First, let me say everything is fine. But I about went into cardiac arrest today....I stopped at my dad's to get a few things before heading out shopping with my best friend. I had some time to kill before my friend was ready to go I used the bathroom while I was there.
I don't know what made me look....the constant "looking for blood" when going to the bathroom had seriously subsided in the last few weeks. But I don't know....it's so stupid, but sometimes I worry that the littlest thing will hurt my baby, like my cat walking on me and stepping on the baby. I know, completely irrational, and most days I can deal with it without feeling like I need to be in a bubble, but other days I feel very breakable. So anyway I looked, and to my horror there was bright red blood dripping into the toilet.
It wasn't a ton, but it was more than a drop or two, I'd say half a dozen or more. I instantly freaked out, started saying no no no no over and over.
I immediately grabbed my shit and left....I called my best friend and said I couldn't go shopping and told her why. She was really concerned, she said to call her once I knew anything. As soon as I hung up I called my husband to tell him what was happening. I was crying, I was so upset, I thought I was going through it all over again. So after I few minutes once I could compose myself, I called my RE, got the number for the oncall doctor's answering service and left a message with the receptionist. The oncall doctor called me back a few minutes later and I told him what was happening.
He said it's probably nothing, but to go home and be a "lady of leisure" as he said. Lay down with my feet up and make my husband do everything for the rest of the day. He said to call back if the bleeding got any worse, but to definitely call in the morning and give an update and they might want to do another ultrasound to make sure everything is ok.
I felt better after I talked to him but I was still nervous. As soon as I got home I used the bathroom again, there was nothing on the pad. Oh my God, I was so relieved. I cannot describe the fear I felt. I want this baby more than anything and the moments where I thought I was losing another one were so devastating. Despite being pretty certain what it was from, I decided to take it easy anyway. Maybe I didn't need it physically, but mentally I needed it badly.
My husband set up my computer in the bedroom for me and I just laid in bed and played on my computer for a while. I got hungry, and being the non-cook that my husband is, he ordered a pizza. I was really determined to eat well this week, but I decided after what I went through, pizza was very appropriate. After pizza I laid back down and took a nap. I did get up after a while and made a bunch of chicken and salad for lunches this week, but other than that I am still trying to take it pretty easy. I have to say, in retrospect I feel pretty silly and like I overreacted... but seeing it literally dripping into the toilet and the water turning red, I was certain it was bad news.
I was really looking forward to shopping with my friend, but she understood and said it's better to be safe than sorry. I think I really scared her too, she's so happy for me that I am pregnant and I know it would kill her to see me go through another loss. She texted as soon as I got home to see if I had heard anything and if there were any updates, and she told me she loved me :) I have the best friend in the world. And husband....he may really stink in the kitchen, but he took good care of me today.
I just hope this was my first and last major scare, I don't know how much my ticker can take.
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