So sleepy- 37 wks 1 day

I have just two weeks of work left.  How did that happen?  I started the countdown at like 8 or 9 weeks, and in a flash I’m down to 2.  Not that I am complaining, this past week has really dragged by.  I’ve had very little work to do, which is nice….especially considering how busy I was at Christmas.  But it makes the day go by so slowly.  On top of that I’ve been so exhausted, either from end of pregnancy exhaustion, or due to this lovely cold I have, or both.  So most days I am sitting at my desk with nothing to do, fighting to stay awake.  I wish I could start my leave now, but I’m already going to be off for almost a week by the time she comes, I would hate to waste two more before she gets here.   I would imagine my first day taking her to my dad’s and going back to work is going to be awful, so I don’t want to waste any more time than I have to without her.

But the good news is, neither of my last two weeks are 40 hour weeks.  I have one more vacation day…I could save it for after my leave, but I’m just so tired and in pain and discomfort, so I decided to give myself a three day weekend and take Monday off.  My cold is starting to get better, but sometimes they can really take a long time to fully go away, and the last thing I want is to still be sick when I deliver.  So I pretty much plan on getting as much sleep as possible this weekend to try to get over it.  Then Tuesday and Friday I leave at 2 for my NSTs.  The following week, I leave at 2 on Tuesday for the doc and then Thursday is my last day.  It was supposed to be Friday but my doctor’s office filled out my paperwork wrong, so they have my first day of leave as Friday.  It’s only one day, and I figured re-doing the paperwork would be more hassle than it’s worth.  Besides, I don’t mind having one more day to relax.  I can leisurely go for my NST that day (my last one, whohoo!) and then maybe I’ll see if my daddy wants to go out to lunch.  That sounds like a good plan.

Also in good news, we finished the dresser last night, so all of the furniture is assembled.  Well, I finished it, but it was fun, I like putting stuff together.  Ryan was a little sad when he saw it done, he said he can’t take any pride in the room because I did it all.  Not true; he did 95% of the crib, we both put the rocker together, him and his dad framed in the closet and put the doors on, and he’ll put up the ceiling fan.  I call that a joint effort.  I started to put some stuff away last night….I got the changing pad and the cover on, I hung the diaper stacker on the wall….I still have some more laundry to do but when that’s done I’ll put those clothes away.  I need to do a little more decorating, hang the curtains and we need to order blinds for the window.  Right now we have crappy mini blinds up, but they’ll do till we can get the better ones ordered.

So far I love how the room looks, it’s just how I pictured it.  We ordered a wall written the other day, those stick on sayings you can put on walls.  We ended up ordering the same one I wanted to get for Kayla…I was a little hesitant at first but couldn’t find anything else we liked, and Ryan liked this one a lot.  But we found a different layout that we liked, so at least it’s not the same identical thing we were getting for her.  It says, “With a butterfly kiss and a lady bug hug, sleep tight little one like a bug in a rug”. 

I’m a little bummed that it doesn’t look like my work is throwing me a shower.  I still have two weeks left, but I doubt it’s happening.  I invited two of my co-workers, whom I consider friends, to my friends and family shower.  They couldn’t make it but they went in together and got us a gift.  And just the other day another lady gave me a gift.  If they had something planned as a group, I doubt they would have done that.  I don’t want to sound gift grabby, we have everything we need for now, and can easily buy the things we need down the road like baby gates and the high chair.  But it’s common place to throw people showers here for weddings and babies.  So I think it’s crappy that they aren’t throwing me one, when everyone else got one.  I suspect it is due to my loss, they’re maybe hesitant, not certain I am comfortable with one.  But if that were the case, either ask me if I am comfortable with the idea, or talk to some of my friends.  Since I had a shower with my friends and family, obviously I am ok with it.

I’m also mad because I feel like I get the shaft a lot when it comes to this.  Most everyone else for their showers, they set up for it while they were in a meeting, so when they came out they were completely surprised by the decorations and food, and their spouse would be sitting at their cube and stayed for the shower.  But for my bridal shower, it was blabbed months before hand when it would be so it wasn’t a surprise, I often heard people bickering about what kind of food to have for it, I walked in that morning to them decorating my desk….I already knew about it so they didn’t feel the need to do it before I came in, and worst of all, they claim they couldn’t figure out how to get ahold of Ryan to invite him.  By the time they did, it was the day before and it was too short of notice and he couldn’t come.  Well, how did they manage to get ahold of all of the other spouses?  The food was good and the gift was nice (the knife set I think, though my co-worker told me she had to adamantly talk my weird boss at the time out of getting me lingerie.  She kept swearing it would be something nice and tasteful.  My friend was like no, she’ll be mortified, this is her workplace, it’s not appropriate) but I’m still pretty bummed about how my bridal shower went and how little effort people seemed to put into it to make it a nice surprise like everyone else’s.  I’ve also had a birthday forgotten (we celebrate everyone’s birthday too with cake and a gift) and it was almost forgotten another year but my friend reminded my boss at the time. 

So I just kind of feel like this happens to me a lot.  Like I said, it’s not about the gifts, but we have waited a long time to have a baby and it would have been nice if people got together, planned a nice shower that Ryan could have come to…it would have meant a lot to me.  Especially considering how people have acted since my loss….they were avoidant at best, or rude and hurtful at worst.  Yes a few select people went out of their way to ask me what happened and genuinely cared, but the overall treatment I received once I came back wasn’t great, and now this.  I feel like, because I went through one of the worst experiences I could go through, now I am also getting jipped out of celebrating like everyone else gets too.  Jill, the other woman on my floor that was pregnant when I lost Kayla, I was told they specifically had her shower before I came back from leave so it wouldn’t upset me.  THAT was very nice and considerate, but at the same time it kind of makes me angry.  She not only got to have her baby, but she also got a shower and then proceeded to bring the baby in and make my life miserable for a few hours.  Clearly anger is still one of my strongest emotions surrounded our loss.

This guy in my department that had a baby last year, he kind of got the shaft too.  They weren’t going to do anything for him apparently but someone spoke up and said um, are we getting him anything or doing anything for him.  So a few of us went in together and got him a gift….but he didn’t get a luncheon, his wife wasn’t invited.  We just all gathered around and gave him his present, and I suspect that was because he’s the guy.  If it had been his pregnant wife that worked here, more would have been done, but because he himself wasn’t the pregnant one, he was almost overlooked.  I just think it’s crappy to pick and choose….either do the same thing for everyone, or do nothing.  I suppose I could eat my words and still get a shower in the next two weeks, but like I said, with my reduced schedule for the remaining time, and the fact that my boss knows I could go into labor any day now, I’d be surprised if they still had something up their sleeves.  Oh well, makes me feel less guilty about not bringing her in for the whole department to see, and at least my friends and family went to great lengths to throw me an awesome shower.

I’m supposed to have dinner with my friend that is in town but I think I might cancel.  I feel bad, I haven’t seen her in a few years, but I just don’t want to go.  If it was with just her that would be better, but her know it all husband will be there and their three kids….he’s an ok guy, but he has some sort of quip to say about everyone and everything.  I don’t even feel comfortable telling her what happened to my dad because I know he will have something to say about it.  If he says something like well he wasn’t paying attention or something about had he done such and such with his fingers they could have reattached, I’ll lose my shit.  Plus, she wanted to eat Mediterranean, which I normally love, but it irritates my tongue so bad right now.  I really don’t want to spend the next week speaking with a lisp and my tongue hurting.  I’m also still really really tired and sick, and I have new pregnancy pains today.  I don’t think I’ve ever canceled on her before, and I think I have legit reasons too, but still I feel bad.  But not bad enough to still go I guess. 

 My new pain is my pelvic bones hurt...like the entire area hurts when I get up and walk around, it hurts to put pants on, to go upstairs. I didn't see my doctor today but I asked my nurse about it.  As soon as I said it feels like I've been on a horse, she said yep!  So ok, it's normal, whew,  It's funny because whenever someone talks about her coming soon, I'm like no, I'm not ready yet.  But when it comes to stuff like this, I'm like ooh maybe this is a sign that my body is getting ready for her arrival, maybe it's progress, and I'm excited.

I made a supply of padsicles the other day.  I really hope they help.  If anyone needs the recipe, they're easy to make....just buy a package of big overnight pads, unwrap each one but leave the plastic on since you're going to fold them back up.  Next put down your liquids onto the pad....two tablespoons of witch hazel, one tablespoon of aloe and one teaspoon of Jojoba oil.  The aloe, if using the gel will need to be rubbed in a little.  Then just wrap the pad back up and shove them all in a gallon freezer bag (or two) and stick in the freezer.  The coldness of the pad and the ingredients are supposed to be very soothing and healing after a vaginal delivery.  I just hope I get a vaginal delivery and get to use them. 

I ditched the stich! - 36 wks 5 days

It's out, I'm so happy!  I was pretty nervous on my way there, and my husband was running late but luckily he arrived after I peed in a cup, was weighed, and had my BP taken but before they started with removal..  I just have to brag about my BP for a minute, so far it's been perfect everytime.  Thank God that has been one less thing I need to worry about.  Good job BP!

So then my doctor came in and got ready.  I kept telling her I was scared and she was like well it will be quick, and if for some reason we have issues we'll have you come back and do it in the OR.  I said how much I hate the speculum and why can't they make it out of nerf.  Everyone had a good laugh over that one.

So she got started....the speculum was, well as usual, uncomfortable and a bit painful.  She went in, snip, and said, it's out.  She checked to make sure I wasn't bleeding too much which I wasn't at all, took the speculum out and did a pelvic to check dilation (I am still only fingertip dilated) and that was it.  I was amazed.  From start to finish it took less than a minute.  I feel kind of silly now for being so nervous.  I mean yeah there can be complications, but that seriously could not have gone any smoother.

The nurse asked if I wanted to see the stich and my doctor was like no I get to show her, that's like the equivalent of holding the baby afterward, haha.  So she showed it to me....it was a loop with a braided section, it kind of looked like one of those friendship bracelets.  She asked if we wanted to keep it and I was like eh but my husband wanted it.  Haha, ok, so now we have this stitch that has been in my cervix for 5 months.  What exactly we're going to do with it I don't know.

So then they hooked me back up to the NST....I was a little worried at first, I thought I was going to fail it because her HR was so high, but she calmed down some.  Plus I told her she wasn't very active this morning and my doctor sounded concerned.  I mean, she is typically more active in the afternoon and evening, but this morning it really bothered me.  I am not sure why.  I wasn't sure if she really wasn't moving much or if I was just paying attention to it more.  She had a couple good thumps and bumps around 9am, but then not much until noonish so I ate lunch a little early and that got her going.

I had like barely any work to do today and the clock was barely moving, plus I was nervous about my cerclage removal, so I think overall that is why I was more on edge and bothered by her lack of movement this morning.  Tomorrow I could be busier at work and not even fazed by it.

So she went over with me how I will be induced.  She said first I'll be given misoprostol if I am not dilated at all, which will help ripen my cervix.  She said they also might use a foley bulb to help things along, and the pitocin would be used once I am actually in labor if I am not progressing fast enough.

So we're scheduled, unless she decides to come earlier on her own we'll be going in on March 18th at 6am.  I'm so excited to have a date set, that's 3 weeks from today!  I told her I would like to try to schedule it around her and the other doctor I like.  They were all joking that I wanted the girl team.    They don't have the schedule of who is on in the evenings, but my favorite doctor, Dr. P is on that Tuesday and Wednesday and then Dr. G is on Thursday.  She said they'll likely let me rest at night, so hopefully I'll deliver during the day and it looks like a very good chance of getting Dr. P, who also delivered Kayla.   I'm also happy because before knowing when which doctor was on, Tuesday was kind of the date I had in my head.

I didn't want Monday the 17th....I don't know, kind of silly but I hate St. Patrick's Day so I didn't want to purposefully chose that day.  My last day of work is the previous Thursday, so I didn't really want to chose Wednesday or Thursday and be off for an entire week before she comes.  Plus it made me nervous to get too close to 40 weeks. 

So then we had our growth scan.  It was pretty funny before she got started, Boo was pushing on my stomach and it made me lopsided, and then gave me a cone belly.  Ryan had never seen her do that before.  I think it was her butt, lol.  So she is still head down, yay!  Everything looked good, and they estimate that she is about 7 pounds right now.  Whew, not as bad as I feared.  I was afraid they would say she was already 8 or 9.  They estimate that she'll be in the high 7's or low 8's, maaaaybe 8.5 if she has a big growth spurt by then, but I'm pretty good with all that.  I was really scared of delivering a 9 or 10 pound meatloaf.

Three more weeks until I get to meet my little girl!

We have a crib! 36 wks 2 days

Well, we've had it since December, but it is now assembled, the sheets are on, the mesh bumpers are on, it looks like a baby bed, and Boo won't have to sleep in a dresser drawer!  Tomorrow we're going to do the dresser and hopefully get that finished.  I'm nervous about it though because I know it will be a lot more complicated than the crib, but once it's done, all of the furniture is done and I can finally get all of the baby stuff out of the living room and kitchen, get her clothes put away, etc.

It will be such a weight off my shoulders.  We ended up having to rearrange the furniture.  Once the stuff is assembled, the room becomes a lot smaller than we realized, so we had to swap spots between the crib and the rocker/nightstand, but I like how it is now.  I hung her Monkey decals on the wall and opened some things and put them in her diaper caddy, decided what things to put in the nightstand drawer.  It's starting to look like a nursery.  I'm exhausted now though....I moved the furniture around by myself, it wasn't that heavy and it just slid across the carpet.  I'll post pictures once it's all done.  And, today is exactly one month from my due date! 

I also got up pretty early for a Saturday, after having gone to bed late.  I was up worried about my dad till like 3am, and then my brother was texting me at 6:30 am with updates.  We text back and forth for like half an hour but I went back to sleep because Boo was crazy active this morning and she'll usually calm down and go to sleep when I do...or at least her kicking doesn't wake me up once I am asleep if she is still up.  But then my dad called around 8:30 so I got up to talk to him and stayed up from there.

So his thumb is fine, it had a bad cut but it wasn't severed at all.  I guess he did grab his glove and brought it with him, assuming both fingers were still in the glove but only his index finger was, which was too mangled to reattach.  They could have reattached his middle finger if they had it, and it sounds like by the time they got it, reattaching it would have only been for aesthetic purposes.  But he decided if it was useless, it would only get in the way and he would be better off with stumps.  So he lost both fingers from the knuckle up.

I think he was very lucky for many reasons.  When it comes to a table saw, a slip in the other direction would have easily taken off his whole hand, or cut him bad enough that he bled out too much....I don't even want to think about that scenario.  I am also thankful he didn't lose his thumb.  He'll have to adjust to his fingers being gone, and find new ways to do things, but without a thumb I think things would be a lot harder.  I'm also happy that he does at least have the stubs from the knuckle down, at the very least he can pinch things between the stub and his thumb to pick stuff up. 

So I talked to him for about 10 minutes before he went back for surgery.  He said he had a good nurse last night, her name was Emily, and her middle initial is K also :)  I'm sure he happily told her about his granddaughter that's soon to be on her way.  He said he was in quite a bit of pain but they had just given him morphine so hopefully he felt better soon.  I asked him if he knew how it happened and he said no, it all happened so fast he doesn't know how his fingers got to be where they shouldn't.  I told him I was sorry I couldn't be there but he understood and said there was nothing I could do sitting in a hospital waiting room.  He had to get going and get ready for surgery, he told me he loved me and I said the same.  My dad and I are not mushy I love you people....the last time we said it was when we lost Kayla, and before that was my wedding day.  I don't need to hear it all the time, but it was nice to hear it today.

So my stepmom, brother and SIL got there around noon today.  They let me know when he got out of surgery and that he was in good spirits.  He was released late this afternoon and they took him back to his place where they're spending the night and then they're all coming home tomorrow. 

Prayers for grandpa- 36 wks 1 day

My dad is relatively ok, but he had an accident tonight.  He was up north for the week and was in his shed working with the table saw.  I don't know many details yet, but somehow cut off this thumb, index, and middle finger of his left hand.

He doesn't have a landline at his place and his cell is spotty so he drove himself the quarter mile down the road to my grandma's house to call 911, and called my stepmom from the ambulance and she called me.  She scared the shit out of me when she told me though, from the tone of her voice and saying, "it's your dad" I was terrified something way way worse happened.  So I am thankful he is ok and it's not life threatening, but I'm still pretty upset.  I cannot imagine how scary and painful that must have been.  He is a very active guy, always working with his hands so it worries me that it will be hard for him to continue doing the things he loves with whatever state his hand ends up in.

I know he won't let it stop him, but still it will be hard.  He is right handed, so at least it was his non-dominant hand, but I was hoping it was his other two fingers that aren't as useful, or maybe just the tips.  My stepmom called me back when she got an update.  Apparently his thumb can be saved and isn't that bad, but his index finger is gone and is too mangled to be repaired.  I am still not sure if the whole thing is gone or if it's to the knuckle.  His middle finger might be saved, but they have to find it first.  He understandably wasn't in the right frame of mind to look for them before getting help, as it was I think it's a little crazy that he drove to my grandma's.  But I know what he was thinking...they're out in the country, if an ambulance goes by with their lights and sirens on you're going to look.  If my grandma looked out and saw an ambulance at his place, she would have flipped out and she cannot drive to go down there to see what happened.

So if they can find whatever was cut off of his middle finger, they might be able to repair it....but I don't know how much time they have.  My cousin is going to look for it now, and then they have a 20-30 minute drive to the hospital.  Luckily it is cold out so maybe that will buy some time.

I have a huge family, my dad has 11 siblings and most of them all live around there, so at least 4 or 5 of them are at the hospital with him now.  My stepmom said she could barely recognize my Uncle Bob's voice.  I find it oddly humerous, the men in my family are all tough as nails but when it comes to their siblings they're pussy cats.  My dad is really close to most of his brothers and they're thick as thieves.  My stepmom, brother, and SIL are going to drive up tomorrow to see him....he was planning on coming home tomorrow anyway so as soon as he is up to it my stepmom will drive him home.  I'm so afraid to see his hand, I know I will lose it.  I feel like a shitty daughter, but I'm not going to go.  I am less than a week from full term, and I've already been to L&D twice this trimester.  I'm too afraid to be four hours away from my doctor this close to the end.  Also because I still have my cerclage in, I am not confident that just any doctor would know how to properly take it out if I were to go into labor with it still in.

Everyone agreed it is best that I don't go, and my dad even told my stepmom that I don't need to worry about coming, to just stay home and take care of his granddaughter :)  I know everyone is right, and I know I am right to not go, but I still feel bad.  But it helps to know he has family with him now, and more are going tomorrow.  I know in the grand scheme of things, fingers are nothing compared to the fact that he is ok, his life is way more important than fingers, but I just feel so sad for him.  First that has got to be scary and shocking to see part of your body not attached to the rest of you anymore, and well, fingers are kind of important.  I pray it doesn't take him long to adjust without them and he can still do all of the things he loves to do.  And because we are a twisted family that has to make jokes to lighten the mood, once he's feeling better I'll have to console him by saying, well at least it won't affect his typing.  He's already the worst typist in the world, he cannot get any worse.  I guess he was working on the vanity for my stepmom's bathroom when this happened, and she was trying not to stress him out by crying on the phone, so she asked, well you didn't get any blood on the vanity did you?  Told you we're twisted.

But since losing my mom, something happening to my dad is one of my worst fears.  I don't know if he is accident prone or what, but he seems to have a lot of things happen to him.  Part of it is he is very active, and always on the go, so he just has more opportunity for things to happen.  But just the other day he got all banged up when he got thrown off his snowmobile, the same year my mom died he had prostate cancer, a few years ago he flipped his truck on an icy road going up north, and it seems like every time I see him he's got some new cut or injury.  My uncle, his brother, fell out of his deer blind a few years ago and is now paralyzed from the waist down.  It just seems like he is always getting into some shit and I am so scared one of these days it is going to be something much much worse.  When I first heard the tone of my stepmom's voice I was terrified, thinking my worst fear was coming true, that something so much worse happened.  I wish I could just wrap him in bubble wrap. 

False alarm- 35 wks 5 days

I was getting ready for bed last night and just didn't feel right.  I had had almost no appetite all day, so every time I ate I got really uncomfortably full, but with my diabetes I have to eat whether I am hungry or not so I figured I just had to suffer through.  But right before bed, my stomach felt weird....it was kind of a hollow ache, kind of like you might get when you need to throw up, but I wasn't nauseas per se, I didn't feel the need to run to the bathroom.  My back also got really tight and sore out of nowhere.

I've had a sore, tight upper back through out the pregnancy, but this was more intense and it was more my mid to lower back.  I knew some women didn't really feel contractions at first if they just had back labor, so I was worried that's what this was.  My husband was getting ready to go to work, and he kept asking me if I needed to go to the hospital and I was like no, I don't think so.  So I tried going to bed, but as soon as I got into bed I was doubled over in pain and couldn't straighten my body out.  It wasn't like contraction pain because it was constant, so I guess it was more like constant RLP.

So I tried to tough it out and go to sleep, but my husband came in and said he was going to shower and shave before going to work, and he heard me kinda whimpering and asked if I was ok.  I said I didn't know, but I think I needed to get up for a little while.  By this point I wasn't exactly sure what was wrong, but I knew something wasn't quite right.  I wasn't quite ready to say I needed to go to the hospital, but I wasn't too keen on him leaving in case I needed him later.  So he said he was going to shower, and to see how I felt when he was done.

So I went and laid on the couch by my breathing was kind of labored.  By the time he got out of the shower he was like get dressed, we're going.  So we got to L&D around midnight, went through the usual drill, pee in a cup, get hooked up to the monitors, tried to describe my pain.  Under normal circumstances I would have probably waited it out a little more to see if I felt any worse, but with the cerclage still in I was worried about contracting against it, and dilating and would damage my cervix.

So the nurse asked if I felt anything just then and I said no not really, but my back does still hurt, and she said because you just had a small contraction.  So the monitor was picking them up, they were about every 5-7 minutes but not strong enough to feel.  I was kind of glad I was actually contracting so there was a valid reason to come in.  I know they say it's better to be safe than sorry, but it's nice to realize you didn't just come in because you had bad gas.  So they monitored me for several hours and a resident came in to do a pelvic exam.  She thought the cerclage was ok and that I wasn't dilated, but I guess she wasn't real experienced with cerclages and wanted a second opinion, so another resident came in and did another exam.  This one was much more painful, not as bad but close to the pain of being fisted when the doctor removed the placenta when Kayla was born.  So kept pushing really hard and grabbing my cervix.  She said I was fingertip dilated, but not enough to actually get a finger in and she felt that the cerclage was ok.  But then she did a speculum exam so she could actually see it.  Ugh, I HATE the speculum.  Thank God I had my husband's hand to squeeze the life out of.

So after a while longer and them speaking to my doctor on the phone, they said they wanted to monitor me for another hour to see if the contractions calmed down, which they did some and then they did another spec exam to make sure I hadn't dilated further.  So we got home around 6am, went to bed and then I woke up at 9 to see if my doctor could get me in for my regular appt any earlier than 1:45.  Right before I called though they actually called me to see if I could come in earlier, so we got ready and went.  They kept saying my regular doctor, who I assume was on rounds in the hospital, would likely come see me, but instead the jerk one that I don't like came in.

He rolled his eyes at my one high bloodsugar reading from when I went to my Godson's birthday party the other day.  Oh excuse the shit out of me if I am not perfect, and have to make do as best I can with the food available to me.  Then he was asking me what happned last night and what brought me in....I explained about the backpain and the overall weird feeling, and that I couldn't really feel any contractions but the monitor did show I was having some.  He was like well most women have some contractions at some point and aren't actually in labor.  Ugh, I felt like he was being dimissive and almost acting like it wasn't a big deal, whereas everyone other person I came into contact with said it was good that I came in, especially with my cerclage and my history.  Besides, I've had like 6 NST's so far and to my knowledge they've never showed any contractions, so that was new for me.

So then he did a speculum exam....holy hell, he was not gentle at all.  I get that men don't have those parts, but why can't some male OB's (and women I suppose) be a little more gentle? Especially seeing as how things are more painful when you're pregnant, and I had just had two pelvics and two other spec exams just hours earlier.  He also did the strep B swab, which I had done several weeks ago the last time I went to L&D and I barely knew they did it, but with him I almost jumped off the table.  Ugh, I really hope he isn't the one to deliver Boo.

So he concluded that the cerclage was fine, and the dilation was barely enough to even consider it dilated so all is well.  We got home from there around noon and then I napped like all afternoon.  I feel pretty much fine now, no back ache and no weirdness.  He did say I'll be getting my cerclage out next Tuesday, and they'll also do a growth scan to check on her size.  I wasn't supposed to have another growth scan until the week or two following, but since my husband is coming for the cerclage removal, I am glad he'll get to see the growth scan too. 

It's funny because even though I wasn't certain it would progress and she would come last night, there was always the possibility.  And I was amazingly ok with her coming if that's what happened.  In fact a part of me was kind of hoping I would progress because I am so excited to meet her.  Ryan said the same thing, he kept flipping back and forth as to whether he actually wanted her to come now or not.  Since the nursery isn't ready yet, I always assumed if I went into labor anytime soon I would be terrified, but I was actually excited.  But since it didn't progress, I am glad she's decided to bake a while longer.  I know she would be ok if born now, but another few weeks will only make her even stronger.

My cats were acting very strange last night and this morning.  So amazing how animals can sense things.  As we were getting ready to leave last night Zoey was just sitting on the counter watching us.  He's normally getting into something and being annoying, but he was just sitting, observing.  Then when we got home this morning, our other cat Vinny kept following me from room to room, meowing.  As if making sure I was alright.  Sometimes when I am laying on the couch he'll come up and sniff my tummy.  So cute.

Well I'm off to shower and go to bed.  Hopefully this next week goes by fast so I can get my cerclage out, then I'll feel a lot more relaxed about going into labor early.  We haven't been scheduled yet, but my induction will be a month from this week!

Baby Clothes- 35 wks 2 days

I went to my Godson's second birthday party today and my friend's Aunt Dee was there.  She has kind of adopted me as a niece, so she was invited to the shower but she couldn't make it because of the snow so she gave me a present today.  She got Boo this adorable frilly dress.  It is a 3-6 mo and we hope to get her baptized this summer so this cute little dress may need to make an appearance afterward at the luncheon.

Speaking of her baptism, my stepmom's brother-in-law gave us the christening gown that all of his kids were baptized in.  He figures he won't be having any grandkids so he wanted to pass it on to someone that could use it.  It's really pretty but it's all croched with pretty heavy yarn.  I don't want her sweating her butt off in that, so I think we're going to pass on it.  Plus Ryan is pretty sure his mom still has his gown so that would be nice if she could be baptized in the same gown her daddy was.

We got a couple outfts from our shower that just won't work, so I took those back today and got three onesies, a footy pajama, two packs of socks with six pairs each and a pink piggy bank....not a bad trade off.  There was a children's resale store right next door and I was so tempted, but I didn't go in.  I think she's got enough clothes now, at least to make it thru six months anyway.  I got my Godson's birthday gift from Old Navy yesterday, my friend requested clothes since between him and his brother they have soooo many toys.  So while I was there I picked up a few outfits for Boo.

One is a onesie that says Miss Sassy Pants, and I got these cute little yellow shorts to go over it that kind of look like bloomers.  I also got her this little blue romper thing with eyelet designs at the top, it's so pretty.  I have to actively search for non pink clothes since her closet is overflowing with pink right now.  I got our registry completion coupon from Babies R Us the other day.  Ryan wasn't too thrilled about going and likely has to work tomorrow, so my future SIL and I are going to buy the remaining stuff we need.  We're also going to Bed Bath and Beyond to finish her wedding registry since my brother doesn't feel like going.  Slackers!

I'm a little worried about where to put everything I am buying tomorrow.  I went through all of our gifts and got all of the clothes and anything that needed to be washed, so those are either hung up in her closet, or folded in laundry baskets in the basement and was able to condense everything to one corner of the living room.  But tomorrow's haul is definitely not going to fit in the corner.  Maybe when our living room is full of baby stuff again, that will light a fire under my husband's ass to get the furniture assembled so the nursery is set up and we can put stuff away.  I'm itching to get the nursery decorated and put together, hopefully Boo doesn't decide to come early.

I put our jogger stroller together last night.  I love it, it's so nice.  But wow am I glad we also got a smaller lightweight stroller for everyday use.  That jogger is huge and not very light.  Ryan is running a 5K a few weeks after Boo will arrive.  Last year it was the first race he ran after we lost Kayla and all the guys sported bracelets with her name on them and ran in her honor.  So this year, since Boo will be too little to go jogging, he's going to "ghostride" and run with the empty stroller in Kayla's honor.  That's going to be very emotional to see him crossing the finish line.  Since he'll have the carseat on the stroller (that way people don't really have to know the stroller is empty) I guess I'll try out the little pouch carrier thing while she and I wait for daddy to finish the race.  Hopefully the weather will be warmer by then. 

35/35!

I'm 35 weeks down, 35 days to go.  Wow that's scary.  I cannot believe Boo will be here in 35 days or less.  After tomorrow I've only got four weeks left of work, eeeek!  I can't wait, I am so tired of trying to stay awake at work.

My NST the other day was combined with a doctor appt.  She did great on the NST, and my cerclage is still good and I get it out in about two weeks.  I'm very nervous for that.  She said the more relaxed I can be, the easier it is on all of us.  Pelvic exams I can handle, transvaginal ultrasounds no problem.  But I absolutely hate anything that involves a speculum.  But I'm planning on my husband being at that appt, so hopefully that will make me a little calmer.

I'm also nervous about having it in for another two weeks.  My doctor stressed that if I am having any bleeding or contractions I need to get to L&D right away because I don't want to be having contractions with the cerclage in.  Yuck, that makes me nervous.  She also said I am measuring a little large according to fundal height.  Of course I didn't think to ask how large, I'll ask tomorrow.  I know a lot of people measure larger, and neither fundal height nor growth scan are completly accurate, but with having diabetes I am nervous about having to push out a 9+ pound football. 

Obviously since I am having an epi that won't be that big of a deal but I am very nervous about tearing.  Ryan and I have decided to start calling her by her name to each other.  I don't feel it is as necessary to keep her distant from her name anymore, and I don't want her to arrive and not feel like her name at all by not using it before then.  And often when I am compelled to call her something other than Boo, it's Kayla.  I know if things were different, it's very common to call sisters by each others names by accident.  Hell my mom used to call me by my brother's name all the time.  But with Kayla not being here, I'm very uncomfortable with calling Boo by her sister's name just because I'm already worried that we're replacing her, or on the flip side, that Boo will forever feel like she's living in Kayla's shadow, and that she's only here because Kayla is not.

So we'll still call her Boo to everyone else, I am not comfortable with everyone calling her by her name yet.  Plus, 95% of our friends and family don't even know the name we have picked out, so we might as well keep it a surprise at this point.

Nesting-34 wks 3 daya

I think nesting has set in.  I have been cleaning all weekend, and I cannot stop.  I've cleaned nooks and crannies that I didn't even know could get dirt in them, but I cannot stop seeing dirt everywhere I go so I just kept scrubbing.  Yesterday I did the bathroom and half of the kitchen, and today it took me 4 hours to finish the kitchen.  I intended on doing the living room as well, but just as I finished the kitchen my husband wanted to go out and do something. 

Finishing my cleaning job would have been nice, but my husband isn't always a fan of going out these days, so when he wants to, I drop what I am doing.  So we went to dinner at Five Guys Burgers, and then drove around looking for something to do.  It was going on 6 on a Sunday, so our options were limited.  We ended up going to Rock of Ages which is a CD/record/rock and roll memorbilia and pop culture stuff store.  So we walked around for a bit, laughed at the rock 'n roll onsies they had.  There were funny ones, but we're just not the kind of people that dress our baby in Rolling Stone or Sons of Anarchy onsies.  My friend at work sent me a pic of a cute onsie, it was orange and made out to look like a prison uniform and it said "I just did 9 months on the inside".  Ha, though I am not sure who felt like they were in jail more, me or her.

  After that we just came home because we couldn't think of anything else to do.  On the way home we stopped at Tim Horton's and got a bagel to share and we each got donuts.  I got a chocolate glazed which I am eating now with a glass of milk and it's heavenly.  I did well with my numbers today, plus after a marathon session of cleaning I felt I deserved it. 

I hope I have the energy to clean the living room tomorrow.  It's so nice to have an 85% clean house.  My problem with cleaning is I have two extremes.  Pig, or neatfreak.  I either do nothing and the house is completely disusting, or I go on rampages like I did today (though today was slightly more extreme fueled by nesting drives) and I have troubles stopping, and I freak out about every little speck of dirt after having spent all day cleaning.  A super clean house is nice, but I have trouble relaxing in it because I keep seeing more and more that needs to be cleaned.  I feel better when the house is presentable, but lived in.

But once I get it all clean, hopefully I can get back to my daily chore schedule to maintain it.  Boo must have liked my cleaning today though because every time I sat down to take a break, she would kick like crazy.  My constant movement and cleaning must have lulled her to sleep all day.  Well, 20 minutes until the season premier of The Walking Dead, so I'm outta here. 

Crabby pants- 34 wks 1 day

Whew, I wore my crabby pants to work today.  Everybody was driving me crazy.  It's too bad there aren't two phases of maternity leave....for after the baby is here for recovery and bonding, and for before the baby is here so you do not commit murder in the last few weeks when your patience is paper thin.  I was coming out of the bathroom today when this lady, who annoys me on a good day but being pregnant, she annoys the ever living crap out of me, was coming in.  She says, "wow Amy, you're so big!".  I was like uh thanks, just what everyone wants to hear and she laughed.  Hey dummy, I wasn't making a joke, I was trying to tell you that your comment was rude. 

I will never understand why people think it is ok to make comments on your size when you're pregnant.  Especially considering I am overweight to begin with, don't ya think maybe, just maybe I don't want to be told how huge I am?  Besides, I really don't think I am that huge.  I mean, I definitely look almost 8 months pregnant, but ya know, some women appear to be 15 months pregnant so I don't think I look gargantuan.

Then, my boss for the millionth time in a row tried to schedule a meeting with me for after I was leaving for the doctor today.  Erg, I don't know why he does that.  We have personal calendars and then group calendars so you can see other peoples' availability but apparently he never checks it.  Not to mention the fact that he knows I have two appts every week now so maybe you should check the calendar to make sure it's not one of the appt days. 

The day got better though.  I left at 2 for my NST, I barely sat down when I got there and was called back.  The last two times I had to wait at least 30 minutes so it was awesome to get called back right away.  I got my favorite nurse....she's so nice.  I like them all, but she's my favorite.  She mentioned how great this pregnancy is going....she's right, I am very lucky.  Going into it we had no idea what would happen.  At best we figured bed rest and a premie in the NICU, but at worst there was the fear of losing another baby, but here I am, no bed rest, no major complications aside from the GD and the bleeding early on, and I'm 34 weeks which is basically in the early window of possibly not even needing NICU time if born now.  We've been through a lot with the infertility, early loss and losing Kayla, but we are so blessed to have Boo and have everything go well.

So she got me hooked up and she was much more mellow this time, only kicking once or twice every few minutes.  But then toward the end she got the hiccups so she was jerking every 2 or 3 seconds from the hiccup.  It was funny looking at the print out because there would be a dash or two here and there, but once the hiccups started it was just a thick blocks of hash marks since I had to hit the button so many times.  Pat came back in to check on me, took one look at the print out and said oh we've got the hiccups. 

So I left work at 2, my appt was at 2:30 and I was outta there by 3, home by 3:30 on a Friday afternoon.  It was nice.  I've "cooked" all week for the first time in forever.  I use the term cook loosley because one night it was tacos (no sides, just tacos, so basically browning ground beef) and the other three night we popped some Little Ceasars Pizza Kits in the oven.  Regardless, we didn't spend money and we ate at home, so I decided I deserved a night out tonight so we went to our favorite Mexican place.  We have nothing on the agenda for the weekend, so I hope to catch up on some sleep, and maybe get some cleaning done.

Wild child- 34 wks

Boo was a little crazy at my NST the other day.  She was actually kicking and moving around too much and they had a hard time establishing a baseline for her heartrate, so they had difficulties knowing whether it was excelerating as it should with movement.  So after being hooked up to the monitors for like 45 minutes, I got a surprise ultrasound.  The doctor was a little concerned that maybe her fluid was low, but it was fine, and everything looked good.  I guess she just felt like dancing.

So since we just received a TON of pink stuff, I decided to take advantage of the ultrasound and ask if she was still a girl....yep, nothing has grown in the last 16 weeks, haha.  My tech sounded very confident in her answer back at the anatomy scan, but before we start putting all the pink stuff away in her room, it makes me feel better to have that second look.  She also said she has a lot of hair, which is what the tech at the 3D ultrasound said too.  Gah, I can't wait to see her.

We got our jogger and infant car seat last night.  The car seat does fit in the other stroller we got so that's good.  But we registered for the wrong bases so we'll have to return the one my inlaws got us and get the right one, plus two more.

Her going home outfit came today.  Actually it's one of many, I know I definitely want pictures taken in it, but I am not sure if she'll actually go home in it or not.  It depends on the weather that day since it's short sleeve and she'll need a pair of pants to go over it.  My MIL told me the other day that she ordered a newborn sized tutu for her.  How freaking adorable would it look with a pink tutu?

Baby shower- 33 wks 3 days

Yesterday was my baby shower and it went great.  I had a bit of a pity party for myself the night before because we were getting a lot of snow in the forecast, so people began cancelling left and right.  None of my up north family made it, Ryan's cousins from the thumb area didn't make it, and even some local people that had a 30-45 minute drive didn't want to risk it.  I totally understood, a baby shower just isn't risking your life or your car to drive a long distance in snow.  But I was bummed.  I had been looking forward to my baby shower for a long time, and I was looking forward to seeing everyone.

So when I woke up yesterday morning it was already coming down pretty hard.  I had a 5 minute drive to get my hair cut, but even that was difficult and the snow was just hammering.  I was gone just over and hour and by the time I got home you couldn't even see my footprints from when I left.  Within 20 minutes you could barely see my footprints from when I got home.

My husband didn't have to go into work until after the shower, and he wanted to drive me because of the snow....it's so cute.  I am really not uncomfortable driving in the snow, espeically since getting my AWD, but I wasn't going to turn him down, I was really glad he came.  So he shoveled while I finished getting ready and then we went.  I was bracing myself for only 5 people showing up, but we actually had a pretty good turn out.  Of the 50 that RSVPd yes, we had about 20 show up, which I thought was really good considering how bad the weather was.

So when we first got there we mingled and said hi to everyone.  Ryan's friend from high school came and also brought her cousin since her mom couldn't make it and she figured a lot of people would cancel.  The cousin went to school wtih all of them too so he had a good time catching up with them.  His friend Phil's wife Vicki came, and she was at a table with Dan's wife Becky and my aunt and two couins.  Vicki is pregnant and due in July, and we found out my cousin (well cousin's wife) that got married back in October is pregnant too, due in September.  My other cousin's son is like 12 and I think they are done having kids, so the look on her face was kinda funny when she realize there were two, not just one preggo at her table.  We all joked that she better not drink the water.

My MIL got beautiful tulip arrangements for each table, so while they were getting the food ready they had everyone fill out their thank you card envelope and then drew names to give away the flowers.  My friend and her daughter came that I haven't seen in like a year.  We used to work together, she was one of my bestest friends at work and she was one of my bridesmaids.  It was so good to see her again.  She kept saying how much she loved the flowers, so I was happy that she won an arrangement.

They also had everyone fill out a card of baby wishes that they wish for Boo.  They were things like, I hope you love....., I hope you become....., I hope you are not afraid of......., and they had to fill in the blanks.  I cried when I was reading them, it's such a beautiful keepsake for Boo.  My brother's was funny, for the I hope you love, he put "your uncle Joe".  :)  I was so glad he came....his fiancee is sick so she couldn't make it, but glad he did.  I feel like I never see him anymore.  Hopefully he'll be around more once Boo arrives, but he just works so darn much.  With only one day off a week, he needs it to get stuff done around the house.

The only thing was none of the grandparents or my best friend filled one out because they were so busy hosting, and I really want one for Boo to read from them, so I'll have to get them to do that.  They also played a game where they had to match up celebrity couple to their babies, so winners from that one a basket that each of my ladies made.  The remaining baskets went to the winners of baby gift bingo.  So I think people had a good time and won some good prizes. 

We had arabic food catered from one of my favorite restaurants.  It was so good, but it hurt my mouth.  My tounge and gums have been so sensitive and sore from hormones and the spices and stuff in the food made it even worse.  Which I knew it would, but I suffered through it anyway.  It was salad, rice, bread, hummous and chicken skewers.  I took it easy on the rice and bread and loaded up on chicken so it was at least a good diabetic meal.  I ended up testing 20 minutes early because they started serving the cake, and my sugar was 125....so I'm going to assume that 20 minutes later it would have been below 120 :)  And even if it wasn't, I think I did pretty good for being my shower. 

After lunch we opened presents, we got a lot of great stuff.  I made Ryan sit with me and help hold stuff up for everyone to see.  He barely knew what any of the things were for and I had to explain each one, so it was really funny when I opened like the 5th swaddle blanket and he announced, it's a swaddle!  Everyone laughed and cheered that he finally figured out what something was.  We really didn't get much that we have to return....maybe a couple outfits because we got a very summery 12 month outfit but it will be like December through March when she fits into that, and my aunt got us a premie sleeper.  I totally get why, because of Kayla.  But I think I'll wait until closer to my due date and as long as things are still going well I'll return that.  It only fits up to 5 pounds so there is no sense keeping something that will never fit her most likely.  I also need to go through all of the clothes and take inventory and see if there are things I need to exchange, like if we got too many newborn things or wrong season clothes, but it looks like everyone did a good job of getting varying sizes.  We got a lot of pink!  I sure hope the ultrasound tech was right, lol.

I didn't notice, but my friend remarked at how we didn't get a single package of diapers.  That's actually fine with me.  She got enough diapers at her shower to last her about 3 months, but of course lots of different brands and some weren't great.  I think it's actually a good thing to not get a bunch....I would have to use any we got because I would hate to waste them, but it would suck using brands that leak.  So now we can just buy and stock up on whatever brand we think we want to try.  We also didn't get any bottles, but again I think a good thing....we can just buy a few and see if she likes them, and if not try another brand.

Not that it's all about gifts, but most of the people that had to cancel already did, or plan to still get us gifts so we've got more coming.  I hope we can find someplace to put the stuff we already have before then.  Our house looks like a tornado went through.  My dad and Brenda didn't get us anything yet, they wanted to wait and see what we got, and then have us tell them what we still really need.  My inlaws got us the convertible carseat, but we need the bucket one she'll be in for the first year or so.  But our travel system was pretty expensive, so my dad said he would pay a certain amount of it and then we used any money we received to pay the rest.  Whew, I feel better that we're getting that soon.  I had a dream the other day they she came early and we didn't have the carseat and had to drive around with her on our laps. 

So we had a great day, great food, the cake was delicious, I had a nice time talking with friends and family and we got a lot of nice stuff to help us get started.  It would have been great if it hadn't snowed, but all in all it was a wonderful celebration for our girl.

This morning my husband came to bed when he got home from work and rubbed my back for me because it was so sore.  As he was doing that, he said, "I can't wait for her to be here".  Awwww.  We're so lucky, and I can't wait for her to be here either.  Here are a few pics of our day.