Things are going well, we're getting a bit of a routine down. She typically goes down for the night around 8:30 or 9 but she gets a final bottle around 11:30 and then I put her down in her crib. She used to wake around 2 but now she's been sleeping till closer to 4. I used to completely dread bed time because I was so afraid to leave her and go to sleep, but now I tend to look forward to bed time.
The fear is still there but it's lessened. I know I am doing everything I possibly can to keep her safe, and I am feeling more confident that she'll be ok. I also really enjoy the hour or two to myself once she's in bed where I can just relax, watch TV, and now that I have a handsfree pumping bra I can actually do other things while I pump. Mainly I like that I can scratch my nose. Why is it your nose only itches when you cannot scratch it? I actually had to ask the anesthesiologist to scratch my nose when my arms were secured down during my c section. The other night I put her down and I was like I'm going to get a snack, pump, and watch TV and I was really excited to have my me time, but as I was getting my pumping bottles I heard crying....I was like oh shit! But then I realized it was on TV. Whew! I love my baby, but oh dear God please don't wake up.
My husband went back to work this past week and Emily and I have been doing pretty well on our own. We go for walks, to Target, we take naps. Our first grocery shopping experience was interesting. I get there and there are absolutely no carts in the parking lot anywhere. So I had to carry her car seat, the bag of pop cans and the diaper bag into the store. Thank goodness I had a brain and put my wallet in the diaper bag and left my purse at home so I had one less thing to carry.
At Target, we normally put her carseat lengthwise in the front part of the cart where the older kids sit. But the grocery store carts were smaller and I couldn't do that, so I had to put her in the big part. So then I'm like where am I going to put the food? So I had to stack it all around her. Thankfully she was a dream at the store, and either just looked around or slept. I bought a baby Ktan so I think tomorrow I'll take her in that. I just need to get better about wrapping her up, she never looks very comfortable.
I'm pretty sure she had her first social smile today. She's been smiling since birth but they're mostly just random or gas related, but today I put down a blanket and let her lay on the living room floor and flop around and look at the ceiling fan, and I was making faces at her and she kept smiling. So adorable. We went to my neice's 5th birthday party yesterday and everyone wanted to hold her. I am fine with people holding her, it gives me a break and let's me eat in peace, but man do I miss her once we get home from someplace like that. Even though she was right there, after not holding her in 5 hours I needed my Emily snuggles. So even after she was asleep last night I rocked her for a while. Before I know it she'll be 15 years old and want nothing to do with me.
Here's my sweetie and her big smile.
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