TGIF

It's Friday!  It seems to be getting a little easier each day to go to work.  Though we'll see how next week goes, I am supposed to be learning a new job.  I am in no mood to learn new stuff right now and expect my brain to perform, but maybe I'll like it. 

I can finally feel my fingers again.  They got a lot better in the couple weeks after delivery, but they were still tingly and mostly numb at my 3 week PP appointment and she said they should be back to normal by then so I made an appointment with a hand specialist.  The appt isn't for another 2 weeks but since the feeling is completely back now, I canceled it.  My dad thinks I should still go and have the EMG done to find out how bad it is....my hand is still falling asleep easily when I am sleeping and of course they get numb when I am riding my bike.  But since I can feel them again during the day, I'll pass on the doctor.  I'm tired of going to doctors, taking time off work to go (though that part isn't all bad, but I hate wasting sick time) and paying out the nose in co-pays, so since it is not vital that I go, I am not going to.

So today is CD9, if my body is back on track, I should O next week.  Last night and today I've been having what I can only describe as lightning crotch.  It's this sharp shooting pain that shoots across my bikini area I guess you would say.  I had that pain a few weeks ago, which definitely isn't O pain...it's in the middle and lower than O pain, but the last time I had it, I had it for a few days on and off and I also remember feeling what felt like O pain as well.

So maybe since giving birth, this is my new normal.  Maybe I'll have these lightning crotch pains proceeding O.  They're not fun, but they certainly get my attention and might be a good signal that O is approaching.  We're leaving to go up north tonight for my dad's surprise retirement party tomorrow.  Will definitely be taking my OPKs in case I surge early.  I really hope I am not getting my hopes up for no reason, but it feels good to be excited about something.

I've been in a pretty good mood today; I don't have a lot of work to do so my friends and I have been talking and laughing.  Laughing is good, but at the same time it feels wrong.  It's only been 8 weeks since we lost her, I feel like I should be very sad still.  Don't get me wrong, behind every smile and laugh, I am still broken and I think about her all the time.  But I guess feeling good sometimes is normal and necessary to survive this.  It can't rain all the time, right?