It's official

I've lost my goddamn mind.  After allowing that stupid thought of "maybe this spotting is implantation bleeding" enter my head, I haven't stopped thinking about it all week.  So tonight I took a test...it was one of those imposter wondfos, they are HPTs in a blue package (but pink dye) that come free with an order of OPKs.  They are skinnier than the pink package wondfos so I don't like them, I am not sure why.

So I waited the time, negative so I was about to throw it away when I thought I saw something.  So I looked, and looked again and yes there was something there.  Holy crap, this can't be happening can it?  So now it's to the point where I can't not see it, but I am not sure if it's a line.  Ugh, no I sound like those idiots that post and ask if it's a line or not.  It kiiiind of looks like an evap line, but can you get an evap on a pink dye within the time frame....it was like maaaaybe 1 minute out of the time frame but I wasn't standing there watching it the whole time so who knows, this whatever it is could have shown up within the time frame.

So like I said, I don't know much about these tests so I used my very last pink package wondfo and it's negative.  I am quite sure that means no, I mean if I were knocked up I would think the pink package wondfo would have said yes.  But I needed a tie breaker, and nothing left so I wasted a digi.  Stupid stupid, I knew it would be negative but I still just had to do it.  And what's even dumber?  I am pretty sure I am going to waste the only other digi I have tomorrow morning because I just have to test with FMU and I have nothing else to pee on.  And dumber yet, since I was out of HPTs to pee on, I also peed on an OPK since they can sometimes indicate pregnancy.  It was negative of course, but that didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat when I saw the faint second line and for two seconds thought it was the HPT.

I am 99% certain I am not pregnant, but when you see anything at all on a HPT you kind of freak out a little.  And as much as I want a baby anyway, I have to say I was a little in love with the idea of just having sex out of the blue, having no idea I ovulated and getting pregnant during a 120+day cycle....plus it being mother's day weekend coming up, that would have just been so perfect my head would have exploded.  It would have been a nice story.  Now since this motherfucking test got my hopes up, I'm going to have to stop at the dollar store tomorrow for some tests because I need to take several more negatives to get the lovely idea of a positive out of my head.  But I am going to the doctor tomorrow for provera so hopefully I will see a line for real very soon.  Stepping away from the pee sticks now, and all things related.