basically the staple of little girl clothing (or soft pants as Em calls them) and an older girl wearing leggings that should not be worn as pants.  

So I had a discussion with Ryan today that I've kind of been dreading.  Up until now, we've still done a lot of things together, as a family.  Last year we took Emily trick or treating together and then went to dinner afterward, we take her out to dinner on her birthday in addition to having a joint party (except for this year of course), he comes over as soon as we wake up on Christmas morning to watch her open her presents, and occasionally we just go out to dinner, so she can spend time with both her parents together.

This was important when we first split.  She was only 4, and despite us not working out, she still deserved to be able to sometimes see her parents together in the same place.  It's also good to show her that we can be a united front for her and that we can get along, despite past arguments and the fact that we (I) don't want to be married anymore.  But, she's 6 now, it's been 2.5 years, and I have a boyfriend now.  It's time that we start moving apart a little.  We'll still do joint birthday parties as long as it makes sense and goes smoothly, but I think we should start separating things like Halloween, and save the dinners for only very special occasions, like maybe after she's had a big recital in the future or something like that, or to celebrate moving on to middle school, etc.  

It went better than I figured.  He seemed a little unsure why I wanted this, but we didn't fight and he didn't protest really.  I was also impressed that he didn't play the "is this because of your boyfriend" card.  Which the answer to that would have been....a little.  Like I said, we're still her parents, and she will still see use together at certain events, but we're not married anymore, we're not living together anymore, so it's time to stop doing every single thing together as if we are.

There is a fine line between doing together things for the sake of your kid, and pretending to still be a family and making your new significant other feel weird.  Not that he has told me I cannot, and quite frankly how we handle holidays and how often we do things with our ex's hasn't even come up yet, but even when it does, I am certain he wouldn't pull the macho card and say I cannot ever do things with him for Emily.  I'm sure he occasionally has to co-exist with his ex's in the same space from time to time.  On Father's Day he sent me a pic of him and all 3 of his kids together.  Since they are from two different marriages, they obviously had to gather at one house for them all to be together, so more than likely they had a Father's Day get together at one of his ex's houses.  Which I am totally fine with and it's expected, but I cannot say I would be too geeked about frequent outings and dinners and trips to the zoo with his ex and their kid(s) like we were doing up until now.   

He's been doing the co-parenting thing for a lot longer than I have, so I am sure he completely understands that there are some things that you absolutely should do with your ex for the sake of your child, and like it or not, our ex's are in our lives forever.  His one ex also has a serious boyfriend, so he also understands the role of being dad to your child that doesn't live with you, and you have to co-exist with your ex and her boyfriend and deal with the potential landmines that come with that.  

I can't speak for how Ryan will be, but I know Anthony will be very mature and kind and understanding when it comes to navigating things with the "new boyfriend and the dad" territory.  I can't say I am jumping up and down at the idea of them meeting one day, but if hurt feelings and territorial feelings can be put aside some, I think Ryan would actually really like him and they could maybe, someday even get along.  Anthony has told me several times that he wants to be the best man he can be for my daughter, and love her just as he would his own.  But he also understands that she has a dad, and he has no interest in stepping on his toes because he knows exactly how hard it can be to see another man around his child more than he is. For all intents and purposes, his ex's boyfriend is raising his child because he is there, in the custodial parent's home, with his child, where Anthony is not.  So I am sure he will be very empathetic to what Ryan is feeling regarding him.  So hopefully, even if things are icy at first whenever they meet, maybe down the road, they can at least be civil and get along, and maybe even kind of sort of be friends...in the loosest sense of the word of course.  I really don't want my boyfriend and my ex-husband hanging out though, lol.  

So, Halloween falls on my weekend this year, but in an effort to start separating things and taking turns with holidays each year, I said he can have Emily this year to trick or treat in his neighborhood (ie without me and without a family dinner afterward).  It's dad's year for halloween anyway according to our county's parenting schedule, so that works out well.  I mean, we can set our own schedule as long as we both agree, but if we're going to start separating these things, it kind of makes sense to follow the schedule to figure out who starts it off.  Besides, as the one making the move to separate things, I figure I will extend the olive branch and let him have her this year.  

Halloween really is the easiest anyway.  There are so many Halloween events, we're going to one a couple weeks before anyway.  I am not sure what trick or treating will look like this year, but hopefully, enough people will pass out candy to make it worthwhile.  Especially after the rainy, cold night, we had last year.  

I'm not sure what to do about Christmas.  Maaaybe this year can stay the same, but if all goes well, I am sure next year will have to change.  Right now it works out great that I have her on Christmas eve which is when my family celebrates, she goes to sleep at my house and then Ryan comes over when we wake up to watch her open presents, and then she gets ready and goes with him to spend the day with him and his family.  I don't know how Anthony and I will fit into each other's plans this Christmas....it seems so far, but also so close at the same time, it's only 3.5 months away.  I don't know if we will have met kids yet by then, and I am not sure what he does with which of his kids, and when we'll each be available to see each other.  So like I said, this year might be business as usual, but if things progress with Anthony and we get more and more serious, by next year surely we will be spending Christmas together.

Maybe one day it will be cool if Ryan still comes in the morning to watch Em open presents...and is comfortable to come over to what may likely be me and Anthony's house by then....but that comfort level probably won't be there by next year already, so we'll have to make up things as we go.  But I think it's going well...Ryan seemed not thrilled, but ok with the idea of beginning to separate things more, and after 2.5 years and kind of easing her into it with fewer dinners and get-togethers here and there over time, I think Em is good with it too.  See, nothing to this co-parenting thing.  Haha, yeah right.  

Regressing

 I forgot to write about this.  So Emily finally night trained back in February and has been wearing underwear to bed since then.  She has the occasional accident, but it happens so rarely I think it's a very normal amount for a newly night trained kid.  

But, just in the last 2-3 weeks she has had at least 6-7 accidents.  I don't know, I lost count.  I am pretty certain it is related to stress and anxiety over going back to school for the first time since March, school having a lot of new rules this year, and going to a new school.  That's a lot of change for a kid.  

When she was 4 and still in pulls up at night, she was almost ready then to go to underwear.  She was dry 4-6 mornings per week, so I think had we switched to underwear right then she would have been ready way back then.  But almost immediately after Ryan moved out, she regressed and was wet almost every morning  So, she's quite prone to regressing during big changes, as most kids are I would assume.

But, I don't know what to do.  She finished her first week of school....sort of.  Monday was a half-day, she stayed home sick yesterday and she's off for the holiday today.  But she likes it, she's excited to go each day and says she doesn't miss Kindergarten at all.  She's got a couple friends, so despite being a new school, it was familiar at least since she went there for half of pre-school.  

I'm hoping once she gets in another week of school, things can go back to normal and she'll stop wetting the bed.  But what do I do in the meantime?  Just keep washing sheets all the time?  I don't think going back to pull-ups is the answer after being out of them for 6 months.  She might depend on them again and regress further.  I've been cutting off liquids an hour before bedtime and she goes potty right before bed.  But we've been doing that all this time too, and it's never been an issue.  

I guess I will just buy stock in laundry detergent and just wait it out.  If she hasn't improved in another week or two, I'll call her doctor.  I know there are some physical reasons why she could be doing this too, so if it doesn't go away as she gets more settled in with school, I'll check that route.  Ugh, the fun never ends!

Back to school

 Emily started back to school on Monday....and she's already home sick today.  Because of Covid restrictions, they gave us a whole list of symptoms and if we say yes to even one, we have to keep them home....she didn't have any on the list except for runny nose/congestion.  I do understand the caution, but at the same time, kids get colds and sniffles all the time.  According to my FB memories, she had something very similar by the 2nd or 3rd day of school last year too.  

Plus, I feel like we've magnified the normal petri dish that is school since we've all basically been home and/or wearing masks for the last 5 months.  So of course the moment she goes back to school, bam...germs and sickness.  It's not an entirely awful thing to have kept her home today.  She is clearly not feeling well, and she's been on the couch with a blanket and pillow for hours since she woke up.  She's normally bouncing off the walls, so I know she feels blah.  

But it just makes me wonder about the rest of the year.  I am sure everyone is on high alert right now being the first week, but do we seriously have to keep them home every single time they have the sniffles?  I mean, what if it's just allergies?  They have to miss school after already missing so much, because of allergies?  Like I said, maybe in a few weeks or months, things will relax and they won't pull out the pitchforks for sending them to school with a runny nose (she doesn't have a fever) but it makes me nervous.

How do you even qualify when the kid is well enough to go back?  The checklist says they have to be fever-free for 48 hours with no meds before returning.  Wellll, she doesn't have a fever, and it says if you can say yes to even one of the symptoms listed, they have to stay home.  Most common colds run at least a few days.  It's fine right now since she's got tomorrow and Monday off for Labor Day anyway, but what if it was a normal week?  Is she seriously supposed to miss 3+ days of school for a cold???

 I guess we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.  Regardless, I am very thankful she can go in-person and our governor didn't take us back a phase so she'd have to go online (knock on wood).  She did great on her first day, her dad and I took her to school together.  Due to social distancing, they cannot go in the same door they used to...each class goes in and out their own classroom fire door, but first graders actually go in the double glass doors, and then they are dismissed out of the second grade fire door.  So that was a little confusing, but we've got it down now.  She only has to wear a mask going in and out of school, and in common areas.  She gets to go outside for recess and they don't have to wear masks for that, and she has two friends in her class that she went to preschool with, and one friend from her public school.  So I'm so happy she has some familiar faces and friends.  

As sad as I am that she can't go to her regular school, I am actually very glad we decided to go this route so she could go in person.  Remote learning is very different from how it was in the spring.  Back then, she had videos to watch whenever we had the time and worksheets to work on.  But now, the day is structured and starts at 9 and ends at 4 and they have to be on zoom most of that day, learning in real-time along with their teacher.  So it's a lot more like in-class school, just online.  

While I think that is better for the students, it would have been impossible for me to do and work at the same time.  Six years old is too young to expect her to be able to be on zoom for 7 hours a day and focus on what the teacher is saying and doing.  I would have been interrupted constantly if she needed help, or to get her to focus and pay attention, and just all of that going on would have made it hard for me to focus on my work.  I don't know if they would have had homework in addition to being online all day, but with that set up it would have been almost impossible for her dad to have helped at all since he works days as well.  So it all would have fallen on me.  Yeah, that would not have worked.  

And today the district posted on FB some suggestions of where people can go for wifi if they don't have internet at home...the district gave out Chromebooks for every student but is not providing internet for those that don't have it.  Um, you expect kids of all ages to go sit and McDonalds or something all day to do remote learning?  And it's not safe to go to school, but they can go sit in a fast-food restaurant to get wifi?  Ummmm, ok.  

So for my last weekend with her for the summer, we went up north with my stepmom, and my dad was already up there.  I worked extra all the other days so I could just work a couple hours that Friday and then we hit the road around 2 and then I took Monday off.  We didn't get there till about 5:30, so we ate dinner and just hung out that night.  The next day we went to the beach.  It was a beautiful day, not too crazy hot, and while the water was freezing at first, once you got used to it it was like bathwater.  Lake Michigan can get quite cold, so you just never know if it will be warm enough to swim.  There have been days where it's so cold you just cannot get used to it and your body aches from the cold.  

I also successfully used my beach umbrella for the first time.  For some reason, for the last few years, I do nothing but burn.  I used to tan...like a lot.  As a teenager working at a city pool, I would get so dark in the summer my brother teased me that I looked dirty, lol.  And I'm blonde, so it's kind of uncommon for a blonde with fair skin to tan so well.  But now, even when I put on sunblock I still burn, and twice in the last couple years I've gotten really bad burns.  So I bought the umbrella to help avoid that since obviously subblock alone wasn't enough.  But last year I couldn't get it to work....I set it up and screwed it into the sand and within a minute the wind yanked it out.  I had to go running after it which is super embarrassing, and I was so worried it would hit someone or stab someone, lol.  

Thankfully this guy saw it flying and he jumped up and grabbed it for me.  If that were TV, I could have said thanks....you wanna get a drink later?  Haha, I could never do that in real life, unless maybe I was drunk.  But this year I got it screwed in enough that it stayed put, yay!  The waves were pretty big that day so Em had a blast jumping the waves.  Next summer I'll have to take her in the evening sometime and we can jump the big big waves.  That's when my dad always took us because he wanted to get whatever work he was doing for the day done first.  So it wasn't as hot anymore, but at least it was less crowded and the huge waves were so much fun.  I don't think most people realize just how much like the ocean the Great Lakes can be.  And shark-free, so even better!  And you don't get a mouthful of saltwater with every crashing wave.  

After the beach, we got ice cream and then headed back for dinner.  The next day, Sunday the four of us went to this petting farm nearby.  It was really cool....I'd seen advertisements for it for a while, and finally made plans to go.  It was rather big, they had a lot of cool animals and some interactive stuff like a steel "horse" with a saddle you could sit on and try roping a steel calf, and they had some play equipment, and one of those carnival games where you hit the target with a sledgehammer and try getting the weight up to the bell.  I failed miserably.  My dad was disappointed he couldn't ring the bell like he used to.  Um dad, you are almost 71....the fact that you can still swing the sledgehammer is pretty damn good I think.  

It was all outside except for the gift shop, so most of the time we didn't have to wear masks.  It felt like a nice, normal day.  They had a tiny carousel that Em and I went on, and then there was this little train where each car was like a barrel.  My dad tried to go on it with Em, but he couldn't get his legs into it and she was already in and agreed to go alone.  I was amazed that she did it.  She's my little shadow and doesn't like to do things like that alone, especially in this case where the train totally left the area and was out of our sight for a few minutes.  I think it helped that she was already committed when my dad realized he couldn't go.  

My dad brought mine and Emily's bike up for us since he had room to bring it, and my car does not have a hitch for my bike carrier (my old lease did, I miss it).  There is a nice bike/walking trail that goes through a wooded area that I wanted to take Em to.  It turned out not to be the best-laid plan....we didn't have time to ride until Monday before we left to go home, and I would still have to jam my bike into the cargo area of my car to get to the trail.  It can be done, but it's not easy.  Especially given how short of a distance and how slow Emily can ride, I decided it wasn't really worth it fighting to get my bike in and out, and then again to leave the trail.  Plus, we were tight on time, and as it was we barely had enough time to go into town after breakfast and shop for a birthday present for her dad before coming back, packing, and getting on the road.  

We checked several stores before I finally found a few funny things to get him, and I also picked him up some sausage from the grocery store there.  He loved the sausage from the other store in town, but they closed last year for good, so I got some from the one that's still open.  No word yet if it's similar to the stuff he loved.  I thought when I got divorced, I wouldn't have to keep buying gifts for him, but of course, I've got to help Emily shop for a gift from her. 

But a big reason I didn't attempt to ride bikes was, the night before my dad and I watched this show called I'm Alive, where people are in life or death situations and they survive.  Given the title, I thought it would be a happy ending.  So this woman and her two kids went someplace to visit her brother I think, and before they left, the 3 of them hiked through the woods to this waterfall that was a tourist attraction.  There was another family there too, and suddenly the woman looked over and there was a black bear, and it had her 3-year-old son in its grasp, attacking him.  Her daughter was off playing in the water, and she ran over to save her son.

Long story short, she got the boy away from the bear, but then the bear began attacking her.  She yelled to the other family to save her children while she tried fending off the bear.  They ran off, and she pretty much accepted that she was going to die there, but at least her children were safe.  So the other family found a ranger and they went out to find the woman.  They found her, she was still alive, barely, and the bear was gone.  But then they said....the daughter was still out there somewhere and they didn't know where she was.

Fuck, I thought for sure that that other family managed to escape with both kids and they were safe.  So they got the woman in an ambulance and headed to the hospital and then they went out to search for the little girl.  They came across the bear....and the little girl, she was dead.  Omg, I was not ready for that.  And come to find out, she was 6 like Emmy!  I thought she was older because the girl playing her in the reenactment looked older.  Still heartbreaking of course, but I cannot stand to hear of anything tragic happening to kids Em's age.  It tears me up.  

So, the girl was already dead.  Ugh, what an awful show.  I had no idea it was going to have such an awful ending.  So....yeah, that's kind of the main reason I didn't want to go ride bikes through the woods the next day.  I know it's kind of ridiculous, most of Michigan's bears are in the UP, and even the ones we do have in the lower peninsula are surely much further north than we were.  But after watching that, I just couldn't happily take my 6 year old on a bike ride through the woods, lol.  Besides, it wouldn't have worked out well for the other reasons anyway.  

I think next time I want to bike, we'll bring my dad's Mountaineer since it has a hitch.  Then I can transport them there myself, and easily take them to a from the trail as well.  Maybe next year I can get a hitch added to my new lease.  I know I cannot afford the trim level that has one, and I am not paying $600 for the tow package for a vehicle I don't even own.  Uhaul will put a hitch on for $100, which I think is worth it even though I'll only have it for 3 years...$35ish per year isn't bad.  But I am not sure if I'm allowed to modify a lease like that.  We'll see.  

I'm off to check on my little patient.