Let's get this show on the road

Well apparently I was just seeing things on that one test.  Or it was an evap line or something....I had the willpower to abstain from wasting a digi this morning, because even if there was a good chance I was pregnant, using a digi too early can still lead to a BFN.  I kept that "positive test" and I still keep looking at it.  You can still see the "whatever it is".  Even if you hold it at arms length away you can still see it, so it's kind of confusing.

But I went to the gyn today for my annual and to get provera.  I had an ultrasound done so they could tell how thick my lining was, because he said if my lining wasn't thick enough the provera wouldn't really do anything.  When he came back in he said well, its thick.....I took that to mean it's not great but it's good enough to try the provera.  They did a urine test which came back negative, and also a blood test.  I want to be absolutely sure I am not pregnant before I start to provera, so I just have to wait until Monday probably for the results and if negative I can start the provera.

Thank God....I was really hoping to get my cycles back naturally by losing weight, but I keep falling off the wagon so it's taking a long time.  As of today though I have lost 6.5 pounds....that's pretty good, it's definitely a good start.  I am hoping if I lose 20 overall it will be enough to get my cycles back on a somewhat regular basis, especially if provera gets the ball rolling.  From when I really got serious back in January or February, I would have lost 20 by now had I been diligent, but I wasn't so 6.5 it is.  But hey, 6.5 is better than nothing right, and it's way better than gaining 6 pounds.  Wow, I can't believe I let myself get back here.  When I got down to my skinniest, I vowed never to let myself gain it back.  But the important thing is I am not quitting, everytime I fall off I get back on again.

So I'm really excited to start the provera, to feel productive again.  This last 4 months of not ovulating I have felt so useless. Wanting something so badly and not even being given the chance really sucks.  I totally agree that unexplained infertility must be awful, but for the girls that having been trying like 4-10 months with no luck yet but still O on a regular basis and have normal 28-33 day cycles....I am so envious of them.  Even if they get their period or get a BFN, they just have to wait a couple weeks and they can try again.  Hope is always just around the corner, whereas all this time I felt like I could not only not win the race, but I couldn't even get to the track to compete.  So I am hoping and praying the provera gives me a period and will get my body to ovulate.  Who knows, maybe that's all we need and we can get pregnant on our first shot back in the game.