weight

Ok, I am sick of not being happy with my weight and I am sick of taking OPK after OPK and being frustrated that I am not ovulating.  For someone who isn't Oing I am pretty lucky in that I am 99% certain I know why, and it's something I can change.  I just have to stop being lazy and stop coming up with excuses.  I lost 50 pounds in the past, I can do it again.  Hell, I don't even have to lose 50, I would think 20-25 would at least make a dent enough to O, even if it isn't a perfect 28 day cycle, I would be happy with a 35-40 day cycle at this point.

I just bought new walking shoes, I have a gym in my basement, a gym membership down the street and I am signed up for tennis two nights a week, there is no reason why I can't lose.  Lately I've been doing well all week long, having a cheat day on Friday and then kind of doing ok on the weekend but kind of not, and not logging it.  Sometimes that worked and I would lose weight but other weeks it wouldn't and I keep yo-yoing.  I know it's good not to give up, and you should always get back on the horse, but the good I do all week is completely pointless if I am going to eat like crap on the weekend. 

I see eating bad a lot like smoking.  I really looked forward to it and 'wanting' it always superseded the fact that I knew I shouldn't do it, and then afterward I felt like crap and wondered why I did it.  So that needs to end....and it's not like I don't like healthy foods.  There are tons of healthy foods I love so I need to just get a lot of it in the house so I have options.  Most infertility leaves the person powerless and unable to do anything except take medications and have painful procedures but all I have to do is drop some weight and I'll likely get my cycles back and I am confident that once I am Oing regularly I will get pregnant eventually.  When I got pregnant before I think I had probably only Od about 4 times in that 7 months, so when you think about it that's really not that bad.

Plus, I need to lose weight anyway, regardless of getting pregnant.  I am tired of not feeling comfortable, I keep seeing all of these cute clothes I would love to buy but I don't even want to bother trying them on.  I hate seeing people that I haven't seen in a while because I fear the second they see me they'll be secretly judging me.  I want to be thinner again and I'll just feel so much better so I've got to stop thinking it will just miraculously happen without any work.