I told my best friend and my brother yesterday. I don't know if it was nerves from that, or if it was a coincidence but my cramps were really freaking me out yesterday. The past couple days I had felt more content with them, but yesterday they kept scaring me, and I don't think they are really getting any worse.
I think it was a combo of a few things....1. I was freaked about announcing it to people. I've noticed when I think about announcing, I feel a lot of nervous butterflies, and then it mixes with the cramps and it makes everything feel worse. I am afraid that I will be this dumb girl, running around so happy that she's pregnant and then the happy police will decide I am too happy and take it away. I know, that's ridiculous, but it's always in the back of my mind.
2. Is the fact that I started those progesterone suppositories the other day. They are quite messy....most of the oozing happens after I put it in and when I first get up, but to some degree there is some leakage all through out the day so between the cramps and feeling something leaking out, it's just too much. I make several panic runs to the bathroom to check. The bottle says there are two refills, but I am really hoping I won't have to take them after this bottle, and hopefully by then the cramps will be gone.
So I am 4 weeks today! I am so glad to be out of the 3's, that just seemed way too super early. But I'll feel much better when I get to week 5, that will mean I surpassed my last loss date of 4w 3 days. I go for my next betas tomorrow, I am sooo nervous. The first ones were 54 so tomorrow's should be around 216 ish. I know I will be a nervous wreck until I get the phone call but I just have to keep reminding myself millions of women get pregnant with their sticky babies all the time, and I deserve a sticky baby. Not that I didn't last year, but sometimes I can't get the thought out of my head that I will ever get it so I need to keep reminding myself that it happens for tons of people so there is a very good chance that this will be it for us.
Besides I just feel better this time around. Last time I really had no reason to worry, but I did anyway from the moment I got the positive test. It's like I knew the entire time something wasn't right....even Ryan didn't want to talk about it much but this time even just in the past couple days since we found out he has seemed way more involved. Yesterday he saw my pregnancy journal that I had bought last year...I decided to be brave and start writing in it and he asked what it was, then he started reading a few pages and said how cool it was that you could read what was happening each day. I also braved the gym yesterday....that is not something I would have even dared to consider last time only 4 days after finding out.
So maybe we both had a feeling it wasn't meant to be last time, but it is this time. So I met my best friend for lunch yesterday, once she got settled and got her kids coats off and stuff, I said "I have news"! She perked up and gave me a look of anticipation so I am quite sure she knew at that point what the news was, so when I squealed , 'I'm pregnant" she started clapping and saying yay yay yay over and over. We were at a restaurant so she couldn't just scream out, lol. She's really really excited for us. So her oldest will be 4 years older than mine and her youngest will be about a year and a half older. That's pretty good, Mason can be like the big brother and watch over the two little ones like my brother did for me and my cousins, and then maybe my kiddo and Nolan can be pretty good buds.
So then my brother came over last night to watch Dexter. I was about to tell him and he was like I've got to go to the bathroom...so when he came back I started to tell him again and he was like, oh I need some water. I was thinking ah, just friggin sit down already, lol. I don't know why, but both times I was soooo nervous to tell. Maybe nervous isn't the word, but anxious and excited. So finally I said, "So I know your friend's girls already call you Uncle Joe, but are you ready to be an uncle for real?" You could see the question go across his face as he figured out what I meant, then his face lit up and he said really? It was really cute.
His girlfriend couldn't make it over last night so he called her a bit later. He was going to give me the phone to tell her but I told him to do it. Expecting your first neice of nephew is a pretty big deal, so I wanted him to be able to share the news. So he told her "in about 8 months I'm going to be an uncle" and I heard her squeal on the other end of the phone, lol. She said she's voting girl, lol. That was a pretty funny conversation, he was like you realize this isn't really a voting situation right? She's quite the girly girl though so I know she would love for me to have a girl she can play with. I don't know what I want....I'm equally geeked about either one, and my husband said the same. Though I know his dad will be gunning for a boy.
Two of his six grandchildren are boys, but they are MH's sisters' kids, so none of them will carry on our name. My FIL has two brothers and they all had girls, so our kids are my FIL's last hope for a boy to carry on the name. I would love it if we ended up with one of each.
My dad's girlfriend got back to me today about having them over for dinner, it'll be next Sunday. I told them we wanted to have them over for their birthdays (my dad's was the 2nd, hers is today) so it's the perfect cover to have them over and give them gifts. Thank God this is a short week because I will be dying for this weekend to get here. We're having my inlaws over on Saturday for dinner to tell them, so it will be a very exciting, busy weekend. It would have been great to announce at Thanksgiving but there will be too many extra people there.
No comments:
Post a Comment