Come on crosshairs!

My temp dipped a little today but not a lot.  I was pretty bummed, I thought it meant I would not get CHs, but when I got to work I put in a dummy temp for tomorrow and it gives them, saying I Od on Monday which is what I am pretty sure of.  Even if my temp isn't high enough tomorrow, having a higher temp on Friday will also give CHs for Monday.  So as long as I get CHs in the next day or two, I'm going to call my RE on Friday and see if I can go in on Monday for bloodwork to confirm O, which would be 7DPO..

So since I put in a dummy temp to see CHs today, it gave me the rating of our timing, which said it was good at 2-O and O....could have been better, but I feel pretty good about our timing.  It gave the EDD as July 29th, 2013.  I know of course most babies aren't born exactly on their EDD, but I think it's cool because that's the anniversary of the day MH and I met.

So I can't stop my mind from spinning and going back and forth.  On the one hand I am so hopeful....almost certain that this is our cycle.  When I think of testing, I don't hope it's positive, I don't think IF it's positive, I think when it's positive.  I feel like everything is meant to be.  The fact that we have waited for so long, the fact that I had almost no reason to take an OPK last weekend, the fact that I was this close to getting an rx for provera and wipe this cycle out, the fact that everything is happening within days of when it did last year.  I feel like there is no way it was all coincidence that all of this happaned the way it did, so it just has to be that this is our cycle.

Since we began TTC, this is only the second time I can say for certain that I Od (well, assuming I did the other day).  I might have Od 3 or 4 other times since I did have some random periods for that first 6 months, but I have no idea when and if I did, or if we had any decent timing at all.  So since we basically had good timing (well so-so, it was only once) last year during the only FW I knew I had and got KU, I think that's a pretty good sign, and proof that it could happen again.  Plenty of women get pregnant on their very first try, and since it was possible the first time I Od and had good timing, it was essentially our first real try.

But then Mr. Negativity sets in....all I did was possibly ovulate, that's only half the battle.  Plenty of women ovulate every single month, and have perfect timing every single month and don't get pregnant for months.  So it's not a guarantee and I am just setting myself up for disappointment.  But honestly, I'll be hugely disappointed either way.  Telling myself over and over that it isn't going to happen this month won't magically make me ok with a BFN.  Besides, I am a pretty firm believer of positive thinking....trying to drive negative thoughts into my brain probably isn't good for anything.  I can talk myself in and out of thinking this is our cycle all I want, but what it really comes down to is, I feel like this is it.  I hope I am right.