I always have, but now that I am pregnant I officially call BS on any woman that claims to have gotten far in her pregnancy and not know she is pregnant (like 20 + weeks, I'll be generous). Now I know every pregnancy is different. but I am only 5 weeks and I've already got several symptoms....I cannot sit down for more than 5 minutes without falling asleep,off and on my uterus feels like someone is pumping it full of air, if I get up too quickly or even cough or sneeze I often get a cramp as if I just pulled a muscle, my acid reflux is acting up, my heart periodically races, and my nose is so sensitive I constantly have a headache from everyone's perfume and cologne at work, the kind you get when you breathe in too much cold air through your nose.
Now if I can feel all that at 5 weeks, how in the hell can these women claim they had no idea they were 35+ weeks pregnant? I would think that just about every woman on earth, at some point since they started having sex have thought to themselves, I'm having >insert symptom here< I wonder if I'm pregnant? If you're having sex, protected or not, it's always a possibility and I refuse to belive these women never at least considered the notion.
Alright moving on....so we told all of the grandparents-to-be this past weekend. It was a lot of fun to see their faces and reactions. My inlaws came over on Saturday, we somehow got through making and eating dinner before we gave them their picture frames. My MIL got hers open first and I was watching her face as she read it, and you could just see the comprehension cross her face in that two or three seconds, and then she was like oooooh, we're going to have a new babe!! She starting clapping and saying how excited she was. My FIL was happy, but like father like son, didn't give a huge reaction. She and I were talking about it later because I was saying how Ryan didn't react much when I told him, though I knew he wouldn't. She said her first husband was the reactor kinda guy, she said they found out on Christmas eve and he picked her up and was dancing around the house, but she said Joe is a lot less enthusiastic, which is exactly how Ryan is. I know they are excited, they are just not the ra-ra type people.
So we talked about baby stuff all night, she was telling Joe he has to come over and put our ceiling fan in the living room (resumably so when I am hot and huge and miserable this summer I can have some extra cool air), and Joe said he'll have to help Ryan put closet doors on in the future baby's room. For some reason the previous owners took the closet doors with them. My grandma gave us money to do the living room closet as part of our wedding gift because she knew how badly I wanted real closet doors before we would be having a lot of people over in the months before the wedding :) Hopefully Joe will also paint the baby room, I of course will not be doing it, and sorry to say, Ryan is not the best painter. Joe said he loves to paint as long as it's a completely empty room, which that will be. Sold, the job is his!
My dad and his girlfriend and her daughter came over Sunday, it was supposedly to celebrate their belated birthdays, so when they first got there I showed my dad the shelves I made him from pinterest, then gave Brenda her gift card to a restaurant. Then I gave my dad the frame, pretending it was just another birthday gift. He opened it and looked at it for a minute and then looked at me and said yeah? I said yeah....he thought maybe it just meant it was for sometime in the future, so he wanted to clarify before getting all excited. He showed it to Brenda and she just looked at it and nodded, and he goes "I'm gonna be a grandpa"! Suddenly she was like oooooh! I guess she hadn't seen the grandpa part of the frame. So then both got up and hugged us, they're really happy.
They're already talking about when they have to schedule their vacations this year so they're home around my due date and such. They were also taking mental inventory of the baby stuff they have, I think my dad says he has two cribs at home, and can maybe get a high chair. I don't want to come off as materialistic or snobbish, and I know we'll need all the help we can get, but when it comes to stuff for the nursery, I want new stuff. Stuff that matches that we pick out. I'm thrilled that my aunt gave me a bouncy thing and a swing, and some maternity clothes and Amanda said I can have a bunch of stuff. Toys, clothes as long as they're clean, learning things, stuff like that I am cool with. But part of being excited to be pregnant is the excitement in picking out a crib and a changing table and stroller and stuff. I have always dreamed of a beautiful nursery, I can picture myself in the room, rocking my little one to sleep. I don't want a room full of mis matched used crap.
Just like a bride dreams of picking out her wedding dress, I dream of a beautiful nursery for my little one. I guess maybe that makes me a snob, but that's how I feel. Maybe my feelings would change with a second kid, but for my first, part of picking out stuff that I love feels like my love for them...I only want the best. So while the material aspect is definitely a huge part of the reason, the other thing is safety and cleanliness. Certain things I want to be brand new so I know they are safe. The idea of my precious baby sleeping in a used crib kinda icks me out....plus you just never know how completely other people put something together, how old it is to know if it's been recalled or even just worn out over the years to the point something could go wrong. Especially a car seat, I would never ever ever accept a used car seat.
I'll put big ticket stuff on our registry and I know my inlaws will likely want to buy us something big like the crib or glider rocker or something but if we need to we'll buy some of it ourselves. And it's not like we've picked out super expensive stuff (yes I've been pinning baby stuff for months now). The crib I like it only $150, I think the glider rocker is around $100, I'm not sure how much the changing table is but it is a changing table/dresser which is multi functional! My cousin and his wife just had a baby a few months ago and their registry was insane....$400 crib, $400 travel system, $350 dresser. Though as I recall, they're wedding registry was just as nuts.
Eeek, I'm so excited to be able to shop. Thankfully it's all very overwhelming or I would be tempted to do it now. I think when the time comes, Ryan and I will go and start the registry by picking out the big things we want, like the nursery furniture, but then I'll be taking Amanda with me so she can help me with the things I really need, the things I don't need, etc. Thank God she went first with the kids.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Beta #3-4 wks 5 days
My betas went up beautifully, 2178 up from 301!!! I'm so excited! I was pretty nervous since we are telling my inlaws today, so I was terrified of giving them the good news, and then get a call from my doctor saying they were dropping. I'm also glad the nurse called so early, my inlaws won't be here for another couple of hours. So happy!
Friday, November 23, 2012
First Milestone- 4 wks 4 days
We have surpassed our previous loss date, which was 4 weeks 3 days....I am 4 weeks 4 days today! It feels good to be passed that wretched day. Of course I know you're never really out of the woods, but it still makes me happy nonetheless.
I go for my third betas tomorrow, and my inlaws are coming over for dinner and they'll get the news. It was kind of awkward at Thanksgiving dinner last night....we hadn't planned on announcing because we thought there were going to be extra people there, like some of my SIL's friends, but it was just us, my inlaws and my BIL's parents. If we were further along I would have felt comfortable announcing in front of them, but not this early. Besides, I think grandparents should get the news alone and be able to bask in the news without a bunch of other people present.
So my SIL was asking me about our struggles since I had told my MIL she could share that news with her. I probably came off like I wasn't comfortable talking about it, which I totally would have been. I hope she didn't get that feeling, I didn't want to make her feel bad about bringing it up. I did specifically tell my MIL she could tell her. But since I am pregnant, it was just kind of weird to sit there and talk about it as if we're still trying. Oh well.
So since we won't be seeing SIL and BIL again until Christmas, we decided we won't tell them until then. I feel bad waiting that long, especially since my brother was one of the first to know, but it will be exciting to tell them on Christmas with their gifts and we won't see them in person again until then. I don't want to tell them over the phone.
I was thinking how things are kind of bittersweet...we've had a lot of good news since my grandparents died, which is something we need, good news. My cousin Rob is getting married next October, my brother bought his first house, and we're expecting of course (ha, I feel so old when I say that), but it's also sad that they won't be here to see it. I know there is nothing my grandparents would have liked more than to have lived long enough to see their youngest grandchild get married (my brother is divorced now, but Rob is the only one that has never been married) see Joe's house, and to see my kids. But I just have to believe that they are watching down on us from Heaven. I know they loved their kids, but they really were two people who were born to be grandparents.
At my grandma's funeral my uncle had said something my grandpa said when he went to visit him at the nursing home that day. He said he was talking about his four babies, and my uncle said that was us, his grandkids. Ugh geeze, that's making me tear up at my desk just thinking about it. The first time I took my grandma to see grandpa in the hospital, he was really upset when we first got there, he was sobbing in his bed and my grandma was trying to calm him down. She was like I'm here honey, and Amy is here too. He instantly calmed down some and was like oh Amy, and he reached out for my hand. She was like yep Amy brought me to see you. He was like oh she's such a good girl, aren't we lucky honey to have such wonderful grandkids, and my grandma said we sure are :) And it's true....I mean, not to toot my own horn, but we are all pretty good kids. All four of us own our own home, we all have good jobs, we're all married or in serious relationships and we all have a lot of education or the equivalent...like my cousin Rob didn't go to college but he worked his way up through the TSA and now is a Border Patrol Agent. Lynn is working on her nursing degree and Joe and I both have Master's degrees. Nothing makes me happier than to know my grandparents were proud of me.
Ok, enough sappy stuff. That would make me choke up anyway but being hormonal I'm likely to dissolve into a pile of tears if I don't think about something else. So today being Friday, we always eat out on Fridays. Normally Ryan is so burnt out after work, we just get fast food or order pizza. But he was off today so I asked if he wanted to go out to a nice dinner and celebrate baby B. We hadn't done that yet considering it was so early, but now that we've surpassed the previous loss date, I feel better about it. Like I said, we're never out of the woods, but at some point you have to decide to be happy that you are pregnant TODAY and think rationally. As much as I might have bad feelings or get scared from time to time, I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not live in fear. So I think we're going to one of the steakhouses....a big juicy steak sounds soooo good right now. I like Thanksgiving so we can see family and stuff, but I could really care less about the food. It really does nothing for me...everyone talks about going back for seconds, but aside from the rolls I don't think I finished a single thing on my plate. Now the desserts, those were good :) But yeah, I could give up a traditional thanksgiving meal for the rest of my life, bring on the steak!
I go for my third betas tomorrow, and my inlaws are coming over for dinner and they'll get the news. It was kind of awkward at Thanksgiving dinner last night....we hadn't planned on announcing because we thought there were going to be extra people there, like some of my SIL's friends, but it was just us, my inlaws and my BIL's parents. If we were further along I would have felt comfortable announcing in front of them, but not this early. Besides, I think grandparents should get the news alone and be able to bask in the news without a bunch of other people present.
So my SIL was asking me about our struggles since I had told my MIL she could share that news with her. I probably came off like I wasn't comfortable talking about it, which I totally would have been. I hope she didn't get that feeling, I didn't want to make her feel bad about bringing it up. I did specifically tell my MIL she could tell her. But since I am pregnant, it was just kind of weird to sit there and talk about it as if we're still trying. Oh well.
So since we won't be seeing SIL and BIL again until Christmas, we decided we won't tell them until then. I feel bad waiting that long, especially since my brother was one of the first to know, but it will be exciting to tell them on Christmas with their gifts and we won't see them in person again until then. I don't want to tell them over the phone.
I was thinking how things are kind of bittersweet...we've had a lot of good news since my grandparents died, which is something we need, good news. My cousin Rob is getting married next October, my brother bought his first house, and we're expecting of course (ha, I feel so old when I say that), but it's also sad that they won't be here to see it. I know there is nothing my grandparents would have liked more than to have lived long enough to see their youngest grandchild get married (my brother is divorced now, but Rob is the only one that has never been married) see Joe's house, and to see my kids. But I just have to believe that they are watching down on us from Heaven. I know they loved their kids, but they really were two people who were born to be grandparents.
At my grandma's funeral my uncle had said something my grandpa said when he went to visit him at the nursing home that day. He said he was talking about his four babies, and my uncle said that was us, his grandkids. Ugh geeze, that's making me tear up at my desk just thinking about it. The first time I took my grandma to see grandpa in the hospital, he was really upset when we first got there, he was sobbing in his bed and my grandma was trying to calm him down. She was like I'm here honey, and Amy is here too. He instantly calmed down some and was like oh Amy, and he reached out for my hand. She was like yep Amy brought me to see you. He was like oh she's such a good girl, aren't we lucky honey to have such wonderful grandkids, and my grandma said we sure are :) And it's true....I mean, not to toot my own horn, but we are all pretty good kids. All four of us own our own home, we all have good jobs, we're all married or in serious relationships and we all have a lot of education or the equivalent...like my cousin Rob didn't go to college but he worked his way up through the TSA and now is a Border Patrol Agent. Lynn is working on her nursing degree and Joe and I both have Master's degrees. Nothing makes me happier than to know my grandparents were proud of me.
Ok, enough sappy stuff. That would make me choke up anyway but being hormonal I'm likely to dissolve into a pile of tears if I don't think about something else. So today being Friday, we always eat out on Fridays. Normally Ryan is so burnt out after work, we just get fast food or order pizza. But he was off today so I asked if he wanted to go out to a nice dinner and celebrate baby B. We hadn't done that yet considering it was so early, but now that we've surpassed the previous loss date, I feel better about it. Like I said, we're never out of the woods, but at some point you have to decide to be happy that you are pregnant TODAY and think rationally. As much as I might have bad feelings or get scared from time to time, I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not live in fear. So I think we're going to one of the steakhouses....a big juicy steak sounds soooo good right now. I like Thanksgiving so we can see family and stuff, but I could really care less about the food. It really does nothing for me...everyone talks about going back for seconds, but aside from the rolls I don't think I finished a single thing on my plate. Now the desserts, those were good :) But yeah, I could give up a traditional thanksgiving meal for the rest of my life, bring on the steak!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
A tad bit nervous-UPDATED- 4wks 1 day
UPDATE: I finally got my results, betas are 301 which is more than quadrupled from Friday's 54!!! Whew, what a relief. They don't check progesterone after the first draw, plus they have me on suppositories so I can't imagine how that would drop. She said my TSH is slightly elevated at 4.11 so upping my synthroid from 50mcs to 75 wasn't enough, so she's calling in an rx to up it to 100. But overall, awesome news. I go in on saturday for my third and final betas and then my first ultrasound and appointment with my doctor is two weeks from today, I'm so excited!
I knew I was nervous to hear the results of my second betas today, but I had no idea I was THAT nervous. My phone just lit up and while I waited to two seconds for the number to show, my heart shot up into my throat. It wasn't my RE, some wrong number but man was my heart pounding. I really didn't think I was that insane with anxiety.
I took my last FRER today, just to ease my mind while I waited for results. The test line was darker than the control, so that definitely helped push some of my fears away. But it's weird...its like if I just don't know, I feel like everything will be fine, but I am so afraid of getting that call that my numbers haven't doubled.
I just read on TB that most ladies who are on progesterone supplements are on them for almost the entire first tri. Eh, great. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than willing to do whatever it takes for a healthy pregnancy, but they are a bit of a pain. On week days I have to wake up half an hour early so I can put it in and then lay in bed for 30 minutes (ok so that part isn't so bad). At night it's not bad at all, I just pop one in and lay on the couch or bed and watch TV. I'll survive. Though I gave myself a heart attack last night. During the day a pantyliner is plenty of catch any dribble, but right after inserting them I really need to use a real pad to catch most of it. So last night I was wearing only a pantyliner and it was saturated enough to show the color of my undies through the liner, so of course when I went to the bathroom, the first thing my brain saw when I looked at the liner was red. Man, that was a scary 10 seconds before I realized what was going on.
I'm really loving how into this pregnancy my husband has been. Geeze, that makes him sound like a douche...but given how distant he was last time and how I figured these early stages wouldn't impact him much, it's really cute to see him asking questions. I'm trying really hard to keep a cleaner house....I just get overwhelmed and lazy and just let it all go way too often. I really want to become more on top of things and cleaner once LO comes. I mean it's one thing to be able to see visible cat hair on the rug right now, but when we have a LO crawling around on the floor, um no.
So I made a schedule of something I have to do everyday. Since I was too tired to mop the floors on Sunday, I had to mop the floors and vacuum the rugs last night. When MH came upstairs and saw me cleaning he hugged me and in a teasing voice he was like are you nesting? Lol, I think its a smidge too early for that. Then last night when he came to bed he asked what happaned with our LO that day, cause my journal gives a play by play of what's happening each day. It said our LO's heart started beating yesterday or the day before :)
My cramps are becoming way less frequent. Yesterday and today I haven't felt them much at all through out the day, but when I do feel them they are more intense. But, it's usually after I've been sitting for a while and I get up and walk around for a few minutes, I'll usually get a rather intense cramp right then. So I am attributing that to the fact that I changed positions so it is likely stretching my ute that is already undergoing a lot of changes. At least I hope that's what it means.
I knew I was nervous to hear the results of my second betas today, but I had no idea I was THAT nervous. My phone just lit up and while I waited to two seconds for the number to show, my heart shot up into my throat. It wasn't my RE, some wrong number but man was my heart pounding. I really didn't think I was that insane with anxiety.
I took my last FRER today, just to ease my mind while I waited for results. The test line was darker than the control, so that definitely helped push some of my fears away. But it's weird...its like if I just don't know, I feel like everything will be fine, but I am so afraid of getting that call that my numbers haven't doubled.
I just read on TB that most ladies who are on progesterone supplements are on them for almost the entire first tri. Eh, great. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than willing to do whatever it takes for a healthy pregnancy, but they are a bit of a pain. On week days I have to wake up half an hour early so I can put it in and then lay in bed for 30 minutes (ok so that part isn't so bad). At night it's not bad at all, I just pop one in and lay on the couch or bed and watch TV. I'll survive. Though I gave myself a heart attack last night. During the day a pantyliner is plenty of catch any dribble, but right after inserting them I really need to use a real pad to catch most of it. So last night I was wearing only a pantyliner and it was saturated enough to show the color of my undies through the liner, so of course when I went to the bathroom, the first thing my brain saw when I looked at the liner was red. Man, that was a scary 10 seconds before I realized what was going on.
I'm really loving how into this pregnancy my husband has been. Geeze, that makes him sound like a douche...but given how distant he was last time and how I figured these early stages wouldn't impact him much, it's really cute to see him asking questions. I'm trying really hard to keep a cleaner house....I just get overwhelmed and lazy and just let it all go way too often. I really want to become more on top of things and cleaner once LO comes. I mean it's one thing to be able to see visible cat hair on the rug right now, but when we have a LO crawling around on the floor, um no.
So I made a schedule of something I have to do everyday. Since I was too tired to mop the floors on Sunday, I had to mop the floors and vacuum the rugs last night. When MH came upstairs and saw me cleaning he hugged me and in a teasing voice he was like are you nesting? Lol, I think its a smidge too early for that. Then last night when he came to bed he asked what happaned with our LO that day, cause my journal gives a play by play of what's happening each day. It said our LO's heart started beating yesterday or the day before :)
My cramps are becoming way less frequent. Yesterday and today I haven't felt them much at all through out the day, but when I do feel them they are more intense. But, it's usually after I've been sitting for a while and I get up and walk around for a few minutes, I'll usually get a rather intense cramp right then. So I am attributing that to the fact that I changed positions so it is likely stretching my ute that is already undergoing a lot of changes. At least I hope that's what it means.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Two down, six to go- 4 wks
I told my best friend and my brother yesterday. I don't know if it was nerves from that, or if it was a coincidence but my cramps were really freaking me out yesterday. The past couple days I had felt more content with them, but yesterday they kept scaring me, and I don't think they are really getting any worse.
I think it was a combo of a few things....1. I was freaked about announcing it to people. I've noticed when I think about announcing, I feel a lot of nervous butterflies, and then it mixes with the cramps and it makes everything feel worse. I am afraid that I will be this dumb girl, running around so happy that she's pregnant and then the happy police will decide I am too happy and take it away. I know, that's ridiculous, but it's always in the back of my mind.
2. Is the fact that I started those progesterone suppositories the other day. They are quite messy....most of the oozing happens after I put it in and when I first get up, but to some degree there is some leakage all through out the day so between the cramps and feeling something leaking out, it's just too much. I make several panic runs to the bathroom to check. The bottle says there are two refills, but I am really hoping I won't have to take them after this bottle, and hopefully by then the cramps will be gone.
So I am 4 weeks today! I am so glad to be out of the 3's, that just seemed way too super early. But I'll feel much better when I get to week 5, that will mean I surpassed my last loss date of 4w 3 days. I go for my next betas tomorrow, I am sooo nervous. The first ones were 54 so tomorrow's should be around 216 ish. I know I will be a nervous wreck until I get the phone call but I just have to keep reminding myself millions of women get pregnant with their sticky babies all the time, and I deserve a sticky baby. Not that I didn't last year, but sometimes I can't get the thought out of my head that I will ever get it so I need to keep reminding myself that it happens for tons of people so there is a very good chance that this will be it for us.
Besides I just feel better this time around. Last time I really had no reason to worry, but I did anyway from the moment I got the positive test. It's like I knew the entire time something wasn't right....even Ryan didn't want to talk about it much but this time even just in the past couple days since we found out he has seemed way more involved. Yesterday he saw my pregnancy journal that I had bought last year...I decided to be brave and start writing in it and he asked what it was, then he started reading a few pages and said how cool it was that you could read what was happening each day. I also braved the gym yesterday....that is not something I would have even dared to consider last time only 4 days after finding out.
So maybe we both had a feeling it wasn't meant to be last time, but it is this time. So I met my best friend for lunch yesterday, once she got settled and got her kids coats off and stuff, I said "I have news"! She perked up and gave me a look of anticipation so I am quite sure she knew at that point what the news was, so when I squealed , 'I'm pregnant" she started clapping and saying yay yay yay over and over. We were at a restaurant so she couldn't just scream out, lol. She's really really excited for us. So her oldest will be 4 years older than mine and her youngest will be about a year and a half older. That's pretty good, Mason can be like the big brother and watch over the two little ones like my brother did for me and my cousins, and then maybe my kiddo and Nolan can be pretty good buds.
So then my brother came over last night to watch Dexter. I was about to tell him and he was like I've got to go to the bathroom...so when he came back I started to tell him again and he was like, oh I need some water. I was thinking ah, just friggin sit down already, lol. I don't know why, but both times I was soooo nervous to tell. Maybe nervous isn't the word, but anxious and excited. So finally I said, "So I know your friend's girls already call you Uncle Joe, but are you ready to be an uncle for real?" You could see the question go across his face as he figured out what I meant, then his face lit up and he said really? It was really cute.
His girlfriend couldn't make it over last night so he called her a bit later. He was going to give me the phone to tell her but I told him to do it. Expecting your first neice of nephew is a pretty big deal, so I wanted him to be able to share the news. So he told her "in about 8 months I'm going to be an uncle" and I heard her squeal on the other end of the phone, lol. She said she's voting girl, lol. That was a pretty funny conversation, he was like you realize this isn't really a voting situation right? She's quite the girly girl though so I know she would love for me to have a girl she can play with. I don't know what I want....I'm equally geeked about either one, and my husband said the same. Though I know his dad will be gunning for a boy.
Two of his six grandchildren are boys, but they are MH's sisters' kids, so none of them will carry on our name. My FIL has two brothers and they all had girls, so our kids are my FIL's last hope for a boy to carry on the name. I would love it if we ended up with one of each.
My dad's girlfriend got back to me today about having them over for dinner, it'll be next Sunday. I told them we wanted to have them over for their birthdays (my dad's was the 2nd, hers is today) so it's the perfect cover to have them over and give them gifts. Thank God this is a short week because I will be dying for this weekend to get here. We're having my inlaws over on Saturday for dinner to tell them, so it will be a very exciting, busy weekend. It would have been great to announce at Thanksgiving but there will be too many extra people there.
I think it was a combo of a few things....1. I was freaked about announcing it to people. I've noticed when I think about announcing, I feel a lot of nervous butterflies, and then it mixes with the cramps and it makes everything feel worse. I am afraid that I will be this dumb girl, running around so happy that she's pregnant and then the happy police will decide I am too happy and take it away. I know, that's ridiculous, but it's always in the back of my mind.
2. Is the fact that I started those progesterone suppositories the other day. They are quite messy....most of the oozing happens after I put it in and when I first get up, but to some degree there is some leakage all through out the day so between the cramps and feeling something leaking out, it's just too much. I make several panic runs to the bathroom to check. The bottle says there are two refills, but I am really hoping I won't have to take them after this bottle, and hopefully by then the cramps will be gone.
So I am 4 weeks today! I am so glad to be out of the 3's, that just seemed way too super early. But I'll feel much better when I get to week 5, that will mean I surpassed my last loss date of 4w 3 days. I go for my next betas tomorrow, I am sooo nervous. The first ones were 54 so tomorrow's should be around 216 ish. I know I will be a nervous wreck until I get the phone call but I just have to keep reminding myself millions of women get pregnant with their sticky babies all the time, and I deserve a sticky baby. Not that I didn't last year, but sometimes I can't get the thought out of my head that I will ever get it so I need to keep reminding myself that it happens for tons of people so there is a very good chance that this will be it for us.
Besides I just feel better this time around. Last time I really had no reason to worry, but I did anyway from the moment I got the positive test. It's like I knew the entire time something wasn't right....even Ryan didn't want to talk about it much but this time even just in the past couple days since we found out he has seemed way more involved. Yesterday he saw my pregnancy journal that I had bought last year...I decided to be brave and start writing in it and he asked what it was, then he started reading a few pages and said how cool it was that you could read what was happening each day. I also braved the gym yesterday....that is not something I would have even dared to consider last time only 4 days after finding out.
So maybe we both had a feeling it wasn't meant to be last time, but it is this time. So I met my best friend for lunch yesterday, once she got settled and got her kids coats off and stuff, I said "I have news"! She perked up and gave me a look of anticipation so I am quite sure she knew at that point what the news was, so when I squealed , 'I'm pregnant" she started clapping and saying yay yay yay over and over. We were at a restaurant so she couldn't just scream out, lol. She's really really excited for us. So her oldest will be 4 years older than mine and her youngest will be about a year and a half older. That's pretty good, Mason can be like the big brother and watch over the two little ones like my brother did for me and my cousins, and then maybe my kiddo and Nolan can be pretty good buds.
So then my brother came over last night to watch Dexter. I was about to tell him and he was like I've got to go to the bathroom...so when he came back I started to tell him again and he was like, oh I need some water. I was thinking ah, just friggin sit down already, lol. I don't know why, but both times I was soooo nervous to tell. Maybe nervous isn't the word, but anxious and excited. So finally I said, "So I know your friend's girls already call you Uncle Joe, but are you ready to be an uncle for real?" You could see the question go across his face as he figured out what I meant, then his face lit up and he said really? It was really cute.
His girlfriend couldn't make it over last night so he called her a bit later. He was going to give me the phone to tell her but I told him to do it. Expecting your first neice of nephew is a pretty big deal, so I wanted him to be able to share the news. So he told her "in about 8 months I'm going to be an uncle" and I heard her squeal on the other end of the phone, lol. She said she's voting girl, lol. That was a pretty funny conversation, he was like you realize this isn't really a voting situation right? She's quite the girly girl though so I know she would love for me to have a girl she can play with. I don't know what I want....I'm equally geeked about either one, and my husband said the same. Though I know his dad will be gunning for a boy.
Two of his six grandchildren are boys, but they are MH's sisters' kids, so none of them will carry on our name. My FIL has two brothers and they all had girls, so our kids are my FIL's last hope for a boy to carry on the name. I would love it if we ended up with one of each.
My dad's girlfriend got back to me today about having them over for dinner, it'll be next Sunday. I told them we wanted to have them over for their birthdays (my dad's was the 2nd, hers is today) so it's the perfect cover to have them over and give them gifts. Thank God this is a short week because I will be dying for this weekend to get here. We're having my inlaws over on Saturday for dinner to tell them, so it will be a very exciting, busy weekend. It would have been great to announce at Thanksgiving but there will be too many extra people there.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Darker lines-3 wks 5 days
I'm so excited, the lines were much darker today. I cracked and bought another box of FRERs yesterday, though I guess I didn't realize they were $12.99 so my peeing on sticks addiction will be ending once those are gone. So I used one this morning and the test line popped up even before the color finished running across to the control line. It was so reassuring to see that. I also decided to take a digi today, I still had one left over from the box I used last year, and I have another box with either two or three tests in it.
Pregnant popped in less than a minute I think, whereas last year it took several minutes. I guess that is a good sign. I started my progesterone suppositories last night. Ugh, those are such a mess, but I knew they would be. For a very very brief time I used these spermacide suppositories (back when I thought I needed a whole arsenal of BC, ha, how little did I know back then). Of course what goes up, comes back down. I remember one time I used them, then I got up the next morning as my boyfriend at the time was leaving. Within a minute of him walking out the door, I felt a gush and I looked down and the entire crotch of my jeans was soaked as if it had just peed my pants. Wow, thank God he wasn't there to see that.
Anyway, I put it in just pushing it with my finger last night but I couldn't get it very far in and I could feel it for several minutes until it started to "melt". They're not very big, but it felt like when a tampon is out of place, just not comfortable. So when I did today's, I got the idea to use one of the applicators leftover from the preseed. Brilliant! Worked like a charm.
I don't mind using them on the weekend because I can obviously wake up whenever and lay in bed for half an hour afterwards, but it's going to suck doing them in the morning on work days. But, if they will help ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy I will do them of course. I would do just about anything to ensure that.
I heard back from my aunt today, I emailed her with the good news a few days ago. She is so happy for us, she said my news made her day. I am so glad to have her in my life. She's actually my great aunt, she's my grandpa's sister. I never met her (aside from when I was in daipers I guess) until about 10 years ago. She came to visit (she lives in Hawaii) so I went out to lunch with her and my mom and grandma. She and I hit it off and we've kept in touch via email since. Her daughter, which I guess would be my second cousin (????) started emailing me too and then they both came to Michigan for our wedding so I got to officially meet my cousin and I spent some time with them both.
They knew about the last pregnancy so I couldn't wait to tell them our news. They love being included in things like this because aside from her son who also lives in Hawaii they have no other family out there and cannot visit often since it's such a long, expensive trip. I also love that she is a connection to my grandpa. I miss him and my grandma so much, and I so wish I could pick up the phone and call them and tell them about my news. But my MIL told me something back when I told her our bad news about my IF and our loss....she believes that babies start off in Heaven before they come here, so in that sense my mom and grandparents have already met him/her. I can't say if I share that believe or not, but it's a nice thought.
Oh speaking of him or her, my TTC, er now she's my pregnancy BFF told me she had a vision that I would have a boy and she is having a girl. I'm so anxious for the time to come when we'll fine out, and see if her prediction is right. For a long time I wanted a little girl first because I wanted one so bad. I felt like if I had her first, I could then relax and not worry about what the second one will be....a boy and have one of each would be cool, but two girls would be nice too (two boys scares the hell out of me, I am afraid they will be loud and messy like their father, lol). But now I really don't care. Ideally one of each would be great, but I am just so happy to be pregnant, I would be equally happy with either one.
If we have a boy, he will be Joseph Francis. Joe is after MH's dad, but also my brother since he is Joe as well, and kind of my dad. My dad is Victor Joseph, but as a kid my grandparents couldn't see calling a little baby Victor (why they named him that I have no clue) so he grew up as Joe. But he had a nun in school that made him go by his given name, so he kind of became both. When he met my mom he introduced himself as Vic, so to my mom's side of the family they all know him as Vic, but on his side he is Joe.
Francis was my grandpa's middle name. As much as I love my grandpa, I just could not use his first name, which was Elmer. I am sure that one is self explanatory. I also think Francis just goes so well with the Joseph. If it's a girl, she'll be Kayla Kathryn. I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of Kayla, but MH loves it. In fact he told me on our second date that if he ever has a girl he wants to name her Kayla. I don't dislike it, it's just not my favorite name. I think one of the issues I have with it, is it sounds so juvenile. I can't picture a 25 year old woman named Kayla. But I became much more on board with it when I realized to sound more mature she could go by Kay.
I also don't love the alliteration of the two K's, but it's not horrible by any means. Kathryn will be after my mom. She was Kathy, that was her full name and obviously Kathy isn't really a suitable middle name but by spelling Kathryn with a Y, it's like my mom's name is "in it". My favorite name in the whole world is Emily. I just think it's so classic and beautiful. I know it's supposedly pretty popular, but I haven't met a lot of baby Emily's and it's just one of those names that will never go out of style, unlike some of the super trendy names that are popular right now. But, maybe if we have two girls someday. I've come to the conclusion that MH loves the name Kayla more than I dislike it, so Kayla it is.
I think we will hold off on telling our names to most people until the baby is born. When it's not yet attached to a person, people seem to think they have the green light to criticize a name. We'll tell our close friends and family of course, but strangers and co-workers can wait.
Pregnant popped in less than a minute I think, whereas last year it took several minutes. I guess that is a good sign. I started my progesterone suppositories last night. Ugh, those are such a mess, but I knew they would be. For a very very brief time I used these spermacide suppositories (back when I thought I needed a whole arsenal of BC, ha, how little did I know back then). Of course what goes up, comes back down. I remember one time I used them, then I got up the next morning as my boyfriend at the time was leaving. Within a minute of him walking out the door, I felt a gush and I looked down and the entire crotch of my jeans was soaked as if it had just peed my pants. Wow, thank God he wasn't there to see that.
Anyway, I put it in just pushing it with my finger last night but I couldn't get it very far in and I could feel it for several minutes until it started to "melt". They're not very big, but it felt like when a tampon is out of place, just not comfortable. So when I did today's, I got the idea to use one of the applicators leftover from the preseed. Brilliant! Worked like a charm.
I don't mind using them on the weekend because I can obviously wake up whenever and lay in bed for half an hour afterwards, but it's going to suck doing them in the morning on work days. But, if they will help ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy I will do them of course. I would do just about anything to ensure that.
I heard back from my aunt today, I emailed her with the good news a few days ago. She is so happy for us, she said my news made her day. I am so glad to have her in my life. She's actually my great aunt, she's my grandpa's sister. I never met her (aside from when I was in daipers I guess) until about 10 years ago. She came to visit (she lives in Hawaii) so I went out to lunch with her and my mom and grandma. She and I hit it off and we've kept in touch via email since. Her daughter, which I guess would be my second cousin (????) started emailing me too and then they both came to Michigan for our wedding so I got to officially meet my cousin and I spent some time with them both.
They knew about the last pregnancy so I couldn't wait to tell them our news. They love being included in things like this because aside from her son who also lives in Hawaii they have no other family out there and cannot visit often since it's such a long, expensive trip. I also love that she is a connection to my grandpa. I miss him and my grandma so much, and I so wish I could pick up the phone and call them and tell them about my news. But my MIL told me something back when I told her our bad news about my IF and our loss....she believes that babies start off in Heaven before they come here, so in that sense my mom and grandparents have already met him/her. I can't say if I share that believe or not, but it's a nice thought.
Oh speaking of him or her, my TTC, er now she's my pregnancy BFF told me she had a vision that I would have a boy and she is having a girl. I'm so anxious for the time to come when we'll fine out, and see if her prediction is right. For a long time I wanted a little girl first because I wanted one so bad. I felt like if I had her first, I could then relax and not worry about what the second one will be....a boy and have one of each would be cool, but two girls would be nice too (two boys scares the hell out of me, I am afraid they will be loud and messy like their father, lol). But now I really don't care. Ideally one of each would be great, but I am just so happy to be pregnant, I would be equally happy with either one.
If we have a boy, he will be Joseph Francis. Joe is after MH's dad, but also my brother since he is Joe as well, and kind of my dad. My dad is Victor Joseph, but as a kid my grandparents couldn't see calling a little baby Victor (why they named him that I have no clue) so he grew up as Joe. But he had a nun in school that made him go by his given name, so he kind of became both. When he met my mom he introduced himself as Vic, so to my mom's side of the family they all know him as Vic, but on his side he is Joe.
Francis was my grandpa's middle name. As much as I love my grandpa, I just could not use his first name, which was Elmer. I am sure that one is self explanatory. I also think Francis just goes so well with the Joseph. If it's a girl, she'll be Kayla Kathryn. I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of Kayla, but MH loves it. In fact he told me on our second date that if he ever has a girl he wants to name her Kayla. I don't dislike it, it's just not my favorite name. I think one of the issues I have with it, is it sounds so juvenile. I can't picture a 25 year old woman named Kayla. But I became much more on board with it when I realized to sound more mature she could go by Kay.
I also don't love the alliteration of the two K's, but it's not horrible by any means. Kathryn will be after my mom. She was Kathy, that was her full name and obviously Kathy isn't really a suitable middle name but by spelling Kathryn with a Y, it's like my mom's name is "in it". My favorite name in the whole world is Emily. I just think it's so classic and beautiful. I know it's supposedly pretty popular, but I haven't met a lot of baby Emily's and it's just one of those names that will never go out of style, unlike some of the super trendy names that are popular right now. But, maybe if we have two girls someday. I've come to the conclusion that MH loves the name Kayla more than I dislike it, so Kayla it is.
I think we will hold off on telling our names to most people until the baby is born. When it's not yet attached to a person, people seem to think they have the green light to criticize a name. We'll tell our close friends and family of course, but strangers and co-workers can wait.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Betas-3 wks 4 days
I got the results from my first betas today, 54! The nurse said for this early on, it's pretty good. I'd say it's probably better than pretty good seeing as how they seem to think I am 13DPO rather than 11. So since I am not as far along as they think, I'm even more excited. My progesterone is 12.7 and she said anything over 10 is considered good.
Nonetheless, my doctor wants me to start progesterone suppositories since I have a history of loss. I love that she is being so proactive. So I go back on Tuesday for my second beta. I know I am going to be a nervous wreck all day waiting for that phone call to hear if they have doubled like they should. I feel good about this though, it's different from last time. Sure I still get nervous when I have a bad cramp, or when I go to the bathroom, bracing myself to see blood. But I don't feel nearly as neurotic this time. I think it would be impossible to erase all fear and uncertainty.
This nurse was really nice though, unlike nurse dumb dumb. She went over all of the things I should be doing and should not be doing. She said I can take tylenol for any pain, and that it's common to have cramping as though my period is about to start. When she said that I wanted to jump through the phone and hug her. In the last two days I've heard from several women that they had AF-like cramps for anywhere from 5 to 9 weeks and it's perfectly normal. This of course makes me feel so much better, but to hear it from a nurse really drives it home.
I guess it's just my uterus stretching and thickening. More than likely there was no correlation between my cramping last time and the MC. Or maybe there was, but cramping can also exist absolutely independent of there being anything wrong. Nevertheless, I will be happy when they subside. Or at least stop being bad enough to make me run to the bathroom and pray. I don't mind how they feel right now...just kind of a heavy, dull ache feeling. But it's the more intense, localized cramp that scares the hell out of me.
So the fatigue has really been setting in. It's such a different kind than I have ever felt before. It's like when it hits me, I am in a medicine induced fog, the kind of sleepy you feel after you've just taken a good painkiller and you drift off into a relaxing sleep. That would be great if it wasn't happening at work. When I got home from work, I was checking facebook and trying to decide what I wanted for dinner. I closed my eyes for two seconds and the next thing I knew it was half an hour later.
Last night I had a wave of nausea. That one confused me though, I'd say it's way too early to seriously be experiencing morning sickness. But it was different from my usual acid reflux nausea. Eh, oh well. If it was it was. I am dying for Sunday to get here so I can tell my best friend the news. She's the only one I know for sure when I am telling her. Everyone else it depends on when we'll be able to see them and work it out to tell them. There is no way I could wait much longer, I keep almost blowing it every time I talk to someone. Ok, getting tired again, time to go lay down.
Nonetheless, my doctor wants me to start progesterone suppositories since I have a history of loss. I love that she is being so proactive. So I go back on Tuesday for my second beta. I know I am going to be a nervous wreck all day waiting for that phone call to hear if they have doubled like they should. I feel good about this though, it's different from last time. Sure I still get nervous when I have a bad cramp, or when I go to the bathroom, bracing myself to see blood. But I don't feel nearly as neurotic this time. I think it would be impossible to erase all fear and uncertainty.
This nurse was really nice though, unlike nurse dumb dumb. She went over all of the things I should be doing and should not be doing. She said I can take tylenol for any pain, and that it's common to have cramping as though my period is about to start. When she said that I wanted to jump through the phone and hug her. In the last two days I've heard from several women that they had AF-like cramps for anywhere from 5 to 9 weeks and it's perfectly normal. This of course makes me feel so much better, but to hear it from a nurse really drives it home.
I guess it's just my uterus stretching and thickening. More than likely there was no correlation between my cramping last time and the MC. Or maybe there was, but cramping can also exist absolutely independent of there being anything wrong. Nevertheless, I will be happy when they subside. Or at least stop being bad enough to make me run to the bathroom and pray. I don't mind how they feel right now...just kind of a heavy, dull ache feeling. But it's the more intense, localized cramp that scares the hell out of me.
So the fatigue has really been setting in. It's such a different kind than I have ever felt before. It's like when it hits me, I am in a medicine induced fog, the kind of sleepy you feel after you've just taken a good painkiller and you drift off into a relaxing sleep. That would be great if it wasn't happening at work. When I got home from work, I was checking facebook and trying to decide what I wanted for dinner. I closed my eyes for two seconds and the next thing I knew it was half an hour later.
Last night I had a wave of nausea. That one confused me though, I'd say it's way too early to seriously be experiencing morning sickness. But it was different from my usual acid reflux nausea. Eh, oh well. If it was it was. I am dying for Sunday to get here so I can tell my best friend the news. She's the only one I know for sure when I am telling her. Everyone else it depends on when we'll be able to see them and work it out to tell them. There is no way I could wait much longer, I keep almost blowing it every time I talk to someone. Ok, getting tired again, time to go lay down.
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