We went to the candle light vigil hosted by the hospital last night. It was nice.....Ryan and I went to dinner first and then headed over. It was a very nice night for it, about 40 degrees so we weren't freezing. Apparently the last two years the weather has been bad, so I was thankful for warmth on our first year.
There were quite a few kids there, but the youngest one was about 2, so I'm thinking we'll either have to skip next year, or maybe Nana can come and sit with Boo in the car. I think bringing a young baby might be hard for someone if their loss was very recent. So first they handed out the candles and the chaplain said a prayer. Then we went around the circle and lit our candles off each others' and as we lit our candle we all said our angel's name. The chaplain read another poem and then we sang a few christmas songs....well, the chaplain and another lady sang, nobody else did. I don't know about the others, but for me I didn't sing because it would have made me cry more than I already was.
After the songs I think she said another closing prayer....oh and before we started all that, they had ornaments so everyone decorated the trees and bushes in the baby garden, and we put a few decorations on Kayla's tree. There was a good turn out, probably about 30 people...I wasn't sure how many people there would be. The chaplain was by herself, usually she has another nurse and the counselor come help her, but she said there were two families at the hospital that night that were going through a loss so they were needed there. That got me really choked up. My heart hurts everyday for Kayla and I still cry almost everyday, but I'm almost 9 months out and I have another blessing on the way.
It's not something I will ever get over, but I am in a much better place now. Those first few days, weeks, and months were pure hell and you don't think you'll ever stop hurting so bad. It hurts to hear of others who are at the very start of their pain, and know what a long road they have ahead of them, especially so close to Christmas.
My hospital room door had an angel sign on it so anyone coming into my room would know it wasn't a happy ending. When I go to deliver Boo, I really hope I don't see any angels on doors....not because of how it will make me feel, but I just hope it's one less day that anyone has to be in that much pain.
So......change of subject. I'm getting huge. My stomach literally feels like it's going to burst. I'm not even in third tri yet, one more week....but how am I going to be next month, or in March? Whew, I'm going to start waddling. But I love it, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Boo has been kicking a lot too....the night before last she didn't kick a whole lot, but since then she's really made up for it. She must have needed a lazy night.
In two weeks we go for our 3D ultrasound. I'm so excited, I cannot wait to see her little face. We invited the grandparents too, so I'm excited to see their reactions, since I'm sure the 3D is a lot different from what they had in their day. Hell even the regular 2D we have now is way better. I know it will be nothing like meeting her in March, but it will be a fun sneak peek. And we got some good news tonight....Ryan's friend whose wedding we went to in June just announced that they are pregnant, due in July. So Boo will have a playmate in a few months, how fun!
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