Social media is bad (I say as I blog an entry on a social media-type site). It just makes me sad to see what people have come to. Like most people, I have a lot of family on the other side of the party lines. We have a big family, and I don't know where everyone lies, but of the more vocal ones, I'd say we're split pretty evenly. I may not always like the opinions of those on the opposing political side, and yes I do sometimes have to unfollow those people....not unfriend, but unfollow because I just cannot read all the stuff that makes me mad/sad/frustrated all the time.
But to be fair, posting too much political stuff in general, regardless of your party, will also get you unfollowed. Especially if you're someone that posts things that are so obviously untrue, and you did not fact-check. Again, regardless of your politics, if you post that stuff, bye-bye. I come to FB to connect with family and friends, watch funny videos, and see pictures. I would be overjoyed if tomorrow everyone stopped posting political stuff.
So yeah, I am pretty set in my ways, and while on some issues I lean to the middle, but for the most part, my beliefs are conservative. But like I said, I would never unfriend or even stop talking to someone in real life because of who they vote for, or even their views that are very different from mine. I can dislike your beliefs but still love you. But yesterday my aunt posted something that made me very sad. To paraphrase, she stated that the "crazy" parents that just have to have their kids in school probably just don't even want to be bothered with their kid and she wonders why they don't care if they get sick.
They really struck a nerve with me. It doesn't exactly make it right, but I could have been less bothered if that comment was on some news article and she was ranting to strangers. I think we've all been a little too cocky and brave behind our keyboards and taken advantage of being anonymous to voice our judgey comments a time or two. But she made this comment on my other aunt's post, where pretty much all of her family that is on FB can see. And I can think of at least 2 other cousins, there may be more, that chose to send their kids to in-person school besides me.
Maybe some would say I'm taking it too personally, but I feel like if she is bold enough to say that on a family members page, where other family can see it, and those are the thoughts she puts down on paper so to speak, then her internal thoughts are even more judgey, and yes I took that as her telling ME (and anyone else that sent their kids to school this year) that I am crazy, and accusing me of not wanting to be bothered with my kid.
This makes me so beyond angry. I expect to be judged by strangers who have nothing better to do with their lives. But to be thought of that way by family that you love and you think loves you, it hurts. And let's be real...we've all made a blanket statement and then realized someone in the room identifies with that statement and we feel like a shit head. "Like man, I can't stand those stick figure stickers on people's car windows". *Person sitting next to you says they have those stickers on their car*. Me: Ugh, well ya know they're kinda cute *open mouth, insert foot*
But when I called her on it, she didn't even attempt to backpedal or apologize or anything. She could have said something like I'm sorry Amy, I didn't necessarily mean you, and I don't think you don't care about your kid, I'm just very afraid to send my kids to school right now and can't understand how others are not". If she had said anything resembling that, I could have chalked it up to her being in the heat of the moment, and ranting and venting, even though it was in very poor judgment.
But no...she replied with something that made almost no sense and said she is supporting our family that has to risk their health every day to go back to the classroom and teach. So I said that she can support one, without attacking the other. No response to that, which is actually good, I didn't want to go back and forth all day. I had to say my piece, I tried to pass it by but it just made me too angry, but I am also not interested in getting into an all-out war with family on FB.
Like I said, maybe I'm being too sensitive about this and immature for being upset over a FB comment, but still....this aunt, she's not that much older than me. She's the youngest of my dad's 11 siblings, so she's like 9 years older or something like that. She used to watch me when I was a kid, and take me down to my grandma's barn to play with the cats. When we went into town to get ice cream, she would get the baby cone because my brother and I loved the candy eyes that came on them, but we wanted the bigger cones so she would give us the eyes that came on hers. She's watched me grow up, her daughters were my flower girls at my wedding, she came to my daughter's funeral..... This isn't an aunt that I never see and doesn't know me.
Do I think she made the comment, with me specifically in mind? No, I don't. Not at all. But if you believe all parents are crazy and don't care about their kid for sending them back to school, then you must, to some degree, think those things about me because I sent my kid back to school. And even if she doesn't per se, the very fact that she so callously said that, on a family members personal page really gets me. Like I said, had it been a rant on a public news article or something, that I could write off easier as just being in "social media mindset" and not applying what you're saying to real people.
I hate judgment. I absolutely hate it. Yes, I used to be rather judgemental, and I still am to a degree. Everyone is. But becoming a mother has made me so so so much less. Even if it's something that doesn't apply to me, I can still see how hard it is. Like parents who have runners. When a kid gets into a situation or hurt because they ran off from their parent, everyone wants to cry "where were the parents"? And if anyone is likely to judge those parents, it would be someone like me who's kid is not a runner, so I don't necessarily understand how telling your kid to stay by your side doesn't keep them by your side.
But I don't judge, I thank my lucky stars that I do not have a runner. Yes, sometimes I wish she wasn't so joined at my hip, and I wish she wasn't always so close to me that she runs into me if I stop suddenly. But I will take that any day over her running out into a parking lot, or running from me in a crowded place. And I acknowledge that 98% of why she isn't a runner has squat to do with me or my parenting. I mean yeah, I taught her to hold hands in parking lots and to not run from me, but for the most part, the reason she doesn't do those things is that that's just not her personality. She's shy, quiet (in public anyway) she's cautious and calculating. She's not impulsive. I cannot take credit for the reason my daughter isn't a runner, just as most parents are not at fault for their children being runners.
So it just kills me that she would assume that all parents that send their kid to school this year are crazy and just don't want to be bothered when she doesn't have any clue what their circumstances are, and why they chose to send their kids to school. She is married, so her kids have a two-parent household. She was also a full-time stay at home mom until recently, and even now only works part-time. Her girls are older...one is in 9th grade and the other is in 7th I think. So she can spend most of the day with them, helping them with school work, knowing their dad will be home later that day to help out. Or she can go to work and leave her 9th grader home in charge of the 7th grader. Or she can be home, and not need to help them much at all, because older children can better set themselves up on zoom meetings and such and pay attention a little more. And no, I don't know their financials, but if they could afford for her to stay home for the last 14 some years, her part-time job is likely not so badly needed that she couldn't quit and stay home if absolutely need be.
I on the other hand am a single mom. I don't think I am a hero for being a single mom, and I am lucky that my ex is still involved, but the fact of the matter is, I am the only parent on duty for 24+ days of the month and it's just a fact that I have more to do around the house as a single mom, then someone who has a partner (assuming the partner does their share). I also work full time from home, and will eventually be returning to the office two days per week and I absolutely cannot quit my job. I also have a 6-year-old who would have a lot harder time navigating her remote learning, and more trouble paying attention and following along than a 12 and 14-year-old would have.
And I have it much easier than some in my position. Some single parents or even two working parents have a job where they cannot work from home, and/or they might have 2 or more kids to juggle their remote learning. I can't even fathom how those parents make it work.
Furthermore, it is not that I don't fear this virus. I do understand that people have died from it. I do acknowledge that some people get it way worse than others. When Emily brought home that cold a couple weeks ago, I'll admit I was a little worried because my dad had been here working on my bathroom all week, so she likely had whatever sniffles she had for at least a day or two before she started showing symptoms. My dad is almost 71 and floats between having type II diabetes and pre-diabetes....so he fits into the higher risk category. But if I had told my dad that he shouldn't come back the next day because Emily had a cold, he would laugh at me and tell me I'm being ridiculous. He is a grown man, after all, I cannot tell him what to do.
So do I have zero fear of this virus? No...it does concern me some. But a lot of things concern me, and I refuse to spend my life afraid of them. We take a ton of risk every day just by getting in the car every morning and driving to work or school or the grocery store. But we minimize the risk by driving as safe as we can, wearing seatbelts and being extra cautious on snowy or rainy days. Just as with this virus...we avoid overly crowded events, we stay home when we're sick, we wash our hands and we live our lives. I love my daughter very much, and I am very concerned for her well being. But part of loving your child is teaching them to not live in fear, and letting them go out and take calculated risks. If I allowed myself to, I could easily list 50 things right now that scare me in regard to my daughter. But I don't keep her home indefinitely because one of those things as a slight possibility of happening.
The other day we were watching Steel Magnolias, and it was the scene where they were in the grocery store. Emily asked me why they were at the store without masks. Well for one it's tv (but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before characters have masks built into their storylines) and two it was probably 30 years ago. But that made me very sad...I don't have many memories of 6 and before, so if the world we're living in is the new normal, our kids will never know life like we knew it. I don't want her growing up in a world where a mask and social distancing, and not being able to hug a friend or family member is commonplace and she doesn't remember how the world used to be. Especially over a virus that has a very very high survival rate for most.
And for my aunt, and other parents who don't feel it is safe to send their children to school....I don't understand it, I don't understand why THIS risk absolutely cannot be taken when there are so many other risks that we take without even thinking about it. But, I understand that they have reasons for choosing what they do, and at the end of the day they are your kids and everyone has to parent them in the way that they are comfortable with. I would never judge a parent for choosing to keep their kids home right now, especially not so openly and not care who I offend. I don't agree with it or understand it, but that's not my place to tell them they are wrong.
The difficulties of working and Emily doing remote learning are only one factor in why I wanted her to go to school this year. I am way more concerned about her mental health and her emotional well being than I am about the virus, which so far has largely not affected children the way it does adults. With the stay at home orders, and not seeing her dad or his family for all those months, and even now with not much being open, she and I have been together a LOT. Don't get me wrong, I love her to the moon and back, I would give my life to protect hers. But it is not always healthy to have that much contact with someone, and virtually no contact with anyone else or the outside world, and I have seen it manifest these last 6 months,
She's much quicker to do bad things that she knows better than, but does them anyway because she wants attention. Because 6-year-olds don't thrive by being alone (for all intents and purposes) and having to entertain themselves for 7 hours a day. They don't understand adult problems of needing to work and needing to concentrate on said work. They don't understand why they cannot see their friends, or go to school, or see their dad or other grandparents. They don't understand why they can't go to their swim lessons, or why we suddenly have to wear masks every place we go. Sure, I explained things to her as best I could for her age, so she knows the what and why, but she doesn't grasp the concept. It's hard enough for us adults to wrap our heads around the last 6 months, let alone a young child.
My stepmom noticed that I have been extra sensitive lately about my daughter climbing on me, and coming up and grabbing me or jumping on me. Now granted, she does often hurt me when she just hurls her 50lb body onto me with no regard for where her knees and elbows are going. But it's more than just being hurt by an errant knee...it's an annoyance. It's an aggravation that she's physically in my face and bugging me. But when my stepmom pointed this out, it dawned on me that wow....yes I have been very irritated with her, and very much wanting my own space. I thought to myself, when did that happen? Because I've ALWAYS loved her snuggles...since she could pull herself to stand, she would often hold my foot when I was sitting in the recliner. If she was singing or stopped to watch tv, or talk to me, she held my barefoot. I loved it, I know it's weird, but I absolutely loved it.
But in the last year or two, she has stopped doing that and it made me sad. She almost never falls asleep on me anymore, and she doesn't snuggle much which makes me sad. So why was I so irritated by her being near me and climbing on me? You'd think I would take anything I could get. But that's when it hit me...I think I've only been this way since the quarantine began. With the exceptions of her spending a day or night here and there with my parents, it was me and Em together, all day, every day. Most of that time I was spending trying to work, and trying to get used to her being home all day, rather than working in a quiet house while she was at school.
I do NOT want to be this way. I do not want to be annoyed by my daughter and frustrated that she wants to play with me or get my attention. It really really bothered me when I realized that is why I have been so extra irritated lately. Between worries about our country's fate, dealing with the lockdown, trying to start and maintain a new relationship that has it's own struggles due to the pandemic, worrying about my job, trying to be a good employee and getting my work done and doing it well, worrying about how to handle her school and how to handle remote learning before we decided to go private....it's all just weighing on me and my nerves are shot.
Once I made the realization that that is why I have been so on edge lately regarding interaction with my daughter, I have also noticed how much better things are since she's been back to school. Every day this week she has come home and happily ran outside to play with her friend next door. And I'm talking for hours. On the days she is home when I am working, she doesn't feel the need to vie for my attention because it's not all day every day that she is home while I'm working anymore. She gets so excited to go to her dad's and see her cousins and play with her toys over there and every day she's so excited to go to school. The other day we stayed after school for a bit so she could play on the playground, and while sitting in the sandbox she just randomly declared, I love this school!
With the exception of the month I was furloughed, we still got up every day at a decent time so I could start working. But now that we're back to school, we have to now get ready right away, get dressed, gather her things and get out the door by a certain time. Kids thrive on routine, and structure....even though we were getting up at 7:30 most days anyway, she often just sat around watching tv, playing, staying in her jammies for hours or even the whole day. But now that we're back to a structured schedule every day, I've seen a change in her and myself.
So yeah, working from home and having her home all day was hard. But that doesn't mean I don't love my kid, or I don't want to be bothered with her. And it scared me how irritated and frustrated I was getting with her. It may be normal and expected in this situation, but that doesn't make it any easier on a 6-year-old for their mom to be so stressed out. I sent her back to school because I can be a better mother to her when I don't have 8000 things on my plate. I sent her back to school because I love her so much. And it just makes me so angry and hurt that anyone, much less family, would assume it is because we don't care. Parenting is hard enough, let's keep our judgments to ourselves, and understand that not everyone does things the same way, and that's ok.
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