What a shitty day. My husband and I have been short with each other all weekend, and we had words before Em and I left for the grocery store, so I was pissed off on the way there. I got stuck behind this car going 20 in a 25 zone...as if 25 isn't painfully slow enough. Then I sit through two stop signs behind her where she literally stopped for like the full 20 seconds or whatever. Ahhhhhhh! So I got pissed off and went around her. I didn't flip the bird or yell or anything, but my acceleration and the fact that I was passing on a residential road (though it had a yellow broken line so it was at least legal to pass) clued them in that I was pissed off I'm sure.
So I get to the store a few blocks down and yay me, they're going there too. I would have just waited till they went in....I mean seriously I wasn't trying to start anything, I was just already upset and I needed to get around this person before I bashed my head in. Well they parked across the aisle from me and the mom got out and just stood there staring at me, waiting for me to get out so I did.
Well that turned into us screaming at each other in the parking lot. I have NEVER done anything like this before, in fact the year after my mom died when my dad was mad at the world and used to get into altercations, I used to threaten him with no grandkids if he didn't stop getting out of the car. I was so pissed though. So of course it turns out the driver was a 16 year old girl, a new driver. Arg, so now I really felt like a douchebag. BUT, in my defense you've got to at least go the speed limit and not stop at stop signs for 11 minutes or I will certainly not be the last person to get frustrated with her.
When my dad was teaching me how to drive he made me learn that I couldn't be so passive, when I pulled out in traffic he would push my leg down so I'd accelerate and get the hell out of peoples' way. Technically I'd say we were both at fault, like I said I wouldn't have confronted them but the mother did. She could have just gone into the store with her daughter and game over. But I get it, mama bear protecting her cub. But overall, I was wrong. I would never have done that had I not already been pissed off. Yeah I would have grumbled some choice words under my breathe about how slow she was going, but I wouldn't have gotten all mad and passed her, so my problem was really just that I was already mad and she got in my way.
So I left, I wasn't about to go in there and follow them all over the store. I got about 5 minutes away and I calmed down and realized what I jerk I had been, so I turned around and went back to apologize, but when I got there they were already gone. So they either just had a couple things to pick up, or like me, decided they didn't want to be there. So since Kayla's cemetery is right across the street, we went over there. I usually leave Emily in the car while I go to the grave but I needed her snuggles today so I took her with me and we sat by her grave for a while and I cried. It was so sweet, Em was looking at me kinda like, what's wrong mommy.
So it was just a crappy day all around. I'm really bummed I wasn't able to apologize. The older I get the less and less I care about what people think of me, except when I am wrong. I likely will never see these people again, but it bothers me that they probably think I am this huge bitch. And the other thing, I am not sure how she knew because my windows are tinted but the lady asked if I had a kid in there and that she hopes I am setting a better example for my kid.
I swore I would never have road rage with Emily in the car with me, and here I had like the worst road rage incident ever. I am a good mother and I love my daughter, so it bothers me that I did this with her there, and that this woman probably thinks I am this trashy mother that goes around screaming at people in front of her kid. But, there is nothing I can do about it now. After that I was disgustingly nice to everyone I came into contact with the rest of the day, like I'm trying to prove to the universe that I am a good person. I'm letting this bother me way too much.
On top of that, Em was unusually cranky all day. She wouldn't easily go down for her naps and bedtime tonight was rough. I hadn't tried in a while but there was a paci on her nighstand so I gave it a go and she took it! She's always seemed to like them but could never keep them in her mouth. Well tonight she took it for a good 10 or 15 minutes and everytime she was about to lose it she was able to get it back in. Once I put her down and she finally fell asleep I noticed on the monitor it was out, but yay I'm so glad she can finally keep it in a decent amount of time.
I just hope it's not super hard to break someday. But she started sucking her thumb last week and it's not recommended to take your kids thumbs away, so between the two I'd rather she have a paci. But both things are so darn cute, I just love babies who suck their thumbs or pacis. I'm really looking forward to this weekend to get away for a few days and hopefully just have fun.
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