So once again, my plans have changed. I am going on vacation in a couple of weeks, and when I get back I am going to call the RE for an appt, hoping for an October appt. My TTC buddy made a good point, that if I go in October, I can still hold off on clomid until January, but in the meantime I can get testing and bloodwork and other stuff out of the way, and then if I still want to wait until the first of the year for clomid, everything else will be out of the way and I can get started on it right away then.
It's kind of a compromise with my mind, since I am getting anxious to go, but had valid reasons for waiting until early next year. If my weightloss stays on track, I could maybe lose 15 pounds by October, and maybe if they give me provera that combination will help me O. Or maybe I'll go and decide I want to start trying clomid in December, if so I'll have that option depending on if I feel comfortable. I was thinking waiting until January wouldn't really matter, it's just a couple of more months....but I seriously lie in bed some nights, frantically worried it may never happen for us, so even a couple months is precious time.
I've done a lot of waiting, and I am tired of waiting. In actuality, I was ready to start TTC almost two years ago when we first got married, but we had to wait that six months to make sure I didn't get KU and be due before I would finish school. The rational side of me still knows that was a good idea to wait, but now with all of the other obstacles we've faced, I can't help but feel some regret. What if I could have gotten KU easily if we had tried then? But I guess hindsight is 20/20....deep down I know trying to finish that last few months of school with a newborn would have been hell for me and we were smart to wait.
But I've basically wasted this last year, just sitting around waiting to ovulate, or waiting to lose weight in order to O. Being healthy is important, and getting KU naturally without drugs is ideal, but I'm passed ideal. If getting the weight down doesn't work, or if I keep struggling to get the weight down, I am ready to start taking other measures. In the end I just want a baby....I want to see my little Kayla or Joey smiling back at me, seeing me or my husband's traits in their faces, seeing my dad absolutely giddy at the idea of finally being a grandpa, telling my brother he'll get to be an uncle for real (his friend's kids call him Uncle Joe)....I just want it now, so in two weeks I'll be calling the RE so I can start to make that happen. I think I'm finally ready and it feels good to know I am ready, because even as recent as a few weeks ago I wasn't sure that I was.
MH and I also recently had bloodwork done from our primary doctor. Our vitamin D is low. It sounds very silly, and maybe it is, but I think there is some truth to the notion of just relaxing and things will happen. I know it is a hated mantra on TB, and I can understand how some feel it is too simplified....that as if everything they have been doing is useless and all they have to do is relax and it will happen, but I do feel like there is some truth to it. At the very least when you're not all stressed out about something and counting the seconds, you can have a better journey while you wait. Who knows, it certainly can't hurt right?
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