My baby is no longer a potted plant I can tote all over. We left the house this morning at 10am and didn't get home till 8:30, we went to an appointment and then headed to my SIL's to give her a belated birthday present. So we hung around there for a bit and then the three of us went downtown and went to lunch, then we went to a jeweler to get my wedding set appraised so we can add it to our homeowner's insurance. After that we went to a bookstore that had the most adorable bookstore kitty. She was so tiny and so lovable, she just wanted to play and snuggle. How great would that be to own a quaint little bookstore and have a store kitty?
Then we walked around town for a bit, we checked out the children's section of the library and then we went for ice cream. By then my brother was off work and very jealous his wife got to spend the day playing with a kitten and spending time with Em, so he came and met us, we walked back to the jeweler to pick up my ring and then we went back to their house for pizza.
Despite being able to sleep whenever she wanted, being fed on schedule and had diaper changes, she wasn't too happy about being stuck in her carseat all day and just being out and about all day. She started fussing when I was just about done with dinner, so we headed for home and as predicted she was asleep before we even got off their street. She slept the whole way home but woke up and was screaming her lungs out once we got home. I hadn't planned on giving her a bath, but I knew she was overtired and figured it might help her relax. She calmed down for the bath but she picked up again when I was drying her and putting lotion on. She ate a little of her bottle but she kept falling asleep so I rocked her for a bit and then put her down. Before I go to bed I'll give her another bottle so she'll hopefully sleep through the night.
I guess it's time to start planning our days so she isn't out for that long and even though she isn't going down for scheduled naps yet, we should at least be home around her usual nap times so she can sleep more comfortably. Luckily she is sleeping good right now, hopefully that will continue tonight, since tomorrow is my first day back to work :(
I'm so sad, I don't want to leave her. I cannot believe this three months went by so fast. Of course I wouldn't have wanted to leave her when she was a newborn, but it sucks that she is just starting to get fun, she's smiling more and reacting more, and now I have to be away from her for 50 hours a week. I'm not dreading tomorrow as much because it is one day and then I have the weekend, but in some ways my brain hasn't comprehended yet that there is more than just tomorrow. That I have to continue going to work next week...and the next, and the next. That's when I feel sick to my stomach, I don't want to leave my little princess.
But, I cannot quit just yet....I would like to work maybe six months...or three or four. I don't know, I feel like I need to at least try it. Plus I feel like I will enjoy it more if I go back to work for a few months and then get to go back to staying home. Like the last few weeks won't even be difficult because I would be looking forward to being done. Even now, it's not as bad to go back, knowing that it's not permanent.
I think I am done pumping though. I've wanted to quit for a while now, but it just doesn't make sense to do it anymore. I am only getting about 2.5 ounces a day, and I am sure I am not getting much calorie burning benefit from producing so little. She cannot even drink it right now....I gave her some this week to see if she tolerated it but I don't know. It could be a coincidence or all in my head, but I feel like she's been spitting up more and choking on her spit up more and in my head it's because of the breastmilk. It probably isn't, but she's been on formula all this time and has been doing well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And I hate pumping...now that I am going back to work, I have enough stuff that I don't want to do, so I might as well give up something that I have more than enough reasons to stop.
So I didn't pump last night, and I am not pumping tonight. With such a small supply I think I can just stop cold turkey with no issues, but I have no idea if I could possibly become engorged so I'm taking my pump with me to work tomorrow just in case. In fact I think I may even pump at work for the first week or two....if nothing else, just to get away from my desk for two 20 minute breaks and just sit in a quiet room and play on my phone while I pump. Well, I had better go give her a last bottle and then get to bed. Don't make me goooooo, I don't want to go!
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