Monday

I got up with Ryan this morning when he got up for work.  I fed the cats and gave Vinny his medicine.  Just a side note, he had surgery on Thursday to remove a lump I was concerned about, and since he won't leave his stiches alone he is sporting a cone.  He is so miserable and I think his medicine is making him lethargic, he just lays around all day, or snuggles with me and whimpers now and again.  When the vet called to say he was awake from his surgery, I answered the phone and the receptionist was like "Hi is this Vinny's mom"?  That made me smile.

So I went back to bed before he left because I had a headache from too much wine last night.  I heard him leave and I felt so sad....I couldn't be up and actually see him walk out the door, that would have been way too hard.  As I laid there waiting for sleep to find me, I thought about how I would feel if today were my first day back to work and I instantly felt miserable.  The idea of being productive, facing everyone at work, seeing that pregnant woman a few departments over, getting looks from everyone like they are wondering if I'm going to go mad at any second....once the six weeks is up I know I have to be back, if I am not ready then I never will be and I just have to rip off the band aid but I know that's going to be a terrible terrible day.

I meant to get up around 8 but at 8:40 I heard my husband come in and his work truck idling outside....he had forgotten his phone but I have to wonder if it was more to check on me.  He sat with me for a few minutes and held my hand.  He kept asking if I was ok and he said it makes him so sad to think of me home all alone.  I asked how it was to be back, if people were being ok and he said yeah their fine, but I am sad :( 

So it's after 10 now, I didn't get up until 9:30 and my gym bag is staring me in the face, so I had better get going.