We have surpassed our previous loss date, which was 4 weeks 3 days....I am 4 weeks 4 days today! It feels good to be passed that wretched day. Of course I know you're never really out of the woods, but it still makes me happy nonetheless.
I go for my third betas tomorrow, and my inlaws are coming over for dinner and they'll get the news. It was kind of awkward at Thanksgiving dinner last night....we hadn't planned on announcing because we thought there were going to be extra people there, like some of my SIL's friends, but it was just us, my inlaws and my BIL's parents. If we were further along I would have felt comfortable announcing in front of them, but not this early. Besides, I think grandparents should get the news alone and be able to bask in the news without a bunch of other people present.
So my SIL was asking me about our struggles since I had told my MIL she could share that news with her. I probably came off like I wasn't comfortable talking about it, which I totally would have been. I hope she didn't get that feeling, I didn't want to make her feel bad about bringing it up. I did specifically tell my MIL she could tell her. But since I am pregnant, it was just kind of weird to sit there and talk about it as if we're still trying. Oh well.
So since we won't be seeing SIL and BIL again until Christmas, we decided we won't tell them until then. I feel bad waiting that long, especially since my brother was one of the first to know, but it will be exciting to tell them on Christmas with their gifts and we won't see them in person again until then. I don't want to tell them over the phone.
I was thinking how things are kind of bittersweet...we've had a lot of good news since my grandparents died, which is something we need, good news. My cousin Rob is getting married next October, my brother bought his first house, and we're expecting of course (ha, I feel so old when I say that), but it's also sad that they won't be here to see it. I know there is nothing my grandparents would have liked more than to have lived long enough to see their youngest grandchild get married (my brother is divorced now, but Rob is the only one that has never been married) see Joe's house, and to see my kids. But I just have to believe that they are watching down on us from Heaven. I know they loved their kids, but they really were two people who were born to be grandparents.
At my grandma's funeral my uncle had said something my grandpa said when he went to visit him at the nursing home that day. He said he was talking about his four babies, and my uncle said that was us, his grandkids. Ugh geeze, that's making me tear up at my desk just thinking about it. The first time I took my grandma to see grandpa in the hospital, he was really upset when we first got there, he was sobbing in his bed and my grandma was trying to calm him down. She was like I'm here honey, and Amy is here too. He instantly calmed down some and was like oh Amy, and he reached out for my hand. She was like yep Amy brought me to see you. He was like oh she's such a good girl, aren't we lucky honey to have such wonderful grandkids, and my grandma said we sure are :) And it's true....I mean, not to toot my own horn, but we are all pretty good kids. All four of us own our own home, we all have good jobs, we're all married or in serious relationships and we all have a lot of education or the equivalent...like my cousin Rob didn't go to college but he worked his way up through the TSA and now is a Border Patrol Agent. Lynn is working on her nursing degree and Joe and I both have Master's degrees. Nothing makes me happier than to know my grandparents were proud of me.
Ok, enough sappy stuff. That would make me choke up anyway but being hormonal I'm likely to dissolve into a pile of tears if I don't think about something else. So today being Friday, we always eat out on Fridays. Normally Ryan is so burnt out after work, we just get fast food or order pizza. But he was off today so I asked if he wanted to go out to a nice dinner and celebrate baby B. We hadn't done that yet considering it was so early, but now that we've surpassed the previous loss date, I feel better about it. Like I said, we're never out of the woods, but at some point you have to decide to be happy that you are pregnant TODAY and think rationally. As much as I might have bad feelings or get scared from time to time, I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not live in fear. So I think we're going to one of the steakhouses....a big juicy steak sounds soooo good right now. I like Thanksgiving so we can see family and stuff, but I could really care less about the food. It really does nothing for me...everyone talks about going back for seconds, but aside from the rolls I don't think I finished a single thing on my plate. Now the desserts, those were good :) But yeah, I could give up a traditional thanksgiving meal for the rest of my life, bring on the steak!
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