One year- 6 wks 4 days

One year ago today was on of the top 10 worst days of my life, it's when we lost our first pregnancy.  I of course still think about it....taking myself back to that day I can feel my heart breaking and I often think about the what if.  We would have an almost 4 month old baby right now....I wonder if it was a boy or girl, though I had that dream a while back that it was a boy.

However despite the pain that this day was, I am so thankful to be pregnant today.  I know today would be an absolutely awful day if not for the hope and joy that we're experiencing right now.  That's not to say that this baby is replacing the other one, but being in a good place definitely helps me to not be in a really bad place today.

So, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much though...the paranoia is getting better but I am still nervous.  I'll just be happy to have this milestone passed me.  So it's Friday....the best, but worst day of the week.  It's the best because, well of course because it is Friday.  But I never feel like doing anything on Fridays, and the day just draaaaags and draaags. 

I'm also really tired because I didn't fall asleep until 1:30 last night.  I missed my nap and stayed up too late the last two nights, so I had to nap yesterday.  Normally, a nap in the evening would ruin my sleep for the night, especially the two hour awesome nap I took yesterday.  But with the first tri fatigue, I can easily take a nap and then go to bed two hours later and sleep just fine.  But last night I was watching TV, I sneezed and it turned into a million sneezes and an itchy face.  Usually when I go to bed the sneezes finally stop but they didn't.  Anytime I would try breathing through my nose it would start them all over again and I wanted to rip my face off.

Finally I asked my husband to bring up his humidifier, so he set it up on my side of the bed and within half an hour my nose was clear and I could finally sleep.  That thing was like a little miracle, I wish I had thought of it sooner.  Today I feel fine...my allergies are so weird.  One day I am miserable, the next I am fine.  Not that I am complaining about being fine today, but I just wonder what happens to make me so sick for that time period.