So my doctor won't call in the provera, I have to go back in. I wasn't going to go at first because I kind of figured what is even the point of taking provera when I am not Oing? I can see it for someone who usually has a regular cycle, you can have an off one and need help getting back on track. But clearly the provera and having a period didn't restart my system and help me O this last time, so I doubt it will again. Does it really matter if I am on CD80 and not Oing, or CD12 and not Oing?
I also really don't want to take clomid. I have a feeling my OB would not do the monitoring and I don't have the first clue about how to find an RE. It's not just that, I haven't given up the hope of being able to do this without meds. Also I read today that clomid may not work for women with PCOS and who are so that gives me another reason I don't want to waste my time with it.
So yeah, I haven't reached the point of clomid yet I don't think. So I decided to go to the doctor, I don't know, just on some wild chance that he could help me somehow. I do want to ask him about Maca though....I have seriously been tempted to use it again lately. I do not think it was a coincidence that I ovulated for the first time in two and a half months after taking the pills for three weeks. But I am scared to take them again since I miscarried. I know most likely those are not what caused me to miscarry...I've seen it first hand, many many women on TB announce their BFPs and then sadly days or weeks later come back after an early miscarriage. They are sadly very common so I really shouldn't be worried that it caused it, but I still do. So maybe if I can ask my doctor about it and if he says no it wouldn't hurt to take them, then I'll feel better.
I am also concerned about taking them, Oing and getting pregnant at this weight. I want to lose weight for my own health, to feel better about myself and to look better, but I also want to make sure I have a healthy pregnacy and of course going into the pregnancy lighter will help me get any baby weight off faster too. But....plenty of women, who are way bigger than me I might add, have had perfectly healthy pregnancies. And, while I really want to be successful this time, I've been trying to lose weight again since my wedding, and my two year anniversary is fast approaching. What if I am not successful again? Already it's going to take until January just to lose 25 pounds and by then we'll have been TTC for 21 months, I don't want to keep delaying pregnancy forever because I am trying to get to the ideal weight. So I think I will ask him how bad it would be for me to get pregnant now at my current weight.
It didn't go very well this week, I gained a pound. I know I cannot look at just one week and judge my success....so many factors can influence weight so you have to look at an overall pattern. Maybe I didn't drink enough water this week, maybe I gained muscle, maybe I had too much sodium, who knows. Maybe next week I will lose 3 pounds and totally make up for the one pound gain this week, but it still blows. It still makes me very frustrated. Like seriously? I know I probably didn't stick to my calories perfectly this week, and I know some of the food choices were not great but shouldn't working out two days (burning a total of 900 calories) and sticking to my calories most of the days count for something? I would have thought since I did ok but not great (but not horrible) I could have still lost at least half a pound, or maybe just stayed the same.
I think I need to go back to weighing in every day. To do it once a week I have no idea where I went wrong, but if I see a loss on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and then suddenly a gain on Thursday, I can maybe pinpoint what led to it instead of assuming I really did gain a real pound of fat that week.
So my appt is next Friday, on my EDD. I find it ironic that instead of being at the hospital giving birth to my first baby, I'll be at the gyno trying to figure out why I can't ovulate.
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