18. HEALING THERAPIES | Have you discovered any healing therapies in your life after loss? Please share what has helped you.
Blogging has been huge for me. Being able to write down what I am feeling, thinking, pondering, stressing over, or just writing my baby's name for the whole world to see has helped me immensely through out this whole thing, as well as the infertility/TTC journey which was the reason I started this blog. It has now morphed into a parenting/parenting after a loss blog.
I do not share this blog with people I know. I suppose it is possible that someone I know reads this, it's not exactly private or hidden, but I don't advertise it to anyone (except on the TTC/parenting site I post on) and I do not direct anyone here. It also does not appear to show on anything people I know would look at, so I am guessing most of my readers are strangers or people from the above mentioned site. I've thought about sharing it with friends and family, but I think that would cause me to censor what I say too much. I try not to talk about any particular people in here, and if I do I try to keep it all in a good light (though I must admit, I do think I have been upset and posted my frustration about a few people before, but hopefully if they DO somehow know about this blog and have read it, they can understand that I was just getting my pain and frustration out).
But posting on a public blog can be both good and bad. On the good side, posting it for others to read helps with my healing. I feel like I am being heard, I feel like people are listening, and it is therapeutic. I have kept a private journal for years, but sometimes it just helps to write where others will see it, and may even be helped by what I am saying and feeling.
On the other hand, like I said, I think if I knew everyone I know could be reading this, it would cause me to edit what I really want to say, either because I feel like I am whining too much, or maybe so I don't sound like a horrible person when I am very honest about my feelings. I think censoring myself because I know my readers would greatly take away from the beneficial elements of blogging.
Talking to others about my loss, who have been through one themselves, has also been very healing for me. Knowing I am not alone, knowing that others felt this way or that way, hearing my very thoughts come out of someone else's mouth is just very reassuring and, I guess in some ways makes me feel like my feelings and thoughts are ok....I guess they should be anyway, as I firmly believe one's feelings are never wrong (though actions are a different story) but still, it helps to hear someone else say "I feel......" and for it to be the same way I feel or have felt.
Oddly enough, Pinterest has also helped me. I have a board of quotes, and many of them are quotes about infant loss, stillbirth, and just missing someone who has passed. I think one of the best things one can do to heal, is to feel the grief, and mourn. At the memorial last week, the leader of the Tear's Foundation was saying how everyone grieves when they experience a loss, but not everyone mourns. To mourn, you are actively doing things that helps you deal with your loss, rather than pushing it away and forcing yourself to move forward. I think my husband does this, and really most men in general. Sometimes when I am really missing Kayla, or need a good cry, or even when I am just bored, I'll browse Pinterest for quotes I like, or even just re-read the ones I have already pinned. It can be painful sometimes because it's like ripping off the band-air and exposing the wound, but I think it is also helpful in the long run. It takes me back to the moments in the hospital, and in the days, weeks, months and years since. It makes me really feel my emotions about her, and sometimes it results in a good cry and then I feel better afterward.
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