Saturday, November 17, 2012

Darker lines-3 wks 5 days

I'm so excited, the lines were much darker today.  I cracked and bought another box of FRERs yesterday, though I guess I didn't realize they were $12.99 so my peeing on sticks addiction will be ending once those are gone.  So I used one this morning and the test line popped up even before the color finished running across to the control line.  It was so reassuring to see that.  I also decided to take a digi today, I still had one left over from the box I used last year, and I have another box with either two or three tests in it.

Pregnant popped in less than a minute I think, whereas last year it took several minutes.  I guess that is a good sign.  I started my progesterone suppositories last night.  Ugh, those are such a mess, but I knew they would be.  For a very very brief time I used these spermacide suppositories (back when I thought I needed a whole arsenal of BC, ha, how little did I know back then).  Of course what goes up, comes back down.  I remember one time I used them, then I got up the next morning as my boyfriend at the time was leaving.  Within a minute of him walking out the door, I felt a gush and I looked down and the entire crotch of my jeans was soaked as if it had just peed my pants.  Wow, thank God he wasn't there to see that.

Anyway, I put it in just pushing it with my finger last night but I couldn't get it very far in and I could feel it for several minutes until it started to "melt".  They're not very big, but it felt like when a tampon is out of place, just not comfortable.  So when I did today's, I got the idea to use one of the applicators leftover from the preseed.  Brilliant!  Worked like a charm.

I don't mind using them on the weekend because I can obviously wake up whenever and lay in bed for half an hour afterwards, but it's going to suck doing them in the morning on work days.  But, if they will help ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy I will do them of course.  I would do just about anything to ensure that.

I heard back from my aunt today, I emailed her with the good news a few days ago.  She is so happy for us, she said my news made her day.  I am so glad to have her in my life.  She's actually my great aunt, she's my grandpa's sister.  I never met her (aside from when I was in daipers I guess) until about 10 years ago.  She came to visit (she lives in Hawaii) so I went out to lunch with her and my mom and grandma.  She and I hit it off and we've kept in touch via email since.  Her daughter, which I guess would be my second cousin (????) started emailing me too and then they both came to Michigan for our wedding so I got to officially meet my cousin and I spent some time with them both.

They knew about the last pregnancy so I couldn't wait to tell them our news.  They love being included in things like this because aside from her son who also lives in Hawaii they have no other family out there and cannot visit often since it's such a long, expensive trip.  I also love that she is a connection to my grandpa.  I miss him and my grandma so much, and I so wish I could pick up the phone and call them and tell them about my news.  But my MIL told me something back when I told her our bad news about my IF and our loss....she believes that babies start off in Heaven before they come here, so in that sense my mom and grandparents have already met him/her.  I can't say if I share that believe or not, but it's a nice thought.

Oh speaking of him or her, my TTC, er now she's my pregnancy BFF told me she had a vision that I would have a boy and she is having a girl.  I'm so anxious for the time to come when we'll fine out, and see if her prediction is right.  For a long time I wanted a little girl first because I wanted one so bad.  I felt like if I had her first, I could then relax and not worry about what the second one will be....a boy and have one of each would be cool, but two girls would be nice too (two boys scares the hell out of me, I am afraid they will be loud and messy like their father, lol).  But now I really don't care.  Ideally one of each would be great, but I am just so happy to be pregnant, I would be equally happy with either one.

If we have a boy, he will be Joseph Francis.  Joe is after MH's dad, but also my brother since he is Joe as well, and kind of my dad.  My dad is Victor Joseph, but as a kid my grandparents couldn't see calling a little baby Victor (why they named him that I have no clue) so he grew up as Joe.  But he had a nun in school that made him go by his given name, so he kind of became both.  When he met my mom he introduced himself as Vic, so to my mom's side of the family they all know him as Vic, but on his side he is Joe.

Francis was my grandpa's middle name.  As much as I love my grandpa, I just could not use his first name, which was Elmer.  I am sure that one is self explanatory.  I also think Francis just goes so well with the Joseph.  If it's a girl, she'll be Kayla Kathryn.  I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of Kayla, but MH loves it.  In fact he told me on our second date that if he ever has a girl he wants to name her Kayla.  I don't dislike it, it's just not my favorite name.  I think one of the issues I have with it, is it sounds so juvenile.  I can't picture a 25 year old woman named Kayla.  But I became much more on board with it when I realized to sound more mature she could go by Kay.

I also don't love the alliteration of the two K's, but it's not horrible by any means.  Kathryn will be after my mom.  She was Kathy, that was her full name and obviously Kathy isn't really a suitable middle name but by spelling Kathryn with a Y, it's like my mom's name is "in it".  My favorite name in the whole world is Emily.  I just think it's so classic and beautiful.  I know it's supposedly pretty popular, but I haven't met a lot of baby Emily's and it's just one of those names that will never go out of style, unlike some of the super trendy names that are popular right now.  But, maybe if we have two girls someday.  I've come to the conclusion that MH loves the name Kayla more than I dislike it, so Kayla it is.

I think we will hold off on telling our names to most people until the baby is born.  When it's not yet attached to a person, people seem to think they have the green light to criticize a name.  We'll tell our close friends and family of course, but strangers and co-workers can wait.

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