Testing fail

Well I completely failed at waiting until Tuesday to test, like I failed by a whole 7 days, lol.  I cracked and tested last night, and of course BFN.  I was pretty crampy last night, so I still kind of feel like my period is on its way, but if I ovulated when I think I did, I could only be 13DPO (12 last night) and I've heard of plenty of people who don't get BFPs until 14 or even 16DPO.  I was arguing with myself last night over whether or not to test....not because it could be a BFN, I was prepared for that.  But I wasn't sure what to do if it was a BFP.

Was I going to tell Ryan?  That sounds so messed up not to tell him right away, but like I said I don't want to punish him by getting his hopes up and then devestate him just in case of the worst happening again just ebcause I am too impatient to wait.  But then I was like crap, what if it IS a BFP, and then the worst happens before I could even tell him.  That's the point where I realized I need to just stop thinking and do what I was going to do, which was test.

I suppose if this doesn't turn out to be that I am not pregnant and I get my period, that's not a horrible thing, I haven't had a period in a long time....maybe if I have one that is the beginning to getting my cycles back on track.  I've been doing really well with my weightloss, I've lost 5 pounds so far, I think I look much better, I can already start to see a difference and my pants fit so much better.  Since I cheat some on the weekend it's so much easier to stick to it during the week and I've done amazing with my work outs.  In February I worked out every single day I was supposed to which is 4 times a week, and so far this month I have only missed one day. 

However the silver lining in this taking so long is that we're getting back to winter due dates.  Ryan is laid off during the winter so it would be nice to have a winter baby so he would be home to help me and he can learn how to take care of the baby.  If I were to get pregnant now I could have a December baby....a lot of people don't want that, and are even willing to TTA for this month to avoid it, but I don't see anything wrong with having a December baby.  I even think it would be kind of nice....I LOVE Christmas and I think it's just such a magical time of year.  I would love to be able to deliver maybe in early to mid December and have everyone over at Christmas to see the best Christmas present ever.  Sigh.  Ok, I've got to get back to work now.