Frustrated

FF says I Od.  That just figures...I mean it's good and it's bad.  It's good because if I did O, well duh, that's good.  It would mean that I maybe don't need clomid if just increasing my metformin did it.  It's also good because FF says it was on CD15....that's very close to the textbook CD14, so also good.  The shorter of a cycle I could have the better of course.

Now for the bad news, we never had any business meetings around then....haha, I'm at work so I feel paranoid about using real grown up words.   I started using OPKs on CD10 so I figured we could get down to business if I got a positive, but I never did.  There could be an explanation for that...for some stupid reason I never tested at work this cycle, so I was only testing in the morning and sometimes later at night.  Some women don't get positives in the early morning, and sometimes my urine was too diluted for the 5:30 test, and if I didn't test again until 8-9 pm I could have easily missed a short surge.  The one and only cycle I ever got a positive, the surge lasted well over 12 hours, so it's odd to me that this one would be so short I could miss it.  However I don't know, maybe a varying surge length from cycle to cycle is normal.

My other issue is, the very day of my temp spike that confirmed O is the one and only day this cycle I messed up temping.  I fell back to sleep during it, so I wasn't sure if it beeped or not.  So I started over, but then during the second temping I sneezed twice.  I have no idea how much that could have messed up the correct temp.  Maybe my real temp would have been high enough to confirm O anyway, or maybe my temp was lower and I didn't O at all. 

Hmm, interesting...I just played around with it a bit and lowered that days temp and it still gives me dotted CHs for two days later since I had a huge temp spike on the 18th.  So with this new info, I am changing my mind, it really does look like I Od, it's awfully hard to ignore that temp spike.  FF will give me solid CHs if I put in that I had watery or eggwhite CM, but I am afraid to list that because I just don't know.  I think I will, I'll just have to remember I wasn't positive about it.  Wow, I went from starting this post a little angry and frustrated, but now I am pretty excited to think that I probably did O.  Though I am bummed we don't have a shot in hell since no boom boom, but Oing is very very good news.

Though I was a little sad when I saw what FF gave as my EDD had I been able to get KU this cycle....July 10, 2013...that's the one year annivrsary of when my grandpa died.  A little sad....but it would be nice to turn a sad day into a happy one.  If I were to get KU next cycle, things would be likely happening within days of everything last year.  Again, it would be very nice to turn August into a happy month, and to have good news to announce on Christmas morning this year, but to get a positive HPT anytime near December 3rd will be really really scary.  I'll take it though....are you listening to me IF gods, I'll still take it!

I have my next appointment with my doctor a week from today.  Originally I was really hoping they'll do a progesterone draw to confirm ovulation, but now with the knowledge of that huge temp spike basically confirming that I did O, I'm not sure they will.  But if it means not going forward with clomid because we think metformin is making me O, I think they'd do it.  Especially if I tell her my one temp could be off...I don't think the day of the huge temp spike had any issues, but you just never know.  Eeeek, I'm so excited!  I hope this excitement lasts.

I had a dream last night that I had a baby.  I was putting him in his carseat which then clicked into his stroller, and I was pushing him back and forth to soothe him and he was just staring at me the whole time.  I think we were waiting for something...but that's it, that was the extent of my dream.  It may be really stupid but....the baby was about 2-3 months old, which is how old our baby would be.  It makes me feel comforted to think that I dreamed about our baby, and that he was a boy.