Saturday, May 26, 2012

Torturing myself

I blocked this girl on facebook because she announced her pregnancy just a few weeks after my mc.  I am happy for her, I just couldn't handle seeing all of her updates and her weekly pictures holding a sign of how many weeks she is (ok that's just slightly obnoxious).  I mean, I plan on doing that too, but does it really need to be posted to facebook every week?

So anywho, sometimes like tonight I will purposefully go to her page and see what's new.  Why do I torture myself like this?  She is slightly further along than I would have been, but still I can't help but think there should be a picture of Ryan and I smiling like that, showing off my belly.  I would have been 29 weeks today  :(

Today was day two off provera....I have been having cramps, but not nearly as severe as "I feel like my period is going to start any minute".  I am praying I wake up with it tomorrow.  I think the last time I wanted so badly for my period to start was like 12 years ago.  I had just came off BC because it was causing issues, my boyfriend and I at the time did use a condom and it didn't seem to break, but since I was already terrified about getting pregnant and this was our first time having sex since going off BC I was terrified when it was several days late.  I took a test, negative of course but was still panicking.  Little did I know your cycle would be messed up when coming off BC, I finally got it about a week and a half "late".  How little I knew back then, ignorance is not always bliss.

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