Crazy hormones- 17 wks 1 day

I'm having one of those days.  Everything was fine until I sat down to eat lunch, and found Fried Green Tomatoes on TV.  I love this movie, but there is one scene in particular that usually sparks some tears, but today it was a full on, gates are open flood.  It's when Kathy Bates is coming out of the grocery store, that little punk is an ass to her and she drops her groceries all over the ground and starts crying.

That alone is tearjerking because I feel so bad for her, but in that scene she reminds me so much of my mom.  My mom was very sensitive and she would have responded that exact same way (though who wouldn't be sensitive to a complete jerkwad like that), plus she dressed that way, the floral shirts, and the red curly hair.  I always miss my mom, but in that instant I missed her so damn much it was almost unbearable.

I burst into tears and just bawled for like 10 minutes.  My husband just left for work so I could be as loud as I wanted without feeling crazy.  A good cry now and again is great, especially since after 8.5 years, sometimes it feels good to miss her.  I get so caught up in everyday life, and it's been long enough now that most of the time I remember her with a smile and not tears, but sometimes it feels too normal for her to be gone.  Getting upset makes me feel again, and makes me feel close to her again, because being ok with her being gone keeps me at an arms length from my emotions.  So a good cry over my mom isn't always a bad thing, but today it was like a crazy, hormones induced cry.

I was literally sobbing to the point that I dry heaved a few times and was seeing spots.  I miss her so much.  What I wouldn't give to see her, even in a dream, just for five minutes.  Especially now that I am pregnant, I am so sad my mom won't get to enjoy being a grandma.

My mommy, so beautiful :)