Capture your grief, Day 4

4. SUPPORT CIRCLES | Have you felt supported in this journey of grief and healing? Maybe it is a friend, family member or organization that has been there for you. Share how they have helped you and let them know how grateful you are. Please feel welcome to post links if you would like to share about a charity or support group


I, like most people who have gone through a loss, have been the victim of the "well-meaning" person, who says something that just cuts you to the core.  They supposedly say it with good intentions, not knowing what else to say.  But it turns out to be so back handed, so cruel that it's hard to believe they actually thought it could make you feel better.

Luckily, for every person who said something awful to me, I have several friends and family who have been so supportive.  Like my dad and stepmom who make sure to take fresh flowers to my baby's grave, my inlaws who include her in their count of their grandchildren, my best friend who listens to me when I need to rant, or ramble, or cry.  My husband, my partner in all of this, the only other person on this earth that knows exactly what I went through.  The stranger doing my toes, who notices the tiny footprint tattooed on my ankle, and listens to me talk about my first born.  I am convinced they are all angels, masquerading on earth as people.

The Tears Foundation, who not only supports bereaved parents each year with a walk to remember their little ones, and a chance to say their name, and stand proudly and say that is my daughter or son, but who also helps raise money to help newly bereaved parents, to be able to afford the funeral costs to lay their angels to rest.

I think perhaps the thing that has helped me most, is the message boards where I can connect with other loss moms.  Where I can get support, from people who have been there.  Where I can hear that other people feel the exact same way I am feeling, and to know it is normal and I am not alone.  People who are there to offer support on my bad days, and people who are needing support on my good days.  I don't know where I would be without any of them.  People don't like to talk about pregnancy and infant loss.  They hear the words and you can tell they just want to run away.  It can be one of the most isolating things in the world.  You're suddenly this lepper, who might give your baby loss germs to someone else and cause them to lose their baby.  I hate that other people have to go through this awful thing, but to be supported by others who have been there is truly a life saver.