Arg, I know there is nothing I can do about the past, what's done is done. But I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't kick myself for not losing this weight before now. I know hindsight is 20/20, but what was I doing all that time? Well, I know a good portion of it I was stressing out for not Oing, and then it would sabotage my weightloss because I was so stressed. But still, 18 months! I could have lost ALL of my weight in that time. We also could have got our finances straightened out and started saving money for the baby, but that's another entry.
I switched my WW goal to maintaince and I am having a harder time sticking to my goal than when I was trying to lose a pound a week. Either it's ALL in our heads (many women on the July board speak of unsatiable hunger and cravings) or nobody ever told us that hunger and cravings start so early. It can't be in my head, I mean...I know what bored eating feels like, I've had plenty of pratice. But this is actual stomach growling, uncomfortable hunger pains. And of course I do well most of the day, only to blow it later on. For breakfast I had a banana, milk and honeynut cheerios. For lunch I had a salad with chicken, and for dinner pasta salad. Ok the pasta wasn't great, but it was well within my points. But despite being stuffed from lunch, and having a snack of an apple and colby cheese around 4, I was starving while I was making dinner.
I did so well all day. In fact, when I first logged my food, I still had 11 points left for the day. Now I am certain I am in the hole. I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow. I'll hit second tri in 5 more weeks and I will be tested for gestational diabetes. I do not want to put myself through that.
So as much as I kick myself for not losing the weight before, it's absolutely stupid to continue down this path and gain more and continue to eat unhealthy. So with that being said, I am off to walk on the treadmill. Hopefully I can keep this up most days.
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