First ped visit

We packed Emmy up yesterday and took her to her first pediatrician appointment.  Though her first trip out ever was to the mall and Target on Sunday to get a few baby supplies and order Kayla's cake.  We don't plan on taking her out a lot, but I just can't sit home for the six weeks or whatever people advise.  I don't think a quick trip here and there is bad, and it's definitely good for our sanity.  It was fun using her stroller for the first time.  This coming weekend is supposed to have a couple of days in the 50's so maybe we'll break in her jogger and take her for a walk.

The ped I originally chose ended up retiring and I didn't realize since I hadn't bothered to call and inquire since I origially did for Kayla.  They said I would just need to list his name when she was born and they would contact him to come examine her.  Turns out he retired about six months ago.  So one of the peds that came in on rounds while we were in the hospital suggested we bring her to her office....it's not really any further from our house, just in the opposite direction from the other office, so if my dad ever has to take her when he's watching her he'll have to go twice as far, but I doubt that will be something he'll have to do often.

So I'm glad we ended up going there, I really like her doctor, she was very nice.  It was sooo weird filling out the paperwork and signing as parent or guardian, and writing mother for relationship to patient.  So apparently, you cannot just let a baby decide when they are hungry and want to eat.  Emily sleeps so much, and if she wouldn't wake up I'd try again later.  Well she's lost a whole pound since birth, and I feel bad, I'm starving my baby.

The doctor said since she was a bigger baby to start she's still in a healthy range, but we need to get her weight back up so we have to feed her on a strict schedule and wake her up whether she likes it or not.  The first two feedings yesterday were awful, she would not wake up no matter what we did.  We tried everything the doctor suggested, a cold wet wash cloth on her forehead, flicking her foot, making a loud noise...we even opened the door to let some cold air in.  It pissed her off like the doctor said it would, but she'd just go right back to sleep.

So somehow we finally got an ounce and a half in her, and the doctor said two for each feeding but it literally took 40 minutes just for that.  The second feeding we only got half an ounce in, but every feeding since then we got the full 2 ounces so she's doing better.  The doctor said that's why she's been sleeping so much, because she wasn't eating enough and it was making her lethargic, but then her hunger would catch up with her at night, making her very fussy and inconsolable.  She's been awake a lot more today and last night was much better.  Ryan took the 2:30 am feeding and I did the 5:30 one, and then I got up for the day for her 8:30 feeding.

It's nice to see such improvement in just one day so I'm excited to see how much better she gets after a few more days of this.  Still no poopy diapers since Sunday but she had a few wet ones yesterday and several more today.  It was funny when I was changing her today...I got her all cleaned up, put the new diaper down and suddenly there was a gush of liquid.  It took me a second to realize what was going on...it's a good thing I had the new diaper down already. 

We had such a good morning today; she did really well with her 8:30 feeding and I was still a little sleepy and she looked tired too so I laid down on the couch and put her on her tummy on my chest and covered us with a blanket and we watched TV/napped for a few hours.  I loooove to snuggle with her, shes such a sweetheart. 

Nursing isn't going quite as planned.  I am pumping about 1.5-2 ounces each time so she is at least getting breastmilk for the majority of her feedings, but so far I haven't been successful in getting her to latch and nurse from me.  In the hospital she showed potential, but since I was barely producing any colostrum she didn't try real hard since she wasn't getting anything out of it.  I was hoping once my milk came in she'd be more interested but it came in Sunday and so far no luck.

For one, it isn't like I pictured it to be.  I thought I could just sit down, hold her, put her to the breast and she would eat.  But by the time I try to get the nursing pillow situated, get her on it and at the correct angle, and try to get her to latch, she's crying and keeps pushing me away (despite putting everything else in her mouth and suckling, and despite acting like she's looking for it anytime I hold her to my chest) and I get frustrated.  So admittedly, I don't try as often as I probably should, and I'm a bit sad because I did really look forward to closeness and bonding that I thought nursing would bring, but part of me is only still trying occasionally because I feel like I should, because that's the "right way" to nurse. 

Honestly, I am mostly content just pumping, and supplementing with formula.  I still feel incredibly bonded with her, and frankly with her losing weight, I am not sure I would be comfortable exclusively nursing from the breast anyway.  My boob doesn't have measurements on it to be sure she is getting enough.  Quite often when I first give her a bottle, she sucks away for a good five to ten minutes, only to pull the bottle away and see that she hadn't drank a thing.  So if she were nursing at the breast I think I would also worry whether or not she was getting enough.  Welcome to motherhood I suppose, where things sometimes don't turn out like you thought they would, and you're constantly plagued with what you think you should be doing rather than what you're both content and happy doing.