I'm having a hard time taking my antibiotics. I'm supposed to take one every six hours but that often has me taking a pill at 4 in the morning or something like that. So Saturday we were out with my inlaws all day and I didn't have them with me when I needed to take one at 4 pm, so I took it at 8. So I took another one at midnight to try to get back on schedule and ended up staying up until 4 am. I wasn't going to wake up in two hours so I just took one before one before bed.
I dont know if it was part of normal side effects or because I took too many close together but I ended up throwing up and since I had just taken it, it tasted awful. Im glad to be home but it was just easier to get it through my IV. My stomach has also been pretty upset today. And everytime I heaved while puking, I peed. Lovely. At least having to wear pads for the next several weeks comes in handy in that regard.
We ordered Kayla's grave marker today. We went with the smallest heart shaped one....it was partly due to the price, my dad and my inlaws are helping us pay for it but I feel guilty so I didn't want to pick a super expensive one, but we also really liked it. A tiny marker for a tiny little girl. The most important thing to us was to fit her entire name on it, which we were able to. We have her single date below her name and I think we want to come up with something to write under the date, but we haven't decided what yet. At the top of the heart there was room for symbols, and since her nursery was going to have a few butterflies, we decided that would be perfect so there will be a butterfly on either side of the top of the heart. Everyone kept stressing to us that we could take our time with it, but we both wanted to get it ordered.
We stopped at her grave yesterday on the way to my dad's for Easter dinner and there was a balloon that said It's a girl! and some tulips planted. We weren't sure who brought them, but since the flowers had a bulb and were actually planted I should have known it was my dad. I love that he went all the way there early yesterday morning to put those there. Everyone else is being really strong, but when I see their pain it makes my pain even worse. My FIL is normally the very strong silent type, but at dinner the other day I could see his patience was paper thin with my neice and nephew. Normally he might joke with them and get a little irritated when they do something they shouldn't, but I could tell he just wasn't having it. My MIL also told me that she has never seen him cry as much as he has in the last week. I think in some ways Kayla will always hold an extra special place in their hearts. That's not to say they don't love their other grandchildren like crazy, but it's like Kayla will never do wrong. She'll never be bratty, she'll never be annoying or misbehave. As much as others' pain hurts me, it also makes me happy. My biggest fear is Kayla being forgotten, or not being acknowledged because her life was so short. So it really warms my heart to see that she is so loved by so many.
I went to the gym with my husband and his friend today. It felt really good...I had planned on just walking for 30 minutes but about 10 minutes in a good song came on and I felt the anger building up in me and needing to come out so I started running. It felt really good and I just ran until I got tired and then I walked the rest of the time. Ryan and Dan stay much longer than I do and we live really close so I just walked home after that but before I went I found Ryan to tell him I was leaving. He asked why I ran so early and I told him I was angry and needed to run, but as soon as I said that I started crying. Right in the middle of the gym, that's nice. But thankfully he made me laugh by saying "Hey, there's no crying, there's no crying at the gym". So between the treadmill and my walk home, I burned 300 calories. I haven't eaten THAT badly but I certainly have been enjoying easter candy and pepsi, so I am hoping the gym will combat that and then I'll try to get back to my GD diet next week.
We're going to get our tattoos tomorrow. I'm excited, I didn't think I'd ever want another one, I have two. My first one is a sun and moon design on the outside of my right ankle, and I have my mom's initials with a halo above them on my back. I'm getting Kayla's footprint on my inside left ankle, but I am not sure what else, I'll have her draw it up and see what can be added. This is Ryan's first tattoo, which I think is kind of funny. Just from the look of him, you would think he has tattoos everywhere, so I think it's kind of funny that I have two and he doesn't have any. I booked with the woman that helped us make the appointments last week, she seemed really nice and I figured if I start crying I'd rather it be with her instead of some big biker looking guy....although sometimes those guys are the biggest softees. Ryan thought it was cool the other day that we got a nod from a biker on the way to the cemetery....we were of course the lead car behind the hearse and when he passed us he gave Ryan a nod...that was really nice.
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