Before I was a mom

"Before I Was a Mom ..."

Before I was a Mom...

I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom... I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom... I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom... I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about Immunizations.

Before I was a Mom... I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on or pinched by tiny fingers. I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, and my body. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom... I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom... I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom... I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom... I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

 Author: Unknowns



I love this, it is all so true.  Em and I went to Target today for a few essentials (wine is an essential, right?), and 70 dollars later we came out with said essentials along with a couple new toys, and four new shirts for her.  In my defense, the shirts were needed, BUT I generally do most of her shopping for a new season second hand, and she totally didn't need the toy.  But she was being really good, and she kept saying mama.  How do you not buy a new toy for a sweet little girl saying mama?  There is this new Elmo that's like, bigger than her, and when you squeeze his nose he talks and his mouth moves.  Her eyes light up when she saw him because she loves Elmo, but then when he started talking to her she was soooo happy.  I loved how happy she was, so I wanted to get it for her, but dear God we do not need a 4 foot tall Elmo in our house.
I actually planned to get it for her for Christmas, but by then we will do a toy purge to make room for Christmas toys.  So now I needed to find something else for her, and they had this really soft stuffed lamb so that's what she got.  She was so cute sitting in the shopping cart, hugging her lamb.  I have got to stop that though, I don't want a two year old that whines and cries every time we go out, thinking she gets something every time we go to the store.  Although, as a kid I rarely got a toy if it wasn't my birthday or something, but my dad says we still whined, so maybe it doesn't matter.
Earlier today she had something in her mouth and when she wouldn't bring it to me I got up and went after it and she took off down the hallway.  Lately she had modified her butt scoot into a butt scoot/crab walk.  It's really funny looking, but man she can haul ass.  I had to walk really fast to catch up with her.  So then I picked her up and tried getting whatever it was out of her mouth and she hugged me really tight.  Seventeen months old and she already knows how to manipulate me.  Oh no, mommy is trying to take something from me, I know, I'll be really sweet and hug her.
Oh yeah, she turned 17 months last Wednesday.  She is 21.8 pounds, and I forgot to measure her height so I will update this when I remember to do it.  The last two nights I have had dreams that she took her first steps.  Her 18 month doctor appointment is one week after she turns 18 months.  I bet she doesn't start walking until like that week before.  She is going to be stubborn and run right up to the limit.  We went to my best friend's son's birthday party yesterday.  Amanda told me ahead of time that she had plenty of push toys for her to play with, so we closed the gate to the yard and let her loose.  She had a blast, she was running top speed, pushing this little turtle thing.  And with jelly shoes on.  I'm telling you, she walks independently when I am not in the room.  My MIL and I call her the WB Frog because she won't do stuff when people are around and want to see her do it.
M was opening his presents and Amanda could tell her younger son was a bit bummed that it wasn't his birthday, so she asked M if N could help open then.  He sat on the ground to open a big one and said, come here N, help me rip this one open.  So sweet, they get along really well, I love how he is such a great big brother.  Between that, and seeing this adorable little newborn onesie at Target today, I've been thinking about having another kid.  But just the other day, I was on the other end of the spectrum, where I was so certain I felt like I could have gone out right then and there and got some permanent birth control.  Gah, I am so tired of yo-yoing between having another, and being done.  Is the answer ever just clear of what you want?
Funny story though, I quite often use the talking Google on my phone where you verbally ask it a question.  So one day I asked it, how effective is a tubal ligation?  Google thought I asked, how effective is it to bowl like Asian.  
Last week Emily learned how to climb up on the couch by herself.  So now nothing is safe, we had relied on putting remotes and phones on the back of the couch out of her reach, but now they are in reach.  It also means I cannot leave her for 5-10 minutes to go throw in laundry or something like I used to, for fear she will get on the couch and fall off.  She's already fell off with us right there a few times, and came close to falling several more times.  Thank goodness for the jumperoo, aka baby jail.  We went outside to walk around the other day, I will only let people walk her with one hand now, since she can do it very well.  So we were walking and she was only holding on to my finger when she tripped and face planted.  She didn't cry though, just got back up and kept walking.  But when she did it the second time she cried, though not much.  It's funny, when she doesn't even get hurt she can cry forever, but she face plants on cement or falls off her changing table and she only cries a little.  Half an hour I noticed a big bump on her forehead and cement rash.  Awww, my poor baby.  But I am sure it will be the first of many.  I tried to ice it for a bit but she wasn't having any of that, and then I tried to get her to have a bubba snuggling with me so she would hopefully fall asleep with me and I could keep an eye on her after her fall.  But when she kept getting down to go torment the cat, I decided she must feel fine.  
Bed time is back to tears again lately.  I'm not sure why....she's got a new molar coming in, but she is fine during the day so it must just be another phase.  I thought for sure tonight's bedtime would be a nightmare since she munched on three slices of watermelon at dinner and then was tearing around the house with her push toy.  My brother and SIL were over for dinner and to watch Fear the Walking Dead, so of course she was being extra silly to show off in front of them.  About 5 minutes before the show started I put her down and said goodnight.  To my amazement, not one tear, and she was asleep within 5 minutes.  She must have worn herself out.  Oh how I love easy bedtime nights.  Now if only my bedtime went that smoothly.
I am on a terrible schedule.  I love my alone time after she goes to bed, but the next thing I know it is 1:00 am and I don't want my night to end yet.  So I've been going to bed at 2 and 3 in the morning, and then I get up at 8 with her and I have troubles keeping my eyes open while she plays after breakfast.  I need to start going to bed earlier, and I need to get in a routine where I can shower within an hour of getting up.  Once I am showered, I feel alive and awake.  But I am trying to get back on an eating well/work out routine, and I typically do my work out in the morning....so I don't want to shower and then go work out.  Erg, being an adult is hard.