Today.....22 wks 3 days

...is the most pregnant I have ever been!  I am passed my milestone and we are so happy!  It was a little difficult, but I credit my sanity to my doctors for giving in to my every whim and giving me so much monitoring.  I honestly think without it I would be a complete basketcase and worried all the time (instead of just most of the time).  Though I will admit, I am a little nervous because we are headed into unchartered terrirtory.  I've never been this far, I don't know what to expect.  But as someone said on my BMB, I guess nobody does.  This pregnancy has been so different from my first....while I didn't have a ton of spotting episodes like last time, I had that big scary gush of bleeding early on.  I had terrible morning sickness that doesn't seem to want to give up, and as of right now I can still feel my hands, whereas last time the feeling was long gone weeks ago.

But it's still scary, but a good scary.  I'll never get anywhere if I don't go into the unknown, and eventually my baby will be at the end of my journey.  My husband and I took our camper up north Friday night to park it at my dad's place for the winter instead of paying for storage.  So we slept in it for the first time.  The bed was quite uncomfortable, the camper wasn't leveled since we got in so late and didn't bother so we were tipped to the right quite a bit, and our heads were slightly lower than our feet so most of my body was asleep through out the night.

We already winterized it, so while we had lights and heat, we didn't have water so we had to have a bucket to pee in through the night.  Thank God for that though, I got up three times, and there was no way I was going to go outside, and walk the 10 yards in the middle of the night to my dad's place for his bathroom.  The next morning I was a little nervous when I had been up for a few hours and realized I hadn't felt her move yet.  Truthfully though, most times I don't notice when she hasn't moved in a while....I do feel her every day, but at this point it's still too early to feel her often.  But I think because it was my loss milestone and because I was 300 miles away from my doppler, it made me nervous.  But she woke up not long after breakfast and said hello :)

So I made my dad tell my grandma before we got there, and then Ryan and I stopped to see her on our way out of town yesterday.  It was a very short trip, just to get the camper there and we had to be back because he had a run this morning.  This sounds really really bad, but I only go see my grandma because I have to.  I would never hear the end of it if I was in town and didn't stop.  There are a few reasons for that....I am one of like 28 grandkids.  Boo will be one of 17 great-grandkids.  When we were little, we only came to visit every couple of months and I was very shy.  But even if it weren't for all of that, my grandma is just a hard person to know.  She's a woman of few words, she won't say much if you do something right, but she sure will let you know (and everyone else) if you do something wrong.

I love my grandma, I do....but we're not close at all, and honestly if I hadn't seen her this weekend it really wouldn't have made a difference to me.  I don't really miss her when I haven't seen her in a long time, it's more of an obligatory relationship than anything.  It also doesn't help that she says whatever is on her mind, and it's not the old age thing either, she's always been like that.  She often bakes pies, so yesterday her kitchen table had pies, and other assorted goodies on it as always.  I said how it was torture because with my diabetes I cannot eat that stuff.  So she remarked, well from the looks of it you're eating something....I was like that's baby, and she said it's not all baby.

Ok first of all, I was overweight before I got pregnant, so of course I am not going to magically turn into a skinny pregnant woman.  But I have grand plans to get back into shape once Boo is here....I did it before, I can do it again.  Secondly, I've been working very very hard to stick to my GD diet and I think I've been doing very well.  I have not gained one single pound with this pregnancy, in fact I am still down 6 pounds from what I weighed when I got pregnant and my doctors praise me and tell me I'm doing great.  Third, just because our babies are small still and our tummies get big, doesn't mean it is fat.  All of the skin, blood, fluid, and organs that were there before had to go somewhere as baby gets bigger, so they get pushed up.  Yeah it's not all baby, but I do have internal organs that are trying to find some room in there.

And finally, even if I did eat a ton and gained a ton of weight, it doesn't need to be said!  I know, blah blah she's old, but it still really hurt my feelings, especially when I have been doing so well and working so hard and I get no credit for it.  And, while my health is a concern, the number one thing I care about is that Boo gets here safe and healthy, so I could really give a rat's ass if you think I have been eating bad, my baby is still alive and that's all I care about.

This is going to sound really really bad, but sometimes I get really angry that my sweet, loving, amazing grandma who was one of my best friends, and would never ever say anything hurtful to me is gone, and the grandma that I've never been close to at all and says things like that to me is still here.  It's really not fair.  I mean, everyone says my grandma loves children, but really what's another one to her?  When we tell her our news, she just says oh?  She doesn't congratulate us, she doesn't say how happy she is for us and it's another one of 17.

But I never got to tell my other grandma any of our good news, she would have been over the moon happy for us.  And counting Kayla, Boo would have only been her third great-grandchild and she would have loved and cherished her every single day.  I'm just mad and angry that she didn't get to be here to celebrate this stuff with us, and the grandma who is more concerned with making me feel bad is. 

But today is a happy day, so I'm going to forget about that.  I just had to get it off my chest.  It's a dreary rainy Sunday, a perfect day for cleaning the house.  I am so behind on housework and clutter is about to swallow us whole, so I'm going to go blast my Pandora and get to work.