Two things

One, my kid can walk.  She just won't.  Lately she's become enamored with her Vtech push toy.  Last week she could walk well with it, but once she ran into a wall she was stuck.  But now this week she can turn it around, back up with it, there is just no stopping her.  She loves to walk with people.  If she's on your lap, she'll grab your fingers and slide off and go walking.  My dad and brother do this with her all the time.  I will not, because I do not have all day long to walk her around, especially when I know she can do it on her own if she would just try.  My brother is the worst, he will walk her all day long if she wants him to.  I said her motto when she gets older is going to be "Uncle Joe won't say no".  My dad walked her for a little bit the other day but then had to stop because his back was hurting.  If looks could kill, he would have dropped dead.  She was so mad at him.

Two, after we lost Kayla, it was hard for me to see certain babies.  Close friends and family were fine, but more distant relatives and strangers were hard.  I wondered why they got what they wanted and I didn't.  Since Emily was born, that anxiety has lifted greatly.  Seeing other people's kids are no longer a trigger for me since I have one of my own in my arms, in addition to the one in my heart.  But I was on Facebook the other day, and my husband liked someone's status, a friend of his that I am not friends with, so I saw this guy's post when I ordinarily wouldn't have.  It was a picture of his son, and the caption read, "look what this 22 month old can do".  I felt the punch in the gut before I made the connection in my head.

This was the guy that said his wife was pregnant and due in August, when we announced our pregnancy with Kayla.  And here he is, almost two years old, and Kayla should have been two a few weeks ago, but she isn't here.  I don't know, just something about seeing this baby that was on his way around the same time that Kayla was, but he survived and is now a giggling toddler, it was just hard.  Being over two years out from our loss, it is easier.  I can breathe now, I can make it through days and weeks without crying, but in some ways,  these out of the blue triggers are almost harder, because you're not expecting them, you're not prepared for them.  They hit you with no warning, and affect you in a way that contradicts how well you've been feeling lately.  I just miss my girl.