So I apologize to my readers for having a boring blog lately, but I suspect it will be this way for a while. Right now my life is sleeping, washing bottles, feeding, pumping, and comforting....oh and changing diapers. This girl pees like there is no tomorrow.
Things are going well, but it's been an adjustment. My poor cats are feeling neglected. Despite still sleeping with us every night (though he probably doesn't appreciate the interruptions to his sleep everytime we get up for Emily) Vinny has been picking fights with Zoey a lot more because he's apparently angry that we don't have time for him anymore. Or at least that's what the cat whisperer in me says. I feel bad, but at least he is nice to Emily. He'll often cuddle up near her, and he is careful not to step on or jump on her when she's on the couch.
I'd say one of my biggest stressors right now is time management. Time just gets away from me and before I know it it's 7pm and I've yet to shower for the second day in a row. I'm also trying to "relish each moment" because in just a few days I'll have been off work for a month already and only have two left. I know when I go back to work I will so wish I had appreciated this time more, even though there is really nothing more I can do to appreciate it. Amongst the screaming and crying, poopy diapers and spitting up like clock work when I put a new outfit on her, I try to really look around, and just take in the moment, because I know in an instant she'll be 16 with an attitude, hating me and I'll wonder what happened to the days when she was my cuddly newborn who clung to me for comfort.
But it just seems you can never fully appreciate the moment when you're in it. No matter how many pictures you take, stories you blog about, or times commited to memory, once the moment is gone it never seems like it was appreciated and you'd give anything to have it back. That's what I am struggling with right now. Time is flying by, the days fly by, hours go by like minutes.....but then I have to remind myself, I am not lazy for going back to bed until 11am while she is sleeping, I got up at 2:30 and 5:30 and 8:30 for at least 20-40 minutes each time. I am not a bad mom because I haven't vacuumed the rug, washing bottles and pumping is more important. I can feel it creeping in already, the mom guilt.
So thankfully we seem to only have babies in the spring; since we've been home I haven't needed my winter coat at all, and most days have been nice and sunny and at least 50 degrees. We've been out a lot, Emily has already been to Target like 4 times....I know they say not to take babies out much in the first six weeks, but I can't stay in, after this winter I need to get out. Besides she survived my brother's wedding and getting passed around by all of my aunts. We originally said we didn't want anyone to hold her at the wedding, but that kind of went out the window.
My dad had a BBQ Saturday night for all my family in town, and they all held her then which I was fine with. But then the next day, when my one aunt that wasn't there the night before asked if she could hold her, I couldn't say no when all the others got to. So then she was passed around between all of them again. I barely got to hold her all day, though that was kind of nice. She behaved perfectly, like she always does around other people. Nobody believes us that she often screams and cries, least of all her grandmas. She can do no wrong in their eyes.
Yesterday was nice, Ryan had to work so Emily and I went to Target and she got lots of attention. We got stopped by a well-meaning old lady who wanted to yack my ear off for 10 minutes, and she had at least 4 other people to stop and look and say how pretty she is. But I know that of course, we make pretty babies :)
Then I called in an order to an arabic restaurant and went and picked up my lunch. It was delicious, even though I had to eat most of it cold because 'lil miss decided she wanted to eat at the same time. Welcome to motherhood! After that we went for a walk....I got to be that person I always despise when I am on my way to work, or out running errands on my lunch break. That person that has nothing better to do on a beautiful sunny day other than push their baby in a stroller around the block.
Of course, I have tons of things I should be doing, as do other moms I know, but when I am going to work and I see that person out walking their baby with nothing but the whole day ahead of them to do whatever they want....well, I admit, there is jealousy involved. But I got to be her and it was great! I also feel the same way when I see two old people out walking hand in hand in the early morning. Well, my first thought is awe that's cute, my second thought is I hate them because they don't have to go to work.
I find myself missing being pregnant, simply because I still had it all in front of me. I would take the pain and long hours of labor all over again, to start the clock over. She'll never be one day old again, I'll never get to repeat that first moment that I saw her. I wish I could just freeze time and keep her my tiny baby forever.
She's been good to me the last couple days; last night she slept and let me finish addressing the birth announcements, and tonight she let me work on a video I am making of all her first pictures, like I made for Kayla. I should be in bed, it won't be long until she's screaming for a bottle, but right now I just want to take advantage of her sleeping so I can have some me time.
When we first got home from the hospital I couldn't get over how comfortable our bed was. I mean, it's a tempur pedic, so of course it is but after sleeping in a hospital bed for 4 days it felt like clouds directly from heaven. But lately I have been in pain...I think it's because I am overjoyed that my giant belly is gone and I can sleep on my stomach again. Apparently doing so does very bad things to the rest of my body. So everytime I went back to bed last night I couldn't get comfortable and kept waking up in pain. I stopped using my snoogle a couple months ago, once my belly got big enough to anchor me down, I no longer needed it to keep me on my side, and since Emily came home she's been sleeping in it during the day on the couch. But last night I decided to steal it back.....Oh my God, best sleep of my life. I was so comfy, I think I fell asleep in a nano second.
Well, speaking of, I better get my butt to bed and get at least an hour of sleep before the beast awakens....I mean, my sweet baby girl.
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