I made it through my first day home alone. I did pretty well, I got a bit of a late start, but I went to the gym, and then the grocery store. The cemetery is on the way to the store, so I stopped for a few. Amanda and her family sent this beautiful arrangement of daisies and roses and it had a small ceramic angel in the middle. The flowers are just about done, so I took the angel to Kayla's grave.
There were new ashes about to be put in the baby wall...the granite was taken off a block and you could see the square "cubby" where the ashes would go. The date on the granite was February 21st...I forsee that we will probably go to the cemetery a lot, and it's going to be hard every time we see a new addition. It's just not fair, I don't understand why babies just sometimes die. Or why, in our case our bodies just don't do what they are supposed to do and end an otherwise healthy life.
I think it is so great that the hospital offers the services that they do...there were basically three options if we went through their program. The first one was completely free, the baby would be cremated and put in a bank of crypts that listed the months and year, so she would have been in one that simply said January through March 2013. This is of course nice for people who absolutely cannot afford anything, but I couldn't stand for our girl to not be given a name on her resting place, to just be part of a mass of babies lost in a three month period. The second option which had a small cost involved was basically the same, except her name would and date would have been listed on a wall among other names and the third option was a higher cost, but she would be in her own niche and her name and basically whatever info we wanted would have been on the granite over her individual niche. We were thinking of that option, but Ryan wasn't comfortable with her being cremated....I never wanted it for myself, but for whatever reason I didn't think burial was an option in the baby garden, but when he brought it up I agreed that I would rather she not be cremated so my dad looked into the burial options.
I am very happy with what we ended up doing, but after seeing the new marker today I am even more happy with our decision. That sweet baby passed more than a month before Kayla and is just now being interred. Basically what they do is wait 2-4 weeks until there is more babies to come pick up for cremation. I get the reasoning, but it just sounds horrible to me, plus I am glad we didn't have to wait over a month to have her laid to rest. I am so grateful to my dad and inlaws for taking care of the funeral home and cemetery costs. Compared to an adults funeral the cost is really very minimal and I am glad that the funeral business does that for such a low cost. Burying a child is horrible and people shouldn't have to be forever in debt to lay their angels to rest....but it still would have been a big bill that we couldn't really afford right now. As it is, I have no clue what labor and delivery is going to cost us. We just got new insurance on April 1st, so I never bothered to see the cost on my old insurance because I never in my wildest dreams thought I would need L&D that early. But I think our family was more than happy to do it, they knew it was helping us and it was something...the only thing they would ever be able to do for their granddaughter.
So anyway, I got pretty tired halfway through my shopping, at one point I found myself just staring at the sponges in the cleaning aisle since they didn't have the ones I wanted. It was pouring rain when I came out of the store, so that was fun to load groceries and get soaked. When I got home, I ate lunch and watched several hours of Sex and the City and then I took a nap until Ryan got home. I feel bad for my kitty because he is so lethargic and sad looking with this cone on his head but he has been even more snuggly than usual and he is normally a very snuggly cat, so he and I had a good nap together.
When my husband got home, we realized we lost half our power. I didn't notice because the TV was still working, but most of the lights wouldn't work, the fridge was off, etc. We probably could have still rustled up something for dinner, but we used it as an excuse to go out and it was nice to have dinner with him after he was gone all day. He said people at work were pretty good, many of them were concerned and asked how it happened. His boss even said if at any time in the next few weeks he needs to leave, he can just go. That's very very nice and understanding and I am happy to see that they are being good to him.
So I did every thing on my list today except for call my RE...I just wasn't ready to make that phone call yet. Their office is also in the hospital, I pass it to go to my OB so maybe I'll just stop in after my OB appointment next week. All in all, a decent day....though my journey has just begun and I've just got to take it a day at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment